Only change this and your life will be different

This is my story about changing dramatically in six months. Everything changed after I changed one little thing that had a big impact on my life. Read till the end and change yourself. I’m sure you’ll be another person.

Covid Had Destroyed me

It was the time covid started. Everything had changed, schools, jobs, lifestyles, everything, and so had my thoughts and mindset. Lockdown, even worse. I was a high school graduate at that time. As you know, online courses and online communities became popular. But I was afraid of joining classes online through zoom especially. I didn’t like to connect with students and teachers through my laptop screen talking about school subjects. I didn’t want to do it. So, I joined no courses while other people were having fun online. Can you guess my feeling? These kinds of online courses were such a big thing for me. I was scared but didn’t have a specific reason. All I knew was my goals were gone, there was nothing I can do.

So I just spent my day using my phone, sleeping and depressed ofc. Every day was dark. There was no future. There was nothing special to do and feel for me. Get up, have some breakfast, use my phone, have lunch, scroll TikTok, have dinner, and use social media, that was my everyday. I had no good habits like reading, working out, and so on. There was nothing I’m interested to do. But actually, these were not the real problems. I could change at least. The problem is…

Surrounding Noises

As the topic, surrounding noises can kill your self-esteem and the way you see yourself. The most dangerous voice is your family. They can make you better or worst. For me, I was getting worst mentally. I have had some kinds of mental issues until now. I usually suppress my feeling. Nobody knows what I’m doing, how I feel, and what problems I have.

All they see is I’m neutral and have no feelings. Anyway, the voices from my family kill me who was always productive, happy, and showing love to anyone. Things got worse day by day. Suicide was in front of me. But luckily I didn’t choose that option.

These were because I thought what my family said about me was true. “you’re stupid, you’re a useless person, you’ll never succeed, you’re an extra person, you’re…” these words were always beating up in my mind. I didn’t feel good. I thought my family didn’t even want me. Why I was still alive, what was the reason? I started asking questions myself.

Am I Really That Bad?

I’m not the type of person who cares about others’ words but my family’s. I have an older brother. He wasn’t there at that time. I kinda feel better around him. We don’t talk that much but Idk. And I don’t believe anyone, my friends, my family, everyone. (I need to cure that it’s also the signs of trauma) What I want to say is I have literally no one. Me, myself, struggle with those thoughts “Am I really that bad?”

I was good in the academic field but not in communication and any girl things like cooking, cleaning, etc. The way I felt was couldn’t show in words. Every night was full of tears. Songs become my friends. Sleeping was an escape.

But in my deep consciousness, I didn’t want to spend my life this way. I wanna be a meaningful person. I wanna be mentally strong. I wanna be successful in a field. Because of TikTok, I wanna be “That Girl”. (I’m a big fan of “That Girl”.)

Change Started

So I decided to change myself, my habits, my thoughts, everything. The first thing I tried is to ignore the voice of my family that is making me feel like a loser. I just accepted that they are just humans living in this world in the same home as me.

(My family might do these things because they want me to be better but what I felt was totally the opposite. I just forget these parts. I’m not ready to think and cure these nightmares. I love them but I just chose a way not to hurt myself.)

It took a lot of time but was worth it. I found myself. I found what I’m meant to be. I researched a lot, ofc. I started finding my hobbies. I made a routine inspired by “That Girl”. Life gets better. I try to know what my heart really wants, goals, lifestyle, and anything. I started to feel like The Real Me.

To Super Busy Chasing My Dreams

Days passed quickly and interestingly. I was doing my best. I tried everything I found on Youtube, Tiktok, and other social media platforms. I was super busy with things I want to do and things I’m chasing. But I became happier. I made plans, I made goals, I made routines, I made affirmations, I made journals, I made everything. Was the most exciting part of my life. I found myself, I found my goals, and I regrew my dead dreams. I become so excited to start new days and do my best.

Your Inner Voice VS Surrounding Noise

Do you notice how all these things changed? I made a great start. I changed one thing that is hugely impacting my life mentally. I ignore my family's voices not because I hate them but because I notice it will destroy my present and future. I don’t want a dead life.

So I practice listening to myself, what I want, what I hate, what I’m scared of, what are the problems, how can I solve them, and much more. These questions make me find solutions and these solutions build who I am. At that time, all my focuses are on myself. I was busy recognizing who I’m. But everything I did is worth it.

Now I’m attending University, I’m doing what I’m passionate about (writing, copywriting, studying, etc). But still ignoring my surrounding noises and still don’t believe anyone.

My Advice…

Know what is making you feel bad. Solve it at first. Find yourself later. The world is infinite. We can do everything we want if we want to. The most important thing is your mindset, clear it first and find out who you are.