How to max out your Black Friday savings!

oh my god oh my god oh my god!

Thank GOD thanksgiving is over. Now we can prime our collective wallets for the best deals of the year!

I hope you’re as excited as I am to save tons of money this Black Friday!!!

I’ve scoured the internet and dug through all of the top sales platforms, to bring you the very best Black Friday deal this year.

I’ve read advertisements for TV’s, beauty products, phones, entertainment systems, furniture, gadgets, even cars and food!

But the best deal I was able to find didn’t actually show up in any of these ads.

No! the best deal is something I really only heard about through word of mouth.

It’s a bit of an open secret, and one which corporations and CEO’s do NOT want you to know.

So what I’m about to share is something not many people are in on.

But I value and appreciate YOU enough to bring you in on this. I’m spilling the beans!

Sharing this secret which could save you hundreds— maybe even thousands— of dollars over the course of a few years!

And the best part is, I’m offering you access to this secret savings — absolutely free!

And the cool thing is you can extrapolate this cost saving trick to any item from any store!!!! And it works on any day of the year, not just on Black Friday.

It’s basically universal savings ;)

If you see a retailer selling a slightly larger TV than the one you already have for 500 dollars, claiming it’s a 50% mark down, then that means you as the consumer can spend 500 dollars to save 500 dollars!

Yea, that’s impressive savings, but did you know there’s an even crazier deal right under our noses if we’re lucky enough to see it! On that same hypothetical TV we can actually get an easy 1,000 dollar savings!

That’s a 100% increase over what the retailer offers!

That’s right! You can spend ZERO dollars to save 1,000 by simply not buying that TV!

I know, this is pretty mind blowing stuff.

What I’m saying may even be shocking or offensive to some of us. But bear with me— what if you buy nothing this Black Friday?

Think of how much money you could save!!!

I wish everybody had a chance to hear this secret money saving hack!

Of course retailers wouldn’t be so thrilled.

Corporate money-takers want you to stop reading this article right now, and to forget you ever heard the words “buy nothing”.

They prefer you max out your spending. When they say that you can save 500 on that hypothetical TV, that’s all misdirection and exaggeration and manipulation.

Obviously they wouldn’t be selling any of these Black Friday deals at a loss. They’re ”marking down” artificially inflated prices, or they’re moving hastily produced, substandard product that was only brought in to snag consumers.

Or, once in a while, they’re advertising really, authentic deals on items that aren’t adequately stocked, which will sell out right after the doors open.

And those sales were only ever there to whip the public into a feeding frenzy— to get a crowd in through the door and fiending for a deal.

Frenzied, disappointed customers are the best— they channel they’re imagined loss over the missed deal into nabbing whatever else they can fit in the cart— anything to get that dopamine rush that comes from buying… stuff.

Black Friday is a huge numbers day, where corporations rake in and take in massive profits, and they don’t want to see that dough dented up by people not flocking to their “deals”. So if rich motherfuckers getting richer off the labor of the working class is a cause you’d like to consciously support, then by all means, zombie over to the nearest brick and mortar, or boot up Amazon and buy some shit you don’t need!

Bonus points if it’s just a newer version of something you already have!

Triple bonus points if it’s shit you don’t really even want beyond the superficial impulse to accumulate things.

You know what I mean— the kind of thing you’d use once or twice but never really care about and eventually forget you even own.

But

If you don’t want to throw your money into that rich motherfucker’s pocket, consider sitting out the Black Friday materialist madness!

If you’re not working, consider relaxing today :)

Or if you have the energy to burn, maybe do some art. Go for a walk or a hike. Meditate or pray. Spend time with someone you love and appreciate.

And if you like, you can make your art or your walk or your quiet or your love as a radical protest against this stringy, festering web of capitalism.

You can take great comfort in knowing that you’ve chosen a revolutionary act for the enrichment of your own day, rather than the enrichment of the 1 percent.

This won’t be a common, or widespread act— but you’ll enjoy some solidarity with others who think Black Friday is bullshit. You’ll know there are at least a few others, happily opting out of the frenzy.

Happy buy nothing day!

And may you not even want the stupid crap they’re trying to sell you :)

Here's the music I was thinking of when I wrote this: