Don't write like a writer

Does your writing sound like writing?

What a weird question, right? It’s a good one, I think. It makes you reconsider what’s on the page. Because what’s on the page might be beautiful and eloquent and shit, but awfully confusing to the reader. My job isn’t (usually) to tell beautiful narratives with perfect prose, my job is to communicate my idea with clarity and simplicity.

Let me restate that, because honestly, that sentence was a perfect example of writing that sounds like writing.

I don’t want you to think I’m a good writer. I want you to get what I’m saying. To understand it. Maybe even empathize with it. And if you don’t? Then I screwed up. Writing isn’t easy. Writing stuff that doesn’t sound like writing? It's hard as shit.

So, how do we fix it?

Should we pepper our sentences with “likes,” “but, ums,” or other filler words? Nope. But uh, sometimes they help. Other times, they just feel like you’re writing, like, dialogue or something. That’s not what you want.

Dialogue is a fiction. Listen to real people talk about something. It’s never like a movie scene, it’s usually stumbling and awkward and people struggle to make points clearly without getting flustered. We don’t want dialogue. Maybe we need something more like a monologue!

Picture this, you’re on stage with a single light on your face. It's bright, hot, and revealing every pore as you bear your soul to the crowd. A soliloquy, if you willoquy. How do you convince the captive audience what you have to say is important? Actually, shit. No, disregard that. That’s also a bad analogy, because your audience is never that captive unless it’s a Ted Talk or something. And be real, how many talks are you doing? Shower talks don’t count.

Okay, what if we write as if we’re standing in the middle of a busy street with a megaphone to get the attention of the hundreds of people streaming past? Also no, because then you’re basically a crazy street preacher, and nobody wants to be shouted at.

See, this shit's hard!

Here's what's been helpful for me:

For starters, a rewrite is always your best friend. Often, I never know what the hell I’m trying to communicate until I’ve gotten to the end of my piece. Then a lot of things become clear, and it’s easy to revisit my message and sprinkle in the secret sauce. Foreshadowing, breadcrumbs, whatever. I don’t think I did that much here, but I did rewrite this a few times. Hopefully for the better.

I also love to read my writing out loud to someone. Just kidding, I fucking hate doing that. But it’s important. When I was a video editor, the best/worst part of the job was sharing a cut with the client. In that edit room, watching other people watch your work, every flaw is vibrant. It’s like someone brought in a giant neon sign that says “you should’ve trimmed this clip 4 frames ago you worthless trash editor.” And then about a hundred other neon signs that say similar mean things.

We get so absorbed in our work that fresh perspective is impossible. Bringing in that third party really helps.

Another “fun” trick is to record your piece, wait a day or two, then listen to it without reading it first. By that time, you’ll have forgotten a lot of it, unless you have a weirdly good memory. That separation is awesome, because when you’re listening to it, it’s kind of like you’re just listening to an article someone else wrote, and you can judge the hell out of it. And yes, your voice is going to sound weird when you hear it. It always does and it always will.

The most important thing to do, however, is what I said a few blurbs ago. Rewrite. Then rewrite it again. “If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.” That little nugget comes from author Elmore Leonard. I’ve never read a single one of his works, but that advice is brilliant. Sorry Elmore. But also, thanks?

Recap: how to write without it sounding like writing:

1. Rewrite your shit.
2. Read it out loud to someone.
3. Record it, wait a day or two, listen back.
4. Rewrite it again.
5. Why not rewrite it a third time? Or more, depending on how much you suck at writing things that don’t sound like writing.

I sincerely hope this was helpful on your journey. Blegh. Writing-writing. Let me fix that: Good luck writing better stuff. If you get stuck, try some of these tricks! I guess rewriting isn't really a trick as much as it is just a thing we all need to do.

I don’t know, was that actually better? Boy, this is really fizzling out here. Which brings me to my secret final point: quit while you’re ah-