Coping With Envy

Everyone has different privileges when compared to each other. These include wealth, fame, talent, and legal power. It’s only human nature to want to be like or maybe even resent someone else one perceives as better than them in some way. However, this can go too far.

When your desire to either one-up or destroy another person you think has more than you do consumes you, it’s called jealousy and/or envy.

Envy is listed off as one of the seven deadly sins in Christianity as well as frowned upon in other religions and cultures [1][2]. But occasional thoughts of jealousy are nothing to be ashamed of. We all have them. What you do with them, though, is another story.

If you let your emotions control you to the point where you deliberately hurt innocent people to get your way or yourself, then you have a problem. Scratch that, you might have multiple issues.

This article will go over how to deal with envying someone, as well as what to do if a perpetrator targeting you does it in the name of envy. Please note that I cannot 100 percent guarantee that using these tips will go exactly according to plan.

The Jealous Person

When you’re feeling jealous, it’s important to not beat yourself up for your feelings. Zealous internal self-deprecation is often a significant cause of jealousy anyways.

“Gratitude” might not necessarily be the right concept, as you may not have much to be grateful for if your life sucks. But try thinking of the good things going on in your own life. Heck, even look at the decent occurrences as well. You might have something that your target of envy doesn’t.

What you are or what you have in sole relation to whoever you are jealous of shouldn’t ultimately matter, though. What’s important is if you’re the best version of yourself that you can be.

Do you have your own values? Practice empathy? Strive to achieve your dreams with your best efforts? Take care of your health - physical, mental, and/or emotional? If you do (which you should), realize that you already don’t just exist in relation to someone else.

You are your own person. Be proud of that.

The Person Being Envied

Now, if you’re the person being envied, you’ll have to look at all possible known factors first to decide your future course of actions.

Firstly, is the person capable of performing any sort of dangerous action towards you? This includes physically and mentally.

If the answer is “yes,” make sure to keep yourself safe. Treat the person who’s envying you as if they were anyone else wanting you to get hurt. Stay as far away as you can from them and remove yourself from the situation. In cases of immediate danger (eg. within a short set timeline), contact your local authorities. Collect as much evidence as possible.

Another thing to consider is your relation to this envious person. Who are they? Are they a friend? Co-worker? Intimate partner? Family member? Acquaintance? Or, are they just a random stranger you hardly know that just heard of you through other people?

When it comes to distant strangers, your best bet is probably just to ignore their jealousy and live your life as usual. Chances are that they will disengage and move on. There’s no need to rub it in their faces.

On the other hand, there are often times when loved ones can be reasoned with. Don’t randomly bring the issue up out of nowhere, of course. But if they’re willing to hear you out, tell them you’re happy about their successes in life and that you like them how they are.

Perhaps they’ll change their mind then.

…

Jealousy doesn’t have to control what you do in every waking moment of your life. Nor should others’ envy of you destroy yourself.

Any other thoughts on this? Let me know in the comments!

Sources

1: https://www.britannica.com/topic/seven-deadly-sins

2: https://antigonejournal.com/2022/04/short-history-of-envy/

Medium version: https://medium.com/@SnarkyLisa/coping-with-envy-19ef516626f8

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