A guide to real friends vs fake friends and how to tell the difference

What are real friends? What do most of us consider a real friend? Real friends are people we enjoy spending time with, talking to. Those who make us feel better when the world is cruel. People who we could count on if we needed them, not because they want anything from us but because they care about us. They don’t need to share our point of views or interests with us but who share similar values as us for the most part.

What are fake friends? There are some people out there who just want to take from or use us or use us in some way or another not caring if they put us in danger or have us go without just so they can get what they want. There are people out there who would pretend to be real friends just to drain us of everything we had and then leave us bare. If we let them they could ruin us, destroy our lives. This is why it would benefit us greatly to know how to tell the difference before they were able to do any substantial damage.

Fake friends/liars/users

• Ask how you’re doing but pay little attention to your answers. They don’t care but pretend they do, are really just curious if anything want to know what you have going on and if there’s any way they can benefit or use something to their advantage. Usually the conversation ends up being about them.
• Act different in front of other people or in public than they do when it’s just you and them. They don’t treat you the same. They ignore you or act like you’re not important.
• Show signs of jealousy when something good happens for you. Watch their reactions to your good news closely because this is one is a dead giveaway and it’s hard for a fake friend to completely hide their annoyance or anger at your successes. It’s like they feel you don’t deserve it and they do. If they cannot benefit from your wins in life they get irked.
• Try to persuade you to think like them or see things their way with little respect for your opinions or beliefs. They may try to make you feel stupid for thinking any different than them.

Close friends aren’t always real friends

Real friends

• Call or stop by just to check on you or just to say hi, even when they don’t need anything.
• When you accomplish something or have good fortune, they are genuinely happy for you and feel as though you deserve it.
• Make time for you and are there when you need them.
• Are honest with you even when it’s not what you want to hear, yet are sincere with constructive criticism. They also are the first to praise you and remind you of why they appreciate you and respect you.
• Consider your safety and well-being first before asking any favors. Would not ask you for something if doing them favor would put you out or in any danger they are avoiding themselves by asking you to do it.

Those are the differences between real and fake friends. You may be like “duh” but sometimes fake friends are not so obvious. Some are very good manipulators. First and foremost we need to accept that EVERYONE is vulnerable to manipulation. You can never know enough to be completely safe and you never know what someone is thinking. Thinking that no one is able to manipulate or fool you will leave you even more vulnerable. That being said, use common sense, not emotion, to determine whether a friend is real or fake. Don’t go off of things this person may have done to win you over, look at the big picture. Actions rule over everything so make sure theirs align with what they preach. Go with your “gut” not your “heart”.

Once you’ve determined which friends are fake you will probably see that these fake friends have actually caused you some adversity or strife already. It may be subtle but negative none the less. So what do you do about it ? Nothing. You shouldn’t take anything too personal because what they are doing is right in their mind. It may be the way they were raised or due to something’s that have happened to them in their lives. They’re just trying to survive and attain what they understand to be happiness. Don’t hold a grudge or hate them for it, it’s really not worthy of the inner peace you’d be sacrificing to harbor any negative feelings over. They are only human like all of us and have faults. Honestly, most of us have used manipulation to get what we needed it’s a survival mechanism like every other instinct. Don’t try to prove them wrong or scold them for hurting or using you, trying to reason with them usually won’t work either they’ll probably just get defensive and never accept or admit anything and you won’t get the closure you’re seeking. If you bring it to their attention once and they argue saying that you’re wrong then that’s all the proof you need. A real friend will be open to hear you out and be concerned that they have hurt you. They’ll try to resolve the issue and make you feel better. A fake friend will try to make you feel as though you’re crazy or confused and wrong. Whether or not they ever will get it or be sorry doesn’t matter at this point. Once you know that they’re fake leave them alone. That’s the best thing you can do. Know your worth and consider it their loss. That was on them they messed up, now if they ever do you wrong after that then you can only be mad at yourself because that will be your fault. If you cannot let them go knowing what you’d likely ne subjecting yourself to, you might want to evaluate yourself and consider the fact that you may be either using them for something as well, which would make you just as fake of a friend, or perhaps you have self-esteem issues you may want to address. Be as honest with yourself as you can, put your happiness and peace of mind first but most importantly, know your worth!