8 Tips from a Former Cop on How to Read People.

Before I succumbed to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I was a police officer. Reading people was part of my job.

Many people lie to the police. You get to the stage where you think everyone’s lying as soon as their lips move. But body language gives them away.

Everyone gives clues about their honest opinions, motives, and behaviors: some subtle and some very obvious.

You don’t have to be a cop to benefit from an understanding of body language. You will benefit from these skills at work, at home with family, and with friends.

I tested these techniques against real criminals in stressful situations to spare you the bother.

1. Create a Baseline.

It is crucial not to read any singular piece of body language in a vacuum. Equally, you cannot apply the same rules to every person.

Someone with folded arms may be defensive or just cold.

Someone with their legs crossed towards you may find you attractive, or they may just be getting comfortable.

You can only understand body language in clusters and by paying attention to a person.

I was talking to a man once who had just killed his mother with a hammer. My job was to watch him and ensure he didn’t kill himself.

Sometimes people who have committed serious crimes are hyper afterward, but not this guy. He sat staring into space for hours. Catatonic.

Eventually, he asked to go to the toilet. He got up and went to pee but just stood over the toilet for another 15 minutes. Again, no movement at all.

This was his (extreme) baseline.

I also watched a guy who had stabbed a police officer and battered his wife into a bloody pulp. He was manic and aggressive, and we spent much of the evening fighting.

To create a baseline of a person’s normal behavior. The more time you have for this, the better.

2. Look for Deviations.

Now it’s time to look for inconsistencies between the baseline and the person’s current words and gestures.

If you have noticed a colleague always clears his throat when nervous, you should be careful if he asks for a change in an arrangement while doing this.

Is it suspicious? You may need further investigation.

I have interviewed suspects who looked like a picture of relaxation—slouched on their chair, hands by their side, smiling and engaging in conversation.

This all changed when the questions got more brutal. Some would tense up, a look of rage would cross their face (often fleetingly), and they would either stop giving such detailed answers or stop talking altogether.

Major red flags.

3. Gesture Clusters.

A single gesture on its own means nothing. But if several deviations are clustered together, take notice.

If the colleague I mentioned above keeps clearing his throat, scratching his head, and shuffling his feet, you need to take notice.

Reading body language can be very dangerous if you only have a shallow grasp of the concepts. You’ll start accusing everyone of lying because of an errant cough!

I remember trying to find a missing woman. I was speaking to her boyfriend at his house. He was the perfect host. Polite, pleasant, bringing tea and cookies.

This was not normal. This was the kind of behavior he thought we expected to see from an innocent man.

He had murdered her.

4. Compare and Contrast.

Does a person repeat the same suspicious mannerisms with others in your group? Observe their interactions and see if their body language is consistent.

An easy example of this is when someone is attracted to a person in the group. To everyone else, their body language will be similar. But to the object of their affection, they will act differently.

Our eyebrows may arch, our facial muscles relax, the head tilts, and blood flows to our lips.

If the person doesn’t reciprocate, they could be sending a message that they don’t like you or aren’t happy about something you did.

Become a people watcher and observe this in real-time. Observe people and try to discern as much about them as possible as the world goes by. There is no better place to practice than a coffee shop.

5. Identify the Strong Voice.

One of the traits of confident people is they have strong voices.

If you observe meetings, the confident person will be the one with an expansive posture, strong voice, and smile.

When doing a pitch at work, pay attention to the strong voice. They may not even be the leader of the team.

They have the most influence.

As a police officer, my Sergeant was the team leader. But the officers that carried the influence were two Police Constables with 34 years of experience. They were the officers I needed on my side and would support me in my career.

So pay the boss lip service and crack the real influencers.

6. Observe How They Walk.

If someone shuffles around and fixes their eyes on the floor, they may lack confidence.

Perhaps you are a team leader, and you spot someone like this. You should make an extra effort to praise and boost this person. Your team is only as strong as its weakest link, and it may not take much to make this person feel valued.

They may turn out to be your best performing member of staff.

When new people joined our shift, they would be like deer in headlights. Policing can be daunting at the best of times, especially when just starting.

I would make an extra effort with these people, and some of them remained friends throughout my career.

7. Pinpoint Action Words.

Words represent thoughts. Identify the word with the most meaning.

An example is your boss saying they “decided to adopt X strategy.”

The action word is “decided.” It tells you your boss is not impulsive, considers multiple options, and thinks things through.

8. Personality Clues.

You can get a broad idea about someone by looking for hints about the kind of person they are.

Does someone show they are extroverted or introverted?

What is a person’s risk tolerance?

What drives their ego?

How do they act when stressed or relaxed?

Interpreting their body language becomes easier when you have an overview of their general character.

Conclusion.

Keep all of these principles in mind to build your ability to read others, understand their thoughts and communicate effectively.

Gain an overview of their personality and then narrow the clues down to get more specific.

Remember, you must NEVER interpret a body language signal in isolation. Learn about someone, observe clusters of clues and check them against your general understanding.

You won’t perfect this overnight. But with practice, you can weed a lot of BS out of your relationships and focus on the stuff that matters.

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