Young “Love" Stories By Past Me

January 19, 2026: I think I was around my early or mid-20s when I wrote this. I’ve decided to not edit it. Thinking about past memories as I read my old writing is a weird experience. I just turned 33 years old a few days ago. I’ve grown so much since I wrote this. I would still like to have that true love, however my main focus is on myself and getting my life right. I hope you enjoy reading this.

I always heard “women give sex to receive love and men give love to get sex”. I personally try not to believe in stuff like that ,but this heavily applied to me. Growing up was quite the challenge for me being a neurodivergent introvert. Dating and relationships were even harder. I remember seeing cute couples throughout my school years, especially high school. I thought I was missing out on something.

Boy #1: In high school, boys didn’t want anything serious (TBH, even as adults, they still don’t but that’s another conversation). People wanted to have sex, party, etc. I had nothing against them of course. They can live their lives; no judgement from me. My first “relationship” started right before 1st year of high school, but my family moved shortly after. I tried my best to make things work long distance. But I would always be the first to call and send letters during holidays/birthdays. We would never have much to talk about either so slowly, we drifted apart. Believe it or not, he was the one who ended things. I even asked this same boy to try things again years later however, I was turned down.

Boy #2: Now this next guy was quite flirtatious. We texted for a bit, but strangely, we never spoke face to face at school. To be honest, I don’t know what I would even say to him. Physically, he attracted me at the time but spiritually, it wasn’t there. Despite this, I grew the courage to ask him to prom. He straight up texted me saying if we weren’t gonna have sex then no, he wasn’t interested. I can admit that I respected him honestly about what he wanted despite my feelings being hurt. I didn’t want to sleep with him so we stopped talking. So that didn’t work out either.

Boy #3: This last guy really did it for younger me. I was so naïve and honestly, weird and clingy. I thought I knew but I had no clue what real love was. I continued to see all these “perfect couples” and wondered “Is something wrong with me? Why don’t I have that?” This caused me to almost throw away my values with guy #3. I don’t recall how we started talking but immediately things were sexually charged. Text messages consisted of asking about sex positions and awkward sexting ,which I tried to engage in, but didn't actually enjoy. I just kept thinking, "this is what people my age do, don’t be boring". I remember him copying the answers off my exam and I just let him have them. Of course the teacher realized this and marked down my grade. That did upset me due to being a very good student but I kinda didn’t care because I was like the other high schoolers and this guy was “interested” in me. This however, didn’t last long.

Fast forward a bit, I graduated High School and a year or so goes by. I’m 19 or 20 years old scrolling through Facebook. I see guy #3 has been recommended to me. Without any thought, I sent a friend request. (Now…why on God’s green Earth would young Sharva do that?!...oh right, I was lonely.)

(Inside Info: I was told later on that the first request was rejected & I sent another one? I don’t remember this so either Facebook was buggin’ or dude lied)

Anyways, my request was accepted that day. We messaged back and forth with a little flirting here and there. We then figured out that his place wasn’t too far away from mine. So I ended up at his place, on a mattress that’s on the floor, TV in front of us, couch in the back of the room. I can still see The Dark Knight playing on the TV in my mind while we cuddled on the couch. We somehow ended up wrestling on the mattress. I’m sure we all see what’s gonna happen here. Laying side by side, tired, he turned my head; right then and there, I had my first kiss. (And yes, I had my first kiss at 19 or 20, you can judge me, I don’t care ... .Okay, I care a little bit.) This led to making out which I’ve never done and to be quite honest, I wasn’t feelin’ it. Something about having someone else’s tongue in my mouth just didn’t sit right with me. (Either I hate kissing, I was bad at it, or he was terrible…take your pick.) We proceeded to take turns being on top while attempting to give hickies and practically dry-humping each other (another strange experience; very awkward). I was then pinned while half my bra was pulled down and he placed his mouth on my chest while whispering something along the lines of “I’m going to make you feel good”… (Needless to say, it was an…..interesting feeling but I didn’t “feel good”…so now what?) He asked if he should do the other one to which point I finally gained a backbone and declined so he laid down beside me. Everything got a bit quiet after that. We tried talking but had nothing much to say. The vibe was off like I didn’t belong there or talking to him was a mistake. So we finally said our goodbyes and I went home. The next morning, I felt okay about my decision to stop things before it got too heavy. I received a text asking if I wanted to come over again. I responded with what are we relationship wise. He explained he was enlisting in the military and wouldn’t have time for a relationship; we could just be friends with benefits. I told him, I can’t bring myself to do that so I unfriended him on Facebook (cause self-care and reflection is important) It’s been 7 or 8 years and we haven’t spoken since then.

After that, I ordered a special gift for myself online. It was delivered in a box. As I opened it, a small silver ring was inside “Guard My Heart Dear Lord” it said. Once I placed it on my finger, I realized that there was nothing wrong with me and I felt stronger. I felt a sense of confidence and comfort. I felt free.

The end of this story is quite funny now since I no longer have that ring. I lost it, bought another one, lost that one too, so I took that as some sort of sign, and decided not to buy a replacement. Haha Reading my old writing is almost an out of body experience. I'm a different person now, in positive and negative ways.

Thanks for reading 20 something-year old Sharva’s writing. Feel free to answer the questions below. If you’re interested in seeing stuff I post in the future, you can follow my other socials here.

Questions:

What would be your thoughts or reaction to losing your ring twice?

What was your dating life like in high school? Any regrets? Did you learn anything from the experience(s)?

What advice would you give your high school self?