Workplace Phone Etiquette

What you can’t do in a work phone call:

• Cuss
• Insult
• Yell
• Be pushy
• Have an attitude
• Street-read them

What I mean by street-read is to tell someone exactly how pathetic they are and why, to an extent that would make some cry.

There’s still that assertive, indignant, self-respect side of you that wants to come out and verbally kick their butt, but you’re not allowed to let that out during a phone call you have to keep professional.

Even though they shouldn’t, the customers can be as rude as they like to you and expect you to lay down and take it because you have to keep them happy enough to keep doing business with the company you work for. It’s not just the customers. I’ve found myself unpleasantly shocked at how rude the EROs (the tax-preparers) can be. They’re the ones most likely to ask for my name to report me if I haven’t made them happy enough, no-matter how helpful or polite I am. They’re more likely to demand to speak to a supervisor or to have the issue escalated. They’re the ones who should understand even more so how tough it is to put up with people during tax season because of the stress of having the taxpayers breathing down their necks. Instead, they’re often the meanest ones.

I’ve had: customers yell at me, call me a dumbass when they think I can’t overhear them on the phone as an aside to someone else who’s there, not enunciate enough, speak too quietly, speak too loudly. I’ve had more than one ask for my name after being rude to me, then suddenly switch attitudes to super nice once they have my name, like I don’t know they’re planning to report me and are feeling so good.

I don’t think they should act like this at all. I don’t think that being angry about not getting their tax return soon enough, or not having the full amount in it, is an excuse to be rude to me to any extent, as I’m the one helping them. It’s a reason to take some deep breaths and then dial and have me help them. If I could, I’d help them to an extent or not depending on how polite they were with me, but I can’t. I have to suck it up and take their crap.

Sometimes, even when I’ve helped them the best that I can, they still won’t calm down or are rude in some other way. Some will still insist on speaking to my supervisor or escalating it even though, if they take the time to think about it, I’ve actually helped them and calming down would be an act of gratitude.

They see me as naught but a functionary. I’m simply there to help them and, they figure as long as I’m getting paid to, I’ll put up with their crap. As best I can, I try not to personalize it and remind myself that it’s the situation they’re really mad at and not me, but it’s hard to sometimes in the moment in which they’re being that rude.

I have this purely hypothetical fantasy. Please understand I’d never act on it. I expect myself to behave saner than that, but I do think on it when someone aggravates me enough and I still have to keep my voice calm. I could, if I really wanted to, write down all the numbers that I see on the screen when they call in. They’d be the numbers of the rude ones. I’d call them during my off-hours and harass them, mess with them in ways they hadn’t been before. They wouldn’t even know who it was since I’d be calling them from my cell phone and not back from work.