“Who am I?”

"Who exactly am I?"

How many times have you pondered this question?

How many times have you wondered why you were sent on this planet?

How often have you questioned your own existence?

Countless times, in my opinion.

And the question raises further questions: will I ever know who I am? Why should I care about who I am? Will any response ever satisfy me?

When these issues overwhelm me, I remember this phrase by the Indian philosopher Ramana Maharshi:

“The question, ‘who am I?’ is not meant to get an answer, the question ‘who am I?’ is meant to dissolve the questioner.”

Whoa. Dissolve the questioner. What does that even mean?

How can dissolving my identity help me figure out who I am?

Let’s try and find out.

What is my identity = who am I?

The "answer" to the question "who am I" is our identity.

Our identity is the sum total of our memories, experiences, feelings, beliefs, connections, and values that define who we are.

It's the stuff that goes into creating a "self."

Identity is an important part of comprehending who we are. Why? Because identity may be divided into components (values, experiences, and connections).

We can identify and comprehend their components. Then, once we've figured out what makes us who we are, we can look at the big picture.

In a nutshell, we are far more than just one thing. We are an entire network of ideas and experiences.

Our desire for identity?

"Who am I?" addresses one of our most fundamental needs: the need for identification.

As living organisms, we seek and find solace in a strong sense of ourselves. It brings us back to earth. It instills confidence in us. And our sense of identity influences everything in our lives, from the decisions we make to the beliefs we uphold.

Shahram Heshmat, Ph.D., author of Science of Choice:

"Identity refers to our fundamental values, which guide our decisions (e.g., relationships, career)." These decisions reflect our personalities and values."

Wow. Our identities serve as virtual representations for the values and beliefs we have. Our identity is a reflection of our beliefs, actions, and values.

That is some strong stuff.

However, external events might undermine our sense of self.

How is this even possible? Dr. Heshmat elaborates:

“Few people choose their identities. Instead, they simply internalize the values of their parents or the dominant cultures (e.g., pursuit of materialism, power, and appearance). Sadly, these values may not be aligned with one’s authentic self and create unfulfilling life.”

Oof. This is what can lead to issues.

The terrible truth is that much of our identity was imposed on us. We are extremely stressed as a result of our inorganic identity.

Why?

Because we know "that identity" is a fabrication. It is something that is expected of us.

The problem is that we have no idea what our "organic" identity is.

That is why we wonder, "Who am I?"

The need to reclaim your power?

One of the most significant barriers to discovering who we are is that so many of us lack actual personal authority. It has the potential to leave us feeling frustrated, detached, and unfulfilled.

So, how do you figure out who you are and what you're doing here?

Start with yourself. Stop looking for anyone to tell you what you should think or do.

The more you hunt for external solutions to your problems, the further you will be from understanding how to live your life in alignment with a deeper sense of inner purpose.

After seeing Justin Brown's video on the hidden trap of self-improvement, I came found an excellent approach to think about this.

The roles we play?

To make matters worse, we each have several identities - sons, daughters, parents, and friends.

Our identities are divided and compartmentalized into "roles." And we play these "roles" in various situations.

To quote Dr. Heshmat, each function has "its meanings and expectations that are internalized as identity."

We absorb these roles as if they were our true identities when we play them.

We're all actors playing a variety of parts. The trouble is that we've duped ourselves into thinking these roles are real.

This conflict, together with the need to rediscover our genuine selves, is at the root of much of our sadness. This is referred to as a "identity struggle."

"In the face of identity crisis, many people adopt darker identities, such as drug abuse, compulsive shopping, or gambling, as a compensatory method of experiencing aliveness or avoiding depression and meaninglessness."

Struggling to figure out who we are can have serious consequences. That is why it is critical to answer the question, "Who am I?" Because the alternative is "depression and a sense of meaninglessness."

On the plus side, those who have found their real self have been demonstrated to be significantly happier and more happy. This is due to the fact that they are "able to live a life true to their values and pursue meaningful goals."

But how can you figure out who you are?

How can you separate your true identity from the one given to you by your family and what was shaped by society?

Check out the video below on Justin Brown’s realization that he was playing the role of the “good person”. He finally owned up to this and managed to experience much more clarity on who he is.