What would you do if no matter what, you were loved?

This year of 2023 has shown me "don't be afraid". if you don't try, you'll never know.

I'm going to be deeply vulnerable with you guys for a moment. I started my journey with vocal in May 2021, before that I used to have a website called "The vegan virgin" and I talked about me being vegan and my fave recipes. I loved my website very much and I never told anyone about it. I was very content on keeping it hidden and growing it on my own time, because even to this day I am a very private person and don't like being forced to share my talents even if they're worth being seen by an audience. One random day my family finds out about my website (it was so long ago I'm not sure if I had already told my brother or not) and I honestly felt pretty violated (a bit dramatic but I was like 14 at the time and every feeling is 10x it is now) and sad to say that was the end of "Theveganvirgin.net" lol. My family was pretty proud of me, but it was the fact the I myself didn't tell them that really got to me, and I didn't have enough money to renew my website at the end of the year either.

So....why is it relevant now? I'm glad you asked. If the same situation was to happen to me now, yes I would feel like my privacy was violated but I was also feel the fear of not knowing how they would react.

I've always wanted to be well known since I was a little girl, watching people my age, as I grew up, be internet famous and do stuff that I could do. The money isn't even the one thing I want in return. It's the community. The community of people that....like....me? The relatable group of people I can turn to at any moment and feel like I, ME, matter. To know even 100 people, choose to interact and like my content.

I've had my Instagram for as long as I can remember, and it wasn't until this year that I was actually happy and consistent with uploading and comfortable showing my face and life.

I've posted on TikTok and YouTube but was NEVER consistent with it. I could never wrap my head around why, and it wasn't until now that it is the fear of being seen that I have. I KNOW what I have to do to have, community, and be internet famous, and I'm very sure I can do it and find my people, but it's the fear that keeps me seated and the unknown of how I will be perceived.

Growing up in school as a dark-skinned black woman is already hard enough. Throw in me not being a size 0 and NOT popular, like at all, I was pretty much always a target for being the "center of attention" in terms of being picked on. This turned into a case of "social anxiety" and having to deal with it today as a 20-year-old smoke show of a woman.

For 2023 it has been my goal to quite literally smash social anxiety in its face and not be afraid of being "embarrassing", wear whatever I want, and be okay with being perceived by the public. I can confidently say that I will leave my car when I get to my destination AFTER 30mins of contemplation and I call that progress :).

Now let's redirect away from the sappy stuff.

So recently on my daily scroll of TikTok I've been seeing a lot of people going live on my fyp, and I don't know about y'all, but I have a bad case of FOMO from this.

So lets go to the title of my story. "what would you do if no matter what, you were loved?" I was watching this video on fears and how to conquer them, specifically a tarot pick-a-card video (yes don't worry I will make a separate story on my spiritually), when they had said this quote and ever since then I have been implementing this into my life and asking myself this question.

A big thing I'm into is tarot and having the ability to read them and give accurate readings to myself and others, and I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to share this with others and build a community off this.

Since there is a big stigma around this, I never mainstreamed this talent consistently...UNTIL NOW.

I just bought 1,000 followers on TikTok just so I could go live....and give affordable readings to people...and build community....and get over my fear of being seen....I really hope don't regret this lol.

Soooo, if you were to ask me "what would I do if no matter what, I was loved?", it would be seen by a large group of people for my talents.

Thank you so so so much if you read to the end and I would love if you hanged around for more of my stories.

All the love, Nastasiya.