What rest means to me.

When I think of what it means to rest, my first thought is to simply stop. Stop doing…stop thinking…stop being. Each of those statements could easily be followed by several actions/ideas. Stop doing things that hinder your growth. Stop thinking about the past. Stop being the person who always says yes. Whatever the case, I realized rest requires much more than simply stopping something. Rest can also mean starting something. Either way, it needs to be intentional. Without intentionality, you are simply stopping or starting something without a purpose which can result in wasted time and energy. And who has time for that?! I’ve learned that the best rest involves the whole person. And by whole person, I mean mind and body. What good does 8 hours of sleep every night get you if you’re mentally exhausted?

They are so many aspects of everyday life that can impact how well our minds and bodies are able to rest. And it can be quite overwhelming to practice a daily regimen of getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, eating enough fruits and veggies, getting in 30 mins of exercise, meditating, saying affirmations, cultivating relationships, excelling at work, AND staying on budget to name a few. Whew! Oh, and if you’re a mom like myself, add “keeping the children alive” to that list (preferably at the top) which may or may not require a few of those items to fall off the list entirely. In other words, it can be exhausting and feel pretty darn close to impossible in my book.

They say it takes 30 days to form a habit. Not sure exactly who “they” are, but at this point, it’s worth a shot to try. So, I’ve decided to take the cliché of “take it one day at a time” and tweak it a bit to “one month at a time”. Each month, I’ll set an intention to focus on a particular area that I believe will help to support a healthy body and mind in the long run and will take notes along the way. When I think of all the things that really do keep me up at night that either prevents me from falling asleep OR keeps me tossing and turning, I realized the key to better sleep includes clearing out all the noise. And it starts with just saying no!

Just say no January

I have always been somewhat of a people pleaser. Never understood why growing up. Never even really noticed. But the older I get, the more I realize that while in the moment, I may get joy from helping others, it can also be exhausting. Physically, mentally, and yes, financially exhausting! And more importantly, there are people who will take advantage of your inability to say no. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve reluctantly said yes to something, only to end up resenting the person later. It isn’t fair to them, and it isn’t fair to me. That said, I made the decision to be more intentional about Just Saying No. When I feel uneasy about it, say no! When I am tired, say no! When I am overwhelmed, say no! Even when I may very well have nothing else to do, it’s ok to say no! A clear schedule is not an excuse to fill it helping others. Sometimes a free day or few hours should be spent as just that…freely! Doing absolutely nothing if that is the activity of choice. Without explanation and more importantly without guilt. It’s ok to help and support and be there for our families and friends, but we must remember to take time to help ourselves as well. We deserve that!

Finance February

Budget. The big, bold, B-word that I’ve avoided most of my young adult life is something that I now as wife and mother, simply cannot. Being financially healthy is imperative to living a healthy life. Many of us have laid awake at night stressed about money. It could be due to unexpected expenses like a blown furnace, or the financial demands of the wonderful world of organized sports for your star athlete. Whatever the case, having a budget or financial plan not only addresses real time issues but puts you in a position to secure a better financial future. This month I intend to focus on building short and long-term financial plans. This includes cutting out unnecessary spending by allocating a certain amount for leisure spending. Doing so will allow me to still treat myself every now and then, but it won’t interfere with other priorities. Additionally, the plan will include ideas for creating multiple streams of income, because who doesn’t need more money in the bank?!

Move it March

One thing I noticed is how sluggish I often feel during the day. Yes, I work full time and have 2 children and a house to tend to but some days I am completely exhausted by dinner time. Add that to a lousy night of sleep and the cycle repeats. I’m no trainer but I do know that exercise improves sleep. I’ve attempted many 14-day, 21-day, 30-day, 60-day challenges. You’ll notice I said “attempted”. I’ve never actually finished an exercise challenge…not one! I’ve learned that I tend to overwhelm myself by setting unrealistic expectations and throwing in the towel when things don’t go as planned. This month I intend to get moving. The first step is to schedule 30 minutes of exercise during the workday. I mean literally placing a meeting on my calendar for exercise. I realized that if I don’t exercise before the kids get home from school, it won’t happen because I’m too exhausted by evening time. The next step is to mix it up. Walk, jog, yoga, Tabata. Variety will help keep me engaged and motivated. Last step is to find an accountability partner. I’ve also learned that I can be my worse enemy. For some reason, disappointing myself doesn’t feel as bad as disappointing someone who is depending on you to push through with them. Sometimes you just need someone to tell you to suck it up and get it done!

Appreciation April

So often I lose sight of how far I’ve come and much I’ve accomplished. I, like many others, tend to focus on what can be better instead of taking time to truly appreciate the journey and the lessons that brough me where I am today. Practicing gratitude and appreciation for where we are in the present helps to quiet a lot of the noise that keeps us up at night. By shifting the focus from all the things that aren’t quite right and focusing on what is, life’s challenges can begin to feel a little lighter. This month I intend to focus on showing appreciation and gratitude for all that life has offered me. Shifting my thinking from “I have to go to work today” to “I get to go to work today”. Finding the positive and releasing what can’t be undone. And when you can find the positive in every situation, it’s hard to have a crappy day.

Mindful May

Like the previous month, practicing mindfulness keeps us in the present. A lot of the noise I’ve mentioned that can keep us up at night can often stem from regrets or hurt from the past and/or uncertainty and fear of the future. But when we practice mindfulness, we are focusing on the here and now. This is easier said than done with all the demands of everyday life, but with practice, it gets easier. There are many forms of meditation. And for every form there are a countless number of apps to guide and support the process. I’ve learned there’s no right or wrong way to meditate, which is great news for an overthinker like myself. This month, I intend to focus on the present by spending time each day escaping the noise. I’ll start with 5 mins each day, and each week add 5 additional minutes. Still body, slow breath, rhythmic beating. Who knows? I might even get a nap in.

Junk It June

I can’t possibly be the only person on the planet laying in bed at night thinking about shelves from Ikea, and accent wall ideas from Pinterest and handmade lamps from Etsy, and the list goes on. I have so many household projects that I have to document them all in an Excel spreadsheet (I really have a spreadsheet!) Some of the projects I have on my lists have been at a standstill because I must get rid of all the old stuff to make room for new. I need to organize and purge my closet or garage or guest room or laundry room, or…to make room for all the projects I want to do. My issue is, I start out strong. I gather my boxes and labels and packing tape and start in one room, then somehow ends up in another room and before I know it it’s 4 hours and 3 glasses of wine later and I’m sitting on my closet floor, sobbing, smelling my son’s receiving blanket...he’s 10! In other words, I get distracted. Every. Single. Time. Then I end up frustrated and overwhelmed. Story of my life. That said, this month I intend to clear out all the junk! Instead of trying to take on the entire house in a day (I know, delusional), I’ll prioritize the top 4 projects and focus on one per weekend. Organizing what stays and boxing what goes. If all goes well, I’ll end the month feeling lighter with 4 projects crossed off my list. Might even make a few bucks!

Judgement Free July

I’m hard on myself. There I said it. I can be socially awkward at times. So much so that I tend to spend days on end regretting a conversation where I feel I may have been too vulnerable or too this or too that. I give advice that I don’t take myself. I’ve wondered if I was doing a good job as a mother, sister, friend, wife, etc. If I was making the right decisions. If I was witty enough for this, creative enough for that. I read somewhere that the most important conversation you will ever have is the one you have with yourself and that resonated with me. I am not always kind to myself. And to be perfectly honest, I’m sick of it. This month I intend to focus on forgiving myself, loving myself and being my own cheerleader. But more importantly, doing so unapologetically. Embracing the way my nose wrinkles when I’m in deep thought, or the way I dance a little every time I eat dessert, or the odd noise I make when I laugh too hard. Acknowledging when the negative thoughts cross my mind but not giving them permission to stick around. Letting go of the judgments and not taking myself so seriously. We are all works in progress, and we all deserve to be who we are. I got called weird once…but I secretly love it here.

All About Me August

I sometimes have a hard time finding the balance between family, work, and time to just be me. Not mommy, not wife, just Donna. And when I can take advantage of some me time, I often spend the time out thinking of all the things that will be waiting on me when I get home, or I end the night feeling guilty for taking that time. I’m sure others share the sentiment. The other side of that coin is not taking time and feeling overworked, overwhelmed, and stressed night after night, which effects…you guessed it, how well we are able to rest. But I’ve learned that time to myself is necessary. I’ve been told you can’t pour from an empty cup, so to be all the things, to all the people, I must make time for me. This month I intend to focus on dating myself. Now that doesn’t necessarily mean a solo date, although that is totally allowed and encouraged (have you seen Home Goods?!). Dating myself simply means taking time to do the things I enjoy, with or without company, and NOT feeling guilty about it. The laundry can wait, the trip to the post office can wait, shopping for the kids can wait, it all can wait. Waiting for the right time will never come as there will always be “things to do”. Plan it, do it, enjoy it! Again, we deserve it!

Sink or Swim September

We are connected to so many things daily. Work, family, friends, social media, etc. I feel that the most important connection is human connection. We share stories, journeys, lessons, and moments with so many people. Joy, happiness, laughter, pain, grief, sadness. The emotions and experiences are limitless. Those connections are meaningful and over time pieces of each experience shape us into who we are. So much so that we are sometimes afraid to let go of them, fearful that losing them means losing a part of ourselves. Even though holding on could be doing more harm than good. We allow these connections to effect different parts of our lives. Our careers, our children, our homes, other relationships, and ultimately our rest and sense of peace. This month I intend to focus on taking an inventory and determining which relationships should “sink or swim”. Time spent connecting with others should be time well spent. It should bring positivity and value to your life. We are all human and deserving of space and grace to make mistakes and repair bruises along the way, but if the relationship is damaging to your overall wellbeing, it’s time to let it go.

Out with the Old October

My grandmother used to say “It’s time to take out the trash” whenever she wanted to have a heart-to-heart with me. She would sit me down, ask me the hard questions and give me the honest answers. I considered those my therapy sessions growing up. When she passed, I never filled that void. And as much as I know I needed it; I could never bring myself to do it. So, I stuck to my old habits and patterns for dealing with life, only to find my issues continuing to resurface. Some days are fine, but every now and then I have days where I need someone to help me sort through all the noise. This month I intend to focus on acknowledging old habits and establishing new ones with therapy. As we know, a healthy mind is essential for rest.

New Vibe November

Following my intention for October, this month I intend to focus on implementing practices learned thus far through therapy. Continuing to heal and finding ways to foster growth as those transformations don’t happen overnight. Using this time to wind down and settle into what I hope to be a strong close to the year and launch to the new year with a new vibe.

Don’t Stop Now December

This month I intend to reflect. I intend to look at what’s happened over the past year. What months were particularly challenging? What months were easier than expected? Digging deeper into why and why not? I want to use this time to truly unpack all the time spent and all the notes from each month’s intention. I plan to value the lessons learned. What worked? What didn’t? What needed more time? What continued into the following months? I want to look back over the year and celebrate the successes and acknowledge the areas for improvement. I want to reach this month with more love and compassion for myself, more discipline and intentionality about how I spend my time and more clarity, peace, and insight about where I’ve been to help prepare me for where I’m going. And ultimately, I want to reach the end of the year well...rested:)