Unmasking the Imposter Syndrome.

“Wow you dance like a Diva; you should participate in competitions.”

“Oh! I guess I am like any other kid, probably they are just being kind.”

“Hey you have knack for speaking; you try your career towards public speaking”

“I guess they meant I am loud and probably found me annoying”

“Oh my god, you taught that so well, I’ve been struggling with this topic forever…! I wish you were my teacher.

“I guess I got lucky with that.”

. . . . . . . .

This was/is me constantly doubting myself.

This doubt did not limit itself to my personal life, it became a threat to my professional life.

My inferiority grew, like the shadow growing darker as I moved away from the light.

The exhaustion coming from constant whispers of doubt consumed my loud voice.

Eventually, I became unheard, unseen because that was how you can’t disappoint people with your “incapabilities”.

I took the front seat in criticizing myself when something went wrong.

Constantly cursing for my failures, while I turned a blind eye in celebrating my wins. I thought I was faking my job whenever I couldn’t do something on my own, I hated taking help because that might make a crook. I thought no one would relate me.

Sometimes, even praise felt like pity.

I would receive compliments, but I would secretly wonder, “Did I really deserve that?”

It’s strange, how someone can look confident on the outside and still feel like a house of cards on the inside.

Any minute, I thought I would collapse under the weight of my own expectations.

But, one year into my corporate life, one day, among the thousand mails sitting in my inbox one caught my eye.

The Subject read,

“DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE FAKING YOUR JOB? YOU ARE NOT ALONE…!

Come join us on a webinar to know more about Imposter Syndrome.”

The whole mail gave a gist of what it is and how they were going to address the session.

Although due to my previous commitments that clashes with the time, I couldn’t attend the webinar. I wish I did.

I searched about it. I read. I finally understood... I never felt more relieved in my life. Giving a name to the relentless voices in my head, had put me at ease. It gave an assurance that no one could.

Often, we struggle to point a finger at how we feel and that gives us unnecessary anxiety.

I wouldn’t say I got better but I felt seen, I felt safe to know that I wasn’t alone all along. For it might be nothing to others but people who go through this know how it is continuous battle.

Let me be honest, this is not a how-to guide because, I am still figuring this out.

If you relate to this please remember that you are not faking anything and you are learning and making progress in life.

Every time your mind says you are not enough, fight back the thought. I know it is not easy but there must be beginning for everything.

Also, don't let people tell you that you are just searching for excuses because, you are not!

Let’s not treat ourselves like disappointments.

Let’s learn to credit ourselves where it’s due.

Not all at once but one step at a time…!

PS : Let me know if you have felt this way and what have you done to overcome this. It would be a great help if atleast one of us would find it helpful.