This Is For Me

Dear Those Who Couldn't See Me

Effective immediately, I am tendering my resignation as your punching bag— I will no longer allow you to tower over me and push me around. You will no longer spread your false narrative as some 'alternative truth'.

Effective immediately, I will be stepping down from my position — I am moving forward. I have worked hard to make this progress in my personal career. My mental welfare and physical well being are worth more to me than anything you could 'promise' me. That is something I see now — how hollow all those promises were.

Effective immediately I am stepping down from the self imposed roles you made sure I enacted. I will no longer strive to be the 'perfect daughter', I will no longer play the 'unwavering confidant', I will no longer pretend to be 'domesticated' like some dog, I will no longer blindly supply unending support.

Why should I fill your cup when mine is always empty?

I will no longer allow you to lay ruin to my peace.

I want to recognize the person I see in my reflection.

I am done fighting for survival. I want to begin living.

I have survived threats worse than you. This is for me. Call it selfish all you want. I am done paying you mind. Paying for your attention in kind- in peace of mind.

I am tired of the useless arguments — I am done wasting my time talking to a wall.

I will no longer allow you to twist my words, ignore my pleas — I am fighting for me. I am worth the casualty. My wars are worth fighting.

I have no kind words to leave in my wake. I can not thank you for the 'skills' you have left to me — I wish I did not need them. There is no part of my personal ethic that I wish to attribute to you.

When you told me 'I'm here for you', 'you can trust me', 'I'm on your side', and then in the same breath, you turned around to lay waste to my character. Sharing my secrets like they were currency to prosper. You spared no thought for the sake of me then and now.

Everything you did to me, you did for you. You did not do it for me. It was your lack of growth and accountability that lead us here. This impasse was inevitable. There was never a way to turn back, never a way for us to 'try again' I am over you trampling on my peace. It is time for me to move forward.

I am stepping away — I am moving on. I have made leaps and bounds to mature and strengthen myself, I will not put all of my work in jeopardy just for you. I am worth more than that.

The cracks in your foundation were so unstable, so infectious, they bled into mine. I have spent the time — hours over open flame to fill my cracks.

I recognize who I see in the mirror. She's no longer a stranger filled with anger...

This is for me. Call it selfish all you want.

You missed it all. The person I was back then, the person I have become now. I am not the same as I was then. Morphed by each strike of your tongue, each sting of your word. You will never truly see the kind of person I am.

I am a catch! I am worthy of love! I am worth the time!

I am not too much to handle. I am not too loud, too bossy. I know what I want in life. I have drive. I have goals. I am still reaching for the stars.

You may call me unrealistic, and a dreamer — but I know who I am. This is for me. Call it selfish all you want. I do not wish for what is out of reach. I do not give myself unattainable goals. I know what I want, I am done settling.

I may have setbacks, but my setbacks are better than struggling for peace.

What you will never understand is that;

I don't hate you. I don't hurt anymore.

I let it go — I let you go. I do not feel hurt, jaded, torn or angry when it comes to you. This is not me being the 'bigger person'.

Clearly, my motivations no longer line up with what is necessary to fulfil the role you so desperately require — someone you can hold beneath you. Therefore, I am stepping down from my position — a position I have become under qualified for, effective immediately.

Signed,

A Girl Who Learned Her Worth.

A Girl Who Is Better And You Will Never Know.