Things Went A Weee Bit Beyond Ugly Long Time Ago

For the attention of ALL relevant persons:

Be advised that effective immediately, I tender my comprehensive resignation regarding the following bathroom duty/task/necessity henceforth to be claused:-

Replacement of the DAMN toilet paper roll.

This repetitively necessary task that is impossible to disregard for me, being a considerate human species female desirous of a hygienic and odor-free home, as well as my standard requirement for regular bathroom usage, has irrevocably exhausted my patience levels (not to mention my bladder) to a status that cannot be documented due to the vulgarity of expletive concentrations contained.

It is now rare that I'd venture into public restrooms and find this an oft-occurring scenario. Perhaps the feedback from service users threatened to breach legalities with a mountain of lawsuits.

Don't know.

Wish I did.

It would save me the time of being reduced to a long-ass resignation letter for something so tremendously basic in terms of courtesy that I’ve given amendment nudges to "persons" for well…what's felt like an eon.

Reality check: - When the ‘pipes are about to burst’ and behind-the-scenes struggle to manage the “water treatment facility” faces imminent collapse, there are few things more disastrous (and hellur-frustrating) than to find "resources" are available for task mitigation, but have NOT been taken from the stock cupboard a mere five feet away.

Context: - Few things seem longer and more demanding than doing the “pee-pee dance” to stave off physiological function while wrestling seemingly industrial-strength plastic from its wrapper as every nanosecond takes you closer to inevitable demise with or without toilet tissue.

Grrr-Grrr.

Replace the damn toilet paper roll.

These repeated infractions:-

• Seethe inconsideration

• Demonstrate a violation of unilateral residential restroom policy somewhere

• Instill ‘bad habit’ contagion that has spread faster than a blingin’ virus

• Raise the level of homicidal indignation to epic (and dangerous) proportions

• Risk unhygienic mayhem in all of its grossiosity/disgustingest-ness/malodorama (plus a litany made up words by one beyond caring even an effsworth)

• Create opportunities for adverse bathroom/bedroom/kitchen/garden incidents by way of diabolical reprisal to happen by accident on purpose

I will no longer tolerate utter carelessness and replacement inaction of such a basic convenience that necessitates the most rudimentary of sequences for completion. Nor will I be yelling out (as I have done previously) to replace said paper roll, awaiting leisurely moving perpetrators to comply when they KNOW to have done so in the first, second, and last place thereby saving me the annoyance and aggravation for crying out loud.

Henceforth, this quantitative longitudinal ridiculousness of a research study is at a definitive end as the primary participant and recipient has reached a level of fed-up-edness that breaches safety parameters for continued study.

Taking out another roll of toilet tissue to place on the empty roller is one of the easiest, no-brainer, minimally labor-intensive actions in the entire household.

Domiciliary Tasks That Require More Effort and Exertion Than Replacing the Damn Toilet Paper Roll: -

• Setting the table for dinner
• Laundry mountain washing
• Ironing clothes (This one’ll last ‘til Judgment Day)
• Trash/recyclables removal with bag replacement
• Lying in bed under the overwhelming weight of too much adulting
• Contemplation of life choices while washing the same pot both absentmindedly and repeatedly, with resultant mind freeze akin to peri-catatonia
• Decluttering the kitchen drawers since everything and their grandpa gets stuffed in there
• Adjusting the grocery list after constructing and deconstructing it for the last, last, LAST time
• Marathons sprints around the living spaces on repeat to catch the spider/fly/other undesirable pests filled with 'creepy-crawlie-EWW' that fills one with terror; however, one must dispose of them, otherwise they’ll tell all their friends

You couldn’t simply replace the damn toilet paper roll???

Make this easy.

Civil.

No.

And now…it’s come to this.

I’m gonna look like the eccentric crazy lady with toilet paper velcro-ed to my clothes when I go in and out of the bathroom.

Ask me if I care.

Guaranteed to always be in reach.

Consideration for one and ONLY one. See my t-shirt that reads, "Pushed too far!"

Enjoy your treks to the store to purchase your supply.

One less thing to be concerned about really works for me.

I regret suffering in silence for far too long, unaware of the options available in a situation that drove me beyond distraction. I’ll bet "others" will miss having easy access to the storage cupboard now, versus the 5o mins it will take to walk to the grocery store and back carrying the obvious.

Consideration is a bathroom door that closes on both sides.

Okay.

Maybe that was a pathetic pithy on-topic quip, but this is definitely a resignation letter. Legally binding blah-blah-blabbity-blah and for good measure and understanding…blah.

Forthwith enjoy that subterranean sinking sensation amid unstoppable excretory functions as realization dawns that there’s nothing there to use for...respect or dignity, and the progression choices available are suitably graphic, messy, embarassing, stinky, and unpalatable.

Can’t help it.

I’m laughing too hard now.

With no regrets whatsoever,

The Dani Writer

Thanks so much for reading, and YAYS...now you get the free interactive option of guessing which parts (if any) of my story are 100% on point from my life without any feedback from me whatsoever.

Does privacy trump toilet paper?

Another question for another story.

Maybe...