The Lost Art of Listening

We must admit that our listening skills have deteriorated. Furthermore, this is not a sentimental tirade about "the good old days" when people really spoke to each other in person without getting sidetracked by their phones (well, maybe it is a little). But pay attention: if technology is enabling us to communicate more than ever before, it is also gradually undermining one of our most vital abilities: the capacity for attentive listening.

Let us take a closer look at how our obsession with technology is actually impairing our ability to connect with others on a deeper level before you get defensive and tell me that you are always listening (hey, I can hear you—sort of). It is not pretty, to be clear. But do not fear, we still have hope!

1. The Dreaded Notification: The Silent Killjoy of Your Listening Skills

Imagine yourself in the midst of a discussion, nodding along as though you are paying attention, maintaining eye contact, or at least attempting to. All of a sudden—ping. You get a notification on your phone. Just a fast look, is not it? However, your focus is lost, floating away like a balloon in the wind. Oh, there, an email promoting an online sale has just arrived, and now your mind is cluttered with whatever the current internet rubbish is. All of a sudden, you are unable to recall what was just spoken.

This is the unfortunate destiny of the contemporary listener. It is nearly impossible to be totally present in this day and age of incessant notifications. Furthermore, although technology was designed to keep us linked, it is actually a master of distraction, stealing our attention and impairing our capacity for attentive listening. My friend, if you are reading this and thinking, "Oh, I can multitask," you are most likely deluding yourself. According to research, multitasking is not as effective as we may believe, particularly when you are monitoring your Twitter account and attempting to process someone is emotions at the same time.

The fix? Put your phone on Do Not Disturb (or go old school and actually turn it off). Your friends and colleagues will thank you for it—and you might actually hear what they’re saying.

2. Skim Reading: Listening in the Digital Age

Have you ever read a text and quickly replied, "LOL," even if you had no idea what the sender was talking about? That is the technique of skim-reading, the reverse of thorough listening, my buddy. The majority of us have become expert skimmers in the age of social media posts, emails, and texts. Though you do not understand the true meaning, you get the spirit of the message.

We scan things for the essential aspects rather than reading them carefully or listening intently; in other words, we are like the person at the buffet who only eats the appetizers and does not bother to enjoy any of the main courses. We are actually so good at this that it comes naturally to us. The issue is that you fail to see the subtleties, the depth of emotion, and—above all—the connection.

So, next time you’re reading a message from someone you care about, slow down. Put the rush aside and actually absorb the whole thing. Your relationships will thank you. Plus, you won’t find yourself apologizing for responding with a “Yes, I totally understand!” when you’ve actually just skimmed through the text like it was a Buzzfeed quiz.

3. Video Calls: Your Worst Enemy and Best Friend Is the "Mute" Button

Glorious video call, ah. Like the office conference in the current era, but with the ability to remain in your pajamas and still appear to be "working." Video calls are undoubtedly preferable to nothing, but let us be honest for a moment. Have you ever participated in a Zoom call when people were talking over one another? Even worse is when someone stops talking in the middle of a sentence, leaving you to wonder if they just said something very important or if they were just rolling their eyes when the Wi-Fi cheated on them.

Video calls have a reputation for diverting our attention from the topic of discussion. When someone is speaking, we are preoccupied with our own appearance (do not lie, you have changed your hair in the middle of a meeting), and we have the enticing impulse to check our emails or browse through our phones.

In person, you would be completely focused, taking in every nuance, including body language, subtle clues, and the way someone is eyes light up when they discuss something they are passionate about. Online, though? I wish you luck in identifying such little cues.

Want to be a better listener? Ditch the distractions—close your email, stop adjusting your virtual background, and give your attention fully to the conversation. Your co-workers (and Wi-Fi) will appreciate it.

4. Social Media: Where We Listen to Ourselves Talk (and Not Much Else)

Well, social media is a place where everyone has an opinion (and an opinion on your opinion), and it is often more important to voice your own than to hear others'. We have all fallen into the pattern of scrolling, liking, and commenting on posts that validate us, and let us face it, who does not love a good affirmation from a random internet stranger? The worst part is that social media does not exactly encourage true listening; rather, it creates an echo chamber where we only hear things that support our opinions. It is not a conversation; it is a fight of egos. Have you ever been debating anything on Facebook with a friend only to discover that they have already stopped listening and that you are merely trying to outdo each other with memes?

We must cut back on our talking if we want to improve our listening skills. Instead of responding, we must listen in order to comprehend. This entails actively listening to someone is viewpoint rather than only perusing a comment section for amusement. Gaining this talent is challenging, particularly when every post is vying for your attention, but it is worthwhile. Spend a moment listening to someone else's perspective the next time you are online. Perhaps you will discover something new.

5. The Instant Response Dilemma: Reacting versus Listening

We have been taught to react quickly in the digital age. We communicate like we are on a fast-food plan: you ask a question, and I respond. Although it is effective, it is also ineffective. The goal of true listening is to pause, take in what the other person is saying, and then thoughtfully react. It is not about jumping to a conclusion.

However, technology promotes the reverse. Everybody has been guilty of responding without even giving what was said any thought. We frequently overlook the underlying feelings or reasons behind a conversation because of this quick response. We are just considering how to respond, without really listening to the other person. So, next time someone shares something with you, try hitting the pause button before firing off a response. Listen—and then speak.

Regaining the Skill of Listening: It is Still Possible

What can we do, then, to combat this epidemic of digital listening? The answer is straightforward: back off. Put your phone away. Shut down your laptop. Be present in the moment, both intellectually and physically. Talk about it as if it were your full-time job because, in all honesty, it may be the finest job you have.

Your relationships, both personal and professional, will drastically improve if you be present, listen intently, and avoid the temptation to respond right away. Additionally, it will be your first time experiencing what it is like to interact with someone outside of a screen, which is really amazing in this day and age.

Therefore, let us lay down our phones, end tabs, and revive the lost skill of listening. It is time for us to listen in order to comprehend rather than merely react. It is worth the effort, I promise.