The Homebody Knows

Everyday seemed like a long day. Uninterested in being seen by the neighbors, she’d park behind the house and enter through the back gate, lifting it slightly to lock it shut behind her. A once lively garden rests abandoned in the back yard as she walked through, up tattered wooden steps and through a stained glass door.

Her home was like a museum. Though dark and quiet, the walls told bright stories of travel and exploration. Placed in no particular, yet peculiar order, figurines, photos, vases and more found their place amongst other oddities from around the world.

And after this very long day, like most days, she silently walked up 4 sets of stairs to the very top floor, each foot avoiding unleveled steps as to bypass the creaks she’d grown to know just as well as herself. But only in more recent years, had she started to forget who she was.

Not dementia or the like, but heartbreak weighed, with her finding serenity in seclusion, safeguarding what little of herself she had left. Suddenly, as her weather app predicted at 80% that day, it began to rain again. She stared into the cloaked sunset, trimming the yellow roses she’d just purchased before sitting them on the window sill. Her favorite: yellow roses on a rainy day.

She lit a candle, poured a glass of Argentinian Malbec, turned on the space heater, and began to disrobe. After just 3 sips, she pulled her hair into a high-bun, and sat in a hot shower… too tired to stand. Rinsing off the day, she sat thinking about the future. Not tomorrow, or the day after, but the distant future and how her actions of the day would help shape the days to come.

Leaving behind a steaming bathroom, she air dried as she swept from room to room, pacing the floor with ideas, periodically glancing out a different window overlooking the city and the tops of other homes around her. The old brick home had sat there for years amongst a developing downtown, awaiting the perfect time to eventually create picturesque views.

“That’s it!” she said to herself. “No more small time mobile apps. I need to create a platform. One that helps others live like people from blue zones! Live better!”

She threw on an old stretched purple tee-shirt, and with her shoulder peeking out, reached into the back of her third drawer for a little black notebook.

“Yes! This platform will create so much positive impact. And I... well, I could be anonymous,” she suggested to herself with a light chuckle. And with a deep sigh, she took a long stare out the window. “Or, maybe one day I won’t be alone, and won’t mind allowing the world in again.”

Taking a few more sips of wine, she rummaged around her desk for a pen. After flipping through pages of lists - some fully accomplished, and some incomplete, sketches, random poems, absurd thoughts, plans and goals, she found a blank space and began to hurl everything in her mind onto the page.

Then she closed her eyes and shut off her mind. She felt with her heart. And everything went quiet, even the ambient sounds of the city around her muffled away. She went inside. Deep in herself, and into her first home. The home before the one that shielded her from the outside world. Exploring herself in all its possibilities, she sat silent and still.

In the dark of the New Moon, she dove into the needs of the world, the balance that could unfold, and pushed for something far beyond her current self.

“Blue Zones are interesting. But what if… there were Blue Values that correlated with the things that make up a Blue Zone but also included things that just make the world thrive. Like..”

She realized she was talking to herself, like always, and began to let her thoughts build within, silently writing now instead. Her mind on a journey: “There could be an embedded map where users can see data points of how others are living in different areas. Oh, and maybe even dual digital citizenship to a virtual world where everyone lives as sustainably as possible,” her muted thoughts continued.

Just then she felt a hint of loneliness wash over her like a wave under a Full Moon. But just as fast as it came, it went. And she once again found herself entrenched in her little black notebook, falling into each word pulling at her harbored thoughts, ruminating.

Finishing the last drop of wine, she looked into the night sky and mumbled, “thank you.” She snuggled deep into a king size bed, drowning in blankets that made her feel unquestionably more secure than when she walks around all day. Tucking the notebook under her pillow, she stared at the ceiling before drifting off to sleep, uttering one more time, “thank you.”

While she was known for having an immense amount of gratitude, whether she was thanking the mail woman for all her hard work, or the baker for his creative spin on an average recipe, she always found time to thank her higher self and the all encompassing energy around her. She made a point of going home everyday, after she got home. It was there, in that space between her subconscious and her presence in an unknown dimension of reality that made her feel whole, when the world and those closest to her, had let her down. She knew that if she continued to harness the energy from within, she could change the outcome of the experiences around her. Thus, in the times that she remained free of distractions, she connected with her thoughts and emotions, probing her potential for outcomes that could unfold into incredible forms of balance for not just her, but humanity as a whole.

One might find it ironic that the homebody, alone in her room, would spend countless hours searching for ways to help people she never sought to engage in-person. But here, under a leaky roof, behind windows that shook during storms, and a house that creaked, her will extended to those she knew she’d never get to meet. And for her, that was quite alright. The goal wasn’t praise, or mounds of money, but instead an ease to thoughts, and a lightness to her heart upon resting at night. A knowing that through her aloofness, she could utilize her time and energy to change the world. So, in her little black notebook, she kept all of these intentions scribbled from the intangible realm for her eyes and heart to hold close enough to make real.

She fell asleep.

Just after dawn, she awoke to a squirrel staring at her from the window. “And good day to you. Must be hungry, aye?” Stammering towards her desk, she reached into the drawer and pulled out a bag of mixed nuts, carefully pouring some onto the ledge. Realizing she’d not even eaten the night before, she motioned for a good breakfast to be her first order of business.

Shuffling to the kitchen, she stumbled onto a nail slightly risen above the floor panel it should have been securing. “Gahhhh! Ughhhh! Okay… phewww! Alright. Let me just…” she shouted as she hopped over to the bathroom. While washing her bloody toe, she caught herself staring into the mirror, noticing something odd about the wall behind the toilet. While the rest of the bathroom was drywall, this wall was obviously concrete, and there was a small awkward hole near the floor behind the toilet. “Hmmm.” Her mind began to race a bit, given she knew every crook and cranny of that house, but somehow missed this strange hole behind the toilet.

She was one to create an adventure out of anything.

Her thoughts still percolating with questions, she crouched down and examined the hole further. “Huh?” She leaned back and got comfortable. Her phone rang from the other room.

“Hey, are you available to talk real quick?”

“Sure, I just…”

“Great,” said a voice on the other end, cutting her off as if their question was rhetorical. “So we lost the contract. Well, another company bid on it too, and they chose to go with them instead. I guess what they were charging for development was a better deal.” They sighed. “Unfortunately, times have just been difficult for everyone lately. I really don’t know what to say. I know you needed the money. Hell, I needed the money. Anyway, I guess I’ll call you if something big comes in. Now, I know this is a bit unexpected, and you were banking on that, but there’s not much I can do.”

“Well, what about…”

“And you’ve done great work on this current project. Unfortunately…”

“Unfortunately, what?!” She became frustrated with all the bad news given through such a careless tone.

“Wellllllllll… we had to rework the budget and we just can’t afford to pay you anymore. We found a few interns that could take the rest of the project on for class credit, so…”

“So I’m no longer on the project! Thanks!” She didn’t really mean to appreciate the bad news, but she felt herself getting worked up and wanted to end the call just as abruptly as it’d begun. “Look, I gotta go. But thanks for letting me know. I, uhh… wish you the best. Just call me if something changes I guess.”

“Will do. And again, I’m really sorry. I mean honestly, it’s out of my hands. I just…”

“Hey!” She interrupted this time. “It’s fine. I understand. Just call me if anything changes.”

Perched on a nightstand by the window, she took a moment to breath and go within. She inhaled deeply, chest rising to the occasion. Exhaled slowly. Going within. Going home, and finding herself once more. “Okay, everything is fine. This is not the end of the world. Something great will come to me. I am deserving. I am hardworking. I am… ughhh this isn’t fair!” She started calmly, yet growing in angst of what could be next.

Sitting on the bathroom floor, she let the world’s troubles fade as she busied herself with a new temporary focus. This awkward hole behind the toilet.

Grabbing a hammer and screwdriver as her tools of choice, she began to pick, pull and pry at the hole wondering if it was the culprit for the bathroom draft, or if a mysterious message in a bottle was stored behind it, waiting for her to find.

There she sat with a small pile of rubble and a small black box, dusty and with the words “Pour Toi” inscribed in gold lettering on top.

She knew there was something to the hole, but had no clue exactly what.

Closing her eyes, with a deep breath going home, in herself, once more… she opened the box. With a shriek of excitement, her hands trembled and her mouth grew dry. She sat back and got comfortable again.

As if the timing of the universe couldn’t have been better, this was definitely for her. Money of an unknown amount, old bills, lay neatly stacked inside with a small note that read. “I wanted to take a trip to France but got sick, so instead placed this here hoping it’d bring you an experience of sorts some day in the future. I’m not one to stash money but, I just don’t trust those big banks. Enjoy this for me, and don’t squander a single penny. You are deserving.”

Now sprawled out on the floor in the center of the main room, she counted each dollar. Twice.

“$20,000 exactly. No more small time mobile apps. Now is the time! I will take these next few months to build the future of thriving together.” Realizing she was talking to herself again, she lay on her back, stared at the ceiling stained from leaking, closed her eyes, went inside, and repeated, “thank you, thank you, thank you!”