Strip Dancing as a Calling?

Have you ever been to the ballet? Have you ever seen the Rockettes on Broadway? Have you ever seen the Flamenco Dancers on stage at the Columbia Restaurant in Ybor City? Have you ever seen the Chippendales Male Review? Have you ever been to a strip club? I can answer yes to all of the questions above. I have been watching dancers entertain the masses since I was a child and I'm still in awe of what they do even as I've survived to see my 53rd birthday.

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a piano player, not a dancer. I wrote songs and I wanted an instrument to help me put the music to them. My mother was an excellent dancer, though that was not her career unless you count her teaching ballroom dances (part time) at Arthur Miller studios. She put me in dance classes, beginner level ballet and tap. She made fun of me - said I was the ugly duckling of the bunch. Said I had no balance and would never be graceful like a swan. I shrugged and thought to myself 'who cares? who wants two dancers in the family anyway?' and I kept on writing song lyrics. I never did become a piano player. My hands were too small for the traditional piano keyboard and I gave up quickly. I kept on writing song lyrics hoping to meet a piano player who needed a lyricist. It never happened so I went to college to become an English teacher. Those who can't, teach right? Well, come to find out, I can't teach either.

So after figuring out that I dislike teaching, and after figuring out that I can't stand and flip burgers all day because I have arthritic knees, I've been trying to figure out what's left for me to do or be. Can I dance? I've always gotten jiggy with it at the dance clubs and in my younger days I could bust a move all night if the music was jamming. It's been over twenty years since I used to run with the clubbers.

Those who have read my personal journals are already aware that I am on Social Security Disability benefits. I've been unemployed since 2017 and my monthly "check" is about 500 dollars less per month than what a full-time minimum wage worker earns. I'm constantly running out of money and having to go to Amscot for a "payday" loan to get through the rest of the month. Not quite the life I dreamt about as a child, a teen, or a young adult. Not at all the life I worked for while I was studying for my Bachelor's degree at U.S.F. or even while I was flipping burgers for mininum wage.

But things have happened. Personal events, some that were somewhat traumatizing and caused P.T.S.D symptoms and a long term case of Bipolar Disorder, and aging - it's been 23 years since I was first diagnosed with mental illness. In those 23 years my dancing has changed some. I can't bust a move exactly like I used to. I can't boogie all night on the dance floor. I'm lucky to get through one song if I pace myself and don't overdo it. Besides my weak knees suffering from worn out cartilage and osteoporosis, I simply lack the cardio-functionality to dance more than one song.

I could get back to a healthier state. I could cut down on smoking and do cardio workouts. I could increase my muscle tone and that would probably help reduce my knee pain. Sitting in front of the computer all day every day isn't helping. I just walk from the desk to the fridge to look for something sweet to eat. I just smoke another pack of cigarettes so that I don't get any fatter than I already am. I need to drop at least 20 pounds to be considered out of the clinical obesity terminology. While I might love myself standing at 5 foot 4 and weighing 180 pounds, the doctors say I need to lose weight. I'm not going to lose weight sitting at home or even taking another desk job. So what's the answer?

I went recently to a local club. I watched one of the seasoned dancers who was dressed like a professional pole dancer and demonstrated all the standard moves. She was a classic and I gave her a tip from my poverty stricken purse. She earned it. She deserved it. Sadly, the club was somewhat dead and I think my friend and I were the only ones to tip her that evening. I guess making a lot of money isn't always the case on any given night at the strip club for a stripper. Their salary is probably like the weather, unpredictable. It's all tips, and one never really knows when lightning is going to strike.

I'm not thinking about becoming a stripper because I think I'll get rich. I didn't get into a teaching career for the money either. It surprises most people when I talk like this because people who really get to know me, understand that money is important to me. Yet when I choose a career, it's for the intrinsic rewards more so than the money. Don't get me wrong, I want to get paid. I plan on working hard and being earnest; but I want to strip because it would be fun and good for my health. That's even more important than a fat paycheck. I still love dancing, and I'm pretty good at it now. The ugly duckling may not be the most beautiful and graceful swan in the lake, but I know how to fly and swim to the music.

The manager there has approved of me. He says I can start as soon as I'm ready. I need the proper dance shoes and the proper costumes of course and I can't afford to get them yet. I'm still working on that part. Now some people may think I'm crazy for choosing to be a stripper after my teaching career, and that's okay if they do. After all, I've been unemployed since 2017 because the shrinks have already stated that I have a mental illness.

I think stripping might just be my calling. I will meet all kinds of new and interesting people. I might be just what they need to be inspired with new ideas, and new dance moves, and new ways about thinking about life and life choices. Maybe it's a win/win situation. Maybe I'll have fun, get in shape, influence others to never give up no matter what age they are or what pain they've endured, and maybe I'll even make some money to add to my pathetic monthly disability check. Maybe? The way I see it, What have I got to lose?