Stepping Down From My High Horse

I am writing this letter to officially announce that today (May 29, 2025) I am stepping down from my lofty position atop my high horse. Effective immediately I will no longer be gazing down upon you, the unwashed masses, in disgust, as I point out the many ways you have failed and fallen short along with the seemingly endless number of things which I do better than you.

I know how much you look up to me, how much you love and admire me, and how you view me as a source of knowledge and wisdom in matters both mundane and of the highest importance. For many of you I am the greatest person you have ever or will ever meet and I know you are thankful each day for the opportunity you have been given to listen and learn from me. Some of you have likened me to a God, but this is not accurate. Certainly, I have God-like powers and wisdom but to survive I need food to eat and water to drink exactly as all mortals do. Unlike most mortals, however, the food I eat is of the absolute highest quality both in terms of nutritional content and flavor profile and the water I drink is filtered through twelve layers of activated carbon, activated alumina, and silica before being passed through successive layers of filtration from 1 micron to 0.1 micron, then deionized, treated with ozone and UV and finally re-ionized to the exact level required to return its taste to pretreatment levels I can’t drink flavorless water. Yuck. There are probably at least a few other ways you and I are similar, but there are no doubt almost countless ways in which we are different. The biggest of those being that I am a successful and brilliant leader and innovator while you are one of the slovenly heard of mouth breathers I am forced to put up with daily as I go about my life.

I realize how saddened you will be to see me go, but with the help of senior management plans are in place to ensure there is no disruption to your ongoing lives, as sadness and regret filled, they may be. I need to be clear that just because I am moving on to bigger and better things, that does not mean you will be as well. In fact, as was the case from my first day on the job, you can expect your own lives to continue to worsen and diverge even more from mine, which will continue to be one of the greatest and most fulfilling of all people currently living on this planet or in the greater universe.

It has been obvious to me from my first day on the job on my high horse that I was your superior in all things, including things both physical and mental. In other words, not only am I the superior physical specimen; better looking, healthier, stronger, etc. I am also far superior in terms of intellect, emotional intelligence, and overall psychological resilience. Much of this can be attributed to genetics, with my genes coding for proteins of a particularly rare and robust variety, but environmental factors also played a role. I grew up in a perfect family under ideal conditions with parents and siblings that loved and adored me. I went to the best schools, had more supportive and fun-loving friends then I knew what to do with, and material wealth of a sort you could never imagine, etc. In contrast, you grew up in squalor, dropped out of school in the 9th grade, had no friends, and a mother who regretted getting pregnant with you and resented you for it your entire life, and an alcoholic, physically and mentally abusive father, who was eternally jealous of those few things you were good at, or at least better than him at. On those few occasions when good things did happen to you, your mother and/or father were always there to make sure to ruin it for you in whatever way was the most emotionally devastating for you at the time.

And so, in conclusion, today is my last day and who am I kidding? I can’t resign. You need me too badly for me to just quit on you out of the blue like this. Who will tell you what time you should be going to bed at night or waking up in the morning? Who will tell you what you should be reading and watching on your screens? I know that screen watching makes up the bulk of your daily activities. That and of course not exercising or eating right or taking care of yourself in general. Without me pointing out the error of your ways how will you know exactly how foolish everything is that you choose to do with your free time. Forget everything I said before this last paragraph. I take all that back. Get that stirrup back down here Jeeves, it’s time to mount up!

Sincerely,

Your better in all things

Me