Slow and Steady

This year has been nothing short of changes, confusion, challenging moments and experiences.

But, when all is said and done, I always have a choice to make.

I can choose to focus on the difficulties, and wince at them or I can choose to find a way to learn from them and embrace grace within.

It is always easier said, than done.

Time is of the essence,

Time heals all wounds,

Time is money,

Time is clearly many things.

One thing it's not, is permanent. Or linear.

Our time is, for a lack of better words, always ticking.

And it's true that what we do with our 24-hours is what sets us up for what were used to doing one, two, five years down the road.

We program ourselves without noticing.

Through everyday habits via our subconscious minds.

What we pay attention to, pays attention to us, in the grand scheme of things.

This doesn't go to say you should focus solely on how much time you have left and leave yourself in a heap of fear and anxiety of time, worrying if you are reaching your goals, or if you're doing enough towards them.

No.

It's simply a gentle reminder that, gratitude, the opposite energy of fear, is always a choice that we can choose to embrace within every second, minute, fleeting hour of everyday that we will never get back.

Some things happen to us out of our control, yes, that much is true.

As a control-freak/perfectionist myself, I'm slowly learning and maturing into realizing that embracing uncertainty, accepting it's shadowy, murky waters helps me to identify the gray-areas of life that often are what it is.

Very rarely is life totally vibrant and extravagant like the medias unconsciously influence us to believe it "should" be, it's like how our eyes somehow are always drawn to bright neon colors, as symbols of caution often times, too.

Almost like it's the Universe's paradoxical way of saying "I'm very pretty, but beware. For not everything is as it seems."

I don't care much if these ramblings make any coherent sense at all, I simply am in awe with how much I have overcome this year.

From losing a job in January, to falling in love in February, to experiencing life alone with a partner, to breaking up and experiencing trauma, to finding out I'm pregnant to rekindling and fighting pride, to setting boundaries with toxic family members, to becoming employed again, to meeting new people and perspectives, it's all been such a ride and through it all, I've always felt deep down inside. . . terribly alone.

It's a hard, deceiving feeling to shake, because after all these tribulations there have been dozens of friends, family, strangers who have reached out their arms and hearts to support me through some of my toughest moments, moments I will never take for granted, but just like time's desolating realization,

Its temporary permanence. . .

We, too, are always faced with the mortality that comes with being human.

It's almost like the entire journey is something of "learning how to be alone." By letting ourselves be completely loved and supported by others.