Self-belief Changed My Life

2013 was the year my life changed. At the start of the year, I was miserable. I felt dread going to work and was followed home by the same feeling. I was a product manager in a travel agency in London that specialised in ski & cruise holidays. There were parts of my job that I loved, but I was unfulfilled and couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life sitting in front of a computer staring at spreadsheets. In addition, my home life was quickly imploding. My boyfriend and I had stopped communicating and were falling out of love.

I made the decision to quit my job with no prospects on the horizon. For eighteen months, I'd supported my boyfriend while he did his masters, and I forgot all about me. So I decided that when my notice period was over, I wanted to have an experience that was all about me. As a big fan of David Attenborough, I remember watching one of his many shows and seeing something about turtles and conservation. So I got online and booked a nine-week trip to Malaysian Borneo. I would spend eight weeks living on a tropical island, learning to dive and re-build coral reefs. The plan was for me to go, and my boyfriend and I to spend time apart and see if there was anything to save when I got back.

Life doesn't always go exactly to plan. Three weeks before my 31st birthday, I broke up with my boyfriend and moved out of the house we rented, essentially making myself unemployed, homeless and single. The only thing that I knew would happen was I would go to Borneo. I won't go into Borneo because that's a different story altogether. The day before I was due to leave the island and travel for a week, my nana passed away. Broken doesn't begin to describe how I felt. I rang my ex, he'd been my go-to person for nearly three years and he knew how much my nana meant to me. Even though we were no longer together, he was there for my uncle and me during that time. For that, I will always love him. Again I digress. Arriving back in the UK, I headed North for her funeral. I had some decisions to make about my life, and her passing made me realise just how short life is.

Back in London, It was the end of July and I was still very much single, unemployed and homeless, with no idea what I was going to do with my life. I looked at jobs in travel, and my heart sank as I read the job specs. As a child, I loved TV & Film and wanted to be an actor. That dream did change. One day while scrolling job sites a little voice in my head started saying, be a runner. For those of you that don't know, a runner in TV & film is basically the person who starts at the bottom and makes tea and runs errands. That voice would not stop, I had no choice but to listen to my intuition. My friend told me about a Facebook group and a website that might help me find work.

As soon as that idea was in my head, I knew it would happen. I had no idea how, but I knew I wanted it. So, while sofa-surfing my way around London, I started applying for any job as a runner that I saw. Most never responded, and those that did said I didn't have any experience. So I went on the website my friend recommended and asked someone if I could come and work for them for a few days for free. They said yes. My first ever time on set was watching a car explode in the middle of the night in the pouring rain. From that night on, I knew I was hooked.

I updated my CV & cover letter to reflect my new experience. I still wasn't having much luck, but I knew I wanted it. My old boss knew I was looking for work in TV & Film. He told me how hard it would be to break into the industry. He wasn't the first, and he wouldn't be the last. That day, he offered me my old job back. He said I could do it for the winter season if I wanted, so I had some money coming in while I was looking for film work.

I emailed him back, thanking him for the offer but turning it down. At this point, I had been back in London for three weeks, was sending emails out every day applying for jobs. I was slowly going through my savings and had no idea where more money would come from, it was a risk turning down the job and the security it offered. Nevertheless, my intuition told me to do it. So I listened.

A week later, a job came up again that I'd already applied for, and been told I didn't have enough experience for. But, a different person was asking for applications. So I sent in my updated CV & cover letter. It turns out she loved my cover letter. So, I went for an interview, and the next day I was on a train heading to a hotel in Gloucester where I was being put up for a month while we filmed a reality show. That was the end of August 2013.

I have never been more grateful that I not only listened to my intuition but ignored everyone that told me I wouldn't be able to do it. Eight years later, I live and work in New Zealand and have worked my way up in the industry to be an Assistant Director (Think project management team). I've worked with some big names, on some well-known TV Dramas & Films. As well as being good at what I do, I love every minute of it. Now I have a new dream, I want to not only publish the debut novel that I have just finished. I want to turn it into a movie. Just as I knew I could do it in 2013, I know I can make this dream a reality as well. I have no idea how, but I do know it will happen.

I have learned to trust my intuition implicitly, my mind and fears may steer me wrong, but my inner knowing never has.