Scared To Make a Step

We have all been there. You and me and my brother and my mom.

The first time I stepped into a club it became my second home. I loved every sound of it, every stripper cage it had (Russian clubs get wild), so my first thought when thinking about my own business in America was to own a mind blowing club with a great theme of which would attract the same type of club lovers I was and would flood my pocket with money and my soul with satisfaction.

Guess what happens in the next few months? I meet an older man. Great hair, very confident, and somehow after buying me a drink, he asks me what my plans are for the future. Woohoo! You want to know??? Here it comes... and I tell him everything that's bothering my exhausted mind. He says "sounds good." Then he asks me to write a financial plan for that amazing club and so far he is offering me $200,000 and then more depending on my plan. He gives me a deadline and his phone number and leaves.

That cruel guy had no idea what he did. That mean malicious man just grabbed my foggy and sweet dream with his rough sand paper man hands and made it look real. He shaped the edges of that dream and it started to shine with sharp colors blinding me. Like when you don't see well and the doctor gives you the prescription glasses and you are about to cry because you become jealous of all these people around you who could see all these colors and shapes all this time but they never told you about it.

I got scared. I never called that man though he called me twice with a long break between those 2 calls. I got scared. I pushed my dream away like I never loved it like I didn't cherish it in my mind for so many years. I thought I was too silly to start something like that, too self-conscious to be the leader of this huge activity, too scared to dive into an unknown world of business.

But there was nobody to push me through it, nobody to tell me "you can do it." Nobody to guide me. Wait... why did I need anyone to push me to make a step? Why couldn't I find all the sources inside me to change my life and do what I loved? Because I wasn't ready yet. Every person gets ready at their own pace. Some are born ready, some learn it after they realize that they are capable of anything they think of, and others never do.

I'm a very interesting woman now. I'm so likable and confident because I started shaping my world with my own soft warm hands. All I need is myself. My mom told me once that I wouldn't be able to find a better job than I had. I grinned and...

That's another story...