Per Aspera ad Astrata

Life will be as dark as the midnight hour for you, but don't you give up.

You make it through, and the strength alone at 32 makes everything worth it

I stand here before you with a voice for survivors and it's only through the darkness in which I found it.

I stand here with zero regrets and zero things I would change.

You learn to forgive your mom for her absence, abuse, addictions, and death because through that... it made you close to your siblings. Your twelfth birthday was blessed by a baby sister, and she is now your bestfriend. She alone stands with you through your worst.

You will love and lose, and it's the second love that will break you piece by piece until there's nothing left, but through those ashes...you rise like never before. Love them anyway because even though they didn't love you, they still needed your pure love at the time. You will beg for your heart to turn to stone and for a while it will, but that's okay too. You learn to set healthy boundaries. You learn forgiveness and patience. You find your passion for art and creativity again. You dance in the kitchen while cooking. You will write some of the best pieces ever because of this heartache.

The friends you thought would always have your back, don't. There's two that have stuck by your side and know just about everything. They stay through your silence. Through your tears. Through your heartache and bickering, but they're your lifers. You will know them when you meet them. You find your tribe and you will learn what healthy love is.

There's times you will cry when you feel so alone and think there's nomore tears... That's okay, cry anyway. You will get back up. You will be better for it!

Your character and integrity will be challenged A LOT, and that's okay too because you hold your own. You do stick to your morals even when it takes everything from you.

You will battle with your own addictions, but I stand before you triumphant. It's okay too because now you're present and healthy. You will use it to understand the demons that your mom battled.

You will be too skinny for some, too quiet, too big, and too boring... Don't let it get to you because today, I am loud and speak my mind. Today I have a healthy weight through work that I am proud of. Depression will be passed on to you and since the fire, you will have developed PTSD. Anxiety comes and your second love brings you CPTSD. The dark will consume you, but you do grow, and you grasp the light. Your mental health leads you to school for Psychology and you work in the library of a school. Those kids are the ones to inspire you. You will raise money to help at risk kids because of this darkness.

You will do things out of character for the sake of love, but you find balance enough to walk away and stop contact. You will leave with your children, your clothes, heartbroken and scared to death, but that is the moment your life changes. You will realize divorce is okay and it's okay to ask for help.

People will lie, cheat, and steal from you. Hurt you and take advantage of you, but they never break you or turn you cold. It will make you love more and appreciate life without them. It makes you better and you finally forgive yourself when you realize your good heart is a strength and not a weakness.

I know you're mad at the world right now, but give yourself a break and give your stepmom some leeway. She went from being single without kids to four kids in an instant. Right now you don't think she loves you, but she quite literally goes to war with you and for you. She's the one there when you birth your daughters and she's there to catch you when you fall. You will figure it out, but remember that she is learning just as you are.

You picked up your faith the night of the fire, and you continue to use it as a life preserver. That never changes. Be kind to yourself and don't give up because a great life that you love doesn't start until you are thirty.

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