Passing Ships

I never knew to sail on stormy waters. I ran away from the moment the wind blew a little more robust and hid under the bed covers.

That was until I met you, my protective angel here on earth. You were coming from another world, dressed in white clothes with long hair. You were there, my personal Jesus in a mortal body.

You weren’t aware of my presence, yet yours overwhelmed me. A little girl from a foreign country, lost in a crowd, is not a noticeable presence; therefore I didn’t blame you. I just got drunk with your smile and hoped for a better world.

I just knew that my life would change from that day on. You gave me strength and a reason to live. It helped me through my childhood. My teen years were almost bearable. But years later, I lost all I had. I lost hope, love, and my family. And I forgot about you. You stopped being in my head as life kept happening. My bet was now on unhappiness. I knew that I couldn’t hope for more, so I distanced myself from having dreams, desires, or wishes. I became an adult with a boring and decorated life in an empty world. I became like my parents, working to live, and living to work. My days passed one after another, so similar that I couldn't distinguish them.
I couldn't find the purpose of my life and I decided that it doesn't have one. I began dreaming of the day when all will have an end. A happy or a sad one? Nobody knew that. Stuck, day after day, feeling like a Sisyphus nowadays. Dead inside but still troubled outside.

I began to pray, looking desperately for an answer. And there in the church, crying to Jesus, I remembered you. My first love. My savior. The man I’ve been dreaming all my life. I finally had a purpose, I needed to find you again. I started looking in the papers for my rocking angel, needing a sign from above.
My sign was there. Here you were, smiling, on the front page. And I knew we’ll meet again. I prepared every move, like there was a force pushing me to do every right thing. I didn’t know what would happen, yet I felt that there would be the right thing. I knew that this time our encounter will be mutual. I knew you’ll love me, even for a moment.

And you did. You stopped from moving in that crowd of admirers and looked at me. You couldn’t stop staring, as if you remembered me from our first meeting, thirty years ago. Your eyes had all the love in the world. And I knew you still were my miracle that will help me get through my long dark night of the soul.

You needed to meet me and I was longing to meet you. There we were, in awe to each other, knowing that this is what we have left. There were a few minutes of awkward silence, each of us trying to hide the obvious love we carried so much like a burden. In the end I cried, overwhelmed by your presence, being held tight in your protective arms. I knew that was the end of physical us, still our souls will never apart.

I am now here only because of you. Your unleashing creativity made me become a better person. Your understanding of my being made me become a writer. Your encouragement made me love myself, after a loveless life. I write these words for you and because of you, my stranger and yet my so familiar part of my soul.