Narcissistic Abuse is an Addiction

I’m 19 years sober from alcohol.

But only two months free from four years of narcissistic abuse.

And the truth I’ve had to face is this:

Going back would be just as insane as picking up a drink.

Let me explain.

Abuse is rooted in Addiction

When you go back to someone you know is toxic, that’s not love.

That’s compulsion.

That’s trauma-bonded, dopamine-starved withdrawal.

What’s working for me right now is viewing the relationship like an addiction.

Because the cycle of highs and lows – the idealization, devaluation, discard – is chemical.

And just like with substances, your body gets wired for the chaos.

They abuse you – ABNORMALLY USE you.

You get pulled into their addiction cycle.

Love bombing? That’s the abuser administering themselves to you like a drug. A drug they feed you plentifully in the beginning- a drug they eventually withhold to control you.

This person seems like everything you’ve ever dreamt of, they manipulate you to trust them and to lower your guard.

Before you know it, your nervous system is craving the hit – even if that hit is pain.

In order to heal:

You need to do what the narcissist never will:

Take accountability.

Be radically honest.

Self-reflect.

Love yourself.

Do the inner work.

You Have to Stay “Sober” from Them

Like recovery from drugs, this requires vigilance.

• You must be 100% convinced they will never change.

• You must be 100% committed to your own healing journey.

• You must be willing to face the terrifying truth:

Something inside you is more scared of the unknown than going back to someone who almost destroyed you.

That’s where the spiritual work begins.

Because at the root of this is not just trauma –

It’s a lack of power.

A need to develop faith.

A surrender to something greater than you.

Your spirit got you out.

That means something.

That means you have value.

This Is a Spiritual Path

If you don’t do the inner work, you might avoid that narcissist but attract another one with a new face.

They damage your perception, self-esteem, nervous system, hormones, and intuition.

Narcissistic abuse is more than emotional.

It’s energetic. It’s spiritual.

It distorts your very sense of reality.

You’re not just healing from them.

You’re reclaiming your soul.

Don’t Go Back to “Do More Research”

In sobriety, we say people go back to drinking or drugs “to do more research.”

Some never return.

This kind of relationship is life-threatening.

Don’t minimize what you’ve been through.

Don’t minimize the spiritual depravity of someone who can consciously use, twist, and discard a human being.

Yes, they need healing too.

But that’s no longer your concern.

Your only job now is to stop using them as a distraction from your true calling.

Because here’s the hardest truth:

We hurt others when we don’t heal ourselves.

You Are Allowed to Dream Big

Now is the time to:

• Purge their energy from your body

• Rewire your nervous system

• Rebuild your perception

• Return to your highest vision of love

Your life has value.

Your light is holy.

Protect it fiercely.

⸻

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