My Emotionally Abusive Boss

I had a horrible boss when I was 16. It seems like a silly thing to bring up. Most people do at some point in their lives have a terrible boss. That’s why shows like the office have become a worldwide phenomenon. In conversations over office coffee, I have told my co-workers and bosses since about my "crazy first boss" stories because I thought to a degree this type of thing was normal and everyone would have similar stories. I have/had incredibly loving parents and maybe because I had such amazing parents I never wanted to share my story because it “wasn’t that bad”. However just because I don't have an incredibly tragic childhood doesn't mean that this boss didn't affect my psyche. Today I am breaking my silence to tell a part of my story.

I could write you a book of emotional abuse boss stories however, for the sake of this article I will shorten it to 2.

When I was 16 they told me I wasn’t strong enough to be a lifeguard. Looking back this was hilarious. I was swimming 1 ⅕ miles a day and had been training for the last 6 months. I was a strong swimmer and I dare say an athlete. I am however a Type 1 Diabetic and I had asked for a break to take my blood sugar before a lifeguard test, so this person decided to use that as a way to say I was weak. (I had also passed my lifeguard certification at the time.) (Funny story I never saw them swim once in 5 years.) For years I received countless “diabetes jokes” from them and forced to laugh along like it was a game. They also accused me of stealing a swim lesson manual that had been gifted to me by someone else and tried to fire me on the spot. This was incredibly humiliating. They did this in front of my coworkers and friends. I grew up poor and decided at a young age I would never lower myself to steal. You could say many things. To this day I write my name boldly on every manual I purchase and keep every receipt. I get incredibly nervous telling employers I have diabetes even though no one has ever seemed to care.

In my early 20s, I said this person made me a better leader because I learned how to "not be a bad boss" from them. I told myself I made good friends because of our "trauma bond" from work. In my mid-20s I became closer to this person and my heart ached for them. They had also been hurt in many of the same ways I had been. I forgave them for whatever harm they had caused even though they never asked for it. (Forgiveness is only for yourself is a hard lesson to learn.) Now in my late 20s. I have come to the realization this was not "okay" and their "hurt" didn't mean they should have hurt me. 10 years since this person was in my daily life and I can say this person didn’t make me a stronger leader, this person didn’t teach me anything. I didn't need this portion of sorrow in my life to become what I am today. Those friends I made because of trauma I would have been friends with anyway.

You don't need a sad story to become something great. While in my heart they are forgiven I can say with certainty this abuse should have never taken place. I was strong, beautiful, and smart and I am strong, beautiful, and smart. If you are experiencing emotional abuse in the workplace SPEAK UP. You never deserve to be treated without respect even if you are young.