Memories: 6 October 2025

6 October 2025

1 am I have struggled to fall asleep for 2 hours. Fuck this! I might as well get up and do something. Waste of time lying in bed. My brain is over-stimulated.

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Busy Monday: I cleaned the birdcages, then cleaned the fish pond filter, then pruned some more of the dragonfruit, filled the garden bin, put it out for collection. Then did my YouTube channel reading of the Silmarillion (chapter 21). Three hours and 19 minutes long!

Now utterly exhausted but contented with my efforts.

6 October 2022

I woke up with trauma memories this morning. The terrible nursing when I had my hysterectomy, bladder repair. I thought ’what the fuck? Why think about that as your very first thoughts this morning?’

Then I remembered it’s almost the 15th anniversary (on 30th October 2007!) of that event so my subconscious and my body is keeping the score, albeit a few weeks early.

I am nervous as hell as I have my second market stall on Sunday. As always I fear failure even as much as I fear success. So my brain does these weird trauma backflips like a gymnast on a rebound bar or a flying trapeze artist strutting her stuff on a high wire, hanging languorously by a thread.

I must remember that Grandmother Spider, queen of Creativity, beauty and abundance has started me on this journey some years back because I requested the gods for assistance and now it is manifesting beautifully…I need only trust in the magick and my own hard work and innate abilities.

I worked the past two days on making skull earrings for hallowe’en. I don’t know if they will sell but they are now transmuted and look lovely so I am content with my efforts. Although today I am utterly exhausted.

I will need to rest and build up some reservoirs of physical and psychic energies for my day out at the markets. Hopefully there won’t be any more weird toxic people, like that man with his son last month.

At any rate I am proud of myself for trying to function in ordinary reality by at least attempting to sell my creations. My psychiatrist told me yesterday he is proud of me too. For being unmedicated these past 6 years (and 4 months!), for my strength and determination to fully engage with life again, for my “trying”.

He asked if I had heard from Dave? I replied I had not spoken to him for over a year now. Hopefully that love bond is broken…but I know what usually happens when my psychiatrist asks about him…like a Beacon or a siren song that has slipped third base, Dave usually appears, as though out of nowhere.

My psych has this weird gift of intuition that is very on point! But then so do I! Our Jungian connection is rarely wrong! So I bet you, I run into that one somewhere.

Last time I saw him it was dark and I was driving my car to the casino, and I spotted him standing at the lights at Coorpooroo intersection, next to his bicycle with a pale blue bike helmet, just staring at me. But when he saw I had seen him, he quickly turned his head, hoping I had not noticed.

Foolish man! The Tanya notices many things. Many things in a micro second that she often deliberately chooses to ignore. Like feckless lying game playing trickster men!

But… something has shifted in my core. I am different now. I am ready to allow truest deepest love. I am ready to be a business woman again. An artist, a writer, a revolutionary, and a lover!

In the right time ordained by the gods as I cannot allow any more abusers or fuck ups. In perfect alignment with my holiest ones who have my back and have kept my heart pristine and protected me these past 8 years or so.

They want me to kick off the training wheels but will I ever be ready to trust in a human male sexual partner ever ever ever again?!

I have taken abysmal vainglorious leaps of faith before, and the hard cold embittered landings were…calamitous!

But like Calamity Jane I weaponised my feminine mystique; not with guns and a shoot out; but with words and dancing until I dropped, and wild tempestuous energy vortices of deeply impassioned war cries.

The old unrequited lusts fell away…and what was I left with? A longing but also a wry humour.

There are bigger Loves in my life now. Much bigger and much wiser than I! Ancient ones who guard my mind body and spirit.

So the next time Dave cycles by….we shall watch in bemusement. Real love of The Tanya is …unforgettable.

6 October 2021

Do you remember when Zombie apocalypse movies were the stuff of fantastical surrealistic nightmares and sci fi?…. And now it’s not!

I used to almost rock my own head off my own shoulders to that song while dancing at the Livewire bar and other clubs.

I thought I was showing solidarity with freedom fighters everywhere but now I realise…I was intuiting the evil bullshit that is still spreading like effluent.

Time to paint my face blue and go to “war”!

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First thought upon awaking today!

“Beautiful things are coming to you!”

Still sleep-addled but ever The Doubtful Tanya… I replied sardonically “Really? I only want One Beautiful Thing… my truest deepest love!” They replied equally sardonically 😕 “Really!”

Then I just saw Tom Sheridan’s video about Israel finally seeing the light in this Covid evil darkness and responding to the Dr Mengele-esque government spawned LIES which Tom says is why FB was shut down!

Two things: where were you fellow Jews and why were you so compliant but welcome back from the brink, my people (even though you disowned me for daring to speak to truth about child sexual abuse…welcome back!)

The world is waking up to this Covid agenda. Finally. Almost too late for the 80 per centers.

But today is a good day to be happy to be alive and to see the world Awaken.

Thank you God and Goddess. I have been praying for healing and protection of our planet.

Balance. Peace. Good health - not of the augmented unnatural interfering with nature transhumanist Evil perversions-kind.

Yes! Say Yes to Life!

L’CHAIM MY BELOVEDS. My children of Earth. My brave Warriors of light and truth.

I love you. Keep being brave and holding strong. We need each other.

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What is this war I am Fighting?

Love. Humans. Even the festy acopic stupid evil ones.

Earth.

Life.

Freedom for the people.

And Safety!

And Shhhhhhh. Shalom!

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6 October 2019

11:11 pm May all our wishes manifest in the present moment:-). I had a lovely day. I am grateful.

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Yesterday and last night I was showered in love from my beautiful friends. Lyn heard the agony in my voice over the phone as I was distressed about losing my beautiful hen and you know...my interminably weird struggle of a life.

She came over to visit me immediately and gifted me with two new towels and chocolate sultanas. We sat in the garden and I felt comforted by her presence. I gifted her with a faery to give to her neighbour Jenny who is also struggling with sadness.

Jarrod rang and we chatted for a few hours. That too, as always, is a comfort.

Then I went dancing at the casino and felt very loved and supported by my friends there. Karen planted a big lipgloss kiss on my cheek! Rascal! Tischia gifted me also. We danced cheekily and had a lot of fun and for once, I did not get any vile creeps harassing me. Phew!

Moana, Jo and Sally were wild and joyous also. Thanks for the affection and friendship to you all.

I got home and passed out with exhaustion but I feel much brighter today.

Thanks to all my beautiful soul-kin (human and non-human) who buoy me up in my darkest moments and rejoice with me when I climb out of my abysmal abyss and fly joyously again.

I know I can often be a burden which is not my intention but I do strive to exude joy and loveliness too. The ever-swirling psychedelic dreamer sends her colours out to the cosmos and you never know what you are gonna get as my brain is often discombobulated. Haha.

I love you all. x

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6 October 2018

2.25 am. Home from a great night out. My ankles are really sore. Probably from all the exuberant dancing! Only disappointing thing was I broke my necklace. I will have to buy more wire to fix it. I had a feeling before I left the house that it might break tonight. My intuition is spot on as usual.

I went to the casino after Ecstatic Dance and carried on being awesome with Karen and Tischia. Oh my! But after 1.30 am I looked at Karen and said “gotta go home!” My Soul had left my body and I thought I might drop dead on the spot.

So I walked in the rain to the 7:11 to buy some red licorice for a massive sugar hit. I almost got run over by a police van as I was trying to undo my shawl to wear it over my head and heard the crossing sound go off but stepped out only to be tooted at by the angry cop.

FFS it was an honest mistake . But it was the adjacent crossing that sounded off. So I stepped back off the road. Waited for my turn to cross the road like a fucking sodden chicken!

Then went to my car after buying lollies and read a bit as I was so exhausted and not sure if still over the limit. Figured if I could read a page okay my brain was still synapsing, which is not bad for a Warrior Goddess Zombie Queen. Came home. Now in the bath.

With a cup of tea and yummy yoghurt my lovely Sally bought for me.

Good night all x

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Eating Abe’s Bagels with Avocado that Sally bought for me. Utterly delicious. The texture of the bagels combined with the avocado is just amazing.

Grateful for all my amazing friends who nurture and nourish my body, mind and spirit is so many profoundly life-affirming ways. Love you!

6 October 2017

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Hotter than Hell but I have my new sunscreen on. A cup of tea. Cooking rice to have with my leftover dinner.

A bird on my hand (cos he feels lonely). Two devoted dogs. Cats doing the cat's meow.

The pest man is right. Everything is harmonious and life is good right now.

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Allgon termite control (sent by Housing) sent a lovely inspector from Vietnam. He was so friendly and peaceful and adored my garden. I gave him some ripe coffee beans to grow his own tree.

He told me how to cook my banana flowers (take out the hard core and soak them in vinegar then use them in stir fries. He advised me to cut the flowers off each tree leaving only 4 or 5 flowers as the flowers take all the strength from the developing bananas and cause them to be small.

He said to put all the grass clippings around the banana as it will keep the moisture in. They need lots of mulch. His mother had a mango, coconut farm in Vietnam and she also had dams full of fish. He loved my fishponds.

So today has been a day full of gifts (one from Nivea) and one from the beautiful advice on my banana trees. I am happy and grateful.

Also there were no termites! Even better!

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Oh wow. Just got woken up by a courier delivering a prize from Nivea. A big bottle of sunscreen. I am so surprised. I hardly ever win anything! Sunscreen is a much needed commodity chez moi with my increasingly damaged skin. Woot! I will leave a nice review on the product.

I had lots of broken sleep last night. Full moon, nervous Harvey. We were up every 2-3 hours so he could pee outside. Still a puddle left on my rug which I discovered as my dressing gown I sling on to get to the door, was dripping pee down my leg.

Sigh! Dogs. So I quickly cleaned the patch of pee on my rug and leg of my bed (his favourite spot). He was so good during the night but must have decided to have a protest pish this morning

Now we are all back in bed, snuggling like angelic sweethearts and I need to sleep some more!

6 October 2014

I am having a lovely day with Jarrod and Crystal at Mt Tambourine.

We went to a Dutch cafe. We got the giggles. Then after that we went to the Botanical gardens. We had a good look at all the shops.

I am so exhausted today but glad we had a lovely trip.

6 October 2012

Last night I went to see The Hipshooters at the Joynt in West End. They were excellent. I left early as I had sore feet and wanted to cruise the city a bit before I got too tired.

As I left some guy, who had been invited to play with the band, followed me…making loud stomping sounds with his shoes down the middle of the road and talking in some made-up language.

It was very disconcerting, but I kept walking and decided to ignore him rather than answer back in german, french or hebrew...not safe to engage with nutters. LMAO. Eventually he turned right and I turned left at the main road and got away from him...Sigh! I had a good night though.

6 October 2011

I had a lovely lunch with Lyn at Coorpooroo RSL, then we explored the Markets together. Then I went home and still..........unimaginable but true....stillllllllll felt so tired, I went to sleep for another couple of hours.

The Dormant Dormouse Routine is so boring but what can I say....I'm tired. I hope I have more fun in the future! Lots more fun! (I'll wake up for that!)

Update: 6 October 2021 And yes..I did manage to have more fun and come back to life just before the Covid epoch got started. FFS!!!

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It's 1.14 am and I am still as exhausted as when I finally got up for the day at 4 pm. Tomorrow my darling Lyn is taking me out for lunch to Coorpooroo RSL so this will be worth getting out of bed for! Sleeping now so I'm fully present and accounted for when she comes to pick me up!

6 October 2010

Today was a mixed bag of emotion. Woke up traumatised. Got a visit from my darling friend Lyn who brought me more bricks for my garden.

Then later got an email with a death threat. LOL What can I say? I have that effect on some people. It's interesting that some people would rather kill me then face their own demons.

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I should clarity, the visit from Lyn was the lovely thing that happened for me today. The rest was, well bullshit. Thank G-d I have some genuinely kind people in my life. They help balance out the other shitheads. LOL

um Clarity meant Clarify...but it's nice I've been provided with some Clarity also. Nothing like clear seeing to make one feel more grounded. Rose coloured glasses are lovely to shield from everyone else's crap but when the shards fall, well, all you got is 20/20 vision and a shitload of Hindsight!

Nanny Dubs: WTF ....what dumb arses, they cant handle the heat aye ... u keep those notes they may come in handy one day & txt & everything that can hold them accountable..

Me: LOL the death threat was from someone else....it's complicated LOL. Don't worry, the heat is on with my lawyer. The other side are starting to squirm quite a bit. Hopefully I win, but it's still early days yet.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons