Memories: 5 November 2025

5 November 2025

9:08 am “I came to fix the timelines but what I found was disarray, desecration of the human body and spirit, disloyalty, depression, oppression, suppression, treachery, cowardice, broken hearts, fractured minds and squalid denial. Even the gods (3i Atlas) accelerated away from Planet Hellscape. Planet Earth is Blue and there’s nothing we can do….”

I beg to differ! It’s up to each soul to take back their power and hold tight the reins of their personal chariot…to ride through each and every storm, to fly free and wild, defiantly and victoriously. To override fear and atrophy. To love so magnificently according to our pecuniary limitations that we stubbornly refuse to yield to the hidden assassins and the spirit nullifiers of our epoch.

“You know whom you are, Little One. You always knew. So light up and emblazon the current paradigm with your fully calibrated heart and mind. And Dance!

You must always dance…in full vibrant soul expression of all converging timelines and reconnected dimensionalities.

There is so much love available to and for you. Do not forget. Evil tries to feed you with grief and despair and dissolution. Tells you that you are unworthy, dishonours your embodiment, your spirit. Evil uses the ones you love the most to despoil you. The ultimate in harm. But you, my lovely one See through it. Recognise its befoulment. Not your first rodeo. The Déjà vu of deception and ghastly horror has been astonishing. The exact same viciousness played out like a record stuck on a groove.

But you, Tanya have a choice, gifted you by the gods….to move that stereophonic needle to a new sound. To walk away from those that consistently betray your heart and allow real authentic brave hearts into your life/ paradigm/orbit. The right ones are flocking to you. Recognise your power, your spirit. Without envy or spite. Just pure delight.

Be happy…it’s the ultimate healing, saving grace, role modelling in these dark illusory times.

You were never a coward. You fought through this life often alone, thinking yourself mad, Vulnerable and broken but we the gods blessed you and we rebuilt you and you have proven yourself worthy of great love, honour and kindness. You have exemplified these things….even to your enemies.

So hold your head high, shine bright like a diamond, keep going forwards. Every day in every way is a triumph, a bliss, a kiss from the gods.

Blessèd Be!”

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5 November 2024

Baby Girl is Still here 🙂 (I decided on a whim she is female!)

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6:15 pm The storm is here. Delicious cooling rain after a hot day. Snakey is safely coiled up in her spot under the dragonfruit. I just went to check on her only seconds before the rain began pelting down.

5 November 2021

36 years ago, on this day I laboured. It was also Guy Fawkes night. Standing in the hospital room watching the fireworks was an exercise in bathos.

The fruit of my womb slowly emerging from my maternal writhing. (Transverse baby, she had to be turned three times) lots of drugs, none of them useful. Even the epidural was botched and I was still in pain until just before delivery.

The fireworks told me she will be a Star. A person of great celebrity. A mensch.

My little beautiful Scorpio baby was finally released from my recalcitrant dysfunctional cervix at 6:35 am on the 6th November. It was an anti climax as I was so exhausted and unsupported by her father and the hellhounds that acted as midwives who at least, stood up for me by sending him home in the last few hours of my labour as he grew more and more emotionally abusive.

Why the fuck did I even take my beautiful baby and go home to him? And then have another child with him? And stay for 10 and a half years until my sanity and dignity completely eroded?

A mother’s love, and a stubborn determination to thrive and gain mastery and self determination over my resident evil narcopaths and psychopaths.

With hindsight 20:20 I should have taken Crystal and ran to some obscure place on the opposite side of this earth.

But I had grown up with loveless sadistic perverted people so I naïvely thought that my ability to love was enough.

It wasn’t. C’est la vie.

Unmothered and unloved women grow up strange but incredibly powerful when we finally awaken to the bullshit.

The sadness never quite leaves me although I have fought all my life to retain a black sense of humour and a gratitude for my mere survival.

So here’s to the Thriving which will manifest no doubt in the next dimension. (If I can’t manage to provide it for myself in this one..at this latest horror-soaked stage of my life!!

Happy Birthday for tomorrow to my firstborn chosen much adored Child. Crystal Natalia Arons. My love for you never dies even in the face of so much high strangeness and toxicity.

You were and are the light of my life. You and Jasmine were my anchors to this world. My greatest joys and my most Supernal tests of my strength as a mother to strive to get us to safety.

I am Sorry I failed you because of the pernicious systemic abuses piled up on top of the other ones. It should not have been allowed to happen. None of it.

But here I am. Alive but proud of my daughters. A family of women beset by evils that would make most people go seriously insane or disappear permanently.

The Arons Women are made of extremely powerful stuff. With the gods at our back and real loves manifested as good solid friendships, we achieved the impossible.

5 November 2020

The storm Is here. Blessed relief from the humidity. I was very unwell today from the barometric pressure. Yuck. Hopefully I will feel better after the rain stops and the air cools.

5 November 2019

I woke up with the words in my head: Spread Joy not Oy!

So I have made my milk offerings to the Unseen Ones who love me, bless me and brought me to this season of joy.

I feel radiant with light after last night’s Tara Puja. I could not sleep and sat up until 3:11 am then finally climbed into bed and even then lay awake a while longer. I have only had 5 hours sleep.

So the prayers and blessings from the radiant beings, human and non human that have surrounded me the past few days are up-levelling my energy. (I am highly sensitive to changes around me!)

I woke up to a wild blustery witchy wind and smiled. That will clear out any stale pockets of air for Brisbane. Whoosh. Blow out the cobwebs and the heavy humidity that lays like a mouldering blanket of discomfort upon us.

Thank you to the Holy One and all the gods, goddess and Fae that have worked so hard to heal me and my remaining beloved pets and the land upon which I reside.

A schehecheyanu. Thank you for sustaining me and bringing me to this season of Joy.

I celebrated by breaking into the little of french violet lollies that my darling Sally gifted me, and ate two! Opulence in my streaming screaming Dreaming from my beautiful friends who bless me with beauty and love every day.

I love you. I love our Earth. I love my Self in all her fractalised manifestations. I love my remnant brave family. I love my Unrequited Beloved.

I love my pets and I love my spirits who love me and heal me and bless me with wisdom and vitality and life force and a certain whimsical Joie de Vivre and sometimes have to kick me along when I give up on life and love and turn my face to the wall because Oy...but they know..they know...The Tanya will always bounce back and there will always be Joy again.

We are powerful, we are limitless, we are faithful and we are free!

5 November 2018

On this day, 33 years ago I laboured with my daughter Crystal. It was Guy Fawkes night and I stood in the hospital room, silently watching the fireworks.

A star soon to be born after a long tortuous labour at 6:35 am on 6 November. But my labouring on Guy Fawkes night reminded me that I have always loved revolution and anarchy and a change in consciousness for a better world.

I was hiding in what I hoped would be safety and stability. Hiding as a wife and a mother when in my heart I was always a warrior goddess and shall ever be so.

Motherhood which I had craved so deeply was my greatest bliss. But the first week of my baby daughter’s life was rough. She fought the breast (her own nourishment) and sensed deeply my failure to bond immediately as the drugs man... divorced me from my body and I went into a strange detachment.

I floated in and out of my own body and only a cleaning woman in the room I was in brought me back to reality and my crying scared hungry newborn.

I have been overcompensating for those first few days of unreality and abandonment all my life. When I fell in love with my stubborn recalcitrant baby (around day 5!) it was a smouldering all-consuming Fire in my newly-empty womb.

My heart melted and fused with hers. My tiny baby became my obsession. I constantly kissed her and smothered her and upheld her.

Why? I realised we were quite alone. My husband and mother were evil and toxic but I had something precious to live for, to fight for and to grow for. My Crystal.

Naturally at 20, as such a young woman I sacrificed my freedom for her. By the time Jasmine was born 18 months later, I knew I had to survive as a woman and a mother, so I did the best I could to get us through.

Even now I am amazed how I did that while surrounded in a sea of enmity, one that shared my bed with me. A constant stain and drain on my soul.

Maybe my depression saved me. I was too tired to fight back. But somewhere around 27 I started to realise that I had a right to a safe happy life too. So I grabbed at it. Oh how safety eluded me. It took decades.

It took the death of my mother and getting myself free of idiots. It took everything I had and then some. But here we are.

Tomorrow my firstborn is 33. She is bright, beautiful, fierce like me. She is all I ever dreamed of. My Star. She will feint and pitch and toss with me as she will never fully comprehend who I am. And I accept that.

Mine was not an ordinary existence. I was not born of good kind people. I was spawned and whelped by monsters.

I had to survive them all. That takes its toll on a woman and strains all her relationships, most damaging of all those with her own children. But it also edifies and promulgates a certain bizarre sense of greatness. A sense of awe amidst the slurry and filth of the battlefield.

I wipe my face with my own tears and my own blood and stand sanctified… and proud. For I have loved, and been loved. That was my gift from the gods.

May my daughters know real authentic good kind Love and go forth in fecund joy, prosperity, bliss and peace. May they never ever live in fear because of men or know hunger, thirst or degradation.

May their Souls Shine from within their eyes and light the world up and inspire and bless those still scrabbling in the dust. For only stars can shine Light in the darkest depths of the Abyss and leave a guidepost for others to follow.

Blessed Be!

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I sat beneath my skin and watched emotions carve their way through my epidermis, like burrowing clawing worms, writhing in ecstasy, squirming in delight: power manifesting from with in.

I scratched the itch that crawled out on my freckled sun-kissed white but furiously-formed skin. The fingernails cleaved like daggers. A momentary relief. Swimming in my own bile and sailing on my own valour.

The psychic vampires sucked too much this weekend. Left a stain upon my heart. So I cut and purge and resurge. Fools. Know not Whom they stand before. For. Not even themselves. But there was great beauty and kindness too and a settling of old debts which came unexpected as a sign that I am indeed valued. Lovely.

I cleave to the actualisation that I am Whom I am, nothing more, nothing less and no one other than myself.

I watch the world die and clap my hands with triumph and glee. Time the great equaliser sits behind me and soothes my naked scratchy back. Space opens wide the eternal vistas of possibility.

Fret not, little one, there is more than this earth awaiting you. You have not failed in your mission even if it feels that way. Your ways are those of pleasantness and peace, even as you fight me. The abyss. One woman’s abyss is another’s mountain to conquer.

Come to me when you are ready and we shall fly.

The Dreamer can only smile and Sigh. Psy sighs. Everything that was taken from me is coming back to me: the sweet memories, the oblivion, the bliss. Most of all, the Love and honour and integrity.

Those who thought me crazy or stupid and abused and debased me, attacked myself and my children are still reaping their karma and I am well-satisfied with my awakening.

Thank you G-d the Eternal Judge who never gave up on me. You sent me out into the night into dark evil dangerous places, but I remained true to myself and I was healed.

A woman of valour, my worth far above rubies even though my “bride price” still rather quixotically remains $20! Laughing...

5 November 2017

I got through the day without needing pain relief until now, I just took two panadol osteo as my lower back is aching, also my elbow. My jaw has calmed down a lot, but the gums are still raw and tender.

I also took some ventolin and seretide as I have started coughing again (storms forecast for tomorrow) and I can feel the change in temperature and barometric pressure.

I have to get up at 6.30-7 am so I need sleep but I am not taking an endep as not in a lot of pain as I have been the past 11 days. So of course it is hard to sleep.

Gonna give it another go though. Laila Tov!

Megan Phillips: Getting there cuzn, one of the strongest goddesses I know, keep striving for wellness cuzn xo

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Guy Fawkes night in Britain and NZ tonight. I remember well the fireworks, the bonfires and “the guy”. I was in labour on this night 32 years ago.

Aye! Bollocks. But I remember that night and day still. Would I do it all again? Doubtful.

My greatest joys became my worst horrors. Such is my life!

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2.09 pm. I woke up at 1.50 pm. It took 2 Endeps to get to sleep last night.

Now I just feel stoned and woozy, hot and wrung out. I have poured yoghurt down my throat as it soothes the dry sore throat, will settle my gut biome which are fighting this current illness and slides down the neck effortlessly. Sweet and cooling.

I slept about 12 hours. Now I am upright the pain in my jaw is gnawing away like a dying rat. Oh well. I get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to see my dentist. Crazyyyyy!

I pray this ordeal is over soon. 9 days of tmj pain plus the 2 days of headache that started before that. Since Wed 25th Oct. Too much for too long.

Oh well, cry me a river and pull my socks up. This shall pass and in the meantime, the day is sunny, the birds are singing, the neighbourhood is peaceful, listening to my fountains tinkling on the pond. Life is beautiful.

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Might as well have gone dancing. Insomnia. I took 1 Endep at 12.30 am then another at 1.30am. Still wide awake an hour later. So annoying.

5 November 2016

When I feel sad so I go to have a little rest and Beauregard decides to smother me (literally!) with love bombing. Btw. Not topless. Bad camera angle lo!

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I need to sell everything except my most favourite things. Recalibrate my life. Find new purpose. Fly free of the past. Or mould the shit into spiritual gold and shine by example. Like a spray painted dog turd by Pope Alice. Lol!

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5 November 2015

8.13 pm just woke up! Just as a lovely electric storm hit. I ran outside, brought in all the washing I did last night. Closed up the chicken coops. Just in the nick of time! Here she blows. Lots of delicious soothing summer rain.

I got to chat to Crystal in the early hours of this morning. Tomorrow is her 30th birthday. I miss my baby so much! She looked happy though.

She has a work visa for London which begins on 28 December so next year she will be acting in London! Her dream is to tread the boards for the Royal Shakespeare theatre.

I am so proud of my beautiful girl. So blessed to be her mother, even from a distance!

I am utterly exhausted but sleeping heaps so hopefully this train of bad health pulls into a dead end station and I take my baggage and catch a new one - to better health, happiness, peace and true love. It all starts with me.

5 November 2014

Ok weird! I was cutting up dried banana leaves for my betta with scissors and somehow I knocked a small knife off the counter. It hit my right foot point down and drew blood.

Then when I came to sit on the couch a minute later, I had a strong smell of marijuana. Really weird pungent smell.

The knife went in deepish as it is now only just bleeding. Ffs. Why do I constantly hurt my feet, without even trying? The knife was sharp as I just sharpened all my kitchen knives a few days ago.

The smell of weed is coming through my windows. Must be people across road but it has travelled far to stink up my lounge lol!

Lyn Sloane: If that's the case then your little rooster might sleep in for a change.Hope your tootsie will be ok.

Julie Goddard: I been getting the scent of weed in the strangest places for the last week

Me: I just smudged whole house as on Tues night something was around, affecting Crystal so we had to smudge ourselves and say Psalm 23. Something very weird around.

The knife and the marijuana smell made me smudge entire house tonight. (Jarrod's suggestion!). Tomorrow I will play loud music and salt the perimeter of my property. I can't have anything negative around as we are all so sensitive.

Trippy thing is we just found out that Crystal is a natural Trance Medium but I blocked it as we were not doing anything spiritual but were talking about some songs she had been hearing during the day.. Then Bam! Full on!

I am glad it happened with me and not some stranger unbeliever. They would have freaked out off their face. As it was, I had to remain calm to make sure Crystal was ok.

Rosco Conti: Fk that go hunt down that weed

Me: It did smell very enticing but stoner spooks are a bit of a worry lmao!

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Gail came to visit and told me I am constantly persecuted because I am a woman, for the way I dress and my flamboyant personality and as long as I stay in this parochial backwater it will continue.

I know I would "fit in" in Byron Shire but I can't afford to rent privately so I have to remain here and stand my ground or risk losing the only secure home I have ever known and live in a caravan park in Byron (which would mean losing my hens, cats and goldfish ponds, and my beautiful garden).

I am so distraught. Poverty and constant discrimination against me, means there is nowhere to go, either to enjoy my social life, or even live. It's so Fucked up!

Sally Castle: Hope you find somewhere to dance, Tanya. Keep on going 💃

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Formulating my open letter to Courier Mail. If anyone wishes to bring their own negative experiences to my attention ie. unfair discrimination based on being a woman and a vulnerable member of society in the pubs and clubs, please private message me.

Time we stopped being falsely accused of being trouble-makers and actually brought these issues to light.

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Seriously considering forming my own club (pub) for women and feminist men only. Sick to death of being abused in pubs for being a female who happens to like live music and dancing. Time to do our own thing, Sisters.

If I had money I would start my own pub/club yesterday.

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Just home from Crystal's, swapping car back to Mama. We watched Sex and the city. (Yawn!) and I got grandma cuddles with Ramon the Rare and her landlady's ancient cat, Bruce who was actually crying real tears, he was so happy for some affection.

I got him to choose the goddess cards for my reading. Interesting choices, Bruce!

Lots of stuff about spiritual evolution, leadership and abundance. Hmmm! Curious and curiouser!

I showed Crystal my new Alice in Wonderland cards which I had not opened yet and we were both stunned by the beautiful artwork. Too good to read. I think I will just keep them as part of my collection.

I had had them on layby for a couple of months but I am thrilled with them.

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I brought Mischief in at 4.38 am. Bloody crowing at the pink sunrise. He settled down at the foot of my bed until 9 am then crowed some more, lustily. I have just let Boychik outside as he was quiet again :-). He is a beautiful little man but a royal pain in the arse.

Crystal thinks I should ship him down to Rabbit rescue farm at Grafton. Hmmm, I might have to...

5 November 2013

Slept til 4 pm. Then went in garden, watered and fixed an odd job that I have been wanting to do for a long time. I put the black plastic under my shitty paving job and replaced the black pebbles.

My large fish pond is still green so this is driving me nuts but I replaced the Barley straw so will continue to battle the algae bloom organically. Seems to be a slight improvement with the calcium Bentonite I put in it as well. Hmmm.

Now a bit weary from moving heavy pavers and being outside. Lol. Can't possibly go back to bed so contemplating a) cleaning house or b) going out. Lol.

Jarrod Nielsen: Why even pretend housework is on the to do list? lol Everyone knows you'll decide to go out!

Me: Listen here, Young Whipper Snipper! Housework could be Happening....I may have even done a few more Dishes. Sniggers!

5 November 2010

I spent some nice quality time with Gail, in between a few days of marathon sleeping!

5 November 2009

A long day at the hospital but Courtenay is all organised for Monday morning. Phew!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons