Memories: 4 November 2025

4 November 2025

12:05 am Tired by happy. There was a powerful Love (Corazon/heart energy) in the Brooklyn Standard tonight. I revelled in it ALL! Thank you, especially to Isa who is a gorgeous woman! Kind and honouring of this old wannabe Abuela! xxx

The Mad Mariachi played beautifully too. Wonderful. Grateful happy woman here!

…

I walk into the bathroom to take off my makeup…to see this beautiful moth perched on the side of the sink. Cute!

…

8:30 am. Wow! I needed that Dance! My breathing is improving too. Awesome!

…

9:04 am so weird thing from last night: I get up to pee around 3 am. I am exhausted but I shuffle to the bathroom to strut my stuff. I wash my hands. I leave the water running. Not fully turned on but I can hear it still pouring from the tap as I shuffle to the kitchen to pour myself some cold water from the fridge. My thighs and hips ache from dancing…I needed that but my joints gripe anyway. I smile to myself that I need to dance more often as my body has seized up.

I shuffle back to the bathroom to turn off the tap I was too tired or lazy to turn off. To my surprise, as I enter the bathroom…the tap has turned itself off! No water is pouring out. What?! In disbelief, I turn both handles properly off!

I say a Thank you to my house spirits as I am sure the water had still been running, even when I was in the kitchen because I thought it unusual that I was so tired I had not turned the water off.

I must have still been dreaming that part? Or was I?

Someone is watching over me, making sure I am loved and protected and don’t waste my life essence…the waters of life. Corazon. :-)

…

https://youtu.be/378PLhhaRak?si=8X91IAh-HCjb7Ey5

…

11 pm it’s coming up a treat. Sorta reminds me of Neapolitan ice cream. 🙂. I am flooded with happy memories of Socks and our morning chats we used to have as he languished masterfully and indolently on my kitchen bench, awaiting Tribute.

He was/is a wonderful cat and spirit. I am glad I kept some of his fur from grooming sessions. It’s keeping a little bit of him still precious! I am not sure what I will make with this fibre but I am sure I will think of something. Perhaps incorporate him into a tapestry weaving.

4 November 2024

4 November 2023

https://youtu.be/UssXPaQr8xQ?si=3ZX-AM3hNuiMfUD7

4 November 2022

…

Someone close to me sent me some dick pics. At first I was horrified but I looked a second time...they were deformed vegetables. Deformed vegetables that look like penii. What has the world come to? Lol

4 November 2021

I just wrote a beautiful story about my dream last night and as soon as I Saved it. Fb deleted it. What the actual fuck???!

Losing that lovely stream of consciousness writing because of a Glitch in the Matrix is infuriating!

4 November 2020

The past few weeks have been astonishing. The veil has been thin. I have felt “Flubbery” like being wrapped in glad wrap or cellophane pushing through my invisible glass ceiling that is molten and moulded all around me.

My arms and legs stretching out in every direction: Mustang Kwe who pushes pushes pushes but ultimately gets Nowhere. But even nowhere and no one (no won!) is a Destination, an arrival...a zero point from whence I might blow life back into my self again. Even with my bellowing billows of recalcitrant lungs. With my steely eagle eye on the prize! The booby trap of the Becoming 😉.

Happy happy joy joy cos every day is another breath and another beauty.

On and on squeezing myself in my narrow confined obliteration and laughing in the face of Reason.

This is the Season of Joy and I reclaimed it on Halloween and now we have the imminent silly season upon us!

Joy to the world, all the boys and girls but don’t get kerplunked by Jeremiah’s bullfrog: it’s another portal to the next dimension you know!

Joyfulness: authentic safe and true. That is the way to manifest in the plateaued Dreaming of the plastic fantastic 3D world.

Be happy. The world needs your joy! With harm to none, let’s get this done. A daily rejuvenation of momentary contemplations. Dance yourself to freedom.

Set your Sails for the horizon but hold your stolid hobbit footed ground onto this reality also.

We have the tools we needed. The love we superseded. Version 55.6! Or whatever age and stage you, my friends are at. We are writing our lives creatively, one moment at a time.

It’s sublime (even in the midst of horror!) We are powerful beyond all measure (but no one ever taught you that - except my beautiful Mrs Robertson and my precious Mr Lisis!) My life savers and role models during childhood! A kiss to your square in heaven, wherever Ye Be!

I am here. In all dimensions, simultaneously serving and spinning out my web of life. Reinforcing the ancient broken stories and delighting in my glories.

A blessing along with the many varied curses.

…

2:27 am can’t bloody sleep. Energy high! Grrrr! Trying to work out something. Feeling of Anticipation.

Megan Phillips: Your niece is born, go to sleep lol ❤️

Me: ayayay! At last!

:-))))))happy dance!!!!!

Megan’s daughter Ngawi had a baby girl. 1:19 am NZ time.

She is actually my third cousin or second cousin once removed or something like that.

Megan and I are first cousins. Our father’s were brothers. 7 boys in that line.

I am very sensitive to new Souls incarnating in my family line so it explains my inability to sleep and restlessness last night. (3 hours sleep since 5 am this morning!)

I was able to settle down a bit after Megan messaged me to tell me baby had been born. So happy for her!

I wonder I will react if I ever become a grandmother. The spiritual attunement is very intense!

…

I have become more psychic as I have gotten older. I am not sure if it was unlocked by the suicide attempt in 2015 or the surgery last year but it has been rather intense the last 18 months. I know I was born with it but a lot got suppressed due to the trauma.

I think aging might be unlocking certain “abilities” also. The mind is an incredible thing.

Kelly Anne: Maybe its just time & exposure / experience because you are quite open minded

Me: Kelly Anne maybe! My mother did warn me that it would intensify with age.

Even Kabbalah was traditionally not taught until a man was over 40! The getting of Wisdom!

Kelly Anne: I had a bit of a weird experience this morning. Kind of a half asleep dream. All my old dogs visited me & shuffled me or licked me on the face / nose. I woke up crying but nostalgic / happy tears. Tears of love & joy at those memories coming to me so clearly.

Me: that is beautiful. Energy never dies. Hugs

Kelly Anne: Hugs to you & congrats. A brand new life. The possibilities boggle the mind. ❤ Im sure she will have a wonderful life. 😊

Me: each life has a myriad of possibilities! That is the miracle and the mystery!

I am reborn each day myself. Discovering each new day like a jewel or a gift yet to be unwrapped or a Power Up like in a holographic video game (chuckles)! Mama T the Altered Beast!!!

Yesterday was a beautiful love soaked day. Crystal rang me and we chatted while I shopped in Golden Circle.

Lyn and Peter pampered me with love (and dinner!)

Then a new baby was born.

Life is astonishingly marvellous at times!

…

Time to Schluff. Merge my consciousness somewhere in the Astral. Over the rainbow. Or whatever!

New mower man coming tomorrow and I have to drive to Wilson to pick up a vintage lamp shade I bought.

4 November 2019

11:11 pm. I embrace the blessings, the healing, the merciful compassion, the universal love that is around me in this moment of time. With joy and gratitude and humility :-)

…

The Tara Puja was wonderful. The temple was beautifully decorated with lots of crystal. My mother would have felt right at home (but the evil cow can remain as the Chief Dybbuk on Beit Or’s roof, along with the other Dybbukim). Oops Tara has not purified me enough.

The lady who organised it, gave me a prayer to recite to cast out sickness in the house and garden as I explained my reason for being there was to cast out the dark thing that has been so wrathful with me and my pets since my last surgery.

I had no money but I will go back and buy the prayer flags with the windhorses too. I have always had my home and garden heavily protected but these last few months have been rather concerning. So Mama T will be pulling out all Stops and redirecting energy in a positive way.

Yesterday was very magical and beautiful too. Jarrod advised me to plant more flowers in my garden. Or rather the Fae would like that.

Then tonight during the puja ceremony we were throwing silk flowers as offerings and a delightful mischievous man behind me kept waiting a few moments to throw his flowers over me! So after a while when I realised it was deliberate rascal behaviour (cute!) I threw mine back at him and his partner and then turned back, facing the front.

He tossed more back at me so without turning around, I threw his offerings, gathered off my desk, back to him over my shoulder. We both giggled like naughty school children. It was glorious.

I love when adult men are joyously playful with me without any sexual agenda!!! It makes me feel safe and welcome and carefree!

…

I am about to leave for the Tara Puja and I take Bobo out for a pee before I lock him up in the house. Outside I see the Red King Parrot from two days ago. It’s a sign. I dunno of what ...yet..but it’s a sign. I tell him “hello” then race inside to grab my bag. Off we go! A Puja-ing.

…

…

I bought this swatch of silk upholstery samples in Reverse Garbage, about 5 or 6 years ago. So my daughter always teases me about being a hoarder of art supplies and that mostly I do nothing with them. (A truth!)

This year I have found reason to actually put some of my collections of assorted stuff to good use. Which has been profoundly satisfying.

I am listening to ghost stories on the Luminary podcast (the free ones as I already subscribe to Gaia/Netflix/Stan and I need to be more careful with my limited funds. Ahem!

I am enjoying my day. I wrapped my fox wand in one of the swatches. It looks lovely!

4 November 2018

I spent the day sleeping with my fan blowing on me. Hot day.

I got to thinking about people and events last night. When I walked to the 7:11 convenience store for my customary pie after dancing all night, I saw the security manager from Irish Murphies.

He called out to me. “Hey, hey, I am here!” I nodded. Exhausted. Went to keep walking. “Hey...come over here”.

Thinking he is getting to be a real control freak pest, I politely stepped over to him but remonstrated him. “Where are your manners? Accosting women on the street in such a manner?!” In mock outrage.

His colleague smiled at me. He smiled too. “Cos I am here! Come back! I will look after you. We got rid of that bad management!”

Still chasing my arse and my patronage. Jesus H. Christ. I get annoyed (relentlessly annoyed!)

“You still don’t get it”, I say. “This place and everyone in it, is Evil”.

“No, no ..I AM HERE. I will protect you!” I nod. But walk away. As I walk the length of the building I say “this shitty evil place can Burn for all I care”.

Never will I go back. Why would I choose to? The creeps that frequent there still hassle and stalk me at the casino so it’s not like I am missing anyone lmao!!!

Also Mama T never reneges on her curses. The owners have never apologised and I will not set foot in that dirty filthy disgraceful place again until it closes down.

Rapists and misogynists and abusers of women…who fought to defend themselves and other women but instead were vilified for it by the same pieces of shit women I protected...can just burn in Hell for all I care.

They envied my power as a woman. My joy in my own shattered life. Envied the few and rare attentions from men (to the point they sabotaged!)

Nahhh that place was my greatest triumph and my greatest joy but it turned to a pile of evil shit and that is where it stays. I step out of the past doggèd days and pestilential nights and I dance free of their bullshit.

Also I find it weird and creepy and absurd that some of those men like the security guy keep demanding I come back.

Don’t they know, like Concrete Blonde that you can never go back to the scene of a perfect crime?! Also my time and where I spend it, is valuable and precious to me.

Now, the casino is not much safer than that foul pub was, but I am treated with reasonable respect. I have my core group of friends who enjoy my company and the rest are just two bit players and voyeurs. Sad but true.

While almost everyone else is walking their genitals like stuffed haggis, I am there only for the dance. Not giving out any more fucks has its own value! Freedom from ignoble timewasting loser dickheads to start with.

As my new sweet young friend kept saying: why are you alone? I don’t understand it? Well I could only smile and say that it has to be that way. I am content with that. My superpower.

On the way back from the 7:11 I saw a homeless woman sleeping near George. She looked up at me and shot me a sweet smile which I returned then she closed her eyes.

I sat next to George and got out a $2 coin and quietly placed it near her head so she would find it later. But more precious was our shared smile and shared humanity.

I sat silently munching my pie while George sang. He complained the smell made him hungry. I told him I had thought about sitting in the park across the road. Will do that next time! He demurred. “Don’t take me so seriously”.

I said “actually George I do appreciate your blunt honesty! It is a rare gift these days. Honesty!”

I got up and went home. A good night after all.

…

It was an interesting weekend. Both nights out dancing, redolent with drunks and the usual predators (both nights I shoved each one away from me).

I was played for a fool but I rose above it as usual. In the Rising I was gifted with some pretty extraordinary gifts of love and honour.

I went to leave about 12:30 am last night, bitten down by exhaustion and other people’s manipulation. But an acquaintance chased me down as I was leaving and gifted me with money she owed me from years ago. But she gave me back more than I lended her (I had long ago written off the debt as it was such a small amount and of no consequence!) so I offered to buy her a drink and so I joined her friends and we drank and chatted.

I was really touched by her generosity and kindness but could not help wondering why she picked last night to do so. Perhaps she had a win on the tables. Anyway I blessed her accordingly. It is rare to see honour such as that in that den of iniquity, narcissism and debasement.

So after my friend and her friends returned to the tables to gamble, I decided to dance more as I was by now a bit tipsy, and it was unsafe to drive home.

So I returned to my spot and was dancing joyously when a young woman approached me and told me I was beautiful and she loved my dress (my ancient red rockabilly one which is actually quite well-worn - like my patience and alleged “weird personality” lmao).

She danced with me and twirled me around and I twirled her too. We laughed together and she kept saying “I don’t understand why you are alone. They must be intimidated by you. You are amazing!”

Her young husband came to dance with me too and he was gentle and courtly and kind and I fell in love momentarily with this young couple who treated me with such kindness and honour and we were happy.

There is a reason I am always alone and I am perfectly at peace with that. There is a reason why I keep myself safe and a little bit pristine. Too many false people committed too many atrocities in my life.

I honour only the Dance of Life. The precious gift of freedom and my own Survival to Thrival. So many former enemies came to stare last night. It was like swimming in a cesspool. But I let their foulness wash away like the smoking turds they are. Let it reside with them, where their envy and spite belongs.

The Tanya danced. She did not give up on herself. She did not play into their perverted games as mightily, the universe showed me whose hearts were truly pure and who truly love me.

Magical albeit a tad perplexing.

4 November 2016

It is a strange kind of grief to watch one's offspring succeed without you, to soar in the realms of one's imagination, a mother's love, curtailed, despoiled, never truly honoured. A mother gave what tools she had to send her children out into the world.

To be kind. Honourable. Generous. To be lovers of truth and of humanity, if not their original vessel of their birth. My crime? Poverty. Trauma. Failure to thrive. The stuff of nightmares.

How ironic that my daughter is starring in The Tempest again. For what does her mother love best, but Wildness and inclement weather. For what does one who barely survived incorporate into her survival.

The cleansing purging winds, the howling of rain and the deep resonant shadows reflected in the purest fullest moon. Sunshine pours into cracked minds and wrinkled saggy broken bodies. Melts the bones of ancestral hatred like chocolate burning on my coffee table.

I heal my life to the tenth generation before me. My ancestors had a lot to answer for. Witches on both sides of my lines. Cursers to the death. Minds so powerful they could telekinetically stop a motor vehicle. Yet incapable of keeping little children safe.

So the mantle is carried but the buck stopped with me. Well then, Buck the schmuck got my house and my money. That is what happens when mothers betray their own Integrity and that of their children.

I pray an easy life for my daughters. An easier life for myself. Let all sabotage, blocks, barriers, fears and doubts be removed from our lives so we can know love, know peace, know prosperity. I am done suffering like a whipped cur for no good reason, but the befouled merriment of ugly beings.

4 November 2015

My brain isn't working well today. Oh I am alive, walking, talking but can't write without typonese and "gasp" spelling mistakes tonight. No synapsing with the brain electrons and the typing finger on my iPhone keyboard. Grrrr.

I can't tell whether it is early on-set Alzheimers or a stroke lmao. Probably just over-sleeping. Blah blah blah that's all folks.My body must be still catching up with my mind. Or vice versa?! Sometimes I am just not fully integrated.

I had very intense dreams about starting up my own cabaret. Everything, even the furniture was 30's, 40's. The staff and customers had to dress up in period costume.

There were little boutiques selling 1940's silk lingerie, beautiful frocks, stuff for the men too. Everyone loved it. The dj was awesome. Sometimes when I am dreaming, that reality makes me feel more alive than this one! But I am the psychedelic dreamer.

I am quite sure the dream was influenced by watching Freak Show American Horror Story last week. But my dream was no freak show. It was a proper Cabaret. In this huge building with huge plastered and painted ceilings (a bit like Sistine chapel) with friezes.

Anyway, back in the real world. Here I sit. Drinking tea, watching my brain fry. Haha.

…

Lmao! Even my 'suicide note' had to be corrected before I was ready to let go. Hahaha! I never knew I was so pedantically frantic until I was. Life, and grammatical correctness truly does go on.

…

…

12.36 pm finally out of bed. The day is heating up. I gave my girls some frozen berries. It is another hot afternoon!

4 November 2014

Frieda didn't like me moving her and her egg to the new nest. Or she decided it was not viable. So she is out being a chicken. I am sure she will settle down to brood soon enough, especially as Mischief has been 'busy'.

4 November 2012

I danced all night last night. Sore feet, sore chest and stomach ache. I think I overdid it. I must be getting fitter though as I did not sweat as much as previous night's dancing. Lol!

I am exhausted but glad I went out. Today I took Bella for a quick walk to the dog park. A little Beagle was so enamoured of her that he tried to squeeze through the fence separating the big dog park from the small dog park. I suddenly realized Miss Bella Rosa has a better love life than I. Lmao

4 November 2009

I'm hot and aggravated after waiting for an hour at West End River for friends to show up, they are so unreliable. I'm over it!

…

Horror of horrors!!!!! I have to get up very early tomorrow to take Courtenay to the PA for Pre-Admission by 8 am. I'm tired just thinking about it. Will have to retire early tonight.

4 November 2008

is happy to have found some old baby photos negatives in Buck's garbage...here they are!

Update 2021: Finding my baby photos was like a miracle. It was a kind of soul retrieval. I remember being so happy to have gotten them back.

Buck had them all piled up, as though he had intended to throw them out or burn them but he died instead. Funny old world.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons

#the psychedelic dreamer

#the Berserker

#the thriver