Memories: 31 May 2025

31 May 2025

8:12 am it’s raining. Another day in paradise… my breathing is backsliding. I am due for a new cpap mask in July so that might be the cause. Another $200. Argggh. Hopefully it settles down again.

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Today’s “ODD” jobs: I drilled a larger hole in two beads I had made a few years ago, to use as stoppers which I glued down onto my copper pipe that I had threaded inside the cutlery box to hang earrings off. It looks more…finished than with the thin copper pipe just randomly sticking out.

Then I got out my Dremel and ground ALL the rough edges off this aluminium plate that Peter Sloane gifted me a few years ago to use as a holder for my jewellery pliers. Then I sanded them also.

A huge task but so satisfying as every time I reached for my pliers the sharp edges had really annoyed me. Now it also is “Finished”.

It’s been a good way to spend a rainy miserable afternoon…working at improving my projects so I feel accomplished, calm and comfortable. Woohoo!

#titaniasrealm #oddandends #success #FinishingSchool #nomoreroughedges lmao

31 May 2023

We are in a full blown apocalypse/Depression. Another house in my street has been painted grey by its Conformist lacking imagination owners. Grey is a colour of financial collapse. See also beige!

Grey paint must be cheap these days. Or some dickwad has cornered the market into whatever chemicals go into formulating Grey. Lmao.

I am now on the bus to the city for my much needed, much awaited dentist appointment. Driving past the service station, I see that petrol is up to $2.05 again. “They” are crushing us…slowly and in unacceptable increments. Motherfuckers.

If I ever get enough money in the near future to paint my house as Dept of Housing is derelict of their duties and my house hasn’t been painted since I moved in 20 years ago…I shall paint in turquoise and pink and purple and probably throw buckets of glitter all over it too.

I may have to live amongst the drab and conformist unimaginative NPC world but I will never ever let my house be painted grey or beige.

It’s a matter of principle and defiance. You can be poor as dirt but you don’t have to Grey out your life as well.

Stand up for colour! Vibrancy. Full creative expression. Freedom to the palate. Food on your plate. Petrol in your cars. Love in your life. Take courage.

I defy!

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Wow…two massive fillings and a possible root canal needed. Also partial dentures for my two missing back teeth. Arghhh…

But…the dentist was a brilliant one. So excellent. I haven’t had such excellent dentistry in years. We bonded over the fact she also makes jewellery as a hobby. A talented gifted and beautiful Woman. Dr Sohal Azami of Significant Smiles is a Star.

I am so grateful I got to be her patient today. I am hoping the tooth which looks to need a root canal Settles down. We are trying to save my remaining toothies. Yowzer yowzer!

So a big thank you to the algorithms or “spy” that saw my YouTube video complaining about the pain on my jaw and fearing I had a cyst. Maybe it was a coincidence…but Someone had my back.

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Today has been a smooth sailing type of day. I just caught the 180 bus in the Nick of time. Same this morning! I set my alarm for 8 am but my nervous system woke me at 7 am gifting me plenty of time to shower, wash my hair, shave my legs. Dress…catch the bus.

I have had a nice lunch in the Myer Centre food court (even with still very numb gums and a swollen face. I floated out of my body a fair bit but the food reminded me that I am not a hungry ghost but a grounded in Reality, clear sentient Being with food gratification. (My favourite Japanese chicken curry with rice which was soft enough for ragged jaws!)

I stopped in at AJS to buy more sterling wire to finish off my chain. So that is another project in perfect synchronous Flow. I joked with the staff that today feels like a good soldering day where everything just flows perfectly, in perfect timing. No worries at all!

Even they had to laugh. I realise I am sounding more and more bonkers but hey…I am a creative soldering warrior goddess… strutting my stuff even with very fraught teeth. A champion!

I feel so happy and grateful about receiving proper dental care that I feel like buying a lotto ticket to celebrate my good fortune. I pray I don’t need a root canal. Hopefully that tooth behaves. By the gods she threw a bit of a tantrum during the treatment.

Even my teeth have their own “consciousness”. Well they have been telling me for three years that we were in trouble. Three years to finally get treated.

Oh my god.

But it is well on the way. I dread partial dentures but it will save me from losing my back teeth that basically are doing all the work and risk damaging the expensive and cosmetically necessary front ones.

I am loved. I am cared for. I am cherished. I am protected. I am healed. I am happy. I am surrounded by good kind people (although I fought off an incel in the internet this morning!) The world is filled with magick and awe and I am resonating on a frequency where all my needs are met and honoured in a timely gracious manner. With harm to none and competition with none.

It seems my funny little manifestations are coming to fruition. I am grateful for that too.

31 May 2021

Man I am all over the place today. I can’t focus on anything. Pacing like an expectant father. Must be a shift happening in the cosmos.

I think I better “ground” myself by cleaning the filter in the fishpond. It also looks like we might get rain at last.

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Trigger warning: discussion of suicide, trauma, and treachery.

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Miss my little Angel Face. A true fur friend whose love was ennobling and protective. I still remember how she stood beside the bath and reached out to me when I attempted suicide! I think it was her spirit that put out the distress call for help.

For months after she freaked out every time I took a bath. I would comfort her by saying “not tonight Penny...the gods and you won’t let me go just yet”.

When she died I screamed and howled as it was like losing my only true friend/daughter! Also her death had been slow and dragged out by the sadistic vet! Cunt!

But I know in Truth there is no real death and she is always with me. My sweet little cat. My Queen!

(And let’s be real here, during those years ...the past 7 years..) I was pouring love into that monstrous vacuous cruel sadistic cunt, my former lover...Seeping so much love even if he was not aware of it. When in truth I needed to love my own silly foolish pathetic weakened by grief and betrayal self ..so weakened I almost died of tooth (nerve) pain,suicide, gallbladder and my own inability to thrive.

I think I saw him driving towards me as I was heading to the motorway. It’s eerie how he “haunts” me when I go to drumming circle. I rose above it.

It could have been another Jeep and another driver. It might be a doppelgänger. Nothing stops me from living my life and enjoying the little things I wish to do. Not that nasty little man or those former pub/casino friends or even Death.

I am more powerful than even I realised back in those days where I danced in a trance and a daze trying to call my spirit home after the evils of my mother and the Scherers.

So the filthy vermin that jumped on me physically and spiritually, hoping to catch a ride, (evil fuckers!) or those who tried to diminish my spirit. Well...I will be Seeing you in Hell if there is one. There will be no conciliation or reconciliations or forgiveness until they rectify their behaviours and attitudes towards me.

I fought long and hard to gain reintegration into my life after the numerous harms they wrought for me.

The gods and I have a contract. I need to learn skills that make me feel “successful” and proud of my few rarified accomplishments and leave those bastards to sit in the dust from whence they came like the ghosts in the Machine they always were/are.

It’s all Illusion...Babies. A virtual reality game and I am tired of the rat wheel and the maze and the soulless fucks that we’re drawn to my light and fight!

But....Magic happens Sweethearts...I have evolved into a Woman that is strong and determined but my weakness is I loved far too much for far too long.

The past few months have been kinder to me. I let go! I made myself busy with materialist manifestations of my creative spirit. I even fantasised about getting my own business again and being financially stable and independant so that no fucking rapey abusive treacherous using malevolent man can ever bring me down again.

But...that’s not how it works. My creativity and my business dream is just a distraction while I bleed love from the eternal Source of life into a vapid callow man.

Luckily the eternal one keeps filling me up. Feeding my soul with the ambrosia of the gods and gifts me the most remarkable strong loyal friends to off-set the agony. Yes!!! Grateful and happy to be alive and in love ...with The Tanya. At long last!

31 May 2019

Oh look 11:11 am. Very cool! Thank you my angels.

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Nu? Shabbat Shalom!

It’s been a weird sort of day. I felt “off” most of the day so stayed in bed. But around 3 pm I took pity on a certain pooch and took him and Charlie bird for a walk around the block (2 blocks) even though my asthma is bad and I feel weak and crappy. But anyway, that short walk helped me reintegrate in my body.

So then I spent the evening taking down the beaded window fascinators in the kitchen window, washing them, added bells to a couple, (I am obsessed with bells lately -ding dong the witch is dead comes to mind ;-)).

I actually walked to Elite Handcrafts yesterday to buy more brass bells but they were closed. I am craving more “sound healing” I guess or the faeries have bodysnatched me and it is they who crave tinkling bells. Move over Tinker!!!

Anyway, I digress: I polished the copper window pole and hung all the beaded thingies from my obsessional compulsive hoarding of trinkets back up. Then I realised they are not all in alignment but fuck it I don’t care. It’s Art. Being squidgy is how I roll.

Now it is quite cold this evening and I am contemplating whether to go dancing and rock the Kasbah (ok ok not as exciting...the Livewire Bar dance floor where I am forced to dance without a drink in my hand which is tiresome as I don’t want to fraternise or slosh alcohol down my neck so I can quickly resume my dancing...I actually don’t enjoy that aspect at all now.

Mama T is grateful that no drunks can soak her beautiful frocks with deliberately aimed booze by aforementioned drunken oafs but why oh why am I punished for yet again standing up for myself???

Soo darlings... do I dance? Or stay home in the comfort of my humble abode (perhaps buy cheap wine and drink alone without forced interactions with others???

I can’t decide. In this moment. But Alter Egos is playing and I do like them. So we shall see...perchance to dance. I don’t need much to drink to be fabulous anyway.

Update 31 May 2020: Funnily enough I was polishing the brass bells and beads tonight as well!

31 May 2018

I have spent the evening doing washing, changing bedlinen and decluttering my laundry. Omg! Crystal is half right. I have been hoarding. I threw out excess old mis-matched cutlery. Plastic containers. Glass jars. (Only a few jars as I like recycling them).

I took the velvet drapes down in the spare room as they are dusty and covered in cat fur. Gross! So that will be another day of washing tomorrow.

Now rather sore and tired so soaking my muscles in a hot Epsom Salt bath. Tomorrow I will try to “release” more stuff.

If anyone is interested in buying a chest freezer, $50 and a bar fridge $50 and 2 timber wardrobes $40 each

Please pm me. Time to let go of stuff that I am not utilising.

Laila Tov (good night y’all!)

31 May 2017

I had another wonderful day in Byron Bay with Jenny and Terrie. We arrived about 11.30 am and left at 6ish. Just got home. So awesome!

We got to dance with the drumming circle again. Beauregard was terrified of the drums at first but soon was jiving to the beat in De Mama's protective arms.

The beach was wonderful. I had a swim! Grateful and happy woman here! Thank you Universe and my beautiful friends.

I came home to discover the fence is still a long way from being finished. The workmen had not arrived when we left for Byron at 9.30 am so I knew it was going to be another put-off job.

I took photos of the shoddy workmanship. I am still deciding whether to complain about the fencing job to Housing. After all I only live here. But if the crap falls down in 5 years (not enough concrete in last posts) they will try to blame me, no doubt.

I am happy I had a nice day in Byron though.

31 May 2016

Good Morning Facebook friends. It is a beautiful sunny morning. I am just out of bed. I was blessed with an egg this morning. So one of my recalcitrant hens has been eye-poppingly busy this morning. This is ironic as I bought half a dozen eggs yesterday.

I had a lovely day with Jarrod yesterday. I love spending time with my friends. I am still a bit tired but waking up this early might be an improvement.

Life is good.

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Haha! I just called out to the drain. Penny come out if you are in there! Here she comes. She mewled in disgust! Then walked back to her spot! "Mama I got work to do down in the bowels of hell!" I said "I know but do you realise how much work it is for Mama to tell people not to steal you and that you are my cat!" She just lay down and rolled her eyes. Maybe she wants to be cat-napped.

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Some long-haired heavy metal guy stopped to admire my pussy. I could see him thinking she was a stray and contemplating stealing her. Penny loves to sit like a guardian of the sewer drain that leads to the river, or Mordor.

I saw his face light up with a gleam of covetousness. So I yell out "The cat is mine!" He nods back, slightly disappointed.

I will have to make a sign (Any cats seen emerging, leaving or guarding the sewer belong to the Witch at 44 Diamond Street. They are not homeless. They just love Freestyling).

I have had several people attempt to steal Penny and Mushu and Socks. It is nice my cats are highly desirable. But gees whiskers...people! Get your own Feline Overlords.

31 May 2014

I am overwhelmed to discover who my real friends are. Funny how being attacked by 3 people brings me to the realisation that there are plenty of good people around me who do genuinely care.

Nothing like the threshing floor, to sort the wheat from the chaff. Not cool that I get put through this again and again but G-d does move in mysterious ways and we all know what happens to those who harm me for no good reason.

I shall sit back and enjoy life as usual, and watch karma dish out what karma dishes out. It's a cold dish but it can taste really good at times.

From the comment section: yeah just got a swollen, soon to be bruised back of my shoulder. It took 3 very large security guards to get the three arseholes off me. I went berserk, fighting them off after one of them spat in my face.

Kind of funny really, except now I can't exactly go back as I now have a reputation for violence. Ahem. I didn't start it, obviously. I am very distressed.

This seems to happen to me way too often for my liking. What can I say? Trauma…and more trauma but I am damn proud of myself for coming out fighting. (I probably shouldn't be, but I am That I am.)

Jarrod: WTF? Why didn't you tell me about this when I asked what was wrong last night and today? You still have friends out there that care, don't forget that.

Me: I told you I was in a fight Jay...It's all good. I know I am loved. Just very gutted at being a perpetual victim/shield maiden.

All I ever wanted was to find a loving male partner, and now that is ruined for me, as she has told them all I am crazy and let's face it, both men I liked have seen me in full flight, so guess what...I look pretty crazy.

Oh well...such is life. I was crazy from PTSD not the “mania” she is spreading lies about. Although that too could happen one day...Then my life will be over.

Hollie, I'm not sure I can go back. It seems every other week, I end up in a fight with someone, last one was only a few weeks back. Security think I am too much trouble. I guess I am.

I love that place which is weird given how much trouble occurs there, and how often I have to fight off predators and drunks or sometimes drunk predators as well. 🙂 Roscoe was sweet though and asked me if I was ok when he found me hanging out with George outside the casino.

As for the others, they did pull the people off me, so they did their job, but it's embarrassing for me to keep going back to a place where I am in constant combat. It makes me look a) desperate, b) crazy c) like a shit -stirrer and d) or a victim.

I like to think I am none of those things, so I am magnetically drawn like a moth to a flame to prove myself over and again, but it's the same people who attack me each time, and now they roam in packs lol.

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They tried to kill me, I WON, Let's Party. Nil Carburendum Et Bastardoes. NEVER LET THE BASTARDS GRIND YOU DOWN.

So Jo picked me up and helped me pick up my car from that former friend. Which was lovely of her. Then we spent the afternoon together. She made me copious cups of tea and listened to me debrief my tumultuous night last night.

It's a shame it went so wrong, as I was feeling happy and beautiful and was dancing with a very shy, sweet young man who actually told me he was nervous to be around me (when he was trying to tighten my necklace.)

I was very touched by this, as it's obvious he has a bit of a crush on me, but being rather young I hadn't really taken him up on his vibe.

Next thing I know I was in a brawl with 2 men and a woman when I firmly but gently pushed the other guy away as he had lent back into me for the fifth bloody time and I was heartily sick of it.

So that guy turned and punched me in the back of my shoulder and I insisted the security throw him out and next thing I knew his two friends were attacking me as well. The male friend spat in my face (So I lost it then!) and the woman tore at my hair, so I kicked her in the nether regions.

I'm sick to death of having to fight for my right to dance and have a nice time. The worst thing is my friend was yelling at me that I am Manic. (Which I absolutely am not!) and went and told everyone, including security at the casino that I was manic and punched the woman in the face, which I did not.

Mid-fighting, I apologised to the sweet young man about the upset, got dragged outside by the couple (or ended up in the doorway with her tearing at my hair...it all happened so fast even I am not sure how they got involved except I told them distinctly to stay out of it.)

So LMAO, there goes any chance at a nice love life now that my so-called friend has told everyone I am crazy and violent (the violence I admit to, as I was not going to let someone attack me and get away with it. I mean, Spitting....in my face....like a fucking animal!) and then the worst is lying about my defending myself. That is soo unforgiveable.

Then she followed me to the casino and had the nerve to tell security that I had just been in an altercation and punched someone, so they hassled me. I said, “I have been in an altercation at the pub, yes, but I have not caused a problem here so what happened at the pub is none of your business”.

To which the security guy (usually a sadist!) agreed with me, then when I came out and found the friend waiting for me, pretending she cared after causing problems for me at the casino, and I told her the friendship was over, I got told by security to move on again. Which was grossly unfair as I had not done anything at the casino.

Anyway I went and had a cry at the park as I had an hour to kill while I waited for the nightlink buses to start at 1.30am, and the lovely George, who is a true friend (nice to know these things in the night, in a crisis!) came to get me and asked me to sing with him and dance as we normally do and if not, I had to go home as it was not good for me to be upset like this.

So I joined him, and some gorgeous wild woman in the night, Trudy from Noosa, came along and she must have sensed my trauma, grief and pain, cos she danced with me and hugged and kissed me and told me how awesome I am and how beautiful (she wasn't gay, as her man was waiting around with us) and I told her that she had been a gift to me in the night and a blessing and I appreciated her Love so very much and she was just what I needed. (Angels in human form are still Angels).

Another older man, a friend of George's also comforted me and said "I still see darkness in you, the hurt". I smiled and nodded. The darkness....49 years of it, an indelible mark like the Beast....trauma, violence, abuse, and the dying starving inner child looking for love and finding it amongst the torpid ugliness and filth and squalor of Brisbane city.

I am grateful to those brave beautiful souls, Jo, Shauna, Roscoe, George, Trudy and her man, Barry, Lucy (who's handbag was stolen last night while we were at the casino...I got in later lol) who did not turn on me and call me crazy but loved me anyway and helped me heal, by laughing with me, singing and dancing and loving. That is my blessing...That I am loved, in spite of my (now many....) enemies.

Update: 31 May 2022: Ironically I have a very sore shoulder 8 years later as I had a skin cancer cut out yesterday. A different kind of “attack”. A life saving one. But it hurts quite badly (12:32 am).

Funny how these patterns seem to keep recurring. At least I was not involved in a brawl with fucking miscreants this time.

31 May 2013

Home from a night out, Thursday night at the pub. Jabba played. The bass guitarist said hi to me, but other than that I had a pretty irritating time, cos some guy who threatened me a few weeks ago was there, so I ignored him and to be fair he stayed away but I was hypervigilant due to that, then some young irish twats stole my hat and hid it, so I was furious about that, and another guy was hassling me on the dancefloor so I had to ask security to tell him to back off, which he did.

Then when I finally decided to leave around midnight, I wove my way decisively through the dancefloor and was out the door to bemusedly observe Phil the biker who watches me avidly each week, but rarely ever speaks to me or even says hello, follow me out.

I went to get a cappuccino at the kebab shop and was surprised to find Phil waiting for me (not being obvious but sorta loitering with the smokers). I went to press the button for the pedestrian crossing, and he and I sorta nodded to each other, then I casually walked up Elizabeth street to my car.

I found it rather touching that he had worried enough about me to make sure I left safely. He must have seen that I was rather uptight about the shitty treatment and thought he would take it upon himself to see me off. Awwww!

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Still Awake.. Pondering.. A young couple were on the dancefloor alongside of me and they were locked in a passionate embrace smooching a la French. I looked over and smiled but then discreetly looked away, focussing my attention on TV on the lefthand wall.

I was thinking I was glad to be single and to not have to cope with such passionate public displays of affection but then remembered I have never been truly loved so wondered if that might have made a difference in my life if I had been?

The band leader told them they were too much and should really get a room as it was hard for him to play as it was making him horny. Lol. They smiled and walked towards the door. Jabba says again, “Gees Dude every man in here wants to be you” to the young couple.

The young woman approached me and half cynically I said to her, “Don't worry, I don't want to be you". She surprised me by replying "Wow ‘cos I really want to be you hon!"

So I calmly replied," Oh no, really Darling, no you don't ever want to be me!" She kissed me on the cheek saying " I do, cos you are beautiful!"

I was quite stunned but as they were leaving she said to me "Go on, give him a hug” pointing to her new man so I pointed to my left cheek which he happily kissed then I embraced him and she, he and I sort of group-hugged then they departed.

My heart melted briefly but it was a very odd thing to happen. I blessed them with a lovely evening without saying another word.

Random things like this happen to me a lot when I am out.

31 May 2012

I slept from 4 am til 5 pm today. I was busy all night sorting my Kitchen cupboards and putting stuff away plus finishing all the dishes. It was Epic. Now I have the floors to clean. My place will look liveable for the first time in weeks! Woohoo!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons