Memories: 28 September 2025

28 September 2025

11:49 am good morning. I finally slept from 4:09 am. Rough night. Interesting! All my senses were on full activation. Another shift.

I just woke up from dreaming about being shown two areas of land. One looked very pretty, as pretty as the other community. But there was a seeping evil that belied the sunshine and imagined “happiness”.

I was told. “Do not go there! It’s not safe for anyone!” I replied “but it looks all so peaceful and happy!” “They” replied. “It’s an illusion. A masquerade”. Then we flew over another area. Not too far distant from the other “country”.

“Here is a good place to live/work/exist. Here the people are down to earth, real. Kind. Noble”. I reply “I can’t tell the difference between the two areas. Both look warm and friendly.”

“Yes”, “they” replied, “that’s how they trick you, lure you in, play you for a fool and if you remain unconscious of their evil, “turn” you rancid, apathetic and wicked too. Like a contagion. But you always have a choice. To stand in your own authority, integrity, light.

I feel a sense of frustration. “When will I find my people”…the land of peace and joy and nobility, of courage, decency.

“They” point to the good land. “It’s there. It’s been waiting for you all this time. Your entire lifetime. It’s always been there. Build it and they will come. It’s within you.”

I wake up tired, gasping inside my mask. Shangri bloody la. But a new world is coming….I can sense it…beckoning to me, becoming me. Making room for me. Holding space for me. Shining bright for me. Where there is real love, genuine heartfelt care, community. Support. Ennoblement. Courage. Where we dance and sing and rejoice.

“Wake up Tanya…it’s a dream you saw unfold beautifully then evil shut it down again.”

Yes…it was astonishingly beautiful. Encouraging. Thank you Richard, Taylor, Tyrone, Juddy, Pauly, Mr Likka, Erin and Nathan, Elle, Rose, Ness, Tim and Katie, Luke, Adrian, Hayley for creating that world, albeit for a relatively short time, at the Brooklyn Standard. It was sublime. I felt loved and cared for. It showed me what is possible…I loved my time dancing with/for you all.

Thank you Juddy for that time on 5th July 2024 when you placed your guitar in my arms and told me I am part of your band. That was wonderful.

Sending you all much love. Sending much love to all my friends who shine bright for me in these dark turgid scarifying times.

Today is my friend Jarrod’s birthday. Time to celebrate.

…

Busy afternoon and evening. I baked a gluten free orange and poppyseed cake for Jarrod’s birthday. We are going to Mt Tambourine on Tuesday. Then I cooked a lovely dinner with lots of vegetables. I scorched the two long thin eggplants on my gas stove and peeled the skin off. It gave the chicken stir fry a lovely smokey taste.

After dinner I made gluten free poffertjes which I will freeze down for when Jarrod visits occasionally. They actually turned out fluffier than when I use normal self raising flour! Yummy!

Now resting and watching Outlander on Stan :-). I have had a lovely day even though I slept until 11:49 am. I didn’t do any bindi weeding today. Exhausting!

28 September 2023

It’s another beautiful hot day. I woke up at 8 am for my 8th pee. Not much rest last night. But I felt in a happy mood so I put on music, washed all my dishes from last night’s cooking efforts (bolognaise and roast pumpkin, sweet potato and potatoes!)

I even danced to some of the songs. I decided today (or in this moment!) that I will strive to live fully and vibrantly and perhaps…even fall in love with life again. I don’t choose Death. It chooses me. But I fight on another day. There is great beauty in that.

Yesterday I spiralled under with the knowledge that my daughter and a friend are moving on, choosing other people to ride into the sunset with…and I need to be okay with that.

It’s perfectly natural to grab at love with people you think will give you energy, time… and lovemaking…and some kind of future with. But I have been abused and used for long enough. So I will detach, unravel my strong determined anchoring heart lines…and let the fuck go.

It almost tastes of freedom. Happiness. Knowing that I am able to love myself enough to survive this next horror: losing everyone I love.

Who will be there for me at my ultimate End? Only the gods know. But I will continuously arise and shine, experiencing the Divine. Sublime!

…

1:01 pm a big storm is imminent. It blew up almost out of nowhere, the skies black and threatening. I rushed to bring Charley back inside. It explains my unusual feat of happiness this morning, and the need for music and dancing. My spirit adores Wildness. Always has…always will.

I hope we get a good dose of rain! The garden needs it. Our desiccated spirits need it too.

Shaftamayim b’sason. Water from the heavens is most welcome!

…

Rainnnn….and it’s delicious and supercharged by the electrons. Gratitude to Thor and Odin. 🙂

28 September 2022

11:01 pm. I am tired. Soul tired. But half watching a movie on Netflix about star crossed lovers.

I need to go to bed. Dream my own dreams. Write my own love story in the astral. Manifest it in real life. But I am too tired for that.

28 September 2021

…

Hours of labour later. Two roundish beads and sanded back the square ones. I don’t know why I am doing this? It’s rather pointless. But better than either fomenting Revolution or suiciding I suppose. Being a nice little artist with no future has its humourous side.

On another note: treasury casino sent me a voucher with $10 casino dollars on it. Business must be bad if they are actually paying me to come back. LMAO!!!

If they actually hired personnel who treated me (and no doubt other women like me) with basic respect… why!… we might have still been creating wildness and magick on that sleazy unsafe dance floor.

The voucher is for October. I might take advantage of the free drink it will buy me. After 10 years of dancing there and all the evil shit I had to rise above each weekend I guess I deserve a free drink. :-)

28 September 2020

Watching “The Social Dilemma”. Disturbing reminder of what I already know: our world is manipulative, deceptive, narcissistic and SUPERFICIAL.

Yet still I write my truths on FB (and repost my memories) as I wish to preserve my Voice and my consciousness and it is this ego-driven desire to be a known, heard, witnessed and even validated which is being harvested and monetised.

Literally being played for a Fool: over and over again.

28 September 2019

I had a good night dancing, except for being bloody stalked by the creepy bald guy. He got up in my face. I told him to leave me alone. Same old shit for 4 years.

He said “I haven’t been for months. I am actually a nice guy!” I replied “yet here you are again, still harassing me. You are a fucking psychopath. Why would you think I would ever change my mind about you?!”

I started counting to ten. Got to 5 and he ran like a rabbit. Only to cycle back again not long after. I reported him to security but he behaved himself when he realised he was being watched. Ghastly little dweeb.

The bass guitarist was very supportive and asked if I was all right? I told him I was ropable but it’s all good. Keep playing and I will keep Dancing. He was very kind and sweet.

I stayed until the band finished then left to find my homeless friend to give her the clothes I bought her. I found her just as I was returning to fetch my car. So that was good!

…

I find it spiritually interesting that just after I burned my divorce and Cees’ albums I get stalked again at the casino. No accidents in the universe. How much longer are these psychic vermin going to harass me? Hmmm.

28 September 2018

I am feeling really discombobulated. Probably upset myself watching Marilyn Van Derbur’s testimony last night. It is very distressing.

So I am sitting on the grass, letting my emotions leach out of me, into the earth beneath me. Mother Earth will heal my emotions and ease the despair.

Charlie and Bobo are with me, keeping me company and delighting my eyes with their funny antics.

The neighbourhood is quiet. My asthma seems to be slightly improved. Not coughing as frequently. I do feel exhausted from weeks of illness.

This too shall pass 🙂. I am trying to summon up the psychic energy to push myself by going dancing tonight. I think I will manage it.

…

28 September 2017

Hotter than Hades but I am watering my garden and pleased that my gp thinks I look very fit and well (from all the dancing). I have a few issues to check out but I am vastly improved from 10 years ago. No psych meds, no gastrostop, only have to watch my bladder, and my cholesterol (I refuse medication for that). Blood pressure good. Medication for reflux.

I choose Life (or what is left of it). Happier these days (took a dive for a month but getting back to my usual equilibrium of two steps forward one step back). I miss not having loving children but all good. Life is gonna be great without liars and ambivalent dependants in my life. Loneliness is the handicap but freedom from oppression (Fucking Priceless).

Only one thing I miss out on is money and requisite security but have learnt to cope even without that.

I have a beautiful garden, home, pets, wild animal friends and some beautiful soulful people who do care about me.

I am rich and blessed and joyous and so grateful. (Today is a good day, can you tell?)

…

Karen and I are sitting on the couch with the fan blowing on us, and watching "The Little Prince".

Byron Bay tomorrow. Omg. Woohooo! Bliss!

28 September 2016

Just had my debrief. My doctor said I am re-birthing my core energy. Damn straight. Setting limits and boundaries and reclaiming my inner space/headspace.

I told him about the living god and his defective alimentary canal and the mad sense of humour and the level of intimacy. I told him about the Mr Doggie video Jarrod sent me and how I laughed so much I cried. It was hilarious.

I told him about my long slow Death by Carbicide and how I am keeping myself busy with creativity so I don't spiral under. Also how I intend to do something else with my life rather than give give give of my energy at the casino only to get played like a fucking idiot. My time/health/ deserves more respect. So I will be giving it to myself.

28 September 2014

While I have been out each weekend, chasing The Cock Supreme and the Holy Grail of a decent man that might actually want me for more than a quick frotter, I have been growing my own personal Man-child. Here he is, even has a Blue beard, with a full wattle and I am busy taming him down each night with epic snuggles and kisses before he channels his inner Crow and grows some nasty vicious spurs. He is so loving and sweet at the moment. I hope he stays that way.

My rabbit grandkids are giving me the Silent Treatment. They are very quiet pets anyway but when they got the hump with you...you knowwww in no uncertain terms.

So we are in the garden and they are smooching and leaving me in Siberia where they think all grandmas who go out all weekend should be. Wodka, anyone????

Crystal gets on the phone and tells me I should let them set the pace and decide when and how they will get in and out of their carrier box.

I said “Crystal... Darling, the day has not come yet that I am Dominated by a Rabbit. No way, no how!” She says, “OK Mum”, with some resignation.

Ha! Little does she know those fluffy carrot-eating turds have me wrapped around each very lucky paw! Bastards!

I am OWNED in my own Sacred Space, by chooks, cats and rabbits when I have "access privileges". Hell, even the goldfish own me.

I love it!!!!

…

1.17pm utterly exhausted so slept badly. Woke up at every sound and the neighbours were noisy pricks today, using machinery. I should bring the pub party home and keep them awake all night. See how they like it!?

Also I am in such pain in my feet, it is hard to sleep through it.

So I am gonna get up and spend quality time with the animals today. I said I would get up early.

…

Weird sychronicity again. The guy I met early this morning had his birthday on 27 August last month. He is a Virgo. I met my former husband on 28th August and his birthday on 3 sept makes him a virgo too.

I actually joked that I would meet someone on 28th August as I have met several partners on that date. (So I avoided going out on that date to limit the opportunity of bad history repeating lol.)

The other odd thing was the guy's background is German/english which is similar to mine. I actually thought he looked a bit Italian.

Anyhow, whether I see him again or not it is not lost on me that the universe is sending me Red Herrings. My previous love interest (I was in love and he had only disinterest in me) was a Pisces. He shared my former stepfather's birthday (28 February) and was named the same as my biological father.

I knew then I should give him a wide berth but somehow I was magnetically drawn to another shitty gameplaying sociopath like a moth to a flame.

Dave the Abandoner/rejector. Just like my Dad and a former Lover named David Twice. Fakers of loving attention/intention then withdrawal.

I finally kicked that game only days ago, so it is ironic that this time I meet a man similar in attributes to my ex.

Still we had a pleasant evening and a singalong. (I was too tired to dance anymore as my feet were spasming in agony from dancing all night at the pub).

The first thing I did when I got to Garden City Interchange was take off my boots and stockings and run to my car. It was so great to feel the damp Dewy ground and to let my muscles unfurl.

…

5.52 am I had a great night out dancing at Irish M's with Jabba. I had gone to see Riverfire with Sarah . We were trying to meet up with Karen but we had dinner first and then the bridge access had to be opened up.

We got to dance a bit with Karen then she left. Sarah went to do her thing and schmooze. I rocked out with Ron and some lovely friendly young women.

At the end of the night that creep Eli the security supervisor pulled me aside and said "I know you hate me but.." I cut him short. I said you still owe me an apology and until then I am not interested in anything you have to say.

I wanted to report him to the Manager as I am sick of being hassled by Eli, but I was informed he was Busy. So hmmmm. I have done nothing wrong and according to Eli Le Douchebag, I escalate violence at the pub which is a cowardly lie and excuse for them Not Doing their job!!!! Which is why I stayed away for a month.

I am disgusted that I was even accused of that when all I do is watch out for Myself, and my friends while dancing. I have every right to do so.

If Management has a problem with me dancing there, then Management can tell me themselves not through that weasley cowardly security supervisor!

At 2 am I went to casino to await Sarah. She never showed up at 3 am like I expected but I met a very nice man and we sat and chatted and even sang along to the schlocky god-awful 60's and 70s song the casino DJ was playing so it was awkward and embarrassing but I like a man who likes singing along with me.

I caught the 4.31 bus to Garden City to retrieve my car, and was surprised when I got home to discover a voicemail from new guy. Hmmm! Unusual! I usually scare them off! Lol!

I am glad he came over to talk to me as I had to eat dirt just being in the casino with my former friend and all her chums hounding me right behind me as she thinks she owns the place and security there were monitoring my conduct carefully.

Well, I held my ground with dignity and aplomb and met a nice guy instead. I thanked him for chatting with me and saving me from the Trolls. He was most amused! (Probably thought I was paranoid!) Alas no.

I am glad the former friend did not start shit with me. It would not have gone well.

I was good to that woman! So my conscience is clear.

28 September 2008

was overjoyed that the radiator was fixed but now the battery is flatttttttt.

….

is sipping wine and commiserating the fact that her car battery is dead.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons