Memories: 27 October 2025

27 October 2025

4:44 am awake for the third time to pee. I put some icy cold water on the back of my neck to encourage my vagus nerve into higher functioning. I drank half a glass of cold water. I slept deeply but my bladder says “Rise and shine! It’s a new day!” so I have been overcoming, conquering autonomic systems on override.

Ahh well. It’s dawn. I am alive. I can keep living, loving, being. Many others have not made it this far or this long. I must be grateful and accept with open arms and an open mind all that the gods still have in store for me.

Life is good. I have beautiful soulful talented clever friends. I have the birdy boys. I have the fish. The garden. I have my own power, wisdom and absurdist sense of humour. I have breath in my lungs. I have courage.

Another day in paradise.

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https://youtu.be/uuQi1Nz8RMs?si=xAdusAtFK07CKOS4

Fixed my spinning wheel. Yayyy!

27 October 2024

8:37 am. Awake! I have had a shower. I had a strange dream this morning. A woman who looked a lot like Queen Elizabeth 2 came to visit me in my humble abode.

She was much younger, in her early 40s so about the age I would have remembered her when she came on tour to NZ. I was about 6 years old. I didn’t get to see much as it was crowded and I was small and, in true revolutionary/anarchistic form, I am not much of a royalist. Too Wild and free!

I believe in equality, freedom, peace and joy. Not elite families conquering and colonising and taking all the world’s resources and turning the entire globe into a form of slavery.

But in the dream she arrives, alone, looking a bit fragile, quite frankly. I ask her who she is and what she is doing at my home?

She replies serenely, almost regally. “I am Queen Elizabeth 2, of the House of Windsor”. I reply, in a state of some shock and awe “Really? Do I need to curtsey, as a Jew I bow before no human but G-d!”

She replies “Tradition demands it!” With a sad wry sardonic smile.

I say “Well, in honour of this most extraordinary event of having Her Majesty visit me in my humble abode, I will gladly bow before you, my Queen!”

I drop down to a very awkward courtesy, almost tumbling over my large hobbit feet. Argggh. I blush deeply at my lack of grace and aplomb.

She gently reaches over. “You are not doing it right, Tanya. You need to also lower your head and eyes to the ground!” She pushes down on my crown chakra.

I’m already trying not to fall in a tumbledown clownish way, now full of nerves and excitement because I have just realised I am really being visited by the Queen in her prime (as spirits are wont to do!) and I have a sudden inexplicable urge to please her and grant her the obeisance and honour of her systemic fucking rank. Even in the spirit domain of my psychedelic dreaming.

I smile and blush deeply with embarrassment, but I drop my head and cast my eyes to the floor.

“Good, Tanya, that is how it’s done!”

I don’t get to ask her why she has visited me or what it is she wants with me? I don’t even get to stand upright to hear her message.

I awaken. Thinking as I often do when coming out of one of my weird arse dreams “What the fuck?”

But I can still sense the aura of deep magick and power and even good-humoured grace she blessed me with. She knows how I fought against her favourite paedophile son, but sympathised with her, a mother, a queen who lost her family honour due to that ghastly horror and, with the poisoning of the Covidian insanity, subsequently died.

Her Majesty knows how hard I fought. It was all for nought. But now she has visited me in my dream, I wonder? Is this her way of showing me recognition for my spiritual warrior ways?

Or is it a reminder to never lower my status to any man, woman or child except actual titled Royal bloodlines and even then, only for the sake of tradition and to appease the masses. Pomp and ceremony. A pantomime.

For under G-d’s infinite eternal eye, we are all humans and all equals. Take away the wealth, or the health, the family love, the hubris, we are all just naked monkeys scrabbling in the dust and fecal matter of our ancestors. Trying to make our way “Home”.

Perhaps she comes to remind me to be Queen of my own destiny. Heart, Mind, Soul. To rise up when the occasion demands it. Head high, shoulders back, chest out. Walking with the lithe walk of a jaguar in the jungle. Not broken anymore. Rebuilt, reconfigured, battle worn but joyous and triumphant and defiant.

To never cede, never quit, never yield. Not even to Queens. For my courage is my blooded loyalty to my own personal humanity. My womanliness. My heart-mind connection. I am restored. I am fully activated. I am alive. I am….Loved. Astonishing! To come to think of it! How greatly I am loved!

Her Majesty was happy I curtsied for her. Happy I recognised and acknowledged her power. Wanted me to experience the emotion of laying myself low before inherited greatness. But I could tell with her wry smile and the twinkle in her eye that she didn’t care if I curtsied or not. It was just a performance. A little game she played with me.

Out of force of habit, I suppose. Have great day Lilibet! Remember, to never ever let the bastards grind you down. I suppose in eternity, in the Light she will never suffer the slings and arrows of malfeasant evil sons or their mistresses and errant greedy wives.

I hope she is enjoying a good rest. From all that scurvy lot. Lmao.

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https://youtu.be/hB9QIhddINY

“Lord Death awaits us all…:-)

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27 October 2023

1:15 am Grateful for the much yearned for rain. It’s cooler and refreshing. I want to dance and feel it on my skin. Or go on a walk in the rain. But I am too sick so it could cause pneumonia. Or some other evil shit. But…my spirit is dancing and soaring in several Dimensions beyond my body.

She is dancing and singing and sending out electrical signalling to those that love her. You can feel me if you cared enough to try.

I also wanted to stand outside and primal scream until I pass out. The temptation is real. It can always go either way. This catalysation of mind over corporeal matter, of heart over bio-engineered maledictions.

Someone should manufacture my life force’s frenzied Berserker rage right now. It could move mountains, disrupt evildoers’ plans, bring down dystopian perverted corrupt societies, like we brought down the Berlin Wall…one brick at a time.

Fuck it!

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So update: because the government or evil trickster spirits will not even leave me alone in peace when quite ill, fighting off Covid: those pernicious little algorithms.

I finally received late this evening a letter from the system administrators that took over from Shine lawyers. I got such a shock I almost vomited and fainted. I have been worrying for months now, as to how I will afford my own funeral.

The letter they sent me implied that I am due to get approximately $4000 next year when they finalise all the distribution to all claimants in the Ethicon tvt tape case.

So as I am writhing in my own primordial fury, clawing myself from the brink of Death yet again, I responded immediately with the proof they needed (the surgical report) which is the only evidence I have of that surgery since that fetid evil corrupt QE2 hospital destroyed and/or disposed of my patient file!)

I also told them the compensation which is timely (read that as “too little too late” will be appreciated as it would cover the cost of my own funeral and the cost of the private urologist my psychiatrist is paying for.

I can leave this earth with a clean slate and honour and integrity…having fought for my rights every inch of the way up to and including this current Covid illness.

I literally cannot even have peace when recovering from Covid. But as my friend Lyn always reminds me I do have a habit of being granted a financial (or otherwise!) miracle, always at my 11th hour when I lose all hope.

It’s interesting as I have been worrying all week about how I was going to pay for my funeral. Here is my answer carefully orchestrated by the gods

“Don’t worry, be Happy Tanya. We have your back!”

If that alleged compensation comes through in time before I die…then my daughters will be spared the degradation and humiliation of a paupers funeral paid for by Centrelink.

We have suffered enough as a family of women without that shanda too. But if I don’t survive until next year…then oh well…shit happens. I can’t worry anymore. It’s not like they give a flying fuck about me.

Push me out on a longboat in a quiet bay somewhere and let me burn down into the sea. Old school. Hail Odin.

27 October 2022

11:11pm. Life is full of surprises. Roll with them :-)

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I have had a lovely day. Crystal visited, then Lyn. Lyn and I went to Carindale. We had lunch then caught a movie “Ticket to Paradise”. Then we bought some goodies for halloween.

We returned home and Margot and her girls came past with a gift of some wonderful skull lights and lollies for Halloween also. Spoilt Mama T!!! So tomorrow I will be busy decorating the house entrance as I do every year.

It was a very muggy day today so it was actually a relief to spend time at Carindale Shopping Centre!

27 October 2020

27 October 2019

11:11 pm. Wow. Thank you Angels. It’s been an intensely spiritual few days. I feel like I have been put through the mincer in many ways but there have been some wonderful Gifts and surprises along with the grief and horror.

It is perhaps a sign that I am ready for the next evolution of my spirit in my own hurdy gurdy weird Berserker life.

I have been gifted with much love and if not love, then a kind of recognition. A bit startling. The most wonderful was the singer in the band declaring out loud on mic in front of the entire casino how happy she was to see me!

I was startled but delighted. She is a very affectionate, loving person and it was lovely to see someone so joyous and natural!

She may have me confused with someone else but I nodded and smiled and accepted the loving kindness as if it were completely meant for me!

We had met for the first time a month ago and she had hugged me and was very warm and loving back then. So it must be her natural authentic way of being and I find that just utterly gorgeous! No pretenses, no masks, just openness and loving kindness.

I told her I was thrilled her band was back and I hoped they kept getting bookings as they are awesome. She said they were, so I am really glad about that.

It is so nice to dance with a band where the musicians value your presence too.

The guy who played last week was utterly terrified of me and acted like I had leprosy. I laughed it off but it did make me feel a tad uncomfortable. But you can’t expect everyone to like you and this weekend showed me categorically that there are other people out in the world who find me adorable for no reason apart from that I keep Showing up, strutting my stuff and finding joy in my own little contributions.

Anyway, thank you Angels for showing me true hearts, minds and spirits and for gifting me with all the blessings, gifts and opportunities I need for my next journey.

Love is the Law!

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11:11 am. The angels are smiling upon us. We unworthy mortals who play our games, and plight our troths and scramble around in the dirt of the Earth and sometimes Rise and Shine. We hold our beloveds precious as our time in this reality is finite even as our souls are infinite.

Sophie is still alive and hanging in there and I am hopeful that she might be okay with the antibiotics and if not, we will gift her a gentle passage into the Void and much peace.

But this morning she ate a little bit and just before when I went to check on her, she was lying under the spare bed on the cool timber floor and did the most delightful thing. I said “How are you Sophie?”

She looked at me and stretched her paws out and placed them over her eyes like a facepalm (but probably has a headache!) and actually smiled at me. No matter what, she is glad to be home and knows she is in safe hands.

Maybe she will be okay for a bit longer? She is so beautiful and so independant and so strong in spirit. I can’t bear to euthanise her just yet.

27 October 2018

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I had my repetitive dream (dreamt it 3 times now!) about having a huge compost full of worms. These worms grew so large as snakes and reproduced rapidly.

I was living in a mountainous or hilly village and went down to a neighbouring village to try to sell the worms. I entered a restaurant and the chef was freaking out about the cuisine not being typical American fare.

For some reason I told him he needed a garden out back and I would supply the worms. He freaked out when he saw the snake-dimensions of the worms so I put my hand in the compost bin (or receptacle and grabbed a handful of the smaller ones!)

There was also a campervan and the snake-sized worms got out and crawled under the chassis and I was deeply horrified as I knew people would be terrified so ran around trying to get people to help me “catch” them. Slippery little suckers.

I seemed to travel uphill to my worm farm collective or whatever that was in my dream. Not sure if it was by car or bicycle but lots of travelling in a circular way (around a mountain) and shovelling huge quantities of worms. I have no idea how I was feeding them all.

Weird dream. Compost makes beautiful things grow now. Enjoying my blossoming.

27 October 2017

I still can’t shake a headache I have had since yesterday. Time to wash my hair and maybe sleep some more. Bloody heat is killing me.

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Kelly Anne: Come over here luv, I'll share sum of my gd shit with ya! 😂😂😂 Omg. This ketamine stuff is STRONG!!!

Me: Ketamine would be lovely. Lol.

I drank lots of water yesterday but the headache remained. Had to resort to panadol.

Magnesium makes sense too Julie.

I am currently lying in my Epsom salt bath after dancing all night. Will help my skin and aching joints. But yes I have some magnesium tablets so might take one for the internal headache thingy.

Also my teeth are painful again. Looks like I have to go back to the dentist and demand to see a specialist. Another summer in agony will not be survived. (I know, drama queen! But last summer was horrendous and I came very close to ending it). Sorta glad I didn’t but chronic tooth pain is very wearing on the body and soul I tell ya!

Anyhoo I love all my beautiful soulful friends, my animals, my angels and Creator who gave me this opportunity to live my life fully, beautifully and in freedom. It is what it is and I am Whom I am Becoming (mostly older and toothless but heck we are gonna enjoy the ride to the next adventure!

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Wow. I slept all day. I was really crook yesterday.

Beautiful afternoon. Windy and wild. I put Charlie outside for a spot of sunshine. I don’t like him being out in the wind. But he needs a change from the back bedroom.

I can’t find Sophie. She must have a hiding spot under the spare bed. Socks is lying on top like a Boss.

27 October 2015

3.44pm just got up. Wow! I finally took some Seroquel last night but only 25 mgs as I haven't needed it in a week to sleep. Then I bombed out for 12 hours! I was exhausted from my mini-spate of energy yesterday.

It has been a lovely day. It is very windy. I guess for storms are imminent. Singing of energy in my ears and solar plexus. Yes, grey thunderous skies to south-west of my house. Incoming!!!!!! Good, more welcome cleansing positive-ionised rain for my garden and my parched desiccated soul! Breathe!

27 October 2014

This evening at Dusk I had some very insistent hens trying to come inside the kitchen. They seemed stressed. The storm had finished.

I went to see what the problem was. Tabs and Elvira couldn't get into their coop as the door had slammed shut with the wind. So I let them in and they hurried upstairs to their perch. Happy again!

The silkies were running around in circles. So I checked their coop. The fucking flimsy thing had flipped over in the storm. Lucky they weren't in it during the storm or they might have been injured.

I righted it. Fixed up their nest area and perch. They were so grateful and happy to be able to go to sleep.

Dear Wee things. They were soaking wet from the rain. I gave them kisses and didn't even mind the wet chicken rangy smell. They nuzzled me Back. Bliss!

Fortunately Lyn has a stronger coop on layby for me. It is much needed and with storm season will be greatly appreciated by my feathered children.

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Storm over already at my place :-(. It was wonderful.

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Very late last night I put the straw and rabbit poop around the roses and the grape that is miraculously putting out new tendrils. (I thought it had died!) The rabbit poo seems to really satisfy my roses's appetites.

Now I need more for the weeping rose as she is fully blooming and a heavy feeder. Wormwee tomorrow, methinks.

I am so thrilled to be enjoying the abundant beauty if my garden. All my hard work over the years is finally paying off. Such Bliss.

Even the Macadamia (that Jarrod swore wasn't!) is nutting. This December-Jan I will have my first crop of nuts. Not many but still awesome!

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Last night when we came back from Red Rooster, Crystal ushered me down the road, acting furtive. I followed her and Behold! A fruit-laden Mulberry tree outside a house that was up for sale. So by torch-light on our iPhones we raided as many ripe berries as we could find.

The tree was only just ripening with plenty more fruit to come so we had a fun time searching for perfectly ripe mulberries. I told Crystal to go back in a few days and get enough to bake a pie.

There is something very exhilarating about gathering fruit from trees. We were like 2 naughty kids. Delightful!

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I got woken up by a Penny Kiss. I am greatly Loved, Valued, Respected and beautiful. Thanks Penny for making my manifestations so True. I adore you! (Now can you make a small effort to Not throw up on my bed!?) :-)

We are loved, even with our perfect imperfections.

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I have not been to bed yet. I just went out to let the chooks out and feed the goldfish.

My new boarder Bastard Buzzard was on the neighbour's shed roof...with his Missus. She was afraid of me so they both made a loud noise on the tin roof.

It seems Mr Scrub wanted her approval for egg-laying. So now the courtship begins. Fiddling on the roof.

Meanwhile down on the ground Mischief attempted to mate with his mother. I was very amused to witness that she was having none of that 'mischief' and whooped his arse, well spurred him away from her tender assets. It was a very funny sight.

Socks came in, demanded food but got smooches and cuddles instead, so has resigned himself to waiting a lot longer for his breakfast and is lying on the rug in the lounge like a Boss!

I spent the night after visiting Crystal, putting away the clothes she had fixed for me on her sewing machine. She taught me how to sew a straight line but the very idea of me and sewing machines gave me the heebie jeebies. (Mum used to hit me in the face or stick pins in me and scream at me whenever she sewed clothes for me. So sewing machines is one of my triggers.)

Crystal was amazed to discover that I could teach her what a dart is but refused to sew it myself. She eventually got me to sew up a draw-string bag with the black velvet Lyn gave me for my crystal ball.

I also got cuddles with the bunnies. Crystal bought us Red Rooster and put $10 petrol in the car. Woot!

I cut up pictures from old magazines and books for my decoupage. That kept me busy til Dawn. My case is almost finished. I need to buy the resin gloss for the final touch.

Crystal also gave me some song chords for my Ukelele. I really should practise that more often..and a lot. Too busy dancing!

Well, time to schluff. 5.25 am. A beautiful day!

27 October 2013

27 October 2011

I'm looking forward to seeing Carol again this December! They are coming to Surfers for a holiday!

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I brought in some gorgeous roses (photos to follow!) and put them in a vase! I haven't had a man buy me flowers in many many years so I resorted to growing my own. My Orchids are also in bud so I'm looking forward to another gorgeous display.

I shovelled some soil on my compost bin which I put horse poo on yesterday. I read somewhere you have to add soil sometimes too.

Apart from that I spent the entire day talking to my darling Carol, and a brief chat to Jarrod on the phone. Now tired but bored and fractious...yes, I know...another storm brewing but it hasn't hit yet and with the way it affects my emotions I wish it would just get over with it! LOL.

27 October 2010

I finally got to have my debrief with my new psychiatrist today. So awesome!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons