Memories: 26 May 2025

26 May 2025

9:40 am. awake. I feel like hell. But…it’s a beautiful day and I have a gold butterfly or two to make then (gulp) solder. I had a look at a video last night to see where I went wrong. I couldn’t identify the problem as I did everything “right”.

So I will grind down the area on the cuff flatter (that might be the only issue!) then go back in. Mama T has to be courageous and intrepid. Nothing comes easy. I need to persevere.

I had interesting dreams about being in a very fancy hairdressing salon. Somewhere with very wealthy clientele. The dream showed me that they also specialised in tattooing.

I had a young blonde hairdresser whom I was very happy with. I arrived one day to get my hair done an and she asked me to come talk with her in private. Nervously she asked me if I was happy with her services? I stated that I was indeed. Had I offended her as a customer? “No” she said. “Good then I am happy to continue coming here!”

There was another woman there, a rival for my love interest…watching silently in the background. She gave me the heebie jeebies but kept to herself and was non confrontational. I thought to myself ‘I hope she is not stalking me! What is it about women who screw “my men” lol, then get so obsessed with me…it’s fucking weird. It’s a small world that we should both be getting our hair done in this rather exclusive salon’.

My hairdresser sat me back down at a table that had a brass memorial plaque on top of it. It had lists of Jewish veterans. A man in his 30s sitting opposite me asked what they were?

As soon as I realised I was sitting next to a Yizkor list of dead jewish men, I said “I need to say Kaddish” and I stood up. Promptly my little pretty blonde young hairdresser stood up beside me and together we intoned “Yitkadal v’yitkadash…”

I turned to her in surprise. “I didn’t know you were Jewish?” She smiled and replied “Of course…I didn’t know you were Jewish either?” Then we hugged.

The dream ended.

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I don’t know what bird this is but he has the loveliest call.

Here we go again. One failed..or didn’t form the butterfly properly. Two will be sawed out, filed then hopefully (fingers crossed!) soldered. Not giving up…just yet. Why? I know I can do it! That’s why! #titaniasrealm #magickhappens #successis90percentpersistenceandtenpercentgenius #TheMamaTHasSpoken

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Today’s odd achievements: I screwed the castor wheels down on my old magazine rack and filed the excess screw lengths off (argghhh) then cut some lino to line the inside base. (Very professional now!) 🙂.

Then I cut thick leather scraps to made “handles”. One for my tree stump so it will be easier to pull it out each time I wish to stamp or use my shot plates. Yayyy! Less annoyances make Mama T “fly”!

Oh and I melted the gold butterfly “fails” down again. Still only two I can work with…argghhhh…but getting there.

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Late in the afternoon (around 4 ish) I brought Kermie and Beau inside. I brought them into my hallway with all the doors closed and let them take turns flying in the hallway. They were both so confused by this unexpected freedom. Both so sweet.

I will try to do this often and hopefully tame them down too. They are slowly getting used to me. I held little Beau in my hands (I wore dusting mittens which means they can’t bite me so easily). I scratched Beau’s ear which he really loved. He’s starting to like me, I think.

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9:30 pm Feeling very weak and dizzy…but fighting forwards as I do every day. I might have a cup of tea and go to bed early again. Knackered!

26 May 2024

My nickname at Wellington Girls College was Spinster. I was also told I would never get a fuck in a brothel. Lol. I married my first boyfriend to escape abuse and fell out of the frying pan into the fire. Ironically I have been a divorcee for 29 years and never married again, so my vicious bullying school girl peers were onto something. I am also learning to spin wool so Spinster has come full circle in my life.

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1920s breakup in the slang of that time period. Hilarious!

https://www.facebook.com/reel/977988223458448?fs=e&s=TIeQ9V&mibextid=0NULKw

26 May 2023

26 May 2022

I had advice from my Bling group that I need Mapp gas, so I will try with that!

26 May 2021

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Power has gone out at my place. Grrr

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La Luna is blushing now. (She dropped her skirts of cloud)...what a “Woman”!

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I have a very high pitch in my ears. Lol.

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11:11pm. May all our highest ideals, wishes and manifestations come true. With harm to none, let it be done! In the eternal Now. Amen v’ selah.

26 May 2020

11:08 pm another epic busy day. I finished sorting and Tetris-ing the laundry, including sorting screws. Gahhh! I have soaked some rusty hardware in Coca Cola more out of whimsy to see if it cleans them up.

I finished off the night putting all my childhood letters to Margaret in one of my folders. Then added the letter to Hans Paede and letters from Lynne.

I got very nostalgic and messaged Lynne in NZ who said she would be interested to read them. So I photographed the letters and sent them to her via messenger.

I hope they come through okay. It took a few hours. But I was sorting my own writing and marvelling at my own diaries while I did that task.

I also cut the lengths off two curtains that hang in front of one of the bookcases. I will have to hem them by hand as I don’t have a sewing machine.

Arghhh! I tried stapling the hems using a labeller for garments but it did not work. I had to google how to use the small Dennison tag gun left over from decades ago when my mad mother had a market stall. I eventually got there but it was no good for cheating at hems!

In the late afternoon I rushed to clean the filter in the pond and swapped over a pump with a much longer cord so that took time as I had to swap over the hardware too. It was a hassle but it is working great now.

I seem to be nesting in anticipation of some major change or shift. I pray it is for my most beneficial outcome as I am sore and cranky from all the frenetic frenzy.

I think once the house is in complete order that will clear my mental space to create more good stuff. Perhaps I will feel less like I am drowning and less demotivated.

I am currently lying in a hot bath, with a cup of tea, in considerable pain...but satisfied with my ridiculous house clearing. Floors still need mopping and vacuuming. I need a permanent house cleaner so I don’t have to deal with that lmao!

Anyway, Laila Tov. Hopefully this surge and or purge will soon pass.

26 May 2019

I spent today in bed. Exhausted. It was such a gorgeous morning but my body demanded rest.

26 May 2017

Watching The Keepers. Very hard watching for a survivor of CSA but important. A nun in Baltimore was murdered in the 60's for trying to expose a paedophile priest at Keogh School. The women are my age now. It is truly horrific!

26 May 2016

Eyes tested. They are slightly worse than 8 months ago but new glasses are not needed yet. Maybe in 6 months time. So that is reprieve, although I already have 2 spare frames to get Myriam to put lenses into. The govt issued ones always break within a week. Such shithouse quality. So I now pay for lenses.

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Feeling tired but have reduced my Cipramel (antidepressant to 20 mgs. One per day). It has been years since I was off my medications. I wonder if I will have more energy? Or will my mind schnap schnap shnappy again?

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Watching Great Expectations. The Tv series. Starring Gillian Anderson as Miss Haversham. Trippy!

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Marry me Johnny Depp. I don't want your money. I just want to be in your life, wake up to your quirky personality every day and your gorgeous face.

I too have a quirky personality. I am not the model-type but I sure as hell would not have left you when your mother died. That same shit was done to me. I know how that blows.

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Dog Sausage Dog Farts. Silent Waftery Odorific blessings from Mr Beauregard.

26 May 2015

26 May 2014

I did some praying to G-d last night. Re: my inability to get a life partner. To find real, enduring love from a male sexual partner. Something that causes me a lot of distress at times. So I asked for a sign.

This morning I got messaged from a lovely friend in Scotland who is a medium. She basically told me to ask God for permission to share me with a man and let me have a human relationship.

This totally resonated as I had told some young drunk Irishman on Friday night that I would not go home with him because he was young, drunk and I was married to God anyway lol. I was only half-joking.

So there is my sign. That night, in front of George, a fellow jew, and the casino (that den of iniquity!) I blasphemously shook my fist at the black cold autumn sky towards G-d and said "why are you so cruel and when will you cut me some slack? I don't ask for much!” I swore at Him too!

Interestingly although blaspheming is such a great sin, God and I have this really intense relationship. He moves mountains for me, but only when I really get passionately, furiously mad at him. I guess it's how he knows I Mean Business! It would be comical if it weren't so exhausting!

Thank you Hashem, for listening to me. I know You are busy with an entire multiverse to co-create, but it was sweet of you to show me you are working with me, not against me. Now I have Hope and....(stop laughing... I am serious!)

Now all of Facebook knows why I am Bonkers. I don't care. These little 'enlightenments' might just make someone's day.

For I am the most Blessed when I am the most accursed. Such is the life of The Tanya.

Another lovely day to look forward to, with Crystal and Jarrod. Time to get up and shower.

Update 2021: 7 years later: lmao. The Ein Sof (the Infinite one) still won’t allow me to have a sexual partner.

Part of that is my trauma issues. Part of it is metaphysical.

The Volver I saw for a reading (Jarrod and Crystal booked her on the occasion of my birthday) told me it was like I had been pissed on by a dog ie marked with their scent or the energy signature of that last lover had scared any other male from choosing me for a sexual partner.

I had to laugh as it’s true. Only it’s not a mortal man but Someone very determined to keep His promise to me to keep me safe and gift me a good and noble and happy loving life.

He cast me back to earth in 2015 and lately opened my creativity in a burst of frenzied activity that feels terrifying. A force of nature!

So hmmm...I can see what was the plan. I had to heal myself (to the tenth generation before me), to break the chains of mortal despair and dissolution and to finally step back into my fullness of body mind and spirit.

In a quirky way G-d is preparing me (making jewellery out of silver cutlery ffs) as was I not always born to have my silver spoon in my mouth and have I not been scorned, spat on, violated for that same silvery spoon I should have vomited out had I known the envy and malice that would surround me.

So I picked up my little spoon and am chewing on it again. (Silver is a natural antibacterial agent). Well colloidal silver is.

Silver is a symbol of the Moon. Tonight it will be a lunar eclipse and silvery and bright and allegedly “red”. Go figure.

Diana of the Moon be gracious to me. Love all the gods and goddesses, this earth and all that lives upon it...to the moon and back!

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26 May 2013

Waiting for bus to head home after big night out! Gail took me to Greenbank RSL for the Killer Queen Tribute Band then drove me into town to finish my night at Irish Murphies. Therefore my feet are killing me! I danced all night!

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Just had an altercation with 5 teenagers at the busstop. Needless to say they failed to get one over on me and the male arsehole nearly pooped his pants when I rapidly rose to my feet and verbally fended him off. Bus security came to my defense and shoved them away. (Not that I needed them).

This young generation of drugfucked Neanderthals have no guts or glory. I told them if we had to depend on them in a war we would all die and they should go take some more drugs!

The kid told me I had droopy boobs down to my knees. I said, “Maybe so but these breasts have raised two better individuals than you will ever be!” Apart from that, my night was awesome. Thank you very much!

26 May 2010

I spent all day going through all the paperwork I've kept from Mum and Buck and turning all the bullshit into compost. All the useful stuff has been sent to my lawyers. It is so good to release all this ugliness. I just hope it helps my garden grow LOL.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons