Memories: 24 October 2025

24 October 2025

10:30 am a good long sleep. Much needed.

8:06 pm I started putting out the Halloeeen decorations late this afternoon (when it cooled down). It was another scathing hot day.

I am getting ready to go to Stones Corner to dance for/with Ramjet. I haven’t danced in weeks. I am looking forward to it but nervous that there will be another scene orchestrated by Glen. If so, I will utterly ignore him. No one but no one has the right to drive me away from dancing out in the Brisbane music scene.

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https://youtu.be/SJcLkryZbAs?si=vN_HA2wN63uER8GM

“Sybil is back”. I had a feeling she might come back. Last year I had a carpet python from Halloween to Remembrance Day…12 days. I wonder how long this one is gonna stick around to shed her/his skin?!

Sacred Space where even the pythons feel safe and trust me with their slithery persons! Farkkk!

On a bright note the Divine Feminine is strong with this one! Lmao.

24 October 2024

https://youtu.be/bXLV5tgDVP0 “Charley loooovess yoghurt”

https://youtu.be/nB5cVkcs67I reading from “The House of Sleeping Beauties”

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Another gorgeous day. Very hot. Ratih came to clean. A contractor came from Housing and “Maintain Australia” to replace the rotting front steps (but only 4!) I had thought they were going to replace the landing too, as there are loose boards. But alas no.

The lovely handsome and very kind young carpenter (who comes from Brazil!) chatted with me amiably. When he left around 2:30 pm he left me with the rest of the green paint that was left over from the job. So I can paint the landing and balustrading to match the new steps. I am very happy about that!

A storm was threatening, just as he finished work, so he worried the paint may run if it rains so he told me to call them tomorrow if that occurs. I had been somatising the storm since he arrived around 8 am. I was hypomanic, loud and exuberant lol. But surprisingly, the storm did not eventuate. It might swing back during the night maybe. But I am certain the paint will be dry by then. Lucky!

24 October 2023

Today I tested positive on a RAT for Covid-19. I felt unwell since Saturday morning which I thought was just exhaustion from dancing. But by Monday I had a sore raspy throat and a mild dry cough.

Today (Tuesday) I felt awful as I barely slept last night. I worked so hard on a sterling silver ring that I cast on Saturday afternoon. My mind has been on overdrive, and I have been hypomanic and unable to settle.

But I had a short nap today, which was much needed.

Covid has been around for four years but this is the first time I have tested positive for it. I am a bit nervous, lest it attacks my lungs with a vengeance but I managed it today and yesterday by drinking mullein tea to get any crud off my chest.

I feel calm and resolute. We all die of something but I seem to only have mild flu symptoms, a bit of a mild fever but nothing too dangerous. I think I will be okay. For now :-)

24 October 2022

I returned from our walk, clutching a gardenia bloom in my hand. Little Lachlan (Master Four) across the street called out to me. I crossed the road to greet him. His mother quickly joined us and while we were chatting small talk, little Lachlan went over to their tibouchina tree.

He returned with a purple bloom from that tree and gifted it to me. I resisted an urge to kiss him on top of his head but thanked him happily and graciously. I said “Thank you, Sweet Boy!” His mother chuckled happily too.

I tucked it in my hand, next to the smaller gardenia. Feeling very blessed indeed.

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11:11 am I just saw 11:01 am too! What mischief from the multiverses may we expect today?! The sun is out at last. Charley is happy and grateful to be out on the garden again.

She just walked over to me where I am standing in the laundry. Demanded company. So I picked her up and placed her on my shoulder. She will probably poop over my nice red dress, but never mind. Poop happens when you are owned by a rainbow lorikeet.

I am still exhausted. I feel like I am walking in a thick fog. But I have worked hard on various projects in recent weeks so I had to push through my usual chronic fatigue to even more exhaustion.

I am happy with my lot but even happier now that the sun is out. :-)

24 October 2021

They are openly admitting that residents in aged care facilities are being starved of necessary food!

Which is what I witnessed when my mother was in Moreton bay nursing care unit back in 2008-2010.

They were also deprived of clothing, one “resident” had her beautiful long lustrous hair hacked off only a few weeks after arriving there. Denied access to the Garden for exercise, fed cordial that smelled and tasted like bleach.

They were all fed sloppy grey mince not fit for pigs. Smokers were limited to four cigarettes per day.

The management had bottles of top shelf alcohol she told me was given as a treat to all residents on sundays. I suspect that was a lie!)

The sexual impropriety was poorly managed. My mother’s roommate (an elderly jewish woman from Manchester) told me that men regularly climbed into her bed and she would have to scream for staff to remove them.

It was all heinous!

Most of the residents had no family visitors at all and were therefore even more vulnerable to the systemic abuse! In particular, the lack of clothing or anyone to advocate for them. Lyn and I brought in four large garbage bags of women’s clothing as I was distressed that they had nothing to wear. Also distressing was the male residents needed clothing too!

I will kill myself before I ever consider going into an aged care facility. I just hope I will still have the cognition to do that last dignity for myself when/if the time comes!

24 October 2020

11:11 pm another angel synchronicity. They must be busy managing my life from the Supernal realms. Goddess, I am tired. Today has been rather spiritual though. I spoke to Crystal and she also had a difficult day yesterday. A series of difficulties actually.

So there is a “Movement in the Force”. We are being pushed and prodded by the Unseen Ones. So hold to your Truth, keep your heads high and stay in your own unique Light.

Blessed be!

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I didn’t go out. Brooklyn Standard also failed to respond to my query. Rude!!!

I decided going out to a bar that is incapable of responding to a message is a waste of my time. Also pointless, as I can’t dance until they lift the restrictions.

I will make my own fun and do my own ecstatic dancing. But not in the mood tonight. It’s been a very horrible few days dealing with trolls online and the other mad shit with housing.

So I am drained.

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One of my favourite bands is playing at the Brooklyn Standard tonight. I’m thinking about going.

I am guessing there will be no dancing though and that bar is always so packed there will probably be no seats left. Hmmm.

I need to go out. My hermitage is making me lose my confidence and my infamous Mama T Mojo.

I need to dress up, show up and see what happens!

Must.Not.Ever.Lose.My.MOJO!!! ;-)

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I take the scraps from no man’s table. Choose me or fuck off. Simple!

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11:11 am. Follow your heart! Follow the rhythms of your body! Listen “Shemah”, to your soul! Hold your ground on your tiny Sacred Space with your big feet and expansive intellect and long hair. THRIVE! JIVE! Be fully PRESENT AND ALIVE!

Remember Makom and the holiness found in ordinary places and in unique faces and blow a kiss to the Evil Debauched treacherous ones. Those cunts have their own journey and their own self-discovery to stumble upon.

Not your Monkey, not your circus. The organ grinder IS DEAD. Cut the cords of ancient tribal attachments and kick that shit to the kerb.

Put on your cloak of glorious raiment and laugh and dance and Love with multitudes of Blessing from Above ...Little One. We have your back! We love you. Blessed Be!

Be free. Be happy! Be in love with every aspect of your life, even the desultory ugliness left by shitstains of humanity. For that is how we Built you! Strong. Wise and Sanctified.

Aho! Thank you! Amen v’ selah!

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This morning I put on my “Las Muertos Dos Dias” and beautiful Mexican love songs. I had to smile at the funny quirky memories of my friend Juan Semo, from the time we prayed in Kadimah.

All the crazy backstabbing because Humans are horrible creatures when they feel the need to compete with each other (even at their basest, most bestial Attempts at “holiness”).

This morning I found a letter I had written to the Beit Din in Sydney for my attempt at converting to Orthodux Judaism. What a FUCKING FARCE! My heart aches for that 29 year old woman still so untouched by all the epic abuse she had endured since birth, craving community and continuity.

So bright, so beautiful but so naïvely in denial about the monstrousity she was surrounded by and submerged in. The following years brought epic calamity. But that had been brewing since I married that man and I fought hard to belong to that particular faith.

In the letter I wrote so poignantly about the small Wellington Reform jewish community who welcomed me “the stranger with the German mother!” into their midst and converted me and blessed me and gave me many Aliyoth “Honours” and how they were so kind and truly expressed authentic Judaism.

Apart from that foul disgusting Orthodox rabbi who had told me he could “see me and hear me but I did not exist for him”. His own wife showing me kindness, respect and support by driving me back to university on her way to a meeting and telling me to follow my heart and never give up. A good kind decent woman!

So I migrated to Brisbane in 1988 four short years after my Reform conversion and it was here that Pam H. (who has never had the merest scrap of human decency to apologise!) at first befriended me then viciously accused me of being a Nazi.

No I have not forgotten and I will never forgive. Frankly I hope she rots in hell for what she put me and my children through. Her campaign of viciousness set a chain reaction of cumulative trauma that included: my divorce, three strangulations, and even ultimately a salacious will Dispute. Many years later.

Some people are just Filthy!…But here I sit..smiling at the young woman who thought Judaism would bless her and gift her a happy safe life.

Alas no...dybbuks everywhere. In every corner of the known world.

But I took that beautiful kind Rebbetzin’s advice! I stayed true to my G-d....Whom Along the way got lost in translation but I Welcome back the Shechinah, the Divine Feminine, the Creatrix of all life on Earth. The Sabbath Bride.

I kept my heart (shattered and reconfigured a million and one times!) and my Neshamah. Also I welcomed the Uber souls that came to me after the strangulations, the horrific surgeries and the long long decades of grief over base human beings, not worthy of the dirt under my toenails or the merest sparkles of my Light.

I spent this lifetime being made to feel worthless and broken and stained by fate. Then one day, not so long ago... I integrated!

Still dealing with decades of righteous anger. Still cleaving to Life when no ordinary mortal would/could/should have bothered with it. Choosing life in vain hopes of a better outcome. Sweet...really.

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Oh my stars. I just woke up again at 12:13 pm. I am mentally exhausted from All the stress about the cascading pet deaths in recent weeks and a little disappearing Cheshire Calico cat named Sophie who entered some portal and went AWOL for 11 days then reappeared late at night, yowling like a queen of Egyptia (just as well!) So I tucked her into bed with me and we all slept this morning.

I have had so much horror that I feel shaken and stirred. But I have held myself together like a horror movie legend and somehow dragged myself through this nightmare.

I have had a few surprising and unusual developments in the past two days too. (Apart from the Magic of Sophie coming back!). I received a lovely heartfelt invitation to attend a retreat in Bali which was awesome but I cannot leave Australia without Centrelink’s permission and I don’t have any money so I had to politely decline.

But it was a bright light of hope in my dessicated life that perhaps my life is changing however slowly and I am being seen and appreciated even for my general meshugass (madness!) and quirky Nature.

So thank you Ladies (you know whom you are) for the love. It is priceless and gifted from a pure source and that “shit” you can’t buy! 🙂

If I ever get in a financial position to visit Bali I have heard there are various sacred sites there that hold wonderful vibrations. Please try to visit these spaces for me, as it will elevate and enhance your souls and I want to see you all radiant with Light and the love you already possess.

Magical people will know what I mean by this 😉 but you don’t need to be “magical” to enter into the heartbeats and leyline vortices of the earth and commune with All that is. Makom (Place) is everywhere that you set your intention to connect with our planet and all of Nature. But some places are more resonant, more holy.

I sent my daughter to visit Newgrange in Ireland and the Hill of Tara and Stonehenge in England as I really do believe in holy places and timelines and magic and spirituality and holiness even if I myself can never see those places, with my short fat big bare feet on holy ground because of my ever-limiting poverty and occasional self-sabotage but I insist that everyone who can reach these places connect with them.

Crystal thought Stonehenge was boring. Ie felt no connection or resonance. But she loved the Hill of Tara and Newgrange. I was so relieved and happy for her.

Let the magic, the beauty and the love Shine and heal our world and our own bodies. Be happy. Thrive!

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Haha. Architectural angels painted me in a square box on Sacred Space but I pop out like a Jack in a box at times. Who knew?!

24 October 2019

I sense something wonderful happening. No idea what or who. I feel like I am Standing in a gateway of silvery light. A portal shimmering all around me. I feel like something huge is shifting. I am teetering on the brink. Terrified to step into the Dream. But unable to turn back.

I heard the song lyrics from an Elton John song “there’s no sacrifice, no sacrifice at all”. But the gods took my fish. So a sacrifice of my own epic stupidity has been paid.

Then Sophie came back and she is still teetering on the brink between life and death. Maybe this is where I live, constantly on the razors edge, hoping for redemption or triumphant Return.

But somewhere in that Light Portal is the murmering of voices: making intentions, prayers and offerings.

I believe the unseen ones who Love me are preparing my next mission. I pray it’s for my highest good and gifts me a life of peace and ease and truly great love. Amen v’ Selah.

Or else this is just another breakdown after recent losses. If so, I will have to weigh the anchor in the gravel pit of my life and skid along the slurry of my oceanic depths again.

Poseidon will have to hurl me back to the earth so I can breathe fresh air, sodden and confounded but reborn like a slumbering Venusian Donai with no money, no man, no luck but some pretty awesome friends. 😉

Que sera sera. All in good time.

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Funny anecdote: I just watched a romantic film called “Under the Eiffel Tower”. A guy wanting to buy a vineyard called “Chateau Beauregard”.

Every time they said “Chateau Beauregard” my little man dog sat up and stared at the tv in shock! Yes Bobo you are THAT famous and synchronicity is humorous at times.

Oui oui, mon petit Monsieur. We might not have the Chateau or even the wine but we have a Chien named Beauregard and he knows his own name! Adorable!

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My beautiful Soul sister Lyn told me earlier today that she saw a meme that said something like “even angels need to be lifted up by other angels sometimes. They get tired too!”

I replied that I am no angel (after all, I carry so much darkness and tumescent humour in my own Void!) She replied that she thinks I am one.

So you know… that is true friendship and true love. No matter how crazy or weird or broken or stubborn or fucking annoying I get. (And that is fairly frequently) I have Lyn’s unconditional love. So many others too.

This is such a comfort to me. Such an honour. I am so grateful for my own Angels who think of me as their angel and have no idea that without their decades of support and care and even protection I would not even be alive in this moment. That without their love and courage and determination I would not be who I am today.

Sometimes bitter and irascible and in deep deep pain, but other times ridiculously happy and noble and courageous and loving.

Life. Be in it. All of it. It’s amazing.

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“The Joker” movie.

This was one of the most profoundly altering life changing movies I ever saw. It was such an accurate portrayal of our society.

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My comment on a meme:

Christmas has that effect on me every year. I am not on drugs but the silly season makes me act out. Ummm. Cptsd is a bitch, but has some unique coping mechanisms. Lol

I am actually looking forward to another quiet one with a trifle and a good book. As I do every year. Lol. It’s just another fucking day in “paradise”.

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My kids used to love to listen to Tupac when we went on long drives with their friends. I loved the Dear Mumma song.

My father had a massive fight with Jasmine as she cranked up the music (in her own room, mind you!) and he hated the swearing. He confronted me about it when I got home, utterly exhausted from work.

I said “Gees Dad, you and my mother gave me that fucking vocabulary by the time I was 4 years old, and only now you decide you don’t like colourful language when your 13 yo granddaughter listens to it. Is it the language or the singer’s colour that bothers you???? Too ghetto for the ghetto?”

He was furious but shut up like a clam after that. I had to ask him to leave shortly after, as he started massive fights with my neighbour who had only ever been kind and respectful towards me and my kids.

I never denied my kids their own music of their own generation or musical tastes as I had been denied during my childhood.

My kids listened to Spice Girls, Tupac and in later years Hedwig, Priscilla Queen of the Desert and Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I never censored anything (in fact allowed them free rein in their musical tastes.)

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Sophie just ate some wet cat food and I saw her drinking water. I have been trying to get her to drink since last night and freaking out that she might be dehydrated. I will hold off on the vet for now as she may start to improve with food and water in her.

24 October 2018

I just debriefed with my wonderful doctor who fully appreciates and comprehends the effects of complex ptsd. When I told him about how I managed a couple of toxic people at the casino (oy veh!) lmao he said I have one thing to say “You go Girl!” Owning back my power and my boundaries and not allowing anyone to dominate me or play sick psycho-sexual games!

So I am happy to have that validation and support!

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Sometimes you just have to set yourself free from the gnawing dog that bites and snaps at your ankles. Kick it away then watch it try to reattach itself (like the fucking troll on Byron Bay Community Board). I have left that group as they constantly wish to ban non-residents.

I have zero tolerance for condescension, misogyny and xenophobia. I don’t “belong” there, even though I contributed to the page frequently. So fuck that shit.

I have left that group but am still getting comments from dickheads.

You know what?! Dickhead?! I don’t belong anywhere and I kinda keep it that way. Much saner and safer to give my time and energy and value to myself and to decent kind accepting people.

24 October 2017

My response to a meme about prosperity:

Haha this just showed up after I asked the multiverses gate keeper to give me a prosperous life.

24 October 2016

A beautiful day. Chest bad. Thighs and feet still pinching. Alive. Done kicking for the weekend. Relatively happy. (Happiness is always relative on the sliding scale to oblivion). Dog had epic smooches. Waiting for his beloveds. The usual suspects.

Barking at people walking the street chattering loudly. Sounds like Jo Hoes. (Quick! Release the hound!). They are probably googling Proselytise on their iPhones as my sign on the gate forfends them.

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Hahaha! Like the Babelfish English to German translation I wrote to a long lost cousin In Germany. My mother's married name was Phillips so it translated that to Kreuzkopf. Literally Crosshead (for the screwdriver).

It was hilarious as my mother often had a very cross head, as did my father! It translated, based on my comment that my mother was residing in an Alzheimer's ward that she was the "Nut Mother!"

Jarrod and I almost died laughing when we read it. I don't think that letter ever found my cousin. Stupid lazy fae Crystal has yet to locate him. She said she had a phone call from Germany in response to an email she wrote but had no time to return the call. Nut daughter. I give up.

The cousin has lost both his parents and has no siblings or children so probably remains blissfully unaware that he is not completely alone in the family tree of loose nuts. It might (thinking on this!) actually be a relief to him.

24 October 2015

I spent the afternoon sorting some old collector plates that had smashed. I then attempted to mosaic one on my spare concrete foot-shaped paver. Not really good at this but did my best.

The glue started drying out before I had finished placing everything. Then I spent another hour washing down the faces of the mosaic. Tomorrow if I have the time or the motivation I will grout it.

BPJC AGM tomorrow. Rather watch paint dry. I hate these things. I suppose it will be interesting to watch the usual Sociopaths strut their stuff. Creepy!

Tonight I am going dancing as one of my favourite bands is playing. Abby Skye and Mission X. I must try not to mosh too hard as my neck is still hurting from when I supported them last month! (I know, I am not a teenager but I just get into the jive vibe and hard rock does things to my soul, babies!)

Update 2025: I need to re-grout my mosaic faery alter Before Halloween (which is really Beltane in the Southern Hemisphere!) Too many pieces have fallen off. Dammit!

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I have always felt that animals are my family. Without them my life would have been a dry, lonely, desert of emptiness. All my beloveds have enriched my heart and soul forever.

I can't imagine a life without pets or animals in the wild. They commune with me. I find that one of the greatest blessings of my life.

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Never pretend! Fakery is not a solid foundation for any relationship. I yam wot I yam and I don't want to be an actor or a liar to keep people in my life. Don't like me, nod politely on your way to the next person. I have no time or energy for sociopathic games.

24 October 2014

Yesterday while enjoying lunch with Heather, a woman was leaving the restaurant with a little doggie bag, complete with a cute little Maltese dog! Her name was Pepper and she was 17 months old.

I stopped her to coo over Peppa and the sweet little girl leant forward and licked my cheek. A sweet little blessing from a stranger's dog. My heart melted. They went on their way but I couldn't help thinking that any day is a great day with a loving dog (or cat, or bird) in it.

Yesterday brought many gifts, from Heather and from the Universe.

When you are in love, the love keeps growing exponentially all around you. Even my unrequited love is being returned to me in so many unexpected extraordinarily beautiful ways.

Thank you!

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24 October 2013

Still on painkillers. I see the dentist tomorrow arvo.

I advocated for a friend of mine today at Disability Services. I was shocked at their lack of professionalism and bollocked them. Suddenly they were willing to assess her properly, which was why we went there. They told us there is no guarantee she will get the support and it will take 3 months to data entry her details as they are short of staff and there is a backlog.

Australia has ground to a halt like the US. It's abhorrent, the cutbacks of funding by the Newman govt and the stark apathy and unprofessionalism of govt offices.

I am really alarmed. My friend was fortunate that I was with her to hold our ground and make sure she is in the system.

Update 24 Oct 2020: Nothing has changed..Societal Entropy in the Zombie Apocalypse. Now they have the arrant Chutzpah of using Covid as an excuse!

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24 October 2011

I'm dealing with extreme exhaustion but eventually forced myself to take Miss Bella Rosa to the newly installed small dog park I demanded from the council (way too small but better than nothing I guess!)

Bella was pleased as she could feel safe inside the small dog area, but still nuzzle the big scary dogs through the fence! Then I walked to Jarrod's house for a cuppa and for Bella to visit Harvey. Then we went to Baskin Robbins for an ice cream! Quite a pleasant day!

24 October 2010

All my hard work this afternoon is wasted. Bloody torrential rain and thunderstorm. I am furious... all my effort for nothing. I could have stayed in bed with a good book but no.....Someone Upstairs with a very sick sense of humour decides to rain on my parade. Argggggghhhhhhhhhh!

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Here's a funny thing. I looked down at my lap after taking a shower (and airdrying in front of the tv). I could see lots of smudges on my thighs.

Gosh I thought, I'm still dirty from all spraying. I wiped the smudge. No good. I put on my glasses and Presto! The smudges were my freckles joining up under my blurry vision. Suddenly the smudges separated into individual spots again!

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I spent the afternoon and early evening spraying...weeds, paths with poison and chlorine respectively then high pressure hosing the paths I didn't get to last time. I still have more to do tomorrow if it stays fine. I have RSI in my right arm from spraying. No Homeric Tomes tonight....equivalent of writers' cramp LOL

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons