Memories: 24 December 2025

24 December 2025

8:13 am A better sleep. Rejuvenating! I spun alpaca fleece last night. It seemed to soothe my nerves. Keeping my hands busy, watching a show on Stan, getting into a flow state. Trying not to think about all the horror of this past year and trying to imagine a better year next year. Simultaneously, spinning, spinning, spinning out my existence in the eternal now.

It’s a productive way to expend time, energy and to think. The alpaca felt soft and pliable but breaks often. I still need to improve on spinning. But I find it enjoyable. It shut off some of my monkey mind too.

I had a lot of spirits chattering all at once yesterday but I tuned them out. Sometimes it’s just anxiety, others it’s real which can be a tad alarming. I should probably have opened up to channel them as they were demanding but somehow I felt it wise not to.

I need to protect my sacred space…my mind. I felt like I was picking up on myriad souls all clamouring for attention. So it worried me that there will be another catastrophe, another shooting or some natural disaster and I am powerless to prevent it or protect them.

So I quietly acknowledged them, then got busy. If it’s important they will keep communicating with me until I write it down. But I had no warning of the Bondi event. That came as a deep shock. So if evil seeps into our collective we are so desensitised we barely notice it now until it is too late. That is concerning.

But everything is in balance. Everything must find a new calibration. Songs must be sung, creativity unfurled, life must go on. Awake and aware of the deep seismic caverns and atrophies of spirit. When the Other World speaks to us…reminds us of dreams from almost two years ago….then manifests fragments of that dream into reality…The Tanya is being asked to pay attention. To hold her line. To stay safe and sanguine as life is about to shift gears again.

In what direction? I don’t know. Who will stand with me in pride and honour and dignity? I don’t know that either. But my breathing improved last night. So that is a positive forward step. In the dance amongst the Sephirot…slip sliding my way to my own Becoming. Older, wiser, more powerful and Loved. 🙂

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12:50 pm I have cleaned both bird cages. I put both birds in Kermie’s cage which I had cleaned first then set to cleaning Beau’s cage. They both looked at me with annoyance.

Almost as soon as I opened up Kermie’s cage after finishing cleaning Beau’s cage they both flew into Beau’s cage. They have “spoken”. They prefer Beau’s cage. Ahh well, I am not going to sell off Kermie’s cage. He can still use it for sleeping in at night. Even though he prefers to be in with Beau, as I don’t completely trust the dawn shenanigans or potential aggression. But they are getting on very well these days. Barely any signs of aggression. It’s like they have both come to terms with the fact that they only have each other even though they are different breeds of bird. Sweetness!

Kermie usually perches on the swing, and Beau perches just in front of him on the perch. They preen happily. Scattering feather dander all over the room. Gahhh! They are both quilling so there is a lot of cast off feather quills. But they are happy and peaceful so I am content with them too.

I wonder why they decided they dislike Kermie’s larger, more solid cage though. It’s a bit weird. I think it’s a beautiful cage which is why I bought it. Birdie logic overrules my idea of taste though. lol!

Ratih said yesterday. “No matter…just get more birds” I laughed. It’s a fair but of work cleaning up after them. Two is enough.

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24 December 2024

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8:02 pm I am exhausted but happy. I worked all day on that Viking beard bead. I feel like I accomplished something. I still need to do the other one. Maybe tomorrow.

24 December 2023

Whilst I did advocate on fb for “Dying with dignity” and the rights of terminally ill people to choose a safe and dignified death when all other options for survival are expended. (I did, also wish for the rights of the terminally mentally ill (myself) to have the right of voluntary euthanasia!)

I have since had pause for thought on that. Given my own healing after one too many near death experiences, I know now the power of the human mind and spirit to heal itself.

However, what has been done in Canada is a monstrosity and an ignoble perversion and an inversion. A death cult without honour or respect for human dignity. Killing the vulnerable, the elderly and even young children who might eventually be cured or have potential to be cured? A travesty.

Euthanasia should only be ever offered to those with no possibility of a cure who cannot endure the suffering any longer. It should be completely voluntary on the part of the person. Not inflicted or coerced by government mandates.

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11:43 am we are being thrashed by a storm. I just got home five minutes ago. The mood down at Whites Hill Woolies was dark, hostile, and tense. Like the building of this storm. Merry fucking Christmas.

The driving in the car park was strange. A woman unable to back out of her car park or manuevre her wheels in the appropriate direction. Her mind spinning on a dime.

Omggg I am so grateful for being free of psych meds now for 7 and a half years. It’s amazing to have clarity of thought back. My anxiety however… hmmm. That is a tad out of control. But watching the general lunacy at Woolies reminded me that all in all I am not so bad.

Glad I got home just in time. This storm is epic. But like all the storms of my life…it too shall pass!

24 December 2022

On the Seventh day of Chanukah, the light is expanding. The miracles not yet revealed in 3D reality are flowing to me (us!) in the supernal realms. They might take a while to get here but they arrive in perfected perpetuity.

Gifts already innate in we humans are being switched back on. Or opened from the tightly closed buds where we hid our genius, our talents, our love and our light for so long that we got used to being hobbled and zombified.

But now we have no other option, incentive or device but to BLOOM. Radiantly, outrageously but bloom we must. The renaissance is upon us (that also included plague and fetid control dramas.) But we shall bloom and we shall enLighten the fuck up. No more depression, oppression, suppression or obfuscation of fealty to natural G-d given law!

This is my prayer tonight. May it be worthy of the holy one’s immediate attention. 🙂 Amen

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4:12 pm I have had a lovely quiet day. Lyn visited and brought me gifts of delicious lebkuchen from Germany, a bottle of sangria, a gift card, and other goodies.

We sat in the garden, as is our usual custom. Beauregard drove us mad with his ball. (As is his custom!). Charley sang a lot.

I am exhausted from dancing last night, so I lay on the couch this afternoon and intermittently dozed while listening to shows on YouTube.

It’s a cool day today. Cloudy and oppressive but the vibe in the neighbourhood is quiet.

I might make something to eat and watch some tv later. Or go to bed early.

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2 am. Home from a great night of dancing for/with Alter Egos at the Livewire Bar at the Treasury Casino.

I am exhausted but had a lovely time.

24 December 2021

Watching “An Angel at my table” which is a spectacularly good film directed by Jane Campion, about the life of Janet Frame. (A famous NZ author). Just fabulous.

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Tonight a wonderful gift arrived from my beautiful earthangel who blessed me with a veritable feast!

Thank you for your immense generousity and your staunch support of me over the many years.

I am just incredibly grateful! xxx

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24 December 2020

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Finally have tv and wifi internet again. What a day! Farkkk it’s amazing how we are so used to having everything at the touch of a button.

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No internet no tv...bloody Optus outage.

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I just had the most wonderful chat on video with my darling Annie “Mermaid” from Paltalk who lives in Wales. I showed her Charlie and Beauregard and the wild possums in their box. She loved seeing everybody!

I am so blessed and happy with my gorgeous friends!

24 December 2019

Unloved, unwanted, played with like a dead zombie mouse. But all good. True intentions and hearts and mind are revealed. Integrity is everything. I am quite proud of that actually. Good lad.

It must have been a dress rehearsal for me to know who and what is real.

Thanks to Odin’s Bard (a lovely man!) I have been gifted with the vision of what could be manifested if/when the gods and men stop playing me for a fool.

I am grateful for that. The only way to win the game is Not to play. Decision made. Thank you wise Ones for the spiritual protection and deep soul honouring.

I will move on to the next mission now. :-)

Megan Phillips: fkn players, gotta play the players my cuzn, he wasn't the one....next up? love you cuz :)

Me: Players gotta play but soon they run out of victims and have to play all by themselves. Narcopaths are terrified of being alone. They have to face their own Soul.

It is worse than torture for them. But yeah every dirty trick in the narcopath playbook I witnessed. Oh well. No harm no foul. It was a valuable lesson in Discernment.

I am still not seeing the bullshit early enough or choosing to ignore it. Still fooled by flattery, frottery and overly effusive enthusiasm which I had actually suspected was false. But it was so lovely to be admired and fawned over, however obsequiously.

They must all be sitting back laughing at me now but as usual, it matters not! I have learned my lesson. The healing is complete.

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Storm Swinging back over Holland Park. Long slow rumble. I hope we get another lashing of rain.

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Thunder asthma but had to batten down the hatches. Storm blowing in earlier than predicted. Grateful for any rain and the cooler temps though.

I have had two days of tummy issues plus asthma and feel very weak indeed. I don’t think I can survive this life much longer.

Oops here she blows. Massive thunder clap!

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Enough of The Tanya spam. But some of it is weirdly ennobling.

Time to sleep. Have a wonderful holiday season, all my Beloveds. Muahhh!

24 December 2018

Driving back from Carindale shopping centre, I see an Audi with the number plate “Sublime”. I smiled to myself. My life is now Sublime and I am content.

24 December 2017

11:11pm been seeing 11s all day. Dear G-d, Ruler of the Multiverses, As Above So Below. Please I beg you, let this be good news. Amen! 🙂

The Tanya is reduced to cutting deals with the Holy One. Oyyy!

No matter. All is Oneness. I am grateful for the miracles that unfold in my psychedelic dreaming psyche every day.

I watch quietly as a new paradigm opens for me. Keenly aware of human frailty and superficiality. Not enough drugs in the world can fix this. So might as well own it! Walk this world awake and aware.

The gods/angels/supernal consciousness have my back. All is well in a fractal universe.

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I spent the arvo in my garden, lying in my hammock with Charlie up the Golden Rain tree, Bobo beside me, variously demanding I play ball, a book I am still slowly reading (gahhh!) and even watched some Gaia.com on my iPhone until the battery died.

Then I lurched up and savagely cut down banana trees and cut some banana fruits down too. Pruned the trees and threw them down for mulch. Watered the front garden. Now exhausted but satisfied.

I spent the last of my pension on some petrol (in case I go for a drive as I am too broke to go out anywhere), some pineapple juice and Soda water. Two avocados (which were expensive but wtf?! Fuck it).

I have had a good Chanukah and summer solstice so tomorrow is just another day and I never cared for Crustmas anyways.

Tonight is my main trigger night as my German mother celebrated on Xmas eve. All good. (Perhaps don’t ask the slashed down bananas how they feel about my venting my rage?)

It has been very hot and tomorrow promises to be hotter but there will be afternoon storms. Yayyy! I won’t have to water tomorrow.

If you can’t get hold of me. It’s not personal. I am just gonna rest tonight and tomorrow. So I will be uncontactable on messenger.

Have a great Christmas to all my friends observing their holy night.

24 December 2016

My neighbour Timsa's, 3 kids were all calling my name at the front gate. So I went out to greet them. They had a Bottle of wine, some Guylian chocolates, a Camembert, a mango, peaches, 2 tins of tuna, sardines and a tin of corned beef to give me for Christmas. Very lovely!

So I invited them into my garden and showed them the fishponds and introduced them to the hens. Bobo showed off for them by jumping in his clam pool and then showed them his ball. Very cute!

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Extreme pain. Needing pain killers 5 hourly instead of 6 hourly. Then it takes about an hour for the pain to subside. Not cool. I suspect I am getting a dry socket. The pain is constant. I hope it gets better tomorrow. Or the next day.

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The pain meds make me woozy and sleepy. Even walking feels like I am a golem made of wet cement. Also today my jaw really hurts (probably another dry socket but I hope to hell not).

So nu? I am watching Dexter on Stan and lying on the couch not doing anything crazy like I usually do when bits of me are sliced off or yanked out. No gardening. No dancing. No grocery shopping. No schlepping.

I got this! Exhausted from weeks of pain and now more pain. It is really annoying.

24 December 2015

I just got invited for a Xmas arvo drinks and nibbles and a swim! How lovely!

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Recently I was told I would never again receive charity from the Jewish community. That's ok. If buying my silence about 27 years of abuses is considered charity you know where you can shove it. The same man who accused me of defamation early this year is also the same man in charge of Jewish charity. Hmmm!

While allegations against him of child sexual abuse may be false. Without the complainants stepping up to the mark these allegations remain unproven.

However…. I judge people by their words and deeds. Yes. This man got me large sums of money about 10 years ago. (About $1000). Then again 2 years later.

Then the last time I asked, I was insulted and abused. Did I ask again from this man? No. I have integrity.

The last charity, in the form of a washing machine, came from a benefactor at BPJC. I recently cut ties to this communal organisation.

To the Jewish community. Thank You. For both your on-going abuses and for those few decent souls that tried to sweeten the burden of them.

I cannot be bought or sold. I cannot be Silenced. It took me close to 50 years to find my voice after living in fear for decades.

Now I am a creature of Truth and Light. I will not be dimmed. I have been shunned, slandered, lied to, lied about, strangled, sexually abused, hated and still I got up.

I love Jews (good and decent people who fight for the underdog - the religion I cast my lot with). The people I would Die to protect after the ravages of the Holocaust and an ugly war which murdered 6 million Jews but also millions of Romany, Homosexuals, political dissenters, Slave labourers (my former de facto stepfather Cornelis Van Der Greft), intellectually disabled. 13 million civilians in total.

Then the millions who lost their lives fighting all over the world at war, or being bombed out of their homes (my German grandparents, Erich and Eva) or being gang raped by the insurgent Russian Army (my half-sister's grandmother). My mother's mother in law. No relation to me. But still a trauma handed down in my family.

I am a survivor. Second generational PTSD from parents gone mad with their own wartime experiences. Gone mad from the Depression, poverty, privation, starvation.

I myself had to survive their own abuse dynamics, sexual and physical, emotional and mental. I once got beaten for devouring an entire packet of biscuits. Greedy? Yes. I was hungry and I wanted more.

If they had fed me properly, one biscuit or 2 or 3 would suffice. But my own mother had a passion for sweet things. No one beat her for eating too many. I still feel the sting of the injustice.

I am a PTSD survivor in my own life as well as generational downloading or off-loading. I have been sullied, raped, ridiculed, humiliated. Beaten.

I have had a government strip me bare by aligning with my abusers on 3 separate occasions. I am unable to work due to emotional abuses I endured there. Systemic abuse which led me to the brink of suicide. Twice.

I discussed with my Dr how all my family, even entire countries, such as Israel and Ireland with a traumatised population that spawns ruthlessness, exploitation and sociopathology should have made me ruthless and spiteful. But didn't. Why?

As he discussed, he had wondered that himself. He said it is because I don't want to be that person. A lowlife abuser. Selfish. Spiteful. Greedy. Like my former family of origin.

I don't ever want to be like them. Ever.

I live in poverty by choice. To keep myself safe. It has cost me relationships. Loss of status. Loss of any future stability. My poverty is my prison. I can't ever leave my govt home for a better bigger anything. The risk is too high of ending up homeless.

So I practise Gratitude. Trust. That the Universe really does have my back. Next year, another year. No promises. No regrets. Stasis.

(From the comment section:)

Gillian: Tanya Arons I am so sorry that you have had to endure all that you have. You are a such an inspiration and PG you will go from strength to strength xx

Me: I can't imagine how I could inspire anyone. My life is a boulevarde (super-highway) of broken dreams and a shattered reality. But thank you for your lovely wishes.

Strength is a commodity I have exhausted. Now going forth on pipe-dreams and faith alone lmao. Imagine a hairy hoary crone alone in her garden (smoking tiny cigars just cos she can, for no other reason), muttering mumbo jumbo gone mad from her solitary existence. That is me Now. Wait for the next incarnation of The Tanya. Lmao!

I thank G-d every day for my sense of humour. Perhaps my mad bad parents' greatest and only gift to me, apart from being spawned that is 😉

I pray that I might live to be a gift to others. If only, inspiration. So thank you, Gillian x

Gillian: The world needs people like you Tanya xx

Me: Hugs Gillian x

I went out looking splendid, in full make-up yesterday. A young checkout guy at Aldi even flirted with me. My Dr said I looked lovely but Hypermanic. (which pissed me off slightly as I am just happy with my usual moon madness ).

In the rear vision mirror, when I checked my lipstick I was astounded and mortified to see a long dark hair beside my lip. It had snuck up on me. It is usually not visible as it is white but this time it stuck out like a flashing neon sign of cronedomic putrefaction. I ripped it out with my fingernails. In a state of being miffed.

I rushed to the chemist to fill my scripts (drugs will keep happening) and bought a mini pair of tweezers to keep in my handbag.

Now I am not a beauty conscious woman. I embrace my cronedom. But growing enough hair out of your lips to tickle a brown bear is just not cool. Just saying! 😉

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My elderly mother had quite a lot of facial hairs before she died. The home stopped giving them beauty treatments. The very first thing they did to dehumanise the female patients was cut off their glorious hair.

It used to upset me. They coiffed this one patient's beautiful long hair until her family stopped visiting, then cut it off. I was furious and devastated.

24 December 2014

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My first ever Xmas/chanukah completely alone. I am loving the serenity. I have trifle, a good book and enough angst that I don't have a loving man to share my life with me, to keep me Humble but the positive is I am free, of lies, games, manipulations and meaningless sex. So raise a toast to new possibilities. In whatever form they come.

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24 December 2013

My beautiful friend Sarah invited me for dinner. She bought me some lovely Indian food. Then we watched The Banger Sisters on Foxtel. She also gave me two big bags of food for the freezer. So awesome!

I am very grateful for the kindness and generosity of all my friends.

I am now sitting on the couch, about to watch The Sapphires.

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Crap. Missed my appointment. I was so tired and it took me hours to fall asleep. I miss my Doc too. He really gets me. Guess I will see him in early January.

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Bloody Hell. Finally lying down to rest but can't sleep. I have a debrief with my psych today at 3.30 pm so need to get some sleep or I will be all hypomanic from sleep deprivation. Haha! He loves it when I get like that.

I had a brief nap at 1 in the morning but woke up and spent a few hours cleaning fishpond filter, playing with the fountain to get it right, and then doing washing and general plotzing. Then I watched The Anniversary, had a cuppa then read a while. I should be sleepy!!!

Considering getting out of bed and just keep going... That will wear me out.

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Thank you Steve Saragossi! The Anniversary is wonderfully Triggering. So much like my mother's Caustic Wit. Omg! Lol!

24 December 2012

I got a little surprise this evening, Xmas Eve. (My mother's German Christmas that I am no longer obliged to celebrate, but thought the timing was somewhat synchronous.)

I checked my feathered friends on dusk, to discover the little black hen that could and now officially can, sitting on the nest. This was somewhat unusual given that it was almost night.

So I stuck my hand under her, and discovered, not one, not two, but three eggs today! My lovely little ladies are all now officially laying!

Abundance of golden goodness is officially at my house. This will be a possible 21 eggs per week, if they all lay continuously. So hmm, will be some eggs on the bartering system or free range gifts of eggs coming soon!

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Wow was I exhausted after my awesome weekend. I woke up at 4.30 pm. Had to do a bit of grocery shopping, briefly visited my darling Jarrod for a lovely glass of wine and a cuppa, then back home. Really happy!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons