Memories: 23 May 2025

23 May 2025

7:05 am another gorgeous morning. It’s getting cooler though. The neighbourhood is bathed in golden light. A blessing on our heads.

Little Beau woke me up, twittering. I removed the towels off their cages. He went to bite me. I am gonna have to start handling them both more and tame them down. But I have been so busy making that cuff that I haven’t handled them much except to catch Kermie, put him in the smaller cage so they can sit out on the garden.

It’s only been 10 days so they will get used to me in their own precious timing. Little Beau is tiny but fierce with attitude to burn. Kermie is much quieter and laidback. When he sings he has a unique “voice”. I love that they are happy and settling in so well.

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I have lifted my jewellers bench on Besser blocks. It was arduous doing that by myself but meh! Now I have deconstructed a shelf left over from my mother’s old hutch that I discarded a couple of years ago.

I knew the decorative part would make a great surround for my bench. So today I seized the day to try to screw it to my bench…less flying objects rolling off the bench…or…at least it will look pretty!

Titania’s Realm is starting to look very professional indeed. Manifesting…lol

#titaniasrealm #upcycling #jewellersbench #makethebestofwhatyouhave #creativity #selfdetermination #mindfulness #success

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I am finally using the stainless steel thingy to keep my pickle on as it’s kinda wrecked my bench. It’s taken me ages to re-organise everything. I had to sacrifice the antique magnifier thingy I rarely use anyway, and my little yellow letter holder I keep stones and random stuff in.

Not sure where I will put those. But I need this bench to work better for me! Happy little Mama T here! I have worked my tochas off getting this to be more functional! (I am considering buying a stainless steel commercial kitchen trolley for a soldering station. That way I will regain space on my bench!)

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Update 24 May 2025: Haha I came home with a huge red lipstick “kiss” on my cheek from the young African woman named Jade who told me that she and her women friends were celebrating Life in grand style.

I told her she was correct. Life is meant to be celebrated…every single day…not just on birthdays as every day is a miracle and brings forth its own Magick and gifts. Then she planted me with the big kiss!

Delightful!

23 May 2023

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https://youtu.be/nRNH5jptj6U

23 May 2021

23 May 2020

I am Grateful for the happiness of recent weeks. Delighting not only in my daughter (even if she is non-huggable), but my beautiful friends, and my joyful sweet new friends: the little children who brighten up my day when they visit me with their complete awe and adoration.

Grateful for their parents too, whom have witnessed me in my classic Tanya full-flight Boudiccea style of what would be pathologised as hypomania but it is really just excitement at being cared about and feeling included in our little tiny neighbourhood. Their parents have been kind to me...without judgement and that is all anyone can want.

I came across a memory yesterday (about wealth) and my darling friend Efrain Pardo commented that my wealth is that I am loved from all the corners of the globe! I replied with my usual pathetic whine about not having a love/life partner but when I read this...I had an Aha! Moment.

My wealth is indeed the kindness, fortitude and sincerity of the people who actively choose to be in my life. The ones whose eyes light up when they see me or whose hearts smoulder with contentment and peace when they think of me. Brave hearts. Wise hearts. Deeply spiritual open magical hearts; like the little children who so unexpectedly entered my life in recent months.

A gift with a million treasures to be loved unconditionally even if I am as silly as a wheel most of the time!

Blessed be to all the gods, the Fae, the ancestors that love us for rejuvenating my crusty old kinstugied heart and bring enlightenment and joy again.

The Tanya is rising and shining as only an intrepid little Phillips child/ former wife of the Aaronczyk mishpocheh can do! Embrace the Becoming!

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11:11 am the angels hear my prayers. I am loved!

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23 May 2019

3:11 pm. (More 11s!)

I slept most of the day. But the afternoon is beautiful. I have changed the water in the fighter fish jar.

Doing some washing.

I am looking forward to tomorrow while simultaneously getting through today. I feel tired but excited. It’s been a long time since I last went to Byron.

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Watching “An Ordinary Woman” on SBS on Demand. Wonderful!

23 May 2018

Another gorgeous morning in paradise!

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Feeling exhausted. Heading out for my debrief today. The day is still beautiful. I am beautiful but my mood is just so blah! This too shall pass...it always does.

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I have asked my psychiatrist to refer me to the memory clinic at the PA hospital as I want to find out if I have early onset Alzheimer’s. I have noticed some changes that have concerned me. The waiting list is 3 months but I have plenty of time.

If I do have Alzheimer’s (gods forfend!) I will have 5-7 years left of my lifespan so I will have to make sure I get everything organised and do some things I always wanted to do (albeit given my poverty issues that will not allow me very much!)

Anyway I know what will be needed: to chill the fuck out and enjoy the next 5 years. Then arrange my own death as I refuse to be institutionalised like my mother was and the abuse that came along with that. Aged care facilities are holding cells of death and ugly demise.

Anyway it’s not all grim. I have good days as well as bad so like anything. I just have to keep riding the tsunami wave that encompassed all my life. For now I am enjoying the placid waters of my older age. A gift from the universe. Peace!

May my joys increase and my sorrows decrease and may love be my lodestone and my guiding light. Amen.

23 May 2017

Last night I blocked another very toxic individual from my past. My daughter. I was accused of "enslaving her". Enslaving??? She has been out of my life for several years. When she was in Australia I received little support from her.

I am accused of "stopping her from living her life". Really? She has been in Europe for 2 years. I have never stopped her from living her life. She tried to manipulate me with alleged presents (I have told her to give them to charity). I am not bought and paid for. Fuck that!

I told her I was finally aware that I have no family. None. No support. Not ever. I hope she organises one of her friends to collect all her stuff I have stored in my home for 2 years.

She actually tried to blackmail me with a threat of not seeing my grandchildren. I said "What?! Fantasy unborn children that might turn out as monstrous as you? I think I will do well to never see you or your children if this is the price I must pay, being used, lied to, manipulated and gaslighted.”

Anyway, that is the life of The Tanya. I prayed to Hashem for healing, for true love, for a happy, safe, peaceful life and He flushed out all the toxic evil bullshit that very night.

Thank you G-d for showing me who is real in my life. Who truly loves me and who never gave an actual fuck but leeched from my Soul like a slow poison. I am so grateful (she accused me of ingratitude: an old trope from my mother). Ingratitude. Hard to be grateful for contempt/disrespect/lies/betrayal.

I shall move forward. Free of the past associations with sociopathic spawn.

Comic relief: I told her my dog loves me more than she ever did so she told me my dog is an arsehole. (Um yes, yes he is but a finer, more noble arsehole than I ever met in any of my former family members).

An honest arsehole. No deception, no lies. Just a growl and a nip here and there but no fakery. I nearly died laughing. My dog is an arsehole and my kid who rejects me over and over again and has deluded herself that she has been supportive of me (not for many years, darling) and has a bad case of sibling doggy rivalry. Lmao.

Terrie Collier: nawww love you Tanya Arons xx big hugs lovely ❤ always here if you need to talk...

Me: I have to laugh: I have seen more photos of Europe via my friends who are travelling there than from Crystal. Is she even in England? Or in an Internet cafe in Moorooka hiding from ASIO. Lmao!!'

I just so wish I had not been spawned by a Long long line of maniacs. Imagine how lovely my life would have been if I had had a Sane, caring, loyal family.

I told her to go straight to Melbourne. I have no desire to see her or play pretend happy reunion families. The very idea makes me want to puke.

It is just a horror story that keeps playing on a loop. But as Jarrod says, she has 6 months to think about her attitude towards me. I will get on with my life.

Oh well the Dead are Dancing. My mother/father/stepfather's/ living half-sister and living daughters can't hold me back anymore. Fakes all of them.

I welcome authentic free loving humans into my life. I purge the rest.

Here is a friendly face to brighten up my morning!

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Context: my daughter has serious sibling rivalry with my dog and called him an Arsehole. He’s a bit naughty at times but he’s not an arsehole. Mama T has Spoken!

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I need to get to Byron. Need fresh sea air. I can't live like this anymore.

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This was the most remarkable time at Byron Bay. The seagulls glided over our heads and plucked the hot chips out of our hands with no fear.

I got a tad overwhelmed and told the birds they were being obnoxious and to wait on the ground with the other gulls. It was hilarious.

They were so graceful and gentle and I felt honoured to be amidst a flocking flurry of birds sharing our abundance and happiness to be at Byron Bay where every day, Magic happens.

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Feeling Joyous! Dancing with the gorgeous Jenny and Terrie to the voluptuous rhythms of the drumming circle on Main Beach by the Light of the silvery moon, the sounds of the ocean crashing and the sea mist washing over us!

23 May 2016

9.58 am. Just woke up to carnage. Beauregard has shredded newspaper and shopping pamphlets all over the house. More worryingly I found a packet of my antidepressants all chewed up. I found 2 tablets on the floor. I hope he didn't eat any of them. He will surely die, if he has.

So far he seems ok. I keep my pills on my bedside table in a china bowl but he must have been able to reach it with his mouth. If he survives the day, I will have to either keep crating him or confine him to the kitchen. Too many things he can destroy in my bedroom.

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OMG. Lady Dynamite. Lmao! Synchronous stolen aspects of my life yet again. Except I don't have Bipolar 2. Or a pug!

23 May 2015

4.53 am. Home safely tucked in bed. Crystal is sleeping on the lounge and Lua and Mona in the spare room. I woke Crystal. She went straight back to sleep.

Today is her last day in Brisbane. Wow! That time came so quickly.

I had a wonderful night dancing with Karen and the beautiful group of ladies at the casino. Wasabi were playing. I caught up with some old friends.

Lana tried to harass me as usual but she just makes herself look pathetic. Oyyyy! That woman is obsessed with me. Not even a $1000 fine stopped her!

I told her to go away.

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23 May 2014

2.40 am. home from dancing at the pub. Sore feet, happy spirit. Alone, broke but not giving up on myself just yet. Cooking a roast (ughh!). Had to or it would go off. So gonna be up for a few hours. Might watch some dvds.

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6.10 am. Time to sleep! Exhausted! Did washing, changed the water for the Bettas. Pottered. I feel like I am finally getting on top of housework.

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Still not asleep. Almost 8 am. Been dozing and davening. High as a kite. Emotional. Far out. I noticed that my body is building lots of tone from all the dancing. I can actually feel the bones in my shoulders and my hips.

Weird. My mind refuses to tone up along with my body. I don't know how much longer I can blame Menopause? I just can't shut down like I used to. Life is worth living, albeit alone.

I wish I had my own man to be with me. Perhaps that would make my life more settled? Depending on whom I might meet?

I am afraid of more Fuck ups. My life has been Fucked up enough. It's almost unimaginable that I might be Loved one day. I must remember there was a time when I never thought I would be Awake, Aware and Dancing.

When I literally slept 20 hours a day in a weird Zombiesque Suspended Animation. This is just the opposite of that dreadful malaise. Too much of a good thing and very addictive.

Well, Gisela, David, Trevor, Cees, Buck, Gila, Terry, David D, Angela all failed to kill me.

Now I am this new woman, a creature rebirthed out of pain, misery, abuse. A terrifying, magnificent beautiful Piece De Resistance. An ever evolving masterpiece.

I have come so far and am stymied by illness and misadventure and the inability to form meaningful lasting bonds with men. I am not meant for this society or this world and yet I persevere in my quest for unity and companionship like a dried out husk of a wrecked soul in a desert. On the road to Nowhere.

I am supposed to go with Crystal to Surfers today. Not sleeping means I will be pressured in my speech, hyper and will drive her nuts or pass out in the car for the drive. Lol! Poor Crystal! Her mother is a nutjob.

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4.50 pm. Awoken by Penny purring loudly next to my head. She sounds like a motorboat. Lovely girl.

Crystal went down the coast with her father so I could sleep today. Nice of him to help his daughter and spend time with her as well. About time.

I am going out for Kate's birthday dinner, and dancing at The Elephant. It will be fun! Now to motivate and get up and shower and make up. My left foot hurts with the arthritis I got left over from the septic arthritis in 2012, damn. I will be ok though. :-)

23 May 2013

23 May 2012

Going to bed early for a change. @ 12.15 am. Lol I felt tired all day today and only woke up @ 3.30 pm. It's best to just go with the fatigue rather than fight it.

23 May 2011

I AM ....Happy, Wealthy, Beautiful, Desirable, Respected, Loved, Healthy, Wise, Good, Perfect, Talented, Gifted. I Am That I Am, I Am What I Am, I Am What I am Becoming, I Am NOW, I am Here, I Am All of the Above.

I Am Joy, I Am Bliss, I Am Abundance. I Am Unconditional LOVE, even if some people didn't deserve it, slight blockage there...ooopss I AM LOVE! I Am Totally Serious! Even When I Am Good HUMOUR!

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Just bathed Bella Rosa Arons, who was getting too schtinky even for my nose, and was surprised how dirty she actually was. Also lots of large but now dead fleas. I can't believe I sleep with her every night and hadn't noticed.

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Awww she's all cute and fluffy. As my ex, Courtenay used to say, she looks like a fluffy toy but she's alive! LOL

23 May 2010

My Code words and bywords of my life, particularly today after my life review of various emotional attacks I received from members of my inner sanctum sanctorum, is STAUNCH, BOTTOMLINE and "Am I right or am I paranoid?"

LOL I know who has been, is currently and who will always be STAUNCH ie solidly loyal, protective, compassionate, loving and respectful in my life. Bottomline...noone else matters!

23 May 2009

Pondering the meaning of the Philandering Philo Philos of the Phillips variety...scarrrrrrryyyyy. Don't ask! You had to be there LOL Triple Filo Delights for an afternoon with Phil the Philistine tripping the light phantastic and trying not to pull a prank.

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For those of you not privy to my inner circle of joie de vivre....I just do not make sense because I choose not to ...otay???!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons