Memories: 22 November 2025

22 November 2025

4:00 am should have gone dancing. Not sleeping much, not breathing. Oh well. Hourly “interruptions”. Brain clear and resonant with insomniac firestorms. lol. Like a giant bell ringing. “For Whom the Bell tolls?” I wonder. Oh well, the dawn chorus is already muttering, establishing the pecking orders. The heart of feathered ones: human and non-human.

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11.37 am I just woke up (whoa…back in da room, Psychedlic Dreamer). I finally slept after my 4 am post about insomnia. Needed to give myself permission to let go of real world and “fly”!

I dreamed this morning of very intense and real life like dreams of my neighbour Timsa. (We rarely speak or interact in reality now…no acrimony but I keep myself a bit distant as he’s single and a bit intense and I am single and a bit intense so arrrghhhh…..)

In the dream he came to see me with teal coloured paint smeared on hus face. A big paint strike across his forehead and down his cheekbone. He’s a handsome man so I took particular notice of his cheekbone painted blue (it’s my ancient Icaenian or Pict motif you understand…..freedomm….or summat lak’ that!)

He had been painting the interior of his house. I asked him if he painted every room that colour as it was the colour of my school uniform and really is blue with shades of grey in it.

He just smiled and said he was planning on it. His adult sons were coming over through the fence (they had taken down panels of timber). I was not at all perturbed by this.

They asked me if I was happy that they trimmed the trees. I said it was lovely as there was more light in the garden. Next thing I know they had trimmed one tree into the shape of an indian god! I was a bit annoyed by this as most of the tree had been cut back to achieve this and I didn’t think the tree wanted to represent a living god, but my Shaman self found it equally spiritual and humorous so I walked around it and said “the gods will be happy, but I kinda want to kill you for destroying the tree”. They nodded and smiled said “we got a little carried away!”

We walk to the back of my garden where I had a huge weeping rose with two red roses on it but they had also cut into it. The trunk of the rose was slashed in a pieces like a rose patterning. My heart sank. I started to yell at them but decided it could do with a pruning. I picked a rose and we all admired its beauty. I breathed in its fragrance and gave it to Timsa who put it behind his ear and smiled at me yearningly (lol!)

Next thing I know I am in his house admiring his decor and the fresh paint job. He has a woman boarder who looked very much like my friend Sally I had at the casino. The boarder is very flamboyant, lovely, full of life. She was telling me she had just gotten engaged. I was so happy for her as her joy just shone from every pore of her like a shimmery radiance.

But I asked her if the fiance was going to move in to Timsa’s house or they were getting their own place? She said she hated leaving Timsa’s house as they had lived very happily there, together. The look of sadness in his eyes made my heart snap for him. He hates change and was fond of this woman, the dream told me. (In real life he doesn’t have any female boarders and only one son still lives with him…hmmmm…. Also in real life all my beautiful exquisite weeping roses have died. Also hmmm….)

Another woman of my vintage arrived and she was ebullient and positively glowed with an almost ethereal light. She told me she is an artist and we shared stories about the gods and spirits and I just adored this woman who was on my page and we were all so happy together and it felt like “Home”. I even thawed about the slashed back Rose and the tree carved into a god (On my land!) By all the gods!!!!

There was something very Dionysian about that! Or perhaps more like a dryad.

Anyway it’s now noon and I better get my birds out in the sunshine.

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12:27 pm lots of yelling and fighting in my neighbourhood. Interesting, given my happy dream about my neighbour. (It’s not him but houses further away) I now hear a siren…hmmm. Shit going down…that’s nice. I was better off asleep than having to hear this shit. lol!

I feel like I should go over to Timsa and ask him if he’s horny and would he like a rose behind his ear? (Grins….). Talk about projection……but I can separate reality from my dreamscape…I just wish everyone else on planet hellscape would do the same. FFS!

PS Timsa and I might have become lovers except for the fact that when I moved in 22 and a half years ago he was married with a newborn (third child!) and he used to argue with me about anything and everything in this annoying bantering way (I hate that!) and ten years later as his marriage crumbled they fought so savagely that I remembered why I stay single and safe.

Then a few years after that he started flirting with me and I was kinda flattered but I don’t want a man who fights me constantly or is only turned on by seeing me upset or distressed. Also he’s handsome, intelligent, articulate but my fucking neighbour…so fuck off with that fantasy.

We might have been friends but I held him at bay after he frolicked in my garden one afternoon in the most winsome delightful way but I remembered the verbal violence of his former marriage and I don’t want any part of that. It’s a shame really. We might have gotten along okay. But The Tanya is not so lonely or desperate as to throw herself at men who are sadistic or unstable.

Clamped up heart and loins for a reason, people of earth. 😉!

My dreams show me that I am ready and willing to allow love again…somehow with someone worthy of my heart, intellect, loins and that even my forgiving the boys mutilating my weeping rose was rather symbolic!

lol I would have torn shreds off anyone that comes on my land and kills my trees or roses deliberately. Even if I liked them!

I hear fighting again. Perhaps this was the reason I had insomnia most of the night…picking up on energy so hyper vigilant. Hmmm

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https://www.facebook.com/share/v/17X1hzhVG1/?mibextid=wwXIfr “King Parrot Visitors”.

https://youtu.be/5IAuOyCcf90?si=6vclweACbhyQi7ag

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Spinning a very coarse almost “sticky” sheep fleece with Sophie’s fur. Yup…another memorial wool being created. After this I have a few bits of Beauregard’s fur to be spun too. #titaniasrealm #ashfordspinningwheel #spinsterdivorceesgonerogue #sophiecatawesomeandsweet

22 November 2024

Another rainy day. I made another YouTube video. Reading “The Kybalion”. Then got very exhausted so I rested awhile. Then I edited “The Dybbuk on the Roof” which is going to have to be edited manually. So happy about this! Thank you Vocal Media.

Now still exhausted but watching Netflix. Looking forward to my usual Friday night dance tonight. I will be dancing for Ramjet. Juddy is back! Yayyy!

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22 November 2022

22 November 2021

All hail the spirits of my dearly Beloveds and my arch nemeses: our spiritual connections and emotional attachments have always surpassed Time and Space.

I honour your gifts of recognition and honour even if it took my enemies’ death to realise my power and my true heart. A pity you could not do that in Life.

Much love to Suzy Van Der Kwast who visited me in a dream in 2018, on this day!

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Visitations from spirits of newly deceased friends or family or associates, including enemies, happen frequently. Usually within 3 weeks of their death. Usually I had no idea they had passed. I see it as a mark of honour, that they cannot leave this mortal coil without their long (sometimes inappropriate and unwelcome!) Goodbye.

For example, the ghost of that evil bastard David Davidson in early June 2016 who haunted my front door for exactly four nights. Hohum, tiddly Pom, Life goes on! (Even with the current Covid paradigm!)

I am exhausted today as I spent the last three days upcycling an old cutlery canteen that I bought from a woman who asked me to cherish it as it was hard for her to part with, as her Irish grandparents brought it out to Australia when they migrated here. I told her I too had Irish ancestors (my great greatgrandparents came from Dublin via Sheerness in Kent).

She was delighted that the box was going to another “Irish woman” and was “meant to be”. I assured her that the old Irish eyes would indeed be smiling! I took a photo of the box after I completed it and sent it to her so she could see the results. She was glad!

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Rainnnnn at long last! Hallelujah!

22 November 2020

I said “Let’s get a photo together, Bobo!” (He was snuggling wiv De Mama!). He hates being photographed and the Mama T “Pupparazzi”.

But I said “you ready?! Smile!” and I do declare He SMILED!!! Even with the flash in his little eyeballs!

22 November 2019

I just had my debrief with my esteemed and worthy Doctor. In trepidation of being committed or invalidated..a life phobia after epic abuse and false slanders by my core family that I am crazy... I showed him my video I made about Prince Andrew.

When he saw it he said “Oh wow!” He said I had finally tapped into my own truth, that I am not crazy and found who I am and finally am comfortable standing in my own truth and have finally embraced my own Darkness. He said I have found some deep healing outside of the containment of his office.

I thanked him for standing with me in our 10 years of therapy, for being so brave and such a strong fighter for me eg in the 2015 suicide attempt debacle.

I told him that in one of my videos I complain about his interruptive phone calls but I had expressed my gratitude and appreciation about the long bloody haul it has been to sustain me in all my intensity for 10 years!!!

I am turning some kind of corner with the love and support of my Doctor, true friends and the Universal consciousness and a little powerful Spirit Woman named Lilith. Giggles.

Now more just Creative and in touch with powerful Beings who have demonstrated a thousand times that Truth and Honour is Mine and “They”…the unseen ones really do have my back.

Grateful humble awestruck loving woman here!

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11:11 am another day in Paradise. A hot day. Of course. But a nice wind cooling me down slightly. Drinking coffee in the company of my beautiful pets. My earthy angels! Love them greatly.

I have signed up to go to another Tara Puja. It was a beautiful spiritual experience and I have witnessed great changes since the last one.

Perhaps a coincidence but I have put a lot of spiritual work into healing not just Miss Sophie Zombie cat but my own former Zombie ever-blossoming Phoenix Burning and regenerating Self.

Psy sighs. Formidable. But I feel beautiful and powerful and grateful to the gods in all their various manifestations.

I wonder if Lilith is still working with me? I have to trust my own Spirit more. Grow in my own mana even more. There is something wonderful and spectacular on the horizon even if I cannot know just what as yet!

The bastard possum ate more roses. Hardly any buds left now. I will have to buy some SKAT which Lyn assures me is not toxic to animals but will repel them. Hmmm not so sure about that but ffs there are plenty of other yummy things to eat apart from my roses. BAD POSSUM!

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Socks has booted off again. 3 days now. But I am not overly worried as he has always done this. I am sure he will be back.

I have been around the neighbourhood for a walk with Bobo and no sign of Socks but however there is a dead possum lying on the verge across the road. I wonder if that was Socks? But then if it were him, he would have eaten it. Ahhh well.

22 November 2018

I took The Beau and Charlie Bird for a walk around the block. The moon is full and rather yummy. We walked under a power line proudly sporting a very confused Tawny Frogmouth who had never before seen a rainbow lorikeet on a moonlight promenade, kissing his human mama before.

I giggled at my “love” life. It truly is “for the birds!” But at least I know I am completely utterly adored by Beings of light and truth and integrity who delight in my company and would never willingly betray me.

This, my friends...is Happiness.

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Today I manifested Joy by having coffee and pizza with Terrie, and Joanne and Amanda. We chatted with other customers and it was very convivial.

Beauregard sat under the table and mooched Italian sausage and pizza crusts. He really enjoyed his day out with De Mama! I love my little schnorrer!

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9:05 am. Awake after the first decent sleep in several nights. Wow!

Let’s see what the Universe can throw at me today. Hopefully I have a good day after yesterday’s epic horror.

I will stick to my vow I made while bollocking my doctor.

I will MANIFEST JOY. In my life. Otherwise my entire existence has no point or reason and is just an exercise in osmosing mouth breathing of emptiness. (Already lived like that for over 20 years surrounded by false friends and evil perverted family!)

So the alternatives are either Death or an entirely different wild carefree joyous Life - on my own terms. Unsullied and unstymied by ghouls from the past. Let the river of effluent go. Fertilise my soul in more kinder, more nourishing ways. Shine in my hardwon glory.

Yup. I got this. No longer a prisoner of others false love and deceptions and constant treachery. I have de-loused and un-plagued myself. I am healing. I may bear scars that are unseen by the unevolved eyes but they are my shield of a warrior goddess.

Streaming like titanium in the sunshine of my cronedom! Psychedelic swirls and ecstatic twirls. Pirouettes of cosmic delight.

They threw me onto the garbage heap of life and cut and gnawed and sliced and diced but I grew back like a tree. I burst into flames of fury that scorched and cleansed then dropped my precious bundle and grew again.

If you are not with me, you are again’ me, Motherfuckersss. I am Whom I am Becoming. Staying sane and aware in a world of plastic fantastic artifice. Not so bad.

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I dreamed of my first boss Suzy Van Der Kwast this morning. I was looking at her standing in a window. She looked exactly the same as when I knew her, in her late 40s, beautiful, powerful in her own unique madness.

She did not see me in the dream but I watched and she was luminous. Like a light was shining upon her. Basked in golden sunshine. Someone quipped “Look at her. Her skin is flawless. She’s had ‘work’ done”. I shrugged. “Let her be happy!” I said.

Perhaps she has died recently? I have no way of knowing. She loved me, that screaming harridan of a woman. Recognised my light as a fellow Survivor. Made me feel valued.

At a time in my adolescence when I had barely survived my own family and felt utterly worthless but was (as I was created to do) standing in my own light and fight and hardwon innate dignity and striving to strut my own stuff.

I worked hard in that infamous coffee shop. Lol. I would come home from work, beyond exhausted and have a breakdown. Every weekend! I badly needed support and therapy back then.

So I cherished my friends, my veritable lifelines and got married far too young, foolishly thinking it would keep me safe. Nah uh Fool.

But anyway Suzy! Wherever you are now! I dreamed a little dream of you. Did you dream of me? ;-)

From the comment section:

My friend, Sally Castle: Suzy did indeed pass away recently. There was an article in Stuff:

Suzy van der Kwast, who gave birth to the capital's cafe scene, has died at the age of 80. http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominion-post/news/108528916/wellington-cafe-legend-suzy-van-der-kwast-has-died-aged-80?cid=app-iPhone

Me: oh wow! She was a survivor of csa also.

It is true about her telling customers there was room. She used to send me out (age 16) to badger customers lined up outside that there would be a seat for them by the time they got to the counter. (It was an exercise in chutzpah).

I would drag people in looking sheepish and red-faced and the demure NZ customers looking befuddled and confused and she would yell “Tanya is My Hostess!”

This caused jealousy and friction with my co-workers due to my young age. Lmao.

She really liked and trusted me. When staff failed to show up, Tom would appear at my house early in the morning (I abhor early mornings!) in his BMW and say “Suzy needs you to fill in!”

I would haul arse out of bed and put my uniform on (white blouse and black skirt) and when I got to work she would yell at me for not wearing makeup (I was still in sleep mode for Christ’s sake) and send me upstairs to where she kept makeup to smother my young face in goop to be fit to serve her customers. Lmao!

She was a terrible screamer like my mother and because I was raised that way, I was one of the few employees that knew how to cope with her.

I did love her in a way. She was tough, beautiful, avant-garde in her style of dress and fair minded. Like myself, she got over her rages fairly quickly.

I am not surprised she died of lung cancer as she smoked like a chimney all her life. Bart must be devastated. He was her only child.

I met many celebrities (Although I was too young to realise it). Peter Jackson used to talk loudly and impressively about his film making. I would smile politely but rolled my eyes as I walked away (I always hated Posers!)

Well, had I known back then that he was destined to make Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit I might have taken him more seriously!

Another regular customer was a transvestite who adored me as I called them Sir, when they appeared as a man and Madam, when they appeared in really bad middle-age dowager drag!

They wanted me to be the first woman NZ Chief Justice and were convinced I was destined for great things. A Sweet Heart but I dropped out of varsity and have done nothing but fail at Life ever since.

Anyway I will have a drink in her memory tomorrow night. She would have loved my dancing like a mad woman at the casino in my corsets and big attitude. God bless her. (And me!)

So she died on Thursday 8 Nov and I dreamt of her yesterday morning Thursday 22 Nov. wow. How lovely of her to say “Goodbye”!

Megan Phillips: Kinda like, 'just in case you didn't know'....she must've had high regard for you cuzn, hope your catching sleep now 😌❤

Me: Yes, I feel really surprised and humbled and honoured by the spirit world lately. I have dreamt of Suzy before over the years but by the sunlight streaming on her face I “knew” this was different.

I pray she finds rest and peace with the Ein Soph Aur.

Now with all those old memories I have insomnia again. Fuck! Oh well. Sleep is only for the Dead and my former zombie self.

Another funny memory: my mother Gisela sent our family friend Graeme into Suzys coffee Lounge to pick me up from work one time, to bring me back to his and his wife Nanette’s place for a family bbq.

He was much older than I and had always been a bit sleazy and I had always had ambivalent feelings to him as he was great friends with my paedophile godfather Trevor Singh (which was how Graham came to be a close friend of our family as he met Trevor while gambling and became rather obsessed with my narcopath mother).

My friend Rosalyn and I nicknamed Graeme “Hands” as he often tried to “affectionately” run his hands across our young bodies so I instructed her firmly to never be alone with him and to not allow contact (myself accustomed to sexual abuse from family members so I was very protective of Rosalyn!)

Anyway Graeme had just missed me leaving work (I had already caught the bus home) but he picked me up from home and drove me to his place in Miramar, where Mum and Nanette were waiting.

He tells us that he feels a tad violated and sexually harassed. I giggle mischievously. “What happened Graeme?”

“Well” he says, “I go to the coffee shop and Suzy sees me and I ask for Tanya”. She looks him up and down (a very characteristic European habit) and settles her eyes for several minutes on his crotch..shamelessly. Taking the measure of the man.

Finally she says, “Who might you be?” He stammers, “a friend of the family!”

“What do you want with Tanya!”

“Gisela asked me to pick her up for a bbq”.

Graeme said he felt like a very naughty school boy and felt her eyes boring into his package.

Suzy drags on her cigarette and stares at him.

“She’s not here. You can go now”.

I fell on the floor laughing. My Suzy had completely eviscerated him and oh, how I needed a woman in my life to do that to the creeps in my family.

I ate the bbq in smug satisfaction. I finally had a hero in my life who had my back. It was marvellous!

22 November 2015

2.44 pm. Almost home. Alcide has been the perfect Pomeranian. He ate some turkey mince, played with his new toy that Mama Bev gave him.

He let me know when he needed to wee. I put his puppy pad on floor at my feet and he wizzled happily. He snuggled the rest of the trip, which was hampered by roadworks.

Soon he will arrive at Sacred Space and meet the rest of the animal gang!

For now he is curled up in the crook of my arm, snoozing and making puppy wheezy/snoring sounds. So gorgeous!

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11.07am. Just leaving Gympie with Alcide. He is loving his new car. He is enjoying Pomeranian mania on the road trip to Bris-bania! He is rather impressed with his new Mama and "Uncle" Jarrod.

22 November 2014

Lana told me some old guy said that I looked like Karl Marlden's sister. So I googled him as I knew he had a funny nose.

Turns out he was a Serbian American and apart from his wider schnozz, yes, we do look alike. Same Slavic face shape.

Hmmm, I never have been told this before. I don't know whether to be insulted or delighted.

Mind you, he was a brilliant actor and good-looking so I will choose delighted ;-).

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4.45 am. Home safe, showered in bed with spasming feet. I took a painkiller but no relief. I am glad to be home. I had a nice night dancing at the casino.

About 1ish Lana came and joined me. We had fun. I was already in pain and thinking about going home when she arrived. I got home at 4.11am. (there is the 11 again). I have let the chooks out. Mischief greeted the dawn with his crowing. Sweet little Rooster.

Time to schluff. Good Morning and Good Night :-)

22 November 2012

I had to shut Hecate Hen in the chook tractor as she harassed the young chicks so much and was stealing their baby food....after several attempts to take her away and distract her by keeping her with me in the other part of the garden where I was pruning.

So on dusk I was busy outside my fenceline, weaving the passionfruit vines and tendrils into the fence. I observed Elvira the new black hen hovering around, looking a tad distressed as she could not gain entrance to her coop as I had shut the door.

So I decided to hurry up finishing what I was doing and go and open the doorway for the other two hens, Elvira and Tabitha to go to roost.

As I hurried up the path to do just that, I noticed an odd shape high up in the Frangipani tree. I looked up and sure enough, poor Tabitha had had no patience as Elvira had done and had flown up into the tree and was roosting in the branches!

It took a bit of doing to get her out and fortunately the frangipani branch was weak so she sort of fell out when it snapped and I grabbed her and ran with her to the chook tractor to put her to bed.

Then I realised I was still missing Elvira the black hen, so I went back to the Franchipani now, by now in darkness, trying to see if she was up there too. I had just decided I would need a torch to spotlight her when I noticed, on my way to the backdoor to get the torch, that Elvira was walking from the back garden to the tractor.

She had realised I was trying to get her safely to bed. So then I had to chase her around a bit, open the doorway and shut her safely in as well. I can't risk leaving them out ever again after what happened to Lilith and Morgana.

Tabitha Chook who seems the most frightened and stupid of the new ones, turned out to have a few survival skills after all, choosing a tree to roost in, high up off the ground. I am impressed, but she is better off sleeping in the chicken tractor at night with her 'sisters'.

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Still not well, slept all day til 3 pm then spent last few hours of daylight pottering in the garden, and playing with the chooks, dog and cats. I wonder if I will ever feel semi-normal again. My hand is not healing well. All a bit of a drain really.

I am looking forward to going to Kristian's 30th birthday bash tomorrow night. I will have to rest another day to summon up enough energy to enjoy it all!

22 November 2011

I am loving Sons of Anarchy 2! More inspiration for me to buy my own Harley Davidson and start my own Club! Lol.

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I slept until 3 pm today. Then I collected my mail and saw my water lily seeds had arrived so I dug out clay for the small pond so I can grow my water lilies in it.

Bella kept throwing her ball into the muddy water as I was smooshing the clay between my hands so we both got covered in mud. Even her tongue was coated in mud LOL. So then she got a bath and I had a shower.

22 November 2010

I was just psyching up to dig a huge hole to plant my beautiful weeper when it started pouring with rain. I guess it can wait LOL

22 November 2009

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons