Memories: 2 September 2025

2 September 2025

7:51 am a pretty morning. Bright clear sun rays bouncing off my neighbours’ grey façade. It looks almost metallic like a newly sharpened blade.

There is a bite to it. After yesterday’s morose weather.

What shall we nibble, chew on, taste of this day? Will it bring us something digestible, consumable, delicious? Or leave us feeling bland and stranded and strung out?

Anything can happen in the space/time continuum…anything at all.

I dreamed I bought a pot plant with a chrysanthemum in it. (I am not fond of those flowers as they were my mother’s favourites). I was scratching around the pot and discovered to my delight that a stray orchid had seeded itself in the soil and was growing, bravely and determinedly, underneath the chrysanthemum.

So I gently pulled it out to re-pot it and then stared at its roots and worried it did not have enough to survive and that I should have just left it where it was, happily strutting its stuff. It would have out-competed the “mum” anyway.

I had another dream after that but it has evaporated back into my subconscious. But that previous dream remains so it must be important that I remember it.

Whatever my brain decides…have a beautiful day, People of Earth. Thrive…even in the shadow of a more vigorous one. Toxic mothers really are destructive but you, my Darlings, will find your way, put down stronger roots, will be held precious by someone who truly Sees you and Values you and will nurture your life force, your creativity, your blossoming and will let you grow into your full emanation of Being.

You are held safe and deeply loved by Someone, even when all mortals seek to destroy or betray or sully you. So keep growing, shining bright your light and smile…you’ve got this.

2 September 2023

A quiet day. I had a long chat with my friend Jackie Burns. It was lovely and comforting. Tonight is Riverfire in Southbank. I am thinking about going dancing.

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2 September 2022

I now need to rush Bobo to manly vet. They say it’s a medical emergency. Pray I don’t lose my dog.

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Nes Gadol Hayah Po! A great miracle happened here.

I am back from Manly Vet. We saw the lovely kind Dr Christof. I cried rivers of tears on the way, thinking Beauregard the Bon Vivant of earthly masculinity was going to die.

Turns out what I saw last night was a very excited penis. But I still need to keep an eye on him for the next three days. Keep him inside, away from other dogs. Monitor his urination etc.

He peed a lot when we just arrived home. Also had a poo.

So I will continue praying that he is well. The vet gave me a cone to stop him licking the penis. I will have to use that.

but for now…I am going through various stages of relief and hoping for the best!

The vet says if he gets hair caught around the penis it acts like a tourniquet and cauterises it so I need to bring him in immediately, even if during the night.

Bobo would not let him palpitate his tummy (two vet nurses and himself could not hold him down!) so we don’t know if it’s something more serious yet….

The cost was $112.75 I had to put on zip pay but hopefully this ordeal is over.

I am gonna burn Theodora Humperdinck. Sorry Lyn but the teddy bear idea was just a very bad case of enablement. I mean we all need a bit of stimulation sometimes but this is just too much excitement for one little doggy and his extremely nervous Mama T.

Ayayayay.

2 September 2021

Trigger warning: the Covid epoch.

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Interestingly I woke up to this beautiful song that Luke sent me. As I was coming to full Consciousness I had the inspiration to write a song about our current paradigm.

About fighting for our body autonomy, our safety, our sacred trust (tryst?) with our planet and the multiverses. About going forwards, not giving in to fear and it’s monetisation like fetid porn in the media, peddled by our governments.

About choosing life and our human body that is a perfectly designed machine but we cede it over to Big Pharma and they replace our souls with zombies and cyborg replacements until we are barely even human. It is coming…. It’s all part of the plan.

Don’t believe me? Look around and see the freshly activated trauma in eyes staring from behind the masks…and not just the masks we wear to avoid breathing on other people.

It’s terrifying and stultifying.

I will die on my feet, as I have both lived and died a million times…on my feet. Life is eternal. It’s just another turn in the cosmic wheel.

And yes!! Today is a Good Day! When you choose freedom and love and your own goddess power over the bone crushing soul depleting mindgames of the elite. They are not so clever though. They are just greedy for death and diminished population with their augmented virus and their newfound client-base forced upon the masses for the merest dream of Survival.

Palazcuk (chook chook dance for your puppet masters!) insulting our intelligence with allegories of donuts. A donut is a soft fleshy piece of mouldable dough with a hole in it…perfect for penetration of all kinds.

They are actively telling us to go fuck ourselves in plain sight!

Donut, vaccine site. Same hole, different day. Well I decide what I put in my body.

After that last Hepb vaccine damaged my liver and gall bladder but my ignorant and often spiteful gp accused me of being an alcoholic instead, me…who almost never drinks to excess, as I have to drive myself home and keep myself safe while out dancing in an age of barbarism that is dangerously expanding….

Well fuck that and fuck those doctors with their ignorance and hate.

I trust no one with my body. No one. Ceding it for that colonoscopy was a living hell.

Still recovering from it. (It takes me on average 2 months to recover from them).

Gift my body and my autonomy so some ugly fetid CUNT can make money from my vulnerabilities. I don’t think so.

Today is a Good day and tomorrow and tomorrow. We will create it with our own hearts and minds and souls. ❤️

“…And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music!”

And like the story of the king who could not fit in with his subjects and thought they were insane until one day he drank the village water and suddenly he was fully accepted as part of them. He had become just like them. 🙂

I will not go quietly into the darkest of nights: I am a second generation survivor of those that lived through the darkest paradigm before in 1933-1945.

It did not make them better people, kinder people, or have any respect for the bodies of their daughters/step-daughters. I will never forget and I will never forgive and I will not allow the same thing to happen again.

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I feel very weird in the head today. Depleted, drained and almost like an oppression of my spirit.

I wonder what my body is somatising now? What new information or breakthrough is at hand? I feel exhausted.

But the lawnmower man has been and gone so the garden is back in tidy order again. I am heating up pumpkin soup that I made last night. Watching YouTube videos.

Taking life easy today. The heaviness is most unpleasant. It’s a beautiful day and I have had epic cuddles and smooches from little Koko. Peter said she needed her daily dose of Tanya. Sweetness!

But when I brought Charley inside to keep her safe from the noise of the lawnmower, she bit me on my lip…hard…and drew blood. Cranky bird!

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2 September 2020

11:11am another beautiful day graced by the gods. Thank you Holy One. For life, for Love, for Peace, for joy in all manifestations.

2 September 2018

Happy Fathers Day to all the men in the world worthy of that title!

I had one father, two stepfathers, one godfather. A much older brother in law. Not one was a man capable of safe kind parenting of me!

My only father figures who treated me with kindness and respect were my grandfather whom I saw occasionally during my early childhood when he visited on his trips from Auckland, my neighbour Mr Ewan Robertson who was quirky and bright and witty, but alas like many fathers had his own issues. Yet I seemed able to find safety with his wife and daughter in their home, an oasis on a wind-tossed beachfront.

My place of childhood domicile was full of violence and sexual predation and fear and yes, loathing. So having my safe houses with people who loved and accepted me for whom I was, was the difference between life and death.

Instead of confrontation and devaluing, I was nourished and cosseted and in many small ways, defended and protected. Those small gestures built into beacons of hope and courage for a world I had yet to grow into.

My other father figure was another neighbour down the street Mr Theo Hoedemaeckers, a quiet hardworking Dutchman, a boat maker. I loved him too, until he formed some kind of alliance with my mad cunt of a father so then I held back with circumspection. But Theo was a good man I believe. As much as any man in my childhood.

He was safe. Safe meant he was not sexually predating on me, was good humoured, teased me with a twinkle of mischief in his eye and a dry sardonic wit. Housed me for 6 months when Cees and my mother went to America and Holland when I was 14.

My nearest and dearest “father”: my role model, my protector has never married or fathered children of his own. He has been a constant in my life. Never swayed in his loyalty to me and omg..how he was pushed to the limits by my disgusting manipulative mother.

But a real Father is a man who is there for you, no matter what. Solid. Staunch. Courageous. Loves you even as he has to watch you break your own heart a million times in a myriad ways. Even as you break his.

I adore you, my friend, my Jarrod. We did not have easy safe childhoods but we grew to be wonderful, loving, strong and beautiful people. Soul-kin - to each other in a mad damaged fractured Berserker World. You are my Rock!

She with too many “fathers” of the wrong kind, Salutes you. I thank G-d for you.

I raise a glass or a bloodied weary Warrior Goddess eye, up to all the good men in the world. I See you! In all your perfect imperfections. Men who love their Women and their children in decent kind honourable safe supportive nurturing ways!

You are so so much appreciated and so loved. By me! One who knows what it is like to be unmothered and unfathered and had to find a new tribe to match her Vibe cos the gods were crazy and cast her down into a nest of Hellians but brought her up to see greatness in the futile, the fragile and the humble. A miracle.

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Comment on a meme: Haha (but seriously!) My ex husband had crippling back pain every time I had a baby. So his gp (a white older conservative man) recommended a tiny 4 ft tall Vietnamese woman acupuncturist.

She made home visits. Took one look at me with my newly post-delivery birth body. One look at my husband. Took me aside and hissed at me "He useless man. No good. No good. You too good for this useless man. Don't worry, I fix him".

She goes into our bedroom. Lights joss sticks and literally walked (more like stomped) on his back. He moaned and whined with the pain. (I am sure it was quite an experience). She had needles all over him.

After one session he could get out of bed to walk to the toilet. Back at work after 3 sessions. Luan was a fucking amazing miracle worker. Even my ex was converted to acupuncture. She was wonderful. She spoke fluent French and although Vietnamese had trained in France for years.

Oh what fun we had! "Useless!” She would utter. "Useless! Look at hiim. Why you marry that big meathead?"

I tell you she healed more than Micheal's bad back that way. I wish I still knew her. She literally saved my life.

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So my immediate plans for a lovely afternoon just went down in blazing “glory”. Stomach wracked with pain and discomfort. Too much dancing on Friday night so my body is punishing me.

My doctor thinks exercise is good for me. But she has no fucking idea what doing so does to me for several days after. But I am trying to heal my body even with the constant scouring.

I hope this is not another impending gallstone attack as frankly I am not in the mood to live in agony today (or any fine day such as this!)

I need to walk my dog (but will have to let my tummy settle) then head to the shops to buy food. Then rest I guess.

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12:45 pm have finally showered, washed my hair and shaved my legs. Scrubbed clean of old filth and negative vibes. The afternoon is mine to jive with my tribe.

Happiness. Holiness. Purity regained. Hearts unrestrained. Heads clear. Dog eagerly awaiting a walk. On we go!

2 September 2017

Beautiful day. Had a long sleep. Just took Charlie and The Beau for a long walk around the forest. No Wild nectar trees in flower as I was hoping to give some to Charlie so when I got home I picked a macadamia flower bract and he seemed happy with that.

One of the neighbours who takes his toddler for a walk stopped at my front gate to say Hello. Very kind man. His little fella turns 2 tomorrow. Very cute. There are some nice people in the 'hood. I must focus on that.

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Watching "Acknowledgement". Fascinating!

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Response to a video/meme: The Spice Girls kitties reminded me of Crystal, Jasmine, Ashleigh and Jaime all making videos of Spice girls songs. They had the best time and it is such a happy memory of the kids.

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2 September 2016

I had a happy day today. Very anxious/emotional but happy. Valium is such a gift. 🙂

From comment section: Tee. I rarely take it but my anxiety was through the roof. Sometimes it is just kinder to settle my nerves. For my sake and for those around me. There were some very amazing intense shifts in my psyche last week.

One was caused by fighting (yet again!) with the Commonwealth Bank who actually were Sorry! But still in a backhanded way. (They Gave me money to quote unquote "make me happy"). Unheard of! Like giving an ice cream to a little girl then telling her to play in the middle of the road.)

I was rather furious. The sum of money does not reinstate my much-needed overdraft or really offset the trauma I experienced being humiliated at the Carindale branch. But it was "Goodwill" accompanied by a dozen verbal Sorrys. So fuck it.

Then I reconnected with an old friend and spend some pleasant time in each others company. Nothing romantic or sexual but surprising all the same. So my emotions were extremely heightened.

If you can't sleep for nights on end one Valium would calm your nervous system enough to settle you down for the next night (long half-life). But it is for anxiety. Not a sleep aid.

Anyway as you all know if you have been reading my status updates, I am off my regular psych meds. 3 months today. It has been hardest getting free of them but I have done well. I don't think one Valium in 3 months when needed to prevent hyper-emotionalism is bad. It is not like I ever take them. (Except for my suicide attempt which was ...interesting.)

Update 2022: Gosh I can’t remember who that “old friend” even was? Must have been a blow out and I got excited about nothing…as per usual lol.

6 years 3 months free of psych meds (including Valium!) but today I could have done with some cannabis after all the high strangeness.

Never mind…pristine loins, clear head, mind recalibrated …it’s for the birds! Lol

2 September 2015

1.52am home safe! I had a lovely afternoon and evening. I left when the open mic finished at midnight. Some really good talent. I even joined in the dancing for the last few performers.

It's hard to believe how shy I still am when 'breaking in' new venues. The band who backed up all the talent were friendly and welcoming. One young girl who was stonkering drunk danced with me and afterwards told me I am Awesome. Lmao.

I am glad I went in spite of the anxiety attack I had earlier over losing my script. I am nothing if not intrepid!

The beach was so healing and beautiful. I will try to visit more often in the warmer months.

2 September 2014

12.48 am. Still have a headache. I don't usually suffer headaches for 2 days in a row. Odd!

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Busy afternoon! Got up 3.33 pm and hit the ground running. Dressed and drove to Capalaba Produce to buy laying mash for my girls. Decided to buy wormer as well. Then drove to fill up on petrol as it was cheap. Then went to City Pets to buy a 2 litre chook waterer as warmer weather is coming and cat bowls won't be enough for my preciouses.

Then I visited Lyn and we bartered my eggs for her horse poo (which I need for my compost pile). Then we had a lovely cup of tea and a chat. Then Crystal rang that she was coming to see me so I went home to meet her.

Gita and Sani not here tonight, which is very weird. I heard them whispering during day so I guess they went out.

Crystal and I had yummy Yatala pies for dinner and I went out to mix wormer in water and put it in chook pens.

Now I can chillax (although with the wild winds I want to go out :-)!

2 September 2013

2 September 2012

2 September 2010

My anemones I got for free when I purchased my weeping rose are all in bloom. Such happy smiling faces. They are performing better than some of the very expensive bulbs I actually paid money for. LOL Proof that the best things in life are Free!

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Breathe in, breathe out...repeat. It's that easy. (Whatever!) I am majorly addicted to breathing like every other organic being on Earth.

I had a really chesty, bad coughy day, but the good news is Housing Commission gave me a brand spanking new stove/oven. I am thrilled to bits. Now there's no excuse for not cooking. I will make Chatzilim for Crystal as I can grill eggplant now!

Update 2 September 2020: 10 years later the stove top still doesn’t work properly. I had it repaired by housing contractors three times last year. It worked until they walked out the door. I was literally gaslit. I have only been able to cook on two elements . I will have to ask them to fix it again.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons