Memories: 18 March 2025

18 March 2025

The Tanya is “Dancing On Her Own”. Mocked and derided. Played for a fool…again. lol. But She is happy. Knowing she loved fully, sincerely, wholeheartedly and frankly, triumphantly. No regrets.

She is setting herself free from the poisoned ones. The worm tongued ones. The false ignoble cowardly atrophied ones.

The dance continues. Alone. But with peace in her heart and mind…knowing there was nothing different she could have done with the cards life gifted her and the two bit players that came and went…not one genuine or honest with her…not even with themselves.

All the world’s a stage and all the people in it merely players. Shakespeare knew best.

So I must resonate a new song, sing it long and hard and loud then let the Silence be the last signalling out into the Void.

Fearlessly free to be Me in all dimensions, paradigms, echelons. To be loved: safely, honouringly, immensely and purely. No harm, no foul.

Cyclone Alfred blew out all the evil. Showed me true hearts and minds. Who is “there” for me. Who stands with me. No matter what…no matter who.

Let the rest of the Shades eviscerate into dust. I need a tribe, a community, that genuinely cares for me, protects me, defends me. As a human. As a woman on her own.

I need a real love. What can I say? Too many men tried to kill me. Over and again. With their bare hands on my throat, or with their treacherous false love or with driving me into poverty and keeping me there. Or with enabling women in clubs to viciously attack me. Knowing that rape and sexual assault is a huge trigger for me.

So yes, I rose above it because I am used to living through trauma, hate, ignominy and evil. Seeking love and light amidst the broken, desolate and debased. It’s what I do. What I have always done since early childhood. Survived. Always holding my own, alone, hoping to Thrive. C’est la Vie. Babies.

Thank you to Brooklyn Standard for treating me like a queen since 25 August 2023. I never in my life was made so welcome and treated with such kindness. I will never forget the amazing times I shared with you all. Some of it was quite quite mad but ennobling. 🙂

But things are changing…times are a-changing. The post-Covidian toxicity is damaging all of us. It’s no longer survivable.

So Mama T/The Tanya/ must continue her dance alone.

Love to those who were/are there for me in these fractious treacherous times. I wish you well on your journeys through life. Be brave, be true…knowing that I love you. Always…

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I had to cut these out with my diamond bit thingy on my trusty Dremel because the epoxy glued itself to the plastic cases I put them into. (I thought they would pop out…alas no…argghhh!) so then I had to varnish the backs and sides (after filing down the rough edges from cutting them apart).

Now I need to drill holes in each end and attach the shepherds hooks and I also need to recast the little Corazon charms for the bottoms. Then I pray I never lose these again as it was quite frustrating having to remake them and they don’t look nearly as good as the original. But it’s my own interpretation so ….art?!!!! lol.

I still wish I could make them in enamelling. One day when I can afford the enamel paints and extra equipment. Something to aspire to. ;-)

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If I re:cast the Corazon then I will make them a bit thicker so I will have enough room to set little London topaz stones where the holes in the middle are. I will attempt that tomorrow I think, if I have enough scrap silver left…hmmm.

I may need a new crucible and I definitely need to swap the oxygen tank over. But I could just make them with mapp gas which I may have just enough left in the bottle to do this task. Decisions. Hmmmm. So maybe not tomorrow…but soon.

I have decided I love my folksy artsy misbegotten calacas almost as much as the originals. Love is the law…love under will. Love until you are too dead to notice you are even dead hahaha. At least this couple are still passionately dancing together. Not a bad way to go. In love until the end and enter into the void together. Sweet but insane. Mama T gonna aim for that…one day. It’s romantic if not realistic.

“The dead are dancing” and “Dance me til the end of Love” Toni Childs and Leonard Cohen. I hold you partially responsible for my “House of Hopelessness” at Sacred Space. Every now and then I have to wake up and slap myself silly and remember who I AM! Free, Wild, Indomitable. And a bit lovely….but shhhh….don’t tell them….they will all want some of The Tanya. Ahem. Sings …Joey because I can! (That’s more like it).

18 March 2020

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1VGfE3BXP8/?mibextid=wwXIfr

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/162HbFmZAc/?mibextid=wwXIfr

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7:45 am I got woken up by a text from QE2 hospital cancelling my dentist appointment due to coronavirus. It was just a check up but I still feel Annoyed. It took hours of wrangling on the phone last week to even make the appointment.

On a happy note, someone just bought (or is coming to buy) my chicken tractor. So I will have money to buy food. Lovely!

18 March 2019

Rainnnnn! Glory be, to the gods. I brought Charlie inside as he and the dog were not keen on Thor’s bellyaching!

It’s coming down heavy at my place at last. Glorious!

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I got a call this morning from the PA hospital. It seems I have been booked for a consult on 15 April for what I hope is organising to have my gallbladder removed. They used some jargon that did not correlate. Hippo-something. Hope they have the right surgery as I thought I was hoping to have a cholecystectomy!

Oh well. I hope that is what is happening as I am sick of feeling unwell, and walking through mud! Although two surgeries within a few months of each other (all that anaesthetic and time under is going to make my brain addled!)

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18 March 2018

My Lounge room stinks of cigarettes. But I don’t smoke (well rarely but never in the house). I have had no smokers visit. My lounge faces away from my crazy Indian smoking neighbour who often “watches” me at night while smoking but I can’t blame him as there is no wind to carry the smell to my front door.

Anyway. Weird. Just saying!

From Comment section:

Terrie Collier: I often can smell cigarette smoke in my room....

Me: My parents (the fucked up ghouls) were non-smokers so it’s not them.

My sister smoked. Maybe she has dropped dead?

Unkind thought. Lol She will be 68 on April 13

Terrie Collier: Tanya Arons maybe lol unkind but deserved!

Me: Shhh pure thoughts...Karma...yadayada

Terrie Collier: Fuck karma lol

Me: Both my grandmothers smoked. But could be any energy. I am utterly exhausted after my wild tempestuous dance so perhaps have brought home an invisible louche feeder. Lol

Get thee hence, foul spirit!

Terrie Collier: My whole family smokes, I just assume it's my dad and tell him to go away.

Me: Karma is just the balancing act we all must play. Like the sword of Damocles it swings both ways.

Terrie Collier: Tanya Arons how was your wild night my love

Me: Omg I turned into a crazed little sex kitten!

Terrie Collier: Tanya Arons rawrrr 😘

At one point in my great dark clown performance act I bent Morris down and pretended to smooch him and the dear screamed like a girl! It was hilarious! We played up all night long. So much fun! But weird!

My new friend Nikki joined in. I had Morris under one arm and my arm around her belly (I whispered into her ear that I am not gay so she is safe with me!). Off we three went. Omg! Lmao!

She was a sweet young woman. Seemed shy and anxious at first when she first introduced herself to me but oh my, she soon found her Wild Woman after watching me and Morris go berserk for a while. I was well impressed!

At another point I broke “character” or my alter ego lunatic woman and Morris and I burst into hysterical laughter and I said “Oy you made me break character!” It was hilarious. But I soon found my locus and off we went again.

Bit shattered today. Overdid it! If only I could channel that energy for paid work!

But then I guess I heal myself and others so who needs to worry about money. The universe benevolently provides for me. Thank you Universe!

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@ International Betta Show. Lots of wonderful specimens.

18 March 2017

Just woke up with intense pain in the tooth that has played up for past month. Already taking codeine (panadeine forte) for leg pain which is bringing minimal relief. Now this!

I hope I can hold on until Tuesday's appointment. The tooth is dead but it feels tight and it feels like an abscess. It must be the nerve endings around the pulp.

I took 2 panadeine but they are not doing much for either leg pain or tooth pain. Feel a bit of a wreck as this chronic pain has been going on since mid-December with teeth and now leg.

I think they will have to pull this tooth. There is something seriously wrong with my nervous system. I will try not to freak out. I am Strong. I am Healed and I got this.

(If the pain gets worse I will go to the QE 2 hospital for Endone). I feel very triggered about my teeth as my mother wanted me to get them all ripped out and get dentures when I was 20!

"Weg Damit!" "Get rid of them!" I fought her and my own poor health all my life. Literally hung on by the skin of my own teeth. Now losing them.

I guess it is time to accept that my teeth are done. But hopefully I can hold on to the rest lmao.

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Farkkk. Just found gas on. Since I made dinner last night! It was on 120 degrees. Wondered why it was so hot in the kitchen. Now will have another huge bloody bill to look forward to. Gahhhhhhhh!

18 March 2016

I missed out on the Community correspondent volunteer job. Not surprised. I probably did a shitty voiceover. I have never done one before. Or applied for anything in 17 years. Oh well.

Jarrod has fixed my vlog profile so when I can breathe and think and talk all at the same time I will concentrate on that. Baby steps.

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1.05 am. Off to Schluff. Got backache. I drank plenty of water today and took Magnesium so no idea why back is hurting. Might be side affect of antibiotics which are pretty strong. Asthma still pretty bad but I feel a slight improvement.

18 March 2014

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The back of my neck is really painful. I moshed my spine out of adjustment. Note to the Mal-adjusted...don't do it!

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I got up late. I had a good sleep after the night's wild carousing. Danced until I dropped and didn't care. Penny is delirious for joy to have me home. She is one hell of a cat.

I've been grocery shopping (blech!), had a chocolate mud cake and iced chocolate (yum!) came home and cleaned the poop out of the chook tractor. Then I trimmed the strelitzia of all its dead leaves and flower stalks. I slashed my finger and palm as I accidently slipped my hand while pulling off a stalk right onto the open secateurs and bled like a stuck pig. Schmeh! I washed the blood off and kept going.

It was late afternoon and I didn't have much light left. I also trimmed the macadamia nut tree slightly as it was overshadowing my climbing rose, trimmed the hibiscus. I really need to water but with the high humidity and the growly sense I have in my guts, I am expecting a storm tonight. If not, I will have to water everything tomorrow.

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So my brat also moved all the app icons around on my front screen of my iphone5. I was only out of the room for a few minutes and I even have a passcode on my phone. The Brat, must have taken advantage of it being temporarily open.

The brat has my vacuum cleaner and this is how she thanks me, by messing with my phoneeeee? Gawd I got so paranoid I had to check all my notes and messages.

Hopefully The Brat who is 28 and should know better, didn't mess up any of my other stuff. (Why did I breed??? Oh Why????) That's right, so I could have this special joy of communion and bitch about my bratty adult child on Facebook. (If only I had known back then what parenting was going to involve wayyy into my future, I guess I might not have done it!)

I will forgive the brat however as she did buy me a lovely dinner at Grill'd. Now this was something I never foresaw when she was a tiny baby. That one day she would buy me dinners, and borrow my car and help out with rego and petrol, and drive my car more than me, and fuck with my iphone ....arrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I luvs a good Hanging I does! Nah I love my Girl. She is pretty awesome. Next time I visit her loo, I am taking my phone with me. Just to be safe!

Update 18 March 2025: Still a brat… now a longggg time estranged brat. But at least there’s no one to use or abuse me anymore. So….buh bye bratty. You’re still my kid…I will always kinda sorta miss you. But….lol

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3.10 am. Home safe, just had a shower to wash off the sweat and spilled drinks on me. Gross! Now fresh as a daisy and still wired. I will have to knock myself out to sleep later I guess.

I drove to Crystal's to bring her my vacuum cleaner so she could clean for an inspection. She plans on moving soon. So she needed to clean big time before tomorrow morning. Poor Kid.

I decided as I was so close to town and Irish Murphy's were still celebrating St Patricks Day that I might as well go dancing again. I had a great time, drinking only water until midnight when my pension went in and then I shouted myself a Jack Daniels. Awesome!

I noticed a sexy Viking type but he was too young for me, (dammit!) but I had a quiet little perve while I was shimmying and shaking my assets in all directions. (This Jewish Witch still has her mojo, it hasn't burnt out yet?! Dammit!)

At 2.30 am I saw Lizzie who has been working away for so long I was excited to see her. She was sitting with her partner and another guy, who was quite nice looking but alas, I was exhausted by then and well, I was getting fed up with the jostling of drunk men.

So I bolted. I guess he didn't ring ma bells baby! lmao. Which is typical of me. It's rare when I actually find a man attractive enough to throw caution to the wind.

Well, sometimes I do, but I have to be ahem, excessively twitterpated. After making a fool of myself recently, I didn't feel like repeating the same old pattern. Better to dance out my frustrations and loneliness so I'm too exhausted to care about anyone or anything except my daughter, my cat and my close friends.

I am happy for now. My fire is burning bright and sometimes I can't stand my own heat, but it's kinda awesome. I think if I wake up at a reasonable time tomorrow, I will try to get to Wynnum beach as I really do need the sea.

The sea is calling me...to cool my fire, and make me get perspective on what is real and what is illusion (or menopausal Delusions of dying old lady lust pheromones...lmao) Damn, just when I finally discovered my amazing sexuality, and start to have fun with it, I go and get old. How extremely unfair!

My Heyoka life in Reverse, the Cosmic Buttjoke, my twisted sense of humour and Great Spirit granting me all the good stuff when I'm no longer rich with fecundity or prosperity so it's a giant Tease. Oh well. Grateful woman here. At least I am getting to have some fun before I eventually Die.

I guess I need to find The One who can still make me sizzle without the frizzle. hahah.

Update 18 March 2025: Hah I thought I was old back then! Still dancing on my own…Vibing, living my best life while trying really half-heartedly not to die. Hilarious. Soon I will be 60. I can pat myself on my back for my joyous wild lifestyle as a celibate asexual lol. (excuse me while I scream….I have a mad mosh or two, still to pirouette and purge!)

18 March 2013

I’ve been out with Lyn, helping Julie spiritually cleanse her home. Then Lyn and I went back to her place. I brought a raw chicken and together we made a lovely roast.

We invited Annette Brown for dinner. I had two glasses of wine and thoroughly enjoyed the food.

Lyn is coming back to my place. She might sleep over at my place as Peter is away with work. it’s been a lovely day, although I was unwell with my gut and bladder.

The PA hospital rang me at midday to confirm my address details for the Sleep Study so I guess I will have a night in hospital for that soon? I’ve been on the waiting list for two years. Hopefully my sleep apnoea will have improved, so I don’t have to worry about the government taking my car license away from me!

18 March 2011

18 March 2009

I hate being a victim of the Governmental Regime that says it can make me homeless in 2 weeks for not being able to afford to/or physically able to mow my lawn.

Maybe I have a Persecution Complex...zere is a Hiztory Darlink...but I feel like I am living in Nazi Germany...is grass so very bad????

Btw why has the new Facebook got such creepy Font...where's my bold? I like to stand out in a crowd...Viva La Revolution!!! LOL In my dreams.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons