Memories: 15 December 2025

15 December 2025

8:45 am another day in planet hellscape or “Paradise” according to your evil inclinations or most heartfelt proclivities. Merchants of Death running amok on a holiday which actually celebrates freedom from oppression, the light of G-d and the joy and delight in survival against all the odds. A holiday which speaks to all people of all time. But the haters had to contaminate that.

Shine bright like diamonds. Never cede, never quit, never yield to our oppressors. Be the kind of man who courageously jumps on a shooters back and disarms him.

While the rest sat around videoing and quivering in their jocks…disabled by apathy and ignorance. The Pissweak generation that grew men like this…murderers and haters. That foments violence. That rapes and destroys everything that is beautiful in this world.

Shame Australia Shame. But you proved to me your weakness and spinelessness, greed and corruption when you injected our entire population with mrna and now we have to live with the seething volcanic blowouts of your Actions against humanity.

It will only get worse. You bring in American style terrorism, adult men fed on a diet of shoot em up video games and paedophilia with no connection to reality of what it actually means to take another person’s life and freedom, safety and joy from them. Who walk away from their own killing spree confused and addled. Useful idiots. Mk Ultra sleeping assassins but what happens when you all wake up from this nightmarish 3D reality hellscape?

The majority of you just shrug and nestle right back down into Zombieism. Too weak or inchoate to actually do anything about it.

Too selfish and blighted to defend a woman like me because I am expendable in your eyes….a woman, a jew, a witch, a shaman.

Tell me again that I am fixated when I have watched this all going down now for decades?! Fuck off with the energy vampirism.

When I first started dancing at the Brooklyn I wrote to the Alter Egos page and told them I was not safe…my busker friend at the casino that I had just quit due to harassment, bullying and Othering told me someone wanted to stab me.

So I asked them to keep watch over me in the event of danger situations. But when shit got real I was left to fight my own way out of crisis situations. The security manager did have my back (thank you Richard!) but my men friends in the band ultimately did not.

I thought they were my friends. One of them had even declared that he loved me. So when I speak of betrayal and you viciously call me fixated …try to remember I was not the one who perched like a squalid treacherous toad on my instagram for exactly 3 months “liking” every post…faking friendship, love and connection. Gamers gonna game. Haters gonna hate. But it doesn’t wash with me.

Who is the fixated one? Not me. I removed him off my page and all his fake “likes” because I do not keep traitors or bloodless vicious curs in my energy. So get off my page, leave my life…I don’t fucking care. You promised me a measure of safety then utterly ripped it away from me. I was never ever going to be safe with you….you are inhuman, disloyal, bloodless cowardly traitors of your own souls, and bodies.

I supported your bands because music is healing, music is life force, music is triumph over our oppressors, music is a gift from the gods and you are the channels by which that magic can manifest. I honoured that. I honoured you ALL. But when you turn like rabid dogs into a nation that allows terrorists to shoot Jews, that allows rape survivors, survivors of strangulations, survivors of incest and of other child sexual abusers be treated like we were the dirty unloveable ones…not worthy of protection or of basic bloody respect or honour….then it says more about you than it could ever say about me.

Go on with your “happy” shallow superficial cruel sick twisted perverted lives. I know who and what you are. I always knew but it was such a grotesque horror I went into my defiant manic denial…danced for and with you….kept striving to believe in real love, community and connection while I watch Scott shred it all, one chord transition at a time.

Fuck him. You say you want me to be happy…but how can anyone truly be Happy when this world is barely survivable. For Jews…for witches….for women courageous enough to dance through this life Alone. Who poured so much love into you that you were healed.

Fuck off. How can anyone be truly Happy in such a world where you need to be so evacuated out of your own souls (and I am seeing this daily!) that you are so detached from any basic human connection to reality that you think using women as a shield for your lack of respect and communication is a good idea…or to the extremis of that dissolution….loading bullets into guns is a good idea.

Shoot em up. False flags….false dischordant realities…false friends, lovers, family of origin….I have survived you all.

Fuck off my page you ignoble shitful cunts. You hateful ugly trolls. I don’t need you. Never truly did….I have fought through this life alone…under extreme situations that most of you could never imagine only to have you attempt to Silence me and Control me on my own Facebook profile.

I will not be Silenced. You could kill me sometime somewhere but my Truth remains in the Ether for Eternity. Now go play …Children. Let the grown ups handle Life by themselves, for themselves, of themselves. Like or don’t Like…Not my monkey or your circus!

And so you all know I do not lie about requesting protection from men I thought were FRIENDS!!!:

23 September 2023

Thanks Paulie. I had advice from my psychiatrist as I felt under threat the first time I went to Brooklyn Standard. Ex lover cousin, Scottish Karl and some random young men trying to scare me . I’m a bit fucking sensitive after being driven out of my usual “spot” at the casino being told “they” don’t want me at the new venue that is almost ready as I am not 5 star enough. (How dare they suggest I am not worthy of the new casino after 13 years of dancing wildly and joyously to support all the bands and often being in the precarious position of protecting dancers around me (which was never my job and caused a lot of stress!)

Anyway the weirdness at the club has me gravely concerned that I am under full blown physical and psychic attack so I wanted to reach out to you guys as my psych suggested I need a “witness”. Someone to watch me on the floor while doing my characteristic shamanic dance to make sure that no one attacks me from behind or gets right up in my face.

But I realise you are busy playing music and singing..so I don’t want to make my nights out your problem and Scott is very sweet and kinda watches over me anyway.

So all good. I have resolved it in my heart and mind that no matter what…I will keep dancing. If the “govt” or “powers that be” wish to prevent me continuing to live my best life by marginalising or isolating me in my home, preventing me from living as I have always lived, (as they did with the convid mandates for 6 months) then they will have to kill me outright.

Not that I am looking forward to that nor am I actively suicidal so yeah basically I will dance until the day comes I die or am too old and frail to dance anymore because I will not cede my life or my authority to any more abusers/monsters/ or psychic vermin. I already had a lifetime of that and have fought since infancy to survive “them”. My family of origin and later partners.

So please share this message with Scott and Luke as well.

( I don’t know your surnames and don’t want to chase you all over the internet as that would be weird and inappropriate)

But I am taking the level of threat fairly seriously. I used to “manage” it in Irish Murphies 8 years ago, but I am older and wiser and don’t want any more “wars” with fetid enemies, whose only reason for hating me is my courage, my determination to live freely and joyously and my decency. I just want to dance to the point of exhaustion and go home…safely as I have always done.

Much love and appreciation for your music

Tanya Arons

PS I had a much nicer time last time…as it was less crowded and there were less men testing my “warrior goddess” goddess mettle. I am only like this due to almost 6 decades of trauma. Hence my stubborn nature and decision to keep dancing. Because fuck my enemies. They havent walked even a metre in my shoes.

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Happy 2nd night of Chanukah. Like the Maccabees of ancient times…never quit, never cede, never yield to the ones who slay and bring disarray. Cast out evil by shining your light bright.

May their memory be a blessing….may they find rest and peace in the ever-loving arms of the Ein Sof Aur! May we live to see a better world manifest soon….instead of slip sliding into hell yet again. For those of us still here. Live well, live with honour, live in peace. Never ever everrrrrrr let the bastards grind us down.

15 December 2024

The Tanya is fighting with everything she has, everything she is, all that is inside her: courage, faith, trust in her gods, Corazon (Heart), holding space with her brutalised body mind and spirit. Kicking off the barnacles of a putrescent past. Flying free, straight and clear eyed with a blazing fire in her belly and soul. Holding true like glue.

Believing in and receiving of ALL the deeply loyal true love available to her with great manifested power so we can together ignite a fire of deep passion and co create our beautiful life. Sometimes one has to go a little Mad to save oneself. Be the safety long denied me by other mortals. Be the Love that is emblazoned across all vortices and paradigms…again, long withheld out of fear or spite or envy by lacklustre curs or Lost Boys unable to stand with or by me.

Unwilling or incapable of understanding The Tanya and her triumphant resplendent return from Death itself (Mi Amore Santa Muerte! Kisses to the Void…she sends me a deep curtsy from beyond the veil) She awaits my final destiny at Her appointed Timing…not mine…giggles.

For now she demands I awaken and enliven “le petit morts”…many many many with my man worthy of my Light, my passion, my desire…my incandescent unquenchable ever replenishing fire. She wants me to experience in full gnosis, body, mind and spirit ALL that was stolen/raped/tainted/desecrated by inchoate knaves. Including my full sexual expression, my love, my creativity, my bliss.

She wants me to experience safety and happiness, in peace. No harm, no foul, no ugly dybbuk-infested ghouls, no fake lovers or flybynighters. A real man with real heart and enough cojones (balls…people…balls!!!) to love me truly. Forever.

Okay, a bit of a stretch that…how long is forever? A day, a night, the rest of our lives together in joy and delight, comfort and ease, eyes only for each other. Holding each other precious and adroit. Powerful, blessed and in love, enduring. C’est la vie, Babies. We’ve got this!

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Odinnn….where are you now?

Odin: Right here…Babycakes….NOT EVER MOONLIGHTING as Santa!

Me: how about Satan? (giggles)

Odin: not Him either.

Me: By all the gods, I miss you. Come back…clean up is needed in every country on Earth.

Odin: I reminded you this morning, Tanya…clear focus, singleminded honed inner vision. Merge the binoculars into monocular focus, third eye activation. One eyed purple people eater. …had to do it lmao…but seriously, the man worthy of you won’t throw females at your feet like dead rat trophies.

Bing bam boom, Baby. Triggering you, especially at this most delicately wrought time of your year….off with his fucking treacherous head!

Me: I hear and would obey, but modern contemporary society only allows gratuitous violence if it’s sponsored by big pharma, the military industrial complex and the governments.

However, I have pulled that one into some kind of line that I may have to cut myself free of, like grandmother spider, cos the bullshit is starting to pile up or pile on and Mama T ain’t got no time for that. Also Odin, that one is my guy whom I love dearly…The Shit.

Odin: Daughter of the gods…then we will let him live out his life in peace and happiness because you wish it. Freedom from ignoble sadistic imps…Little One…you should have a PHD in that by now.

Me: Aight. In the gods I trust. My man loves me no matter what, no matter who…without games, evil bullshit, artifice or boundary violations. Maybe my man is not a human man at all…dear goddess…that’s a scary concept!

Odin: He has been Chosen with our specific ordinances. Seriously, with your deep love, and his swift kicks up his own arse from his gods of his understanding… he will not Ever risk fucking this up again.

Odin: I reminded you this morning, Tanya…clear focus, singleminded honed inner vision. Merge the binoculars into monocular focus, third eye activation. One eyed purple people eater. …had to do it lmao…but seriously, the man worthy of you won’t throw females at your feet like dead rat trophies. Bing bam boom, Baby. Triggering you, especially at this most delicately wrought time of your year….off with his fucking treacherous head!

Me: I hear and would obey, but modern contemporary society only allows gratuitous violence if it’s sponsored by big pharma, the military industrial complex and the governments.

However, I have pulled that one into some kind of line that I may have to cut myself free of, like grandmother spider, cos the bullshit is starting to pile up or pile on and Mama T ain’t got no time for that. Also Odin, that one is my guy whom I love dearly…The Shit.

Odin: Daughter of the gods…then we will let him live out his life in peace and happiness because you wish it. Freedom from ignoble sadistic imps…Little One…you should have a PHD in that by now.

Me: Aight. In the gods I trust. My man loves me no matter what, no matter who…without games, evil bullshit, artifice or boundary violations. Maybe my man is not a human man at all…dear goddess…that’s a scary concept!

Odin: He has been Chosen with our specific ordinances. Seriously, with your deep love, and his swift kicks up his own arse from his gods of his understanding… he will not Ever risk fucking this up again.

Me: Odin, you are so sweet…but is this just another cosmic play? A post-Covidian infested shedded madness?! An apocalyptic unravelling of hearts and minds?

Odin: Binocular focus…blend and bend the distorted dimensions on Earth into clear single focus…be whom you are, love whom is truly thine, and let them choose you freely, wholeheartedly, with great passion and authenticity. One love…meant for you, and an abundance of dear sweet friends cheering you both on and loving you, in healthy supportive soul nourishing ways.

Me: I am so exhausted from all the verkachte testing, deceptions, delusions. Can you just let me choose Me and have eternal rest?

Odin: you choose you by loving with greatness, with devotion and standing up to your oppressors, even that control freak that tries to tease and torment you. Like his slapped bass…that string will break and he will flail without you. Trust Us on that one. True Love is not for the weak, insipid, or cowardly. It’s a blinding light, an ever-cascading fountain, a blessing and a delight that manifests from Ein Sof to Malchut.

Me: wait, Odin you mean from the Aesirs to the middle world? Kabbalah in Norse mythology? Yggdrasil is the Tree of life?

Odin: L’chaim, you saucy clever wench, hold my mead.

Me: oh hail Odin, as long as that’s all you ask me to hold. 😉

(This is why I am single, people of earth, my imagination is killing me too!)

15 December 2023

The storm is here! Blowing in from the South. Epic but deliciously cooling and enervating 🙂

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15 December 2022

Just a dog guarding his ball. And snoozing!

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11:01 am make a wish my darlings. Wish for a better world where we are safe, loved and held in high regard. Not desecrated and scorned by feckless troglodyte knaves.

I have my nîche. My mad existence…but don’t cry for me, Australia. I have courage and heart (Corazon) in spades.

No human man ever loved me enough to be my life partner in a healthy faithful loyal way. But that is okay. I have a dog, a bird and a multitude of gods.

True friends. Life force and two lives I created in my own body.

And when all was said and done…I gifted new life even to my own self. (By the grace of my ever protective, ever reconfiguring gods!) And so it is…THE BECOMING IS HERE. Even in the apocalyptic valley of the shadow of death.

Like an organ grinder’s monkey…I still dance in my spirit daily…like Kali Ma. Shhhh, we don’t want your foreskins or your heads.

We want you only to rise up in your own souls and See and Hear and Know thine own selves so we can begin again the slow spiralling dance: the tango, the lambada to the music of the spheres.

Hack! Cough…that music may not always be resonant to our mortal ears but our souls recognise its timbre and cacophony across all dimensions.

But shhh…listen. Shema…I was silenced, strangled, scorned, vilified and betrayed but no motherfucker could ever take the “music”…the spirit that sings through all eternity…the G-d out of me. Not even Death dared separate Us.

Funny when I come to think of it. It is also incredibly formidable, beautiful and heartfelt.

Have a beautiful blessed day, my Darlings. Each day we are renewed…another opportunity to thrive in whatever great and small ways we can manifest!

It ain’t over until the Fat lady sings…but in reality the song never ends…it is the eternal Aleph…the silent streaming scream of the Ein Sof that breathed us all into existence with the very first emanation, the Atziluth. Psy sighs…Word: Breathe, Sing, create art, music, dream. Be!

15 December 2021

Update 2024: One of my favourite iconic photos of myself, taken at the Brisbane Art Gallery by my friend Jarrod while I was in a Telehealth appointment with my psychiatrist on the day before the Palasckuk monster mandated against the un-covid vaccinated accessing art galleries/restaurants libraries/clubs and the casino. 15 Dec 2021

1:44 am awake after an hours sleep. I watched an intensely emotional movie. The Father. Starring Anthony Hopkins, about an old man’s descent into dementia, complete with paranoia, thought distortion, feelings of abandonment and unresolved grief.

I cried because it reminded me of my mother and for a brief moment, I started to feel discombobulated myself.

I had to talk myself down and remind myself that my mind, although a bit flubbery at times, is still quite strong.

That all the grief, disappointments, betrayals and the current horrific inversion of the Covid Epoch are meaningless in the broad scheme of things as I have survived everything that life threw my way…and then some.

I sat on the couch in a brief moment of panic. Then remembered that Crystal and Jarrod are taking me out later today (at 1:30 pm) to the art gallery.

Then I slept and just woke up and went through my memories on Facebook.

I am pleased that my daughter who I rarely see these days is making an effort to spend time with me. She works all the damn time and let’s face it, I am held at arms length anyway.

So I shall enjoy my time with her tomorrow, as I know more than anyone that I am carefully, prestigiously, riding into another spiralling entropy in the next decade.

Covid has not managed to snap my mind but that is not for the lack of the governmental gaslighting, shilling and draconian restrictions for their depopulation vaccine. Evil dirty predatorial fuckers.

Well, I am holding onto my mind, the last vestiges of my breath, and my corpus as long as possible.

Having walked the Zombie walk, munted out on psych meds for decades, then the last decade dancing like a Berserker Wildebeest, chasing the illusory Lover than never manifested anyway…has gifted me a stronger Will to live out my personal timeline in stoic ease and grace under fire.

So much…so much was stolen from me but no bastard has ever been able to divest me of my soul or my joyous determination to remain free, zesty and maintain my autonomy.

Not yet… dementia or Alzheimer’s might be the final frontier that immolates me but hopefully I will have an insight when that arises so I can take my exit before I get institutionalised in those waiting rooms of death that murdered both my parents.

I will not cede my body and mind to faceless, careless capricious carers. Yuck!

So tomorrow shall be another happy day. I will relish every moment. I am glad I got my grimoire done this evening so I can relax (or I would be obsessing about getting it to completion!)

I bought some thicker copper wire on eBay to try to make a coil to bind the wooden book. I hope I can make that work better than the leather thong I previously used.

Life is good. My heart is full even though it sifts the ancient traumas and heartaches like a colander hurled into 6 ft waves. A leaky boat indeed.

But a fragmented jocular reconfigured one. Life is good…and it goes on. With or without the life partner I prayed for, yearned for, loved beyond all mortal ken and then gave it all away as a bad delusion, a delirium and a passion that ignited something else in my soul…Life force, warrior goddess smiting and my creativity.

My last Hurrah, Huzzah. Fucking formidable and yes, poignant too.

The point of my life is pointless. That is the Way of The Tanya. To survive the unsurvivable, like an unsinkable ship that ground itself on an iceberg and got resurrected as a zombie goddess one too many times.

Sublime!

Laila tov my friends and remnant family. See you on the flipside (Phillips) side.

I see you. I love you. I salute you.

15 December 2020

15 December 2019

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I had a lovely afternoon at the West End Drumming circle. I added a tobacco offering to Richard’s alter (with his permission!). I have yet to smoke the cigar I have left. Lungs are a bit fractious so I guess it can wait.

Morris Mohanan Minchiyathu, one of your cigarettes you “blessed” me with was put to good use as an offering to the spirits and ancestors that love us.

I pray you find a new job soon! Thank you. Aho!

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I am feeling very mood disordered. I came home early from dancing last night. I couldn’t relax into it.

I have not felt right since that last epic asthma and gastro attack on 26 November. It took everything out of me, literally and figuratively and was another reminder that my time on earth is so fucking precarious as well as precious.

But I am not loved or valued by my daughter so that was yet another “hit” and I don’t feel the same about life anymore. It’s been a long arduous “Goodbye” a waste of heart and soul.

It’s hard to walk or dance or dream through life when I always knew it was just pointless shit and I deluded myself into thinking something good and noble and worthwhile might come out of it at the end.

Alas...no! But here I sit in my garden. The dog yapping at Charlie. They are totally unconscious of how dreadful I feel and yet how stoicly I carry on each day.

Always living in a seamless Dreaming tied-together fabricated illusion that one day...one day I might be loved. Blech Ridiculous. Shake it off.

I have purged and resurged a million times. A gleaming triumphant Spirit dragging a flagging meat carcass around.

I wanted too much from Life. Mere basics for most people. But I am not like most people. I had stumbling blocks and calamities and horror to overcome.

Only this time...the past 6 years actually...I am not overcoming. I had to breakdown and rebuild from Ground zero too many times. Alone.

In a turgid sea of enmity and if not enmity, the false tricksters flowed like lava on a seeping volatile volcano that anyone with any sense at all could see could not be traversed or mollified.

My tricksters...false cruel lovers, that still pop up like vermin to taunt me, or in one case Haunt me.

I must remember to laugh. There is such pure comedy in this play of the life of The Tanya. Perhaps God has been my greatest Heyoka of all. The Joker. The Fool.

Yes God, I am calling you out on your Bullshit too. If I must be made to suffer the endless slinging outrageous arrows of Your Malfeasance (what happened to omniscience, love and compassion for your little one???). I am not a Golem!!!

You gifted me with a big, albeit kintsugied Heart, with a soul that even now...even now..believes in your Splendour. I begged of you for a loving partner but instead you sent me sadist after sadist after sadist.

You whittled down my dignity and pride, traded my love for sordid lacklustre men incapable of any decency or kindness towards me. Sold me out even in early childhood.

I was expected/demanded even...to forgive. I forgave in the way that I now understand that these men were incapable of treating me with any sort of moral integrity, with real authentic ardour, with respect. Some were rapists and murderers. Yet you kept me alive.

For what?! I lost my children because of the trauma. Lost money/homes/... Lost my very Soul!

So..scratches head...I guess I have one more Fuck You left inside me. The big fuck you that lets me live...one more day...one more day.

For the love of my pets and the wild ones that flock to my door. For the spirits and angels that love me that wring their hands and wrest me back from the Shadowlands. With false promises of a happy peaceful loving life. Which I almost get a brief flick of a taste of before some other ancient horror revisits me.

It’s all bollocks innit?!

(From comment section:)

@ Megan yup. Old ancestral patterns of abuse. It is what it is. I must rise above All of it....again. But it’s getting harder, or I am getting weaker.

I just had an impulse to go through my fortune telling notes. There was a lovely one to remind me to stay positive and love even more. Jesus. If I were any more positive (in spite of my realism!) I would just evaporate into air. But Psy Sighs. I know I am in flux. My life is changing. Albeit slowly.

Maybe there is Hope after all, even if I no longer sup from that table of Delusion.

I had a funny flashback to a night I was dancing at Irish Murphies years ago. The guy I was madly in love with was watching me (he is a voyeur/cheater/trickster.) I just ignored him as he had already begun his cruel insipid games and I was onto them all.

A nice but drunk man was dancing with me. Almost courtly. With genuine delight and respect. I remember I had intuited that he was married even though he was not wearing a wedding ring.

But we danced together with an almost childlike glee. And my former “Beloved” watched and seethed as he did not want me but he disliked any other man “wanting” me. Competitive, capricious and envious.

But the nice “married” man and I danced. With authentic affection and bliss. After the dance ended (we danced through several songs) I turned to the man and said “Thank you. You are a lovely man!”

Anyone who knows me knows I rarely am impressed by a strange man’s attentions or genuine delight. The slightly drunk man bowed, and I curtseyed and my Beloved Seethed and it was kismet.

It was beautiful. It was innocence but a certain angelic “fuck you” to the One who thought he could control or slice and dice my heart. And I had danced with an Earthangel, a man who treated me with gentleness and romance...a rarity in that scene.

I never forgot that kind sweet man. Or his little gift of vengeance. (Although that was not my intent!). So I must remember that in small almost insignificant ways, I have been Loved. By the gods, by unavailable capricious feckless men and by angels. Lol

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I beg the gods every year for a better year. It’s a constant frustration. This year literally nearly killed me after That Surgery, and again almost 3 weeks ago. I am fighting a daily battle for my own Thrival. It’s getting tiresome and heartbreaking and rather fucking pointless.. but here we are...again.

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11:11pm. Another miraculous day. From despair to contentment.

15 December 2018

This arvo (that’s Australian slang for “afternoon”) my gorgeous daughter is borrowing my car for her faery gig at Durack. So I get to see her for a while before and after the gig! Love my girl!

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Something powerful is manifesting in my life. I don’t know what or when, how or even who but it’s a deep stirring in my gut, mind, heart.

Today I feel euphoric from the endorphic rush of dancing frenetically with my strong loving friends.

We gift each other our unconditional love, respect, true friendships and we gift even our enemies who bear witness to our resilient formidable determination to Thrive.

We express our long suppressed griefs stored deep within our bodies in active exuberant movement and in so doing, we connect with the Divine within and exponentially sow seeds and blossom on our individual gnarly trees of life.

We light up. Spark up. Resonate. At times consummate (with our consentual awareness). We bloom.

I feel the effects of the healings I received with such gratitude and honour in recent months. The pure intent of Souls who rejoice in our journey, and construct a new paradigm of higher consciousness. Whose Love is beginning to strengthen and heal not just ourselves and those in our immediate circles, but our planet.

It seems absurd and ridiculous to the uninitiated but it’s happening. I see it. Feel it. Breathe it. Embody it.

The wind is up but the air around me is Singing. Rejoicing. Blessing.

The frangipanes are scenting the air around me with a pungent sweetness. (It is rare that I can actually smell them).

I am alive. I am in love with Life. Mine. The universe.

I feel like a tuning fork that got smacked one too many times but now sings a soft and clear tone and is united with others who “hear” my song.

The gift of the singing bowls just over a week ago, no doubt.

I must fully embrace and absorb this joy as I have long endured serious debilitating bouts of depression (even recently) and suicidal ideation. Choosing life used to be a dangerous, precarious existence but I always knew there would come a time when life would present itself to me like a gentle soothing balm, like a lover who holds me, not with oppressive envious control, but as an equal, a co-creator perhaps even a goddess, in service of all of earth and all dimensions and possibilities that bring peace,joy, light to our worlds. The seen and unseen.

Something powerful... wonderful. A tiny spark of the divine blazing to full glorious embodiment. Marching forward, dancing, laughing, Being. One miraculous day at a time.

I am humbled and grateful in this moment.

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5 hours sleep after a wonderful wild night of dancing, carefree and joyous, with the beautiful Terrie, Karen, Kerry, Peter and Luke. You guys were incredible.

I will need to be gentle with myself today as my feet and legs are a bit sore and my meridians are a bit jangled from rocking out for 4 hours but it was worth it.

Thank you for spoiling me with drinks and for The Dance, my gorgeous wild friends xxx.

@Terrie, dancing wildly with you last night I forgot I am an older woman so I have a very sore neck today. From the moshing lmao. #mylifestyleiskillingme and I wouldn’t want it any other way!

15 December 2016

Furious. The Cunts across the road have made a huge racket since 7 am. I know it is a building site but slamming metal fencing on their truck and the earthmoving bucket scraping. Too much.

I finally got up and yelled at them that they are noisy bastards.

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A big thank you to my tech team. Dave kindly gave me a cord for the monitor so I can be back on the internet and writing my book. Jarrod my Help Desk personage with the patience of a Saint talked me through the glitches that still needed ironing out, even with the new monitor and cord.

Apparently if the keyboard won't work you have to turn it on and off again, like the power button on the Desktop? Who knew? This little quirky revelation came to me after Jarrod in exasperation, trying not to kill me all the way from Victoria Point quipped "Did you turn it off and on again?" IT Crowd. Smartarse funny bastards. But yes. It got turned on and off again all night last night.

To the point I considered throwing the desktop out the window (zere is a hiztory darlinks) but Jarrod suggested it might be the monitor that was faulty so today I tried the spare monitor and after picking up a cord discovered that the spare works perfectly.

So out goes the old monitor, that has been the source of so much frustration and fury.

I miss my laptop but I have all the information on facebook and/or already in the desktop so I have been busy copy and pasting and throwing everything together in one place. Tanya's book. Scary.

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Just had a call from Amnesty international thanking me for signing online petitions. I am unable to support by fiscal donations but am always happy to make my tiny albeit disenfranchised voice heard.

She is sending me one via email about child marriage of 9-12 year olds in a town in Africa. The children die through pregnancy or are beaten to death for inability to cope with housework/cooking or other abuses. No child deserves to live or die like this.

I grieve for the vulnerable in our world. Children, animals, survivors of domestic violence, wars, famines.

We are one small voice in 7 billion voices but please sign your petitions. It does help gather momentum for change in our world.

15 December 2015

Today was a happy lovely day. Jarrod, Harvey, Beauregard and I swam in the translucent blue ocean. Harvey and Beau, not so keen on the huge expanse of water and the crashing waves. But they were carried out then brought on the shore to splash in the shallow remains of once big, noisy and proud waves.

I had a lot of fun. We made sure the dogs got plenty of fresh water and we made a shady cubby for them out of a log, our towels and our bags.

Then we walked to Main Beach and partook on Orgasmic Food's delicious falafels and rose-flavoured lemonade. Then we had a lovely ice cream. Jarrod had gluten-free ice cream which looked just as yummy as my one.

Thank G-d for a blissful beautiful day. Next time I will buy one of those small shade tents for the dogs to lie under as there is no shade on Belongil Beach but it is dog-friendly and beautiful.

I can't wait to go there again. It was like instant relief and rejuvenation, just the sea in our ears, the positive ions, the soft white sand, the occasional Whiff of marijuana which always reminds me of my childhood, my much older friends. A very nostalgic aroma indeed.

People everywhere rejoicing in life. Happy dogs chasing balls and frisbees. Sea dogs leaping into the surf. Bobo and Harvey will eventually learn to love it, I am certain.

Harvey herded Bobo away from a child who asked to pat him. Harvey detests and abhors little children. He is not that crazy about Bobo so we were rather surprised at how efficiently he saved his fellow canine from the attention of a sweet little girl. Even the little girl laughed. Uncle Harvey to the rescue.

Bobo tried on several occasions to be saved from his new career as a sea dog by running after some rather good looking young men. It had to be a man to save him from the sea wench and her friend.

The men, each in turn, were delighted that their innate strength and masculinity was favoured by one very tiny wet whiny puppy! I had to chase after him to make sure he was not dognapped!

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Hmmm…in that case, my angels, bring my true love to heel. Please and Thenk you ;-)

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Find your voice and scream, mumble, stutter or sing it if you have to. Or dance it, paint it, write music for it. But never ever ever be Silenced unless you crave the sweet self-chosen bubble of silence. But when you are ready to let that bubble burst, effervesce in joyous unrestrained abundance.

15 December 2014

15 December 2013

Still waiting for Crystal to bring back my car. Hmmm! Lucky I slept all day.

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Just woke up @ 6pm. Had a good sleep, no restless leg syndrome as I bombed myself out with another 50 mgs of Seroquel to make sure I had a heavy sleep.

It was very bad the previous night as I danced wildly all night then "danced" wildly, threshing my legs around in bed. No wonder I was tired and cranky Sat night.

I had a fight with a young ManChild for calling me a Cunt on the previous night. So that was evidence that I was really losing my lovely Mind Vibe I had been in for both nights.

Mind you, I really hate people calling me that. It tends to make me Homicidal. He's a nice enough kid normally. But he needs to learn how to talk to women Lmao.

Last week as I was hanging outside with my busker friend, a young man got on his mobile and loudly informed his young lady to hurry up and meet him at the casino as he wanted her to give him a blow job.

Being an older woman and a mother I yelled at him. "Way to stay single for the rest of your life Creep! No woman will take that shit for long, as long as she's not a complete Loser!" He slunk indoors.

I wonder how we managed to raise a generation of degenerate metro-sexual or latent homosexual aggressive ugly-souled men who think debasing the female is so Cool???

Bring back the Goddess Culture of the Stone Age so we can turn this shit around in time for my grandson's or great grandson's to be Men.

I worry about our young women being at the mercy of that putrescent vileness called the Australian contemporary male. I hear this is a global phenomenon too.

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2.29 am. Exhausted. Rocked the Kasbah (casino and Irish Murphy's).

I had a lovely time but glad to be going home. Fending off Neanderthal drunks all night is hard work. I had one guy interested in me but he blew his chances by pressing his tackle against my knee so I basically told him, he had no hope of sleeping with me after that. Lol. He good-naturedly trawled the rest of the pub after that. I was quite amused!

So Yes, still Single and satisfied with my situation. So bored of degenerate men but still chasing the Holy Grail waiting endlessly for a decent bloke. Pity the few decent blokes I met in the past few weeks are unavailable.

I guess The Universe is saving me for a man who totally appreciates who the hell I am and adores me anyway lol. Psychedelic Dreamer Dreams Opulently.

15 December 2011

Not a happy Camper....feel most foul...drab...miserable...blah...unhinged....quasi mediocre....yadayadayada....good thing is I have boooze....I love the holidays...blot out my entire existence every Christmas/chanukah. Don't call me...I'll call you! LMAO I deserve to be non compis mentis after the crap that I've had to go through so far! LOL

15 December 2010

I'm enjoying the coolness of this evening after a magnificent summer thunderstorm which bucketed down heavy wet pendulous and pounding raindrops. It has freshened up the whole day. I wanted to dance in the rain, but thought, oh, with my luck I'll get struck by lightning!

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons