Memories: 13 March 2025

13 March 2025

5:44 am exhausted. Thirsty. Meh. Another day in Paradise. I have the lines from “No Aphrodisiac” running through my head. Funny! That is usually my father’s energy, nagging me. I won’t buy into his bullshit. I stay alone for a reason. Trust issues. Too much neglect, abandonment and abuse. Since early childhood. It is what it is.

The lawnmower man is arriving at 8:30 am. So that’s good. Then Ratih at 10 am.

Have a great day wherever you are in the space-time continuum. Mama T is okay. Love you!

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Also makes you weird at parties. Oh that’s right…I rarely get invited to any or if I do, I don’t always attend. 🙂 Most parties I ever attended, I spent more time befriending their dog or cat. Better “people” 🙂

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I’m quietly putting my outdoor paraphernalia back out in the garden. Then I noticed this little sweetheart having a rest. Sweet bird. It’s a glorious morning. The garden is glowing with bright energy and happiness!

13 March 2024

1:02 am I’ve been in bed since 9 pm. Little sleep and constant pee interruptions. I have an appointment with my private urologist tomorrow. So actually went to bed early so I won’t be such a wreck when I see her.

I honestly can’t go on like this. It’s getting ridiculous! I was exhausted all day yesterday from lack of proper sleep and rest. Even my asthma started playing up tonight. Almost on cue. Gahhh.

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9:44 am. Exhausted. Was up most of the night. Only got some rest between 7 am and now. (I set my alarm for 9 am but lay here, unwilling to get up just yet). I need to leave the house at 11:30 am for my 12:30 pm appointment. Zombie Mama T can make it but frankly it’s hard.

13 March 2023

Walking through the forest for the dog’s sake! He was disappointed that Mama T had to go to the city for more jewellery supplies. It’s hot as hell but Beauregard needs his walkies!

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Yesterday I had a very expensive disaster with my Smith Little torch. The tongs that came with the crucible slipped and molten silver splattered everywhere. Fortunately I was not hurt but it melted holes in my hoses.

New hoses cost $445. Argggh. On special at the moment at AJS I can buy an entire new torch with hoses and tips for $385 plus gst. So about the same price.

I am on my last nerve about the mishap and now needing a new torch kit so I can melt silver. I will have to wait a few months before I commit to another torch (with the precious hoses!) urggghhhh!

But I did buy this crucible holder so that I never slip up with molten silver ever….ever again. I will buy mapp gas at Bunnings and have a bit of melt sesh later as I want to complete my ring that I have in a mould. #movingonisnotthesameasgivingup #castingblues #justkeepgoing #buymyjewellerysoIcanaffordthisnewhabit #iwasbornunderaluckystar #creativityislife

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12.02 pm well I achieved one thing just now. Trimmed Bobo’s nails (very long and sharp!) with my dremel grinding attachment. Bobo is traumatised. I am traumatised. It wasn’t so bad…but he goes savage like a wild dog every time it’s nail clipping time.

We are both in recovery now. He still needs a bath. That can happen tomorrow. I am not gonna push the envelope too much lol.

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This morning I had messages from my beautiful Childhood friend. I am so happy to hear from her. It’s been months.

True friendship never dies but picks up wherever we left off. Always. I have missed her. We are separated by time and space and the Tasman sea but true loving friendships are eternal :-)

13 March 2022

Trigger warning. Child sexual abuse and religious abuse

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Good morning from Hell 🙂. I woke up at 6:45 am. Unusual. But still feel tired so might go back to the unconscious realms for a while.

It’s a beautiful morning however. Have a beautiful day. Wherever on Earth you are.

I watched an exorcism movie last night “The Exorcism of God” which cleverly pointed out the perfect possession of members of the Vatican.

Then woke up to my FB memories of George Pell. Hmmm. The coincidences and synchronicities are never accidental, People. But shhh…it’s not just the Catholic Church infested with evil paedophiles and their enablers. It’s EVERYWHERE.

And those of us child survivors who were gifted by the gods to Become older wiser but ever fragile Women (and Men!) are still Struggling to attain real love, basic respect, and striving for our much needed, much deserved sacred beautiful harmonious and loving lives.

It’s getting absurdist. Trying to turn shit stained treachery and evil tainted existences into godlike, sanctified primordial reclamations of our souls, hearts and minds (spiritual gold!)

But The Tanya is doing it. Moment by moment. Day by day. Finding her way. Holding her sway and commanding her spirit to continuously heal and perfectly align even with all the gaping shellacked chasms in her body, and soul. Broken but kinstugied.

A strange creation indeed. And still, even in my rage, pain, recurrent cascades of trauma…beautiful and believing in a better paradigm. Daughter of the gods…delusional, desultory, salty…but sanctified. I hand my sword to the Holy One.

This Earth needs every Angel and every reconsecrated demon with their hands on the deck.

We need to Clean and purify and purge then resurge with so much light and love that we create a safer world for all lifeforms. And so it begins…

13 March 2021

Today I am offering myself in service to Creator or Great Spirit or G-d whatever you comprehend that energy to be. I am starting my own spiritual circle with a view to create a group of likeminded people who can support each other in these dystopian times.

A safe and sacred space for people like me who are attuned to their inner guidance and in service to G-d in all His/Her manifestations.

So far only my two closest friends are attending. That is wonderful. The Power of Three 🙂.

I hope others find their way to our group so we can begin in sharing stories, knowledge, lived experiences of all things spiritual as we have not found support or even basic respect in our organised religions of choice.

So it’s time to celebrate in a new way. Small groups sharing in Wisdom in a peaceful joyous way..inclusion not Othering in the form of intellectual elitism or monstrous bigotry.

So I will meet with my friends and if we are only ever a tribe of three, that is fine with me! But if more souls seek the deep nourishment that comes with being Seen, and accepted and respected then they are welcome to join us at 3 pm at Orleigh Park.

One love, one consciousness in the multiverses 🙂

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FIND YOUR VIBE, FIND YOUR TRIBE!

I Release all soul contracts and physical or sexual quantum entanglements with false Trickster people.

Only pure hearts and minds may sit at my table.

It is a lesson worth repeating! Suffer no liars, fools, or incongruent ones. Wash away the psychic vampires and other verminous infestations.

Let go....let G-d. Shabbat Shalom! 🙂

13 March 2020

My doctor says the next phase of my therapy shall be focused on helping me to attract more Good into my life rather than vile abusers, who are classist, condescending or disrespectful. I have had a lifetime of that.

I look forward to more manifestations of Goodness 🙂.

He says he will keep my recent reports on my file as they are valuable indicators of my current life situation. I know he is ethical and trustworthy. I feel supported and safe with him. Which is a rarity when it comes to dealing with other humans, even professional ones. He acknowledged that I have every reason to have such distrust in humanity.

I feel like I am ready to move forward into a new direction. No idea what or with whom but I feel positive for the future. I just need to get stronger in my body and recalibrate my powerful inner core. Life is beautiful!

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I have had a lovely day. I had lunch with Crystal whom I have not seen for a long time. We talked about coronavirus and how it’s so overblown.

Then I had my debrief with my psychiatrist and he agreed that it is not as serious as the government is making out but is however more contagious as the symptoms are no worse than the average cold but it is contagious as most people don’t realise they have it.

I told him I feel that it is government fearmongering and just another way of controlling the masses. Even throwing money at us with a stimulus package seems weird.

Something much bigger is at play here. I long felt this was a test of some social Experiment. The toilet paper hoarding just one of the symptoms at play.

Anyway washing hands and staying away from large crowds is sensible.

Kelly Anne I refuse to live my life in fear. I have lived through so many horrors, seriously what is one more? When my date with Lady Death is finally consummated it will be far beyond my control...(unless I suicide, and even then that process was interfered with!)

Life is fragile. Has always been fragile. Coronavirus or some other ridiculous thing that comes along.

I intend to Live as freely and joyfully as I can (with my obvious constraints that have cost me lots of superficial fucking friendships lately).

I am out dancing. Enjoying myself as much as possible. Life is life...and it goes on. Hugs!

I have struggled to breathe for over 8 months. It was not pretty and took every ounce of strength out of me (and made for some pretty crazy writing sprees on FB).

But I am slowly improving now. Thank god.

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We are living through very fraught times as a collective. We have had bushfires, drought, flooding and a volcano eruption on White Island in NZ since September last year.

I got hammered with bad asthma from the beginning of the bushfire season. I had to resort to antibiotics and going back on Seretide (a steroid to keep the airways open!)

Even after the antibiotics finished the last few days have been hard as although I was breathing easier I got beset by a dark dank depression. Last night I felt better but it was quite frankly very scary.

The last attacks by members of the QJBD really set me back too. It was cruel and unnecessary Othering. But fuck them. Vile Morons.

Then the ongoing fear collective (complete with toilet paper hoarding of ignorant masses) with coronavirus.

I was so sick a week and a half ago with some cold/flu virus that I thought I might actually die this time.

But no, here I am fully vibrantly recalibrating my body and psyche after so many “hits”.

So I am surviving the “zombie apocalypse” by getting through each day, avoiding contact with other humans (who generally cannot be trusted to do right by me as has been proven a multitude of times). Were it not for my true friends I would not have survived this far at all!

I hope I don’t get coronavirus as just that flu was scary enough. My immune system really struggled as I had already been so unwell since the surgery last June.

But I refuse to live my life in fear. At least with my respiratory system being as damaged as it is, it would be a quick death.

But now I am recovering I must focus on the positives. I have had an enormously difficult few months, finding out who in my life was true and decent and discarding those people who showed their true colours. That is a by-product of chronic ill health. You find out who really loves you and has your back. A painful but valuable lesson.

So now I am back in the driving seat of my own body, taking up the reins and charging forwards into the unknown, I will be focusing on finding those beings who treat me with honour and integrity and if no one is around, going forth alone as I have always done.

Life is too short and too precarious to waste on vile morons or capricious tricksters.

I realise how many people hate me for no reason other than I am strong, courageous and authentic. Many want me dead or to simply “go away”. Well once again the gods have pulled me through at a time when the entire world is living in fear of a modern plague and losing their minds. (Even the wannabe Elite have proven themselves feckless and reprehensible!) I would laugh about it if it weren’t so utterly shameful.

So here I go, on my road to Nowhere, stumbling on the path that is rocky and treacherous. Head high. Eyes on the horizon as even I don’t know what magic or mystery or sublime beauty might still be available to me down that pot-holed track?

I always had high hopes. Even in the worst of times. The apocalypse is a gift after all. To constantly choose Life and to choose Dignity and of course to choose Love. Even if the only love I can get has to be cultivated from deep within my own Soul.

13 March 2019

I fixed the left hand side of my couch with a new “buckle”. Yayy. Now both sides have a foot rest.

My other little jobs today were affixing a mirror to a little mosaic I bought for $2 in Reverse Garbage. For my large fishpond which honours La Sirene. (Apparently she likes a nice comb and a mirror).

I intend some day to mosaic a beautiful mermaid all around the outside of the pond. But that might be beyond my skill set. I do think it would look pretty if I can manage it. As a descendant of seafarers I am very fond of Mermaids.

I even got to meet King Neptune when we crossed the equator on the Fairstar when I was 8 years old. For some reason I have a photo of that event and everyone, including the crew dressed up as Poseidon and his royal family looked rather traumatised. I can’t remember what occurred? It was supposed to be a party. Lol!

My mother often spoke of the Lorelie who inhabited the River Elbe that runs through Hamburg and of course the River Danube.

I never met a mermaid in real life but one was “allegedly” Spotted in Israel a few years ago. Who knows? Maybe they are inter-dimensional beings that pop up from time to time in oceans and rivers.

There is too much folklore going back to ancient times. They even appear in cave paintings in places that used to be beneath sea level. So there must have been more frequent sightings over the Millenia.

I also fixed the holes in the old spa bath that used to be a fishpond but I now use it as a swimming pool for the dog and all the visiting wild birds. The crows and kookaburras really love that pool.

Hopefully it will be fully “cured” tomorrow so I can fill it up and let them all cool down! It always fills my heart with joy to see them swimming and splashing and shaking out their feathers.

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Cardinal Pell got 6 years, with 3 years non-parole. Not good enough but at least he will serve some years in jail for the rape of two children, one who grew up to suicide from heroin addiction, trying to cope with his perceived reality that he was a worthless, unprotected and betrayed child. By a man of the ‘cloth’. An archbishop, no less.

The blood of innocents in the multitudes is staining the hallowed fonts of the Catholic Church. It pours from our eyes and orifices. The dead are screaming for justice and the living survivors are exhausted from fighting for our very own lives and we see once again, a lenient sentence.

FFFFFUCK YOU PELL. LEIFER. and in my own childhood, a special FUCK YOU TO TREVOR SINGH, CEES VAN DER GREFT, the ship steward on the Fairstar, another one on the Ellinis on the return voyage from Germany.

Every filthy man that treated my child’s body and mind as a sexual object of desire or gratification. Fuck every woman, including and especially my mother and half-sister who blamed me the victim for being “a strange little girl” when they knew what was happening to me.

Angela, as it was done to her. What was my reward for standing up and being counted during the will dispute? She declared me DEAD.

Well, you disgusting vile CUNT!! I am very much alive and I will see you in Hell. Wait for me! The last two survivors of that perverted family. One walks in darkness, shaded by her false construct of wealth and elitism and respectability.

The other baby sister walks in light, surrounded by her own darkness that was shrouded upon her the day she realised at 6 years old that monsters are real and were in her own core bloodlines.

People scorned me and abused me all my life, as I carried the stain of a child unloved, and unprotected. But I grew back, from the brink of death, a dozen times or more. I walked my zombie walk, staggering through life on psych meds because I could not shake off my reality.

If not for Lyn and Jarrod, and later on Julie who heard my discarnate spirit seeking help as I lay dying from my own suicide attempt (‘cos some Weeeeiiirrrrddddd Motherfucker - let’s call it G-d or my own Higher Self.. would not let me leave this life just yet). Stymied by the capricious treacherous deceitful gods.

So um... yeah. I lived to see the glory of the Lord bring down his own putrescent priests, to see the world wake up to its own filth and barely begin to purge itself of the vermin that cloak themselves in high society, rabbi’s gaberdine, Leifer’s scheitel, Trevor Singh’s maroon suit and Cees’s dandy-ist cravats, my foul sister’s lawyer’s garb that cloaked her own lies and betrayals of her baby sister.

I am coming for you. The living and the dead. You shall have no peace until I see the paradigm shift that our society finally finally protects all children. All the children in their third world countries and all the children in privileged white conservative hells not of their making. The children in asylum camps, the children of Princes and kings of Pop. All children. Deserve a safe happy childhood.

I love you, Miss 5 (and the lost and betrayed Miss 6, 7, 8 and Miss 15). The little girl that no one cared enough to nurture safely, to honour and protect.

I love you, Ms (almost 54!). You gutsy Wild Wonderful Magical Woman You. I stand in awe of you. Who never completely quit believing in a better life for herself or a better World. You lived through so much ghastly horror and heartache but you survived it to see this day.

A beginning... again. Restart, kickstart, mangle our existence full-throttled into the sunset. Never doubt your power as a woman or your desire for Life. L’Chaim, gorgeous girl.

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Ok here it goes... I actually woke up this morning with the words “Today I prosper!” in my head. My brain was still muddled with sleep so I asked my Self? What? Why would I prosper today? I have barely enough money on my pension to get through each fortnight? What sick perverted Pollyanna bullshit joke are you playing on me now?

I staggered out of bed to the bathroom to relieve myself of pent up uric acid. I went outside to relieve Betty of her coop and to let her play in the morning heat. Today I prosper...I smirked at my dying brain and it’s quirky little Jedi Mind tricks.

I hobbled wearily Hobbit-footed, back in the house to boil water on the stove (still need to purchase a new kettle, as well as a toilet seat - rock and roll, babies!) I knew I was still not synapsing as that tea took a long time to be made.

Prosper? Prosper? But shhh it could happen. I am still alive after all.

Then I saw the Live news of Pell’s paltry sentencing. So there ended my hopeful morning-tide residual fantasies of prosperity.

I flew into a slow-boiling rage and gave my dog a soliloquy on the fact that there are thousands upon thousands of dead men and women dancing in their own post-haste post-morbid fucking eternal ”prosperity” right now. One dead boy, in particular.

Beauregard, the dear, looked up into my face as though I had gone quite insane. I also know my neighbour Timsa was eavesdropping from his back patio. But who cares???

The truth will Out and it streams down my freckled tortured flesh like the knives of angels and demons still gnaw at it and twist my words and call me liar but now, their time has come, the walrus always did say. (Shut up Lewis, you are segueing my stream of consciousness psychobabble!). But alas, he is right of course.

So today I prospered by asking my rather bemused doggy for a cuddle # CONSENT and I lifted him into my arms and we spun clockwise and widdershins (he did not enjoy widdershins so growled at me) so we went with the diurnal variation and the music of the spheres for a few more rotations. Sufi mystics are onto something.

Anyway that did not last long as I simply don’t do dizzy and neither does the dog.

I have a debrief (how synchronistically perfect of my predatory “gods”?!) this arvo so I cleansed the filth of my own former family and that of Pell and every other paedophile, living and dead, by taking a shower and washed my body and offered up a prayer for healing, peace, joy and authentic good kind respectful, affectionate, tolerant LOVES to enter my life.

I expressed my gratitude to the brave souls who love me already, and have stood by me, no matter what. Then I prospered in my own Soul. Penniless, luckless in real life. Unable to attract a safe adoring partner.

But ohhhh my darlingssssss....the godsss...have my battle-scarred back!

May I merit to witness more justice be wrought against our oppressors and may peace “SHALOM” be my eternal reward.

Amen v’ Selah

13 March 2018

I had a lovely day with Jarrod and Crystal yesterday. Crystal cooked us Tom Gam Gai (Thai chicken soup) for dinner with galangal and lemongrass. It was delicious. She also prepped up a massive stir fry but we were satiated with the soup.

We each got tiddly on 1 and a half glasses of Mumm champagne that was quite palatable. (Usually real champagne is so dry it tastes like paint stripper and we have to water it down with juice). We were surprised we were drunk on it. It must have had a high alcohol content.

Later Crystal and I had cramps in our stomach so something we ate or drank caused mild tummy pains. Jarrod was fine though.

We sat around in the evening. I finished off the faery so Crystal can send them to her friend David in England. (She forgot to take them).

Crystal gave me a lovely adult colouring book of witches. That was beautiful.

13 March 2017

Ye gods. It is raining. Well, a light drizzle but I haven't seen Venusian tears in a Persephonic Age. Haha made that word up. But you will get my vibe, my lovely tribe.

Whomever did the rain dance, bless you but we need to dance a little bit harder. Not me. Sore leg. Killing myself with epic tribal wildness. Yada yada boom chicka wow wow.

Pain does weird shit to my brain. Bear with me. It gets better. H.e.a.l.i.n.g.ggggggg!

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I have decided to plant an edible and/or bush tucker verge garden on the large swathes of council land out the front of my house. It will be a lot of work establishing it but will provide food and happiness to all people and animals in my area.

Jarrod is keen to help me plant veges and herbs etc too.

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13 March 2016

Irony: wishing for Death most of my life then when I get really sick for weeks on end? Fighting for breath and life like a crazed Bitch. They say the mechanism to breathe overcomes every other reflex in the body. I should know. I have had the breath squeezed out of me more than once.

By homicidal maniacs, (not very good ones I mean, Duhhh still here! Fuck you Dale Johnson, Terry Rosilio and David Davidson! My mother and my ex really should have paid for quality Hitmen instead of desperate losers like you!)

Then not breathing due to bouts of asthma/bronchitis, obstructive sleep apnoea at night (this probably brought on my initial strangulations?), not breathing due to occasional panic attacks. The cold clammy sweating and vomiting as you realise you have gone so shallow that you gasp for air.

I am addicted to breathing. I like my lungs almost full (shallow mouth breather) with clear clean crisp air full of oxygen and other goodies.

Having watched my mother dying, and my first former step-father die, those last few breaths just gently flow into silence. Fuck. It was scary as hell. Thank god Jarrod was with me. Especially when Cees was death-rattling then called my name.

My mother the monster yelling at Cees to get up now as she had his car. Asking him where the dancing girls were? God! He kinda deserved it but really, as he lay dying, was it really necessary for her to traumatise all of us.

What is Love or Remorse or Vengeance in the face of a horrible decaying body and mind? Hardly satisfaction. Pathetic really.

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Crystal says she won't design my tattoo if I am going to use my advance to pay for it?? What the fuck??? Like she is my mother, still from beyond the grave controlling my adult decisions and how I choose to spend my money. I must be punished for wanting my freedom of self-expression. My Art. Lol.

I will sell something and spend my money on what I want. I am dying. Time is fleeting. I am left in a dry desert of decay. Alone. If I want to adorn myself I will. Did I prevent her from following her dreams, even if it meant I might never see her again? Hell no.

I will find a tattooist (when I can afford it). I will get an amazingly beautiful tattoo. I don't need anything from anyone that is not given with love and respect. Honour.

I might even get more? Simple things make me happy but most of my dreams need cold hard cash. Like a move to Byron, so I can breathe salt air. Now that is a huge manifestation.

Update 13 March 2025: I lost the urge for more tattoos…but one day I guess so might get more. I need to get my burning bush tattoo re:coloured first.

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I just rang an old childhood friend. Lol. It's not like we are still good friends. Trying to work out what triggered me to do it. Then watching episode 5 of Cuckoo I realised the Dad looks a bit like him. Nearly fell off my couch laughing. Fortunately he didn't answer. He got paranoid after his brother added me on Facebook.

Btw. Cuckoo is about this young American hippie marrying this guy's daughter in Thailand. She brings him home and Dad is totally unimpressed.

Must. Find. My. true Love in Byron. Just to piss off my parents in absentia. Even Post-death those losers would freak out, Man! Which also reminds me. I am going to focus on getting the money for my mermaid tattoo. Next goal. Lol. After I have paid the rego and serviced my car! Cos, you know, priorities Man!

Kelly Anne: Forget the mermaid tattoo. Go for some mermaiding lessons. Great for ur lungs. Exercise, salt air, socializing, new circles of ppl to befriend... so many benefits. Ur already pretty to look at, u don't need tattoos for adornment! 🙂

Me: Awww. I will get it. Eventually. Need to balance the fire/earth/air energies of my burning bush tattoo. But can't rely on my kids for anything. Although I do have one of her nude paintings on my wall. She is a wonderful artist when she puts her mind to it.

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Beauregard has driven me nuts tonight. He keeps jumping up on the couch, clambering on the cushions (which he has peed on previously, to my horror!) Chewing my mohair rug. Nibbling at a package that holds my mother's tarot cards and as he loves chewing paper he won't take No for an answer!

He even somehow got hold of my little German wooden "humpelman" dolly. He chewed the wooden bead off her string. I rescued her just in time before he destroyed her. I wondered how he had gotten his jaws into the window sucker that I stepped on earlier tonight.

I am so short of air, chasing him up and down the house that I have put him outside on time-out.

He was so incredibly happy to have me home today. I think he really missed me while I was gone for Mojo Burning yesterday. He has been quite well-behaved until tonight's frenetic antics.

I have realised that he loves me now. I cuddle him and he growls and snarls until I growl and snarl back then he gently licks my face. He knows who his Mama is. The Fucking Boss! (Or not-so fucking. Celibate Boss! But at least he has given up trying to hump me this week.).

I took him to the dog park but no other puppies were there so he sniffed a few of the big dogs through the fence. It was not the same. He knew it. Gave me this sad little gaze. I cheered him up with the promise of Harvey and Jarrod visiting tomorrow.

Kelly Anne: How long u been sick? Have you been to a doctor? What symptoms have you had? There might be more to it than a cold, so don't take the std lazy minded answer that "it's just a cold" if you have any inkling of a thought something else could be going on. Even if it's just a nagging tiny doubt on the back of ur mind.

It's surprising how many ppl say "buy I thought it would just be another bad cold & a waste of time to sit in an emergency room over, only to be told it was a false alarm, so I waited &..."

So many ppl sound surprised when they're diagnosed with severe pneumonia requiring oxygen therapy & IV antibiotics or turn out to have a pulmonary embolism or heart attack when they thought symptoms of that would feel worse... in my experience heart failure hurt 1/10 compared to what I know discomfort to be all about. Honestly I didn't even rate my pain at a 1/10 which is why it took so long to diagnose me. Ppl like us overlook shit like that quite easily bcos we hear others describe the pain as being the worst thing they've ever felt & we assume that means the pain has to be worse than what we've felt before for it to be something serious like that too... we forget to account for the fact most of these ppl just have no idea how bad pain can really get & we under rate our own according to this incorrect assumption. Pls get urself checked out by another dr if uv already been & u have any concern still. I worry about ppl like us who under rate our discomfort in comparison to how most others would rate it if the felt what we go through...

Me: Yeah I will see my doctor this week. Had to wait until pension day tomorrow. Have to pay upfront but get most of the money back on Medicare.

I realised how sick I was when I came home from Mojo Burning and could barely open my front door. The aircon was marvellous for dancing but I was too ill to do my usual wild dancing and the air hurt my lungs. More than I realised. Glad I went out though. Just hit me hard in the night air. I came home at 7.25 pm and just rested on the couch all night and yesterday.

I got woken up this morning by some fucking epic douchebag banging on my house, under my bedroom at 6 am this morning. So I ignored it. I have a perfectly good front door and brass doorbell at the door. It really pisses me off being woken by idiots pounded on the front of my house. Especially as I have a No Trespassing sign at my front gate.

Kelly Anne: Oh I hear ya about paying upfront then getting money refunded back. Works fine if uv got <5 specialists... but when u get up around the dozen mark it just becomes a ludicrous thing to expect ppl to do. I used to plan 3 into 1 day so I could get them all done that are in same vicinity to decrease fuel & parking cost but now I can't do that. Seriously like fucking over the environment AND ppl with disabilities & illness, this govt does!

Me: Aww hugs sweetheart. No money or bp monitor needed. I have been crook for a month now. Started with stomach cramps then migrated to my chest. In truth I should have gone to the gp with my bad stomach pains. I will see her this week and get it sorted.

I really am endstage but when I told Crystal how sick I am she laughed hysterically. I have been sick since very early childhood. Almost died of measles/Whooping cough at 4. My kids think I fake my illnesses or am a hypochondriac which is seriously unfair and untrue.

Even when I am well, I operate under par from most other people due to fatigue from OSA, Major Depression, Complex PTSD, Chronic fatigue, arthritis, GORD, Diverticulitis, Polyuria, asthma (the only thing that has improved, until now), homocysteinaemia (from the kind of stress Male CEO's get).

Anyway all good. Still alive and still crazy after all these years so I must be meant to be here! 🙂. I love life now, even though for me every day is an enormous battle of will, guts and glory. I am a Warrior.

So are you! So I know you get it. Hugs!

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Powerful All consuming urge to go to Byron. Which means I need to sell something to pay for my rego so I can get out of here. Lmao!

13 March 2015

I woke up in a euphoric over-flowing with love state. It's an over-whelming sensation, like a cup over-flowing but I might as well enjoy it. No money. Rego expired. So will be taking the bus to casino, drinking water tonight. There will be dancing!

Money or lack there-of never keeps me from my dreams. I am Abundance. I am Blessed and I am Loved. Ayup! Onwards and upwards to Infinity and Beyond!

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2.36 am Pesach is coming. So is my 50th birthday. What is it about this time of year that I always end up flat broke? Oh well, same old pattern I can't seem to break.

I had a happy day today. I got to talk to the man I adore, then received a lovely gift from Nigel. A beautiful book of cats! It was such a lovely surprise.

I had another chat to Lyn, Crystal and Jarrod. I went out for a few hours and ran into Alma from the pub. It was lovely to see her. Then I went to buy milk before heading home and ran into Sol as Jabba were packing up after playing tonight.

He said “Hello” and we had a quick chat. Lovely man. They have a busy weekend playing for St Paddys Day.

13 March 2014

…

2.35 pm just woke up and opened my eyes on the world. I had heaps of intense dreams. Now vanished with the wind. Probably a good thing as I feel knackered from my night-thrashing mind!

I went out with Sarah last night. It was a bit of a fact-finding exercise as someone blew smoke up Sarah's arse! I am glad I came along as there were some interesting facts she might have missed but did not.

We had a lovely time dancing as is our wont and met up with beautiful souls, which is my only currency these days. Enjoying life and finding kindness in the midst of despair.

Charles Bukowski would have raised his glass to me and died laughing. This place was tame by my previous experiences. I am loving life and grateful for Real friends, Men and Women, enjoying the cards they have been dealt and every now and then pulling Aces out of their Arses and grinning lopsidedly with a cigar and still being Dudes and Dudettes with aplomb, even with the leakage.

The Master of the Universe has a great sense of humour. Thank you G-d for letting me be Me and Loving me anyway.

…

I am feeling rather sad and a tad triggered after seeing Daniel Morcombe's killer has finally been indicted. I feel so sick that Daniel was murdered by a man who was so dangerous and evil yet they let him out of jail after serving a mere 4 year sentence leaving behind a swathe of victims of children and women.

I hope someone in the prison system kills this vile man. Life in prison is not enough justice for the level of malevolence he has perpetrated against not only Daniel but all his surviving victims.

I am grateful to be alive after a life of trauma but sharing this world with such predators and their societal enablers is very very difficult.

Please come forward, all those who have been and are still being abused and fight for your right to Safety and Justice. We need a groundswell of people who are good, kind and decent to fight this sick system that lets child molesters/rapists/murderers walk free amongst us.

13 March 2013

I was just woken up by a Revelation! I heard banging on my front door and ringing of my door bell! So I threw on a dressing gown and ran to the door, threw it open and yelled "this better be good" to be confronted by a tall slim smiling Pacific Islander who beamed at my possum face squinting into the light at the stranger with my wild bed hair.

He said "Do you need any trees trimmed?" I glared. Said "No mate, I can't afford it. I am on a pension. " His face fell in on itself with disappointment.

I said, "Have you got a card?" He brightens and hands me one.

I say "Oh Sunny! Nice name".

He says "No that is not me, that is who I work for. My name is Revelation. I am a good Christian man and I won't rip you off".

I peer at him still half asleep and in some disbelief. "Revelation?" say I, "like the Bible?"

He smiles. Says, "Yeah".

I say, "Like one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?"

His smile fades slightly. "Yeah". He asks me, "where is your hubby?" I eyeball him, tell him he is at work.

He says "How is the family?" I eyeball him again and say, "They're good!"

He reaches his hand out, palm up. Nice long hand, not very gnarly for a tree lopper. I notice his Simeon line slashing across his palm.

I say, "Oh you have a Simeon line". I show him my open palm, "Like mine, you are mad like me!" We shake hands.

He saunters away, offering to close the gate for Bella! What a weird start to the day!

13 March 2012

The Tanya is Still trying to discover who my future Man might be? Que sera sera the future's not mine to see but does Hashem have to send me several Teasers at a time to keep me permanently flummoxed and perplexed?!

I'm told my Love will come to me in April! Hope he gets his act together in time for my birthday hahaha! I hope I want him ‘cos unrequited Love is sooo cruel! I hope he's finally the Man I have been wishing, hoping and praying for! Emet!

Update 13 March 2025: Hmmm….lol….still waiting….one day I might find someone with a pulse, who is available. A good kind decent honouring caring protective man.

…

Gail, Christina, Tahylia and I visited Mavis this arvo in QE 11 hospital after her surgery on Monday. She is doing well!

However I wish to know where the rest of BPJC Jew Crew were? We were her only visitors! Brisbane Jewry, you fail to honor the most important Mitzvah of visiting the sick and I still remember how hard it was to get visitors for our Jewish patients in the Alzheimer's ward, and Belmont Hospital Psych facility.

I expect our Jewish prisoners in Jails are abandoned and written off too! So SHAME ON YOU! It's disgraceful how our modern society eschews our long held ethics as well as traditions.

Our community wonders why we marry out or leave our community altogether. I can tell it's because there is such deficit in care for the poor, sick, disadvantaged. The Tanya is Not Happy about this. Not happy at all!

13 March 2009

Purim is over and I didn't get to eat any Hamantaschen this year...oy just as well I'm on a diet.

Copyright Tanya Désirée Arons