Living with routines but not methodically

Ever since the pandemic started I've been living the same life, like on autopilot. I wake up at 5 AM, work out, shower, then sit down at my desk to write, check my emails, update my blog, or simply read articles and do research. Then I’d head out, run some errands, come home, shower, cook, watch TV, nap, wake up and spend the afternoon reading or worrying about things beyond my control. (Of course, I must mention that spending time talking to my best friends is an amazing way to spend pieces of my days and I’m always looking forward to it.) The thing is, this cycle of activities has been on repeat and I didn't notice. Too distracted on automatic to notice.

I’ve been living a kind of methodical empty life. I don’t have anything exciting to look forward to, besides writing and talking to my friends. I spend days doing the same things, losing track of time. Detaching from the exciting stuff I used to enjoy before Covid-19, like taking myself on a date to the library or working at a café. And though I love to keep my routine and plan my days to feel not just more productive, but organized and have a sense of purpose during the day, living methodically has made me insensible to everything I enjoy, like the hamster in the wheel, I run and run just because, not with a purpose.

I recognize that I need to regain my life and break the cycle. If I expect a change, the first is to change my mindset.

It took just a piece of my Saturday afternoon spent with my neighbor and her mother and daughters to realize I don't need a plan for everything. We talked, laughed, and played with the kids. I felt so relaxed that I even forgot about whatever worried me that day. I got out not of my routine, but my comfort zone. And I realized, I don't need to skip my routine, the daily activities I got planned for the day to get out of my comfort zone.

I could start with simple things, just like that, spending time outside, taking walks, enjoying the fresh air, going to a park. It can be anything. If it breaks the neverending cycle some of us have put ourselves through during the pandemic, then it's good. Start small. And the good side of all this is that as a routine-driven person, I don't have to change my plans for the day. I can accomplish anything I had in my itinerary and then dedicate part of the day to a random activity that wasn't planned carefully, realizing that nothing bad happens if I don't go by a script. Something that can help is just changing the setting.

Working from home has a lot of advantages, but it also has its downsides. It's worrisome to not be able to get to the end of the month. Ok, not just worrisome, it is terrifying. Doing things that aren't in the script of your routine can help immensely. And I am also writing this to remind myself that my life is not figured out. I cannot control my environment. Unpredictable things will happen, that is part of life. And it’s not the end of the world. Every problem has a solution, as big as one sees it. I can’t go on through life like I have everything under my thumb when in reality things can change quickly. And that is totally fine.

So the moral of the story is simple. Life is not an event in your calendar in which you can put a reminder, a completed tab, discard or do later. Life isn't about everything you got to accomplish during the day and keeping routines. Life is a series of sometimes unfortunate events, life is unpredictable, and definitely, some things escape our control. That is fine. I repeat. It is fine.

At the end of the day is not cross out the tasks you had on your to-do list. It is to learn to live with minor and major inconveniences, it is not leaving behind the things you love to fulfill a schedule. It is not a method. Life is happening now and it could go before your eyes if you keep trying to plan every second of it.