Kaleidoscope of Perfection

I don't want to be perfect.

I just don't.

I can't think of anything more painfully boring than being perfect all the time.

I want to be myself.

I have my flaws, my scars, my stories- they are all a part of what makes me... who I am. They are the things that make me Chloe.

I want to be human: to be raw and real and brave and scared and to be a kaleidoscope of all the colors and contradictions that make me who I am. And honestly? I don't want to hide those things about myself.

My dad is extremely religious. I remember the first time I wore heavy eyeliner when I was 12 years old. He got so frustated with me and I never tried to wear it again until I was older. Now I have enough metal shoved into my face to set off a metal detector at the airport.

"It WaSn'T jUsT a PhAsE DaD."

Perfection may look shiny on the outside but it leaves no room for growth; no room for mistakes. It doesn't leave us with the messy chapters in life that turn out to be the most valuable lessons for us later on.

I don't want to be perfect, I want to be me.

I try to be a good person, but I have come to the realization that you're not always good in everyone's story. I can be downright evil in some people's life story, the villain if you will. But I know deep down to my core that's not who I am.

Sometimes you're the villain, sometimes your the main character, and sometimes- you're literally the quirky best friend that gets turned into a vampire. (City of Bones reference) As long as what you're doing isn't hurting someone, then have at it- be yourself. Be whatever makes you uniquely you.

The best part is? You get to wake up every morning and decide who you are.

I am the girl that loves the sky when it changes colour, the girl who cried over running over a bird, the girl who has pretty lights in every room of the house, the girl who truly feels the most peace when is by herself listening to shitty rap music.

I am the girl that loves video games and has childhood nostalgia over how good The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker was.

I am the girl who reads whatever book peaks her interest whether it be a romance novel, or a fantasy novel, or even a self-help book and I want to feel zero shame.

I want to meet my childhood hero's like Shane Dawson and Demi Lovato and tell them both they saved my life during my darkest times during childhood.

I want to giggle over how awful the Twilight movies are but still continue to watch them.

I want to love stickers and art and write and create and run around barefoot in the backyard with my children. I want to live the life I am destined to live, without hiding the parts of me that are not so loveable.

I am a kaleidoscope of all the things, people and passions that I have ever loved. They are a part of me, they made me who I am today.

I don’t want perfect. I want real. I want the cracked edges of life, the messy middles, and the raw moments of honesty that remind me that I am alive. Even this post seems to sum me up. It's raw, real and messy. Because at the end of the day, I’d rather be remembered for being authentic than for being flawless.

Perfection might impress people for a moment in time, but authenticity connects people for a hell of a lot longer, for a lifetime. That’s what I want. That’s who I want to be. I want to continue stepping into my most authentic self and become the woman I was born to be.

So here I am: flawed, messy, still growing as a person, learning from my mistakes, and being proud of who I am becoming. And for the first time in a long time, I don’t see that as something to apologize for. I see it as something to celebrate.

Because being me will always be better than being perfect. Who needs perfection anyways?

I'll take authenticity over perfection any day.

___________________

Thank you for reading my late night ramblings.

Chloe Rose Violet 🌹