Information Dumps: Jumping Over the Hurdle

Do you remember the movie The Miracle Worker? For me, the last scene of that movie is the most memorable. Anne Sullivan pumps water onto Helen Keller's hands, and Helen finally grasps the meaning of the hand sign for water. A whole new world opens up to her, now that she realizes she can communicate with her teacher using sign language.

It's that same type of feeling you get as a writer when you discover how to craft a good story. You can deliver narrative without it overcrowding your novel's pages; you can deliver your dialogue without over explaining everything between characters. Life is good.

The following excerpt is the first chapter of a sample novel with poorly written information dumps. After reading it, we can decide what might need to stay, be moved elsewhere or deleted.

Sample Excerpt of Chapter 1

When Anne Higgs first met David Lowndes, she assumed he was just another cocky 27-yr.old bachelor who drank hard and partied harder. But her assumption could not have been more wrong. David worked tirelessly at his plumbing job with the reputation of having a strong work ethic stamped to his record. He only went out when he was in the mood and preferred drinking Red Bull to alcohol. Around the office his workmates had labeled him the “helpful plumber” because he always went the extra mile whenever he went on his service calls. He gave in to recklessness at times, but all in all, David was exceptionally mature for a man of his age. He had been working as a plumber for only a year, and was saving a good portion of his money to open his own bed and breakfast. It was an extreme shift from unclogging pipes, but the lodging industry was his passion. He figured that if he kept his living expenses simple he could accomplish his goal within another five years and could borrow the rest of the cash from the bank if he needed to.

David was slightly taller than Anne at 5’11”. She was overwhelmed by his gentle handsomeness, his beautiful green eyes and well-toned physique.

As Anne stood in front of him, David noticed she was wearing a brooch that looked strangely familiar. Seeing that brooch was the one thing that completely changed his demeanor. She saw the sadness in his eyes and wondered if it was something he had seen in her home that had disturbed him in some way. She asked him what was wrong.

With a hesitation that made her think that she had made a mistake asking her question, he finally mumbled that his grandmother had passed away a year ago, and the brooch Anne wore looked just like hers. His words gushed from his mouth like a stream of water from a faucet that he couldn’t turn off. Anne had listened attentively to every word he said without once interrupting him. Little did he realize that she had been dealing with an illness for several months.

Now let's extract the main information from the above excerpt without all of the "extras":

1. Anne assumes David is just like all the other bachelor males of his age group.
2. She soon realizes her mistake and notices his exceptional maturity level, and strong work ethic. She's intrigued by him.
3. David is self-contained and prefers to be alone rather than be part of a group. He has the active goal of becoming a bed and breakfast owner. He's polite, helpful, well-built and handsome. He excels at delivering good customer service.
4. He sees her broach and his mood changes from upbeat to sad. He’s reminded of his grandmother's death the year before.
5. Anne listens and consoles him.

Poor David. Poor Ms. Higgs. And definitely, poor reader. There’s a ton of information here. The reader has so much to process at the same time. The excerpt below demonstrates how information dumps can be handled more skillfully.

Revised Version of Sample Excerpt of Chapter 1

Anne Higgs welcomed David Lowndes inside of her home visibly overwhelmed that morning. David still had milk around his mouth, but his professionalism and unassuming nature soon silenced her inward prejudices of what she expected of a handsome bachelor. Her bathroom's unexpected catastrophe was resolved in thirty minutes, and his beautiful green eyes sparkled his exuberance accomplishing his mission. He reentered the house after tucking away his plumbing equipment into his work van.

“The toilet's fine now, Ms. Higgs,” he said, with a reassuring smile.

Her tension immediately melted. It was one less thing she had to worry about other than getting through the rest of her day. “You have no idea how much you've helped me.”

David’s smile widened. “Glad to be of service.”

Ms. Higgs caught David’s sudden distraction over her outfit. “Are you okay?” She said.

His smile vanished and he stood nearly motionless.

“I uh, just noticed your blouse's brooch . . . it looks just like the one my grandmother used to wear. She passed away a year ago.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss.” Anne inched close to David and took his hand. He dipped his head, unable to stifle his tears.

“We were very close.”

“It's perfectly okay, if you want to leave.”

David nodded. “Perhaps, it’s time I face my grief head on, instead of always pushing it away, but I don’t want to bother you with my problems, Ms. Higgs.”

“It’s no bother, David, and please, call me Anne.” She led him to her den’s cream sofa. Her blouse was missing its second button, and the brooch was the quickest thing she could find to close the gap upon David’s prompt arrival to her house earlier. It was peculiar how their lives immediately intertwined because of it . .

Plausible Reasons for Information Dumps

Information dumps don’t always have to be a no-no in writing. We can understand a character better learning about their background, perception of the world, strengths, weaknesses and desires. The backlash comes when too much information is given to the reader without a plausible reason. Most prefer staying immersed in the action or dialogue of your story without interruption. However, there might be instances when an information dump could be added for emotional impact, such as when a character is dreaming, has a stream of conscience or under stress.

Don’t Interrupt the Flow

If your creative stream peaks at two a.m. in the morning, don't interrupt the flow worrying about showing vs. telling. You can still use your rough draft to convert your excess information dumps into something more concise.

When It’s Time to Submit

The revision of the sample isn’t perfect, but it does deliver a better understanding of David’s interaction with Ms. Anne Higgs using less narrative. Most of the numbered points are mentioned in the revision; other details were left out to be used at a later time. It’s a judgment call for the writer to create novel scenarios that will be the most impactful for the reader. When it's time to submit your manuscript, make sure to submit a manuscript that weaves narration and dialogue proportionately. It takes considerable practice developing this skill but it can be achieved with practice.