I Still Have Story Ideas from My First Notebook and I Still Need to Write

I sit behind my laptop. It stands on the wooden kitchen table. I opened my Medium page I just made an account on. It was Spring in 2016 when I heard of Medium when I searched online for information about a topic I wanted to learn more about at that time. I don’t know what topic I was looking for.

I came across an article written on Medium. I searched for the trustworthiness of this website. It seemed a decent website with trustworthy information, but also, I thought this could be a dubious website.

Looking into this website, I decided to make an account myself. In the first place, I didn’t know why (and if I would use it), what I should write on Medium. So, I left it that way for a few months. I didn't even write on this platform the first few months, perhaps the first year. Maybe I checked for some articles, but not writing. Did I regret it? No! I think I just forgot the website or the fact I signed up for Medium.

I had a degree in journalism, so I could write in my native language Dutch, but in English? I had so many doubts. Then, I remembered I wrote something in the beginning and I started writing on Medium again now and then. All with trying and errors. Sporadically, I wrote a piece. And with lots of errors, but I kept trying. It was Summer. I decided to write again on this website – again with trying and lots of errors – a lot.

The sun shone into my face when I sat behind my laptop. It was at the beginning of June and it was already almost 25 Celsius. After a long walk into nature in my neighbourhood, I decided to go for it to write on Medium every day. I was excited, I felt I was ready to do it again, write every day. All sorts of butterflies flew in my stomach, and I felt that I gave myself lots of pressure (which I hate).

Unfortunately, it didn’t last for months to keep up this habit. The pressure I put on myself, was too much for me. I wasn't ready and I thought I was. I felt a little bit down for a moment. After a day or two of consideration, I decided I will write whenever it suits me, and whenever I have the time to write.

My doubts didn’t lie in the platform anymore. It lay in the language: I was not sure about writing in English. ‘My English is not that perfect’, I thought. English is not my first language and my grammar isn't perfect either. On the other hand, I thought by just writing in a language I don't know, I can practice it and also, by just writing, I practice writing too.

Two years ago, I reconsidered writing every day again. I felt that this platform is amazing, and it suits me very well. So, I decided to give it a go again, but not every day. I decided to write on this platform more frequently. In the beginning, I was a little bit euphoric about writing more often on Medium (and other online platforms as I looked up to more online writing platforms).

Can I really write that often on medium – or any other online platform?

My notebooks

When I started writing on Medium, I figured out I needed a notebook. Where do I store my thoughts and ideas? Just in my draft on the platform? Or somewhere else? In what do I want to store my ideas? In a notebook? On cards? Do I want to store them in an extern, or intern storage? Do I want to store my ideas on the laptop or in an analogue diary or notebook? I didn’t know where I wanted to store my ideas. I couldn’t decide where and what I should use. In the meantime, the ideas kept coming. Thinking about it, I wanted just a simple, but analogue notebook to just write with a pen.

Just a simple notebook. So, somewhere in late July of 2017, I walked to the closest office store. I walked to the office department where they stored the notebooks. I was amazed by the huge number of notebooks they sell; pretty much actually, and with so many prints. How can I choose between all the prints? They were so pretty and all so lovely to have. So, I decided to go with two natural-looking notebooks; one with a white front and one with a brown front. Then I can use them for a long time and then I don’t need to buy a new one soon.

When I had to pick up some items from another store, I saw notebooks as well. So, I decided to buy that notebook as well (I knew I could use this one for another project of mine). It just happened that my ideas were out of my brain into my notebook. Do you know what I mean? My ideas were off my shoulders. At the same time, I got more ideas each time.

A lot of ideas kept coming, and especially in the beginning. What can I write about? Is this notebook only for ideas, or also for writing my drafts? Why did I even think about this? I read other stories, I read books, I watched movies, I had my own events I went to, I have been through so many things in my life, as well as being a parent. When you do something, you have a (new) experience.

That experience is something that will onto your soul forever, the rest of your life.

I still have so many ideas popping up in my brain; I have so many things I want to teach others with my experiences. These experiences I want to turn into stories to help others and warn them about human behaviours, as well as my musical experiences on how to practice – or anything else I have experience in. Just to help others (which I love).

The moment I realized I wrote lots of drafts in my first notebook, it was full. I took my laptop and write these drafts in a word document. Writing, rewriting, and rewriting again until I was satisfied with the content to share the word. And when I am done with one draft, I will rewrite when I am done writing another draft, and I exchange this writing habit until I don't have any draft in my notebook anymore.

I sat behind the table in the kitchen. I opened my notebook, and I saw I have no empty pages left. It was late November, yet not December. When I stood up to look for another notebook, I felt I accomplished something. Now and then I wrote on Medium, I found Vocal as a second online platform to share my ideas. I started to love writing. I felt at peace. How is that possible after so many mental health problems in the past?

Soon, my new notebook was full too, there were lots of article drafts in these notebooks. As soon as my ideas popped into my mind, I write these ideas in my notebooks. All these drafts are written, but these ideas are still not even into drafts. Maybe I am a slow writer? Maybe I don’t have to write all of these drafts?

When I also write my draft into my notebooks with a pen, my notebooks will be full soon, indeed. When that happened with my second notebook, I had to buy my third notebook – again. In the meantime, I got more and more serious about writing on Medium – realizing that I write the short drafts into my notebooks as well, to so my ideas, thoughts, and other issues I want to share. They are in one place now.

I can turn back the pages when I want to reread my stories or think about whether I already wrote stories about a certain topic. Also, I can reread my stories, so I can build upon another story of mine.

Since I write more articles into my notebook(s), I started to love writing even more. The more I wrote, the more ideas I got (they just popped into my precious brain). I loved to store the ideas in my notebook, and somehow, I got a bit of a smile on my face when I got the happy feeling of placing my thoughts somewhere (and not getting overwhelmed by what I have to write about and when I am going to do that).

Poetry and essays

Then, suddenly – I believe two or three years ago, I wanted to try poetry. In the first place, I just did something without knowing if I was doing the right poetry form. It was also randomly, when I walked through nature, I had a rhyme popping up.

I didn't bring any notebooks with me as I was walking, but my phone died too. A small piece of the recipe did its work, but not entirely. So, I actually need another notebook.

The more I walked into nature, the more poetry popped into my brain, and the more I loved to try haiku and tanka poetry forms – which are inspired by nature. I loved them immediately, so I decided to buy another notebook for poetry. I had ideas about what topics I wanted to write in the poem, what sort of poetry forms I want to try, and also, I wanted to write my poems into that notebook. I also found a great website with lots of poetry forms – I am definitely going to try them out. I can share my deep feelings in my poems. Sometimes they are too deep, but I'll publish them anyway.

Pff, and then my essay ideas. What? Also essays? About what? Then there was the Medium Essay competition. I wanted to participate because I wanted to know if I could write an essay. How can I develop my essay skills? Are my essays interesting enough to read?

I did write my essays, and I loved writing them and the journey towards it. I didn’t win, but I learned so much about this journey and what this means for my further writing skills. Of course, I needed another notebook for all my essays, but this time, I still had one from the previous time I bought notebooks.

Do you have those ideas that need a place, out of your system?

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About the writer

Agnes Laurens is a writer. She writes for the local newspaper. Agnes lives in The Netherlands, with her husband and three daughters. You can find her on Vocal, Medium, Elephant Journal, HubPages, Music List. Writing is — aside from playing the violin — one of her passions since childhood. She is on Twitter and Instagram. You can subscribe to my mailing list, and you can subscribe to my Thoughts. Check out her books. She has an online web store, and she has a merchandise store. If you want to be informed about my online store and my merch, please follow this link.