I Quit My Day Job

I know what you’re thinking. I’ve heard it my entire life…

“Artists don’t earn enough money to survive” (who does?)

But, I still had to take the leap of faith and was very fortunate enough to have that option (at the time…just keep reading).

So, it all started in May of this year. I had a pretty decent job in a bookstore, and was doing well there. But, I decided I wanted out of the 9-5 just for a while at least.

Why did I quit my job then though?

1. the discrimination/racism as I was the only POC working there & I lived in a small town in the middle of nowhere. I literally had to help a guy with a confederate flag on his hat. And we live by a sundown town. So...yeah.

2. I felt like I wasn't pusshing myself enough, and allowing myself to be comfortable. I've always liked the idea of having a simple & quiet lifestyle. I don't want much, or need much money. But, I do want to be only focusing on what I want to do which is writing & teaching. I wasn't doing either. So, it felt like I wasn't pushing myself to do those things. I had side gigs, but couldn't truly dedicate my time to anything and missed out on opportunities.

3. my depression & need for an escape caused me to just blurt out that I was leaving, so I had to leave. I thought about it daily before I told my boss I was putting in my two weeks soon, and I did make sure I had some funds...but I probably shouldn't have at that moment.

4. the town/where I lived in general. Living in a small town in the middle of nowhere with no car, and no one that I knew besides my ex (who I lived with), caused me to decide to quit and force myself to go back to my parent's house. Only, I quit...went to my mom's...then promptly noped out of there. My ex and I weren't comfortable being in each other's face every day. Luckily, we came to an agreement.

But, before you call me too "childish" or "impulsive" or "priviledged" here are three things I wanna say:

1. I would say I'm priviledged. Not everyone has the option to just quit and "figure it out." I mean, I don't necessarily have that option in the good way ( I still had bills to pay and have no money to eat some days, and I have many nights of feeling guilty for ruining the little stability I had), but I knew that I would have a parent to take me back for a while and let me work around her neighborhood, and a housemate who was willing to let me just pay 2/3 bills if I was cool with getting groceries instead. So, I was able to work something out. And others can't. I'm very aware of that and I feel blessed for having a roof over my head no matter what. Yes, I hate living with my ex and my parent (because I value my space & having good mental health), but they are options. And, I also had a bit of money saved...and not everyone can sit on a hundred dollars.

2. Yes. I can be impulsive. That's a fault that I'm working on because in this case (not others actually), it has taken a bite out of my butt. I should've waited. I promised myself I'd quit once I finished writing my novel, and didn't even do that. I should've made myself stay a while longer to save a little more. But, sometimes my mental health feels like it needs me to make certain decisions, and I do.

3. As for childish...could a child do this... (idk what I was gonna do)

Anyway, it's September now. I am currently broke, but I do have a small writing gig. It's not the type of writing I'd like to do (for someone else & it's academic writing), but it's not a 9-5.

Honestly, I have been applying to every writing job and even non writing/teaching jobs too (everywhere...like statessss away and I don't drive), but I hope to only get writing gigs. I'm okay with just having a small place that's mine. As long as I get to do what I love, I don't mind. I just haven't gotten there yet. I haven't gotten my own place, and haven't made a name for myself in the way that I want to.

I do feel like a failure at times. I do have my doubts. But, I don't want to give up on my dreams (just yet). I'm a practical person. I know that I may need to join the 9-5 world, the cor--the $10 an hour world again to support myself, and I know that that's okay. There's no shame in that. I just want to give it my all right now because I can.

But, if one of those jobs from Indeed hit me up to come make sandwiches, or I get hired again for the bookstore (I left on great terms and they said I was welcomed back), then I'll just bite the bullet if only to get out of my ex's hair. Because man, it's brutal out here (Olivia Rodrigo's song intensifies)

Thank you for reading my sob story. Good luck to you. Peace