I Know You Mean Well, But...

Blank pages. Deadlines. Rewrites on rewrites. Just a few things that can lead to a stressed out and depressed writer. A stigma that fits most of us, if not all, mainly because it’s a job that can be lonely and requires an at times unhealthy amount of discipline to focus on. It helps when we have friends and family that inspire us to be the best we can be.

Leaving encouraging comments on our articles and sharing our work is helpful, but even a simple “I’m proud of you” can go a long way. It doesn’t go unnoticed and it can sometimes save a writer from throwing in the towel. Now, while we appreciate these gestures, there are some things that are done that can do more harm than good.

We know you mean well, but sometimes it doesn’t come out that way. These following microaggressions can build over time and cause a writer to lose confidence in themselves and you as a support system. That’s why I’m here to hopefully help you recognize some bad habits that people say and do to writers so you’re not causing any unintentional stress to their already chaotic minds.

1. Not Knowing What Field the Writer Is Working on

For the record, I’m a screenwriter. I’ve been called a poet, novelist, journalist, and even a playwright. All of those would be incorrect. I write and could potentially do those things, but I AM a screenwriter. Just because someone is a doctor doesn’t mean a podiatrist would know exactly what a neurosurgeon would have to do on a brain operation. It’s a simple thing to remember and learn which could pay off in other areas to support your writer compadre. Which leads me to the second point on my list.

2. Incorrectly Recommending Them Opportunities

Recently I’ve had friends send me links on several film production companies accepting screenplays and having contests, which is very helpful. Sometimes, I miss these things because there are SO many opportunities out there that I can overlook something that is a bit more accessible, until I get one for a poetry or book publication contest. Definitely not my arena, but it’s the thought that counts, right? Just try and keep an eye out for what it is they actually are specializing in and not just any old thing that involves writing.

3. Don’t call them the next _______.

Writers are already in a field with stiff competition from other non-household names trying to burst into the scene. Writers have to carve their own way into their respective industry. While it’s meant as a compliment, calling them the next “legendary writer of said field” can actually place an unintentional amount of pressure on them that they don’t need. Or, they probably aren’t even a fan of the person you mentioned and can take it as an insult. If you want to be encouraging, try mentioning them as the next big thing. We need that ego stroked every once in a while (ALL the time).

4. Don’t ask to be a subject of their writing.

There really isn’t a nice way to put this, but I’ll try. You may have had a tough dramatic life or had some very funny and interesting things happen to you that you feel like would be great if written. You just so happen to have that one buddy who is a writer and say “Hey, you should write a story about me” or “why don’t you include me in your story?” I’m sorry to burst your bubble but that’s not going to happen. Unless, you’re willing to pay me to write your story ONLY if it’s actually interesting enough to be written about AND I just so happen to have nothing else I’m working on that’s of a higher priority... then maybe. Otherwise, it just doesn’t do anyone any good to go down that road so, just don’t please?

5. Insisting A Writer Try Something Else

This is pretty broad, but when a writer wants to be a writer then that’s what they want to be. Just like anyone else that has a passion about what they want to be. They don’t “want” to be an editor, actor, director, singer/rapper, publisher, ect. I think you get it. Sure, it’s helpful and even important to understand the different areas that involve their field. I even encourage writers to learn about the different pieces that make up their field, but to suggest they do those things opposed to writing does them no good. Once again, they’re already dealing with the pressures of just writing, so be careful with this suggestion.

6. Not Giving Us Our Space to Write

“The more space I get the better I write

(Oh) Never I write, but, if, ever I write

I need the space to say whatever I like”

- Shawn Corey Carter

Wise words from a decent man, Mr. Carter hit that right on the head. Writers need their “space.” It can take years sometimes for a writer to discover what their space is. Space doesn’t always equate to quiet time in the dark. It can be a corner in a quiet library (like where I am currently) or outside on a grassy knoll. Some even bask in a controlled chaos around them. Keyword is “controlled.” It’s more than their work space, it’s their sanctuary. Instead of disturbing it, help them curate their space so they can be the best they can be. The more comfortable a writer is, the better it is for everyone involved.

7. Asking “Why Aren’t You Famous Yet?”

Once again, this is one of those things that is meant to be encouraging, but can be demeaning. Depending on the context, this could backfire. You just believe so much in your friend or family member that you’re just simply perplexed as to why you aren’t seeing their name etched into the history books. Trust me, so are we. That’s why we’re toiling away in our writing (AKA scrolling through Snapchat filters.) You’ve read their stuff. You know how great they are and are their biggest fan. Some writers don’t even want to be “famous,” they just want to be doing what they love. Writing.

8. Asking To Read Something And... Don’t

This is important. Come close. Really close. I need you to really take this in. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT do this. It’s offensive, disrespectful, and we may be plotting on you slamming your hand in a car door when this happens. Writers are allowing you into a secret world that they don’t let many people in. This means they trust you and we rarely trust anyone. We barely trust ourselves. Often, when a writer allows you to read something, it’s an unfinished product and they are looking for your opinion and feedback.

We don’t need you to be Roger Ebert, just some honest thoughts. Did you like it? What should they change? Scrap this idea completely? Something. Don’t leave them hanging. That’s the worst possible thing you can do. We know life happens. Things come up, we get it. You may have forgotten and it got buried in your e-mails from Target or Bass Pro Shops. This is where a courtesy follow-up is acceptable and maybe set some time to aside to get around to reading what you asked to read. Just know this: If you ask a writer to read something they wrote, then read it. Not only read it, but be a true supporter and provide feedback. Once again, do NOT do this or we’ll secretly loathe your existence.

Good luck!