Hurt Soul

As a child I felt like I had the most loving and sweetest home, but as I grew up I realized it was very much far from that. Growing up I had a very drunk abusive father who would beat my mother, along with him being unfaithful throughout their relationship which affected me so very much. I was always a chubby little girl and nobody liked being my friends because of how I had a different shape. I tried my best to not mind it due to my innocence, that’s when I started writing and drawing to cope with the pain I had gained due to bullying. Fast forward going to middle school, where I would do anything to fit in I made a friend who is one of my best friends til this day, she wasn’t the most well behaved which rubbed on me. Towards the middle of the 6th grade year I started gaining hatred towards my parents because they wouldn’t let me go out because of me misbehaving, which at the moment I didn’t understand why. I started fighting and being so disrespectful because I was so beyond hurt due to my mother getting remarried and my father starting a new relationship with his girlfriend and her kids. I felt lonely because my parents would always be with their significant other and i’d be left home alone which would put me in the place to do nothing but stare at a wall in silence. I had moved on to 7th grade and got even WORST, never did any drugs or didn’t like boys which was my parents only rules as “strict” parents so I didn’t see anything wrong with my behavior at the time, I had over 165 suspensions by the time I got to the end of 7th grade and got expelled. I moved across town and had so many more friends because of me gaining popularity due to my act, I loved it so very much I was able to walk home with friends and just be free. I had two guy friends that I thought of them as brothers and they had “beef” (problems) with this one boy and they asked me to date him so I can set him up and them fight him..I do it because I owed them loyalty for all the things they have done for me, unfortunately I ended up catching deep deep feelings for that boy. He was so very unfaithful throughout our four month relationship, he pressured me to do a lot but not enough to the point where he would stay with me. We broke up and I was you can say “heartbroken” I decided to continue dating because I enjoyed the feeling of someone having to pay attention to me and “love” me, I started talking to so many guys and would get hurt left and right. The Covid-19 pandemic had happened around that time and I would talk to strangers online and since I wasn’t get any love or attention in person I got easily convinced and weak towards any one I would talk to. I was very lonley and that’s when I gained weight and got very very depressed. My family would always talk about my body and my features which made me beyond insecure and I hated myself, My mom had a baby and she started thinking her, her husband, and the baby were her only family and me and my siblings were very left out, which added to my hurt soul. I continued my life with huge insecurities and grudges towards my family, this is the story of a girl with a hurt soul.