How To Make A Million Dollars From Writing

You’ve probably read lots of articles on building a successful writing career.

Writers will often say to build a large following on 126 different social media platforms. Oh, and don’t get me started on the unrealistic writing strategies they recommend to publish 15 articles per week.

99% of what they say is filled with more BS than a Donald Trump speech about climate change. Right?

Thankfully, I’m not like other writers on this platform because I can give advice that’s actually relevant. I’m also one of the highest-earning content creators in the world.

That’s why I want to share several tips you can implement to become a full-time writer. Each of these strategies helped me to make a million dollars from writing. Hopefully, they will do the same for you, too.

Master The Art Of Surpassing Expectations

Let me tell you a secret that’s worked wonders for my writing career…

If you give each article a terrible title and thumbnail, your audience will be impressed when they read the incredible quality of your writing.

To begin, make the title really obscure by using words from medieval English. For example, instead of “how to make money,” you could say, “how to maketh wage.” It’s also a good idea to include some typos to give the impression that you’re an idiot with a keyboard.

Takeaway: When you make people’s expectations incredibly low, it’s easy to surpass them every single time.

Treat Your Readers Like Idiots

For anyone who doesn’t know the definition, an idiot is a stupid person with exceedingly low intelligence.

Because some of my readers are stupid and don’t understand science, I always include 750+ words of background information whenever I write about the environment, technology, or another intellectually stimulating topic.

For example, I recently wrote an article about Global Warming for a Republican website. After realizing that the 10 million readers were idiots, I felt compelled to say that global warming exists and that we must do more to mitigate its effects.

Takeaway: Assume your audience doesn’t know anything. Treat them like idiots that need to be spoon-fed facts and data. At the very least, detailed explanations of topics will boost your word count.

If All Else Fails, Ask CEOs For A Million Dollars

Fun fact: I used this strategy to become a successful writer.

How? By asking the CEOs of five social media platforms for a million dollars. And sure enough, one of them said yes because they wanted to support my amazing writing. Yay.

Due to a non-disclosure agreement, I can’t say which CEO deposited a million dollars into my bank account. However, I need to write an article every week about how Mark Zuckerberg is the best CEO in Silicon Valley. So, I’ll let you guess.

I made a million dollars by implementing the above strategies. Of course, building a successful writing career is difficult. But I’ve done it. Which means you can, as well.

Want to be notified whenever I publish a new article? Click here.

Important Disclaimer: This article is a joke, fictional, and for entertainment purposes only. Please don’t take it seriously. Therefore, it should not be considered writing, financial, or legal advice. Also, Mark Zuckerberg doesn’t give me money. It was a joke.

Thankfully, I’m not like other writers on this platform because I can give advice that’s actually relevant. I’m also one of the highest-earning content creators in the world.

Takeaway: Assume your audience doesn’t know anything. Treat them like idiots that need to be spoon-fed facts and data. At the very least, detailed explanations of topics will boost your word count.