How I Found Out My Boyfriend Is on Grindr—and What I Did Next
Finding him on Grindr didn’t just break my heart. It opened my eyes
Chapter 1: The Day Everything Changed
My name is Ketty Pills, and six months ago, I met Daniel, a charming, handsome man who swept me off my feet. He was everything I thought I wanted: funny, attentive, and incredibly sweet. But there were moments—little things—that made me pause. The way he sometimes spoke with a softer tone, the way he admired men’s fashion a little too intensely, the jokes he made about being "half-gay." I brushed it off, thinking it was just his personality.
Then, one evening, everything shattered.
We were at a bar when Daniel ran into an old friend, Oliver. The way they hugged lingered too long. The way Daniel’s hand rested on Oliver’s waist. And then—right in front of me—they kissed. Not a friendly peck, but something deeper, more intimate. My stomach dropped.
As they pulled away, I heard Oliver whisper, "Still using Grindr?"
Daniel laughed and replied, "Of course."
I didn’t know what Grindr was, but I knew something was wrong.
Chapter 2: The Search for Answers
That night, I Googled "What is Grindr?" and my heart sank. A dating app for gay and bisexual men. My mind raced—was my partner gay? Bisexual? Had he been lying to me this whole time?
I needed proof.
I searched "how to know if your boyfriend is on Grindr" and found two tools: Social Catfish and Spokeo. If you suspect your boyfriend is on Grindr, look for signs like hidden apps, frequent private phone use, or sudden secrecy. You can't search Grindr directly by name, but third-party tools like Social Catfish or Spokeo may help if you have his email or phone number. If you find him on the app, talk to him openly and honestly. Communication is key—whether you’re seeking clarity, closure, or deciding what comes next in the relationship.
Using Spokeo’s Reverse Phone Lookup Search
Spokeo specialises in finding hidden dating and secret social media profiles using phone number, email and real name. I turned to Spokeo, entering my boyfriend’s phone number into Spokeo's reverse phone lookup. The free preview showed suspicious activity, so I paid 95 cents for the full report.
I searched for him by phone number because I had her phone number, and I thought the phone number would give better results. And to be honest, I was right. Within a few minutes, Spokeo sent the truth about my boyfriend to my email.
The details were undeniable:
- Grindr account created in 2018 (long before we met)
- Messages exchanged with multiple men
- A recent conversation with Oliver, planning to meet up
The evidence was staring me in the face. Daniel wasn’t just curious—he was actively dating men. When I found out about my boyfriend's reality, I was completely shocked. I also wanted to use Spokeo's reverse email lockup but since everything was already mentioned in the report, I did not have the courage to use it this time.
Confirming with Social Catfish’s Reverse Phone Lookup
Social Catfish specialises in finding hidden profiles using photos. So I used their Reverse Image Search tool to find my boyfriend's Grindr account. I uploaded a clear picture of my boyfriend from his Instagram. Within minutes, the results appeared:
- A Grindr account (username: DanTheManNY)
- Active as recently as yesterday
- Linked to his secondary email
My hands shook. But I needed to be sure.
By the way, let me tell you that the same report that Spokeo sent me was also sent to me by Social Catfish. The only difference is that on Social Catfish, I searched through photos and on Spokeo, I searched through phone numbers.
Chapter 3: The Confrontation
I confronted Daniel the next day. At first, he denied everything. *"Grindr? That’s ridiculous," he scoffed.
Then, I showed him the reports.
His face fell. "Ketty, I... I didn’t know how to tell you."
He admitted the truth: he was in love with Oliver. They had been together for years, but his conservative parents would never accept a gay relationship. So, he dated me—a cover to make his family happy.
"I never meant to hurt you," he said.
But the damage was done.
Chapter 4: What to Do If You Find Your Boyfriend on Grindr
If you’re in my situation, here’s what I learned:
1. Trust Your Gut – If something feels off, it probably is.
2. Get Proof – Use tools like Social Catfish, CheaterBuster or Spokeo to confirm suspicions.
3. Confront with Evidence – Cheaters often deny until shown proof.
4. Decide Your Next Steps – Can you forgive? Should you walk away?
For me, there was no coming back. Daniel’s lies weren’t just about secrecy—they were about manipulation.
Chapter 5: Moving Forward
Today, I’m single. Some days, I’m angry. Others, I pity Daniel—living a lie must be exhausting. But mostly, I’m grateful I found out before I wasted more time. After this incident, I have lost faith in love. I am not dating anyone right now, and I feel that it may take me a long time to recover from this pain. I wanted to share it with the world, so today I dared to write this article on Vocal Media.
If you’re searching for answers, Social Catfish and Spokeo can help. Just be prepared for what you might discover. Have you been through something similar? Share your story below—you’re not alone.
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