Formal Resignation from Relationship Expectations

Date: 29th May 2025

Subject: Formal resignation from Relationship Expectations

Reason for resignation: It just doesn’t fit me anymore

Dear Relationship Expectations,

I am regretful and also delighted to confirm that I have to finally tender my formal resignation to relationship expectations. As I have given nearly twenty-five years of service, I am sure that you can appreciate my need for a new path.

There are many reasons, but one stands out above all others:

These expectations just don’t work for me any longer.

I have tried hard for so many years; over twenty, in fact, to ‘fit’ into these moulds and structures that were, for the most part, created in order to establish ‘ownership’ of land, property, wives, and subsequent offspring.

I get it, I really do. I am a hopeless romantic, always have been. I believe in love, I believe in the ‘dream.’ The dream being: fall in love, have all of your romantic, social, and emotional needs fulfilled, and stay with that person for the rest of your life. But what if that doesn’t work for both of you?

What if one person is content with very little, and stops trying, and the other person cannot feel happy whilst being taken from granted? What are you supposed to do then, Relationship Expectations?

The thing that confuses me is: why is it generally considered more acceptable to cheat and have affairs, than it is to actually try and be open and honest with your partner and with the world in general?

What if those needs change over time? People are incredibly changeable. Life rarely stays still, unless both of you are making a concerted effort to keep everything the same. If that makes you both happy, if that makes you content, then that is wonderful.

But what about those of us who need novelty, adventure, who get stuck in ruts, who feel sometimes trapped? We don’t ask to feel this way. We are constantly being told – by others, by society, by romcoms – that when we meet ‘the one,’ they will be our ‘one and only’ forever and ever and ever, and that we will never need to ‘ask’ for anything ever again.

I wanted this to be true so badly, from the age of eighteen in fact, when I first fell in love, first fell for someone hook, line, and sinker. I worshipped the ground he walked on. He had not dated in over ten years, and made me wait. He was slightly romantic at the very beginning, then, it very quickly became dull. Affection died. Especially when we lived together briefly.

It shattered my heart into pieces.

I fall in love partly with intellect I think, Relationship Expectations. Somebody has to be interesting to me mentally, for me to even begin to feel attracted to them. I have to connect deeply. But also – I need to be SHOWN. I need affection. And I have also realised that being able to GIVE affection is just as important to me.

I was young and inexperienced. I tried talking to him, my love, but to no avail. All he really wanted to do outside of work, was get stoned and sleep. I wanted fun, and I went out a lot. I was coming out of my shell after being a very shy teenager. I was surrounded by guy-friends who often made their attraction to me clear. Soon, I folded. I cheated, physically and emotionally. I didn’t want to leave the man I loved. So, I found ways to cope outside of him.

Years later, in another relationship, I tried being open and honest (and kind) from the very beginning, and was told that he understood. That he would never allow that to happen. That I would never be taken for granted. It happened again. And again.

So, Relationship Expectations, what if you have served your time, tried every variation, had the therapy, given all of yourself, read a thousand books, blamed yourself, tried to change – but eventually realised that the problem you have is not with yourself, but with a relationship structure that doesn’t fit?

What if your attempts to fit in left you depressed, exhausted, frustrated and ultimately lonely?

What if you are capable of having so much love within you, that you can experience different types of love with more than one partner? What if the love you have for one does not diffuse the love you have with another? What then?

I, therefore, after much consideration, resign from experiencing overwhelming shame because of who I am, how I need to be loved, and how I express love.

I resign from lying about having needs, and that I need to feel wanted.

And finally, I resign from the expectations of others, and from the systems and structures that no longer serve, or accept me as a complex, multifaceted person.

I thank you for all the guidance and for the things you have taught me over the years, Relationship Expectations. I regret none of it. But I now must take on a more authentic role, and be myself.

I must strive to further educate myself, and continue to grow and thrive.

I wish you all the very best going forward, Relationship Expectations. I know that your organisation accommodates many, and you should be proud of that achievement.

Kindest regards,

Miss K. Cave